Why Some People (Women) Hate Sex:

[JackLuis]

Why Some People Hate Sex: the Fascinating Psychology Behind Sexual Revulsion

I don't think he got the issue right.

Stacey, slim, darkhaired, sits rigidly in her chair. "I know we don't have sex as much as Mark likes," she says, with an edge in her voice, "but for me to want to make love, I have to feel emotionally connected to him and, to be honest, most of the time, I just don't. He seems so obsessed about this issue. I constantly feel pressure to satisfy him. It's like raw sex is the only thing he wants from me. It's gotten to the point where any time he touches me I freeze up--I'm afraid to respond even affectionately because if I do, he thinks it's an invitation to sex."

Sound like she isn't getting what she wanted. Could it be that Mark is just uneducated and not getting her off, so she is rejecting another disappointment? Maybe he should look at this.

Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman

Women need orgasms to feel fulfilled. No orgasm. no happy blow jobs in the morning. Apparently getting women off is required in the art of husbandry.

I'll bet more people would not get divorced if men were better lovers, with training and a real understanding of what is required to keep a woman happy and feeling well loved.

Conversely a friendly hand or blow job will keep most men happy between bouts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9QVq0EM6g4

 

[TxRad]

A few years back, SSS and I did a short story called, "Gentlemen, Start Your Pussies" which dealt with the same problem. An old country boy was giving the local mens club a few pointers in the care and feed of pussies when he got a little help from a lady friend.

I don't have a link to it as it's under our mutual pen name.

The story is a fun romp and writing with SSS was the most fun I think I've ever had with my clothes on.

 

[sr71plt]

I laughed. One of my Valentine's Day contest stories will deal with this same issue.

 

[JackLuis]

It is one of the premises of "Horney Springs" that men need training and women need training to, 'do it' correctly and not waste the opportunity to satisfy, not only our bodies, but our minds as well.

I guess Rule #1 is the way of the universe?

 

[carlieplum]

I think you missed her point. If the only time you tell your wife/girlfriend/SO that she's beautiful is when you want to get in her pants, the words, "You're beautiful," become a turnoff. This isn't true for all women of course, but I think it's a common complaint.

It's not just about technique and outcomes. Yes, a sloppy, selfish lover is not going to get anyone's fire stoked, but an orgasm is not the be-all end-all either.

There's a big difference between helping a woman achieve orgasm because it's an ego-trip for the guy and helping a woman achieve orgasm because that's what the woman wants.

 

[JackLuis]

I think you missed her point. If the only time you tell your wife/girlfriend/SO that she's beautiful is when you want to get in her pants, the words, "You're beautiful," become a turnoff. This isn't true for all women of course, but I think it's a common complaint.

It's not just about technique and outcomes. Yes, a sloppy, selfish lover is not going to get anyone's fire stoked, but an orgasm is not the be-all end-all either.

There's a big difference between helping a woman achieve orgasm because it's an ego-trip for the guy and helping a woman achieve orgasm because that's what the woman wants.

That is also true. Husbandry is a complex task and a man who accepts the role of husband has to master a lot more 'ologies to insure achieving the goal of a full happy life with a wife, helpmate, muse, and lover.

 

[sr71plt]

but an orgasm is not the be-all end-all either.

the issue is that to many men it is, and these men would say (if they bothered to reply at all) that those who say they need more are speaking for themselves and can't dictate to the men who consider the ejaculation the whole point.

I'm not advocating their position; just noting that the problem of women who want to change such men is that all they're going to get is the finger because their philosophies are different. The women are starting from a different assumption and reality than these men do.

For starters, the women probably should be looking for other types of men, not assuming that they can redecorate the first one who looks good to them.

Now that I think about it, my second Valentine's Day contest story hits this directly too. A guy who salivates over Wizard basketball team tickets even more than over getting off, and most definitely over giving his woman what she needs. Upshot: dump the guy and find someone else.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think you missed her point. If the only time you tell your wife/girlfriend/SO that she's beautiful is when you want to get in her pants, the words, "You're beautiful," become a turnoff. This isn't true for all women of course, but I think it's a common complaint.

It's not just about technique and outcomes. Yes, a sloppy, selfish lover is not going to get anyone's fire stoked, but an orgasm is not the be-all end-all either.

There's a big difference between helping a woman achieve orgasm because it's an ego-trip for the guy and helping a woman achieve orgasm because that's what the woman wants.

True enough in my case. And you know-- I'm all in favor of having a lot of sex.

 

[carlieplum]

For starters, the women probably should be looking for other types of men, not assuming that they can redecorate the first one who looks good to them.

Yes but in long-term relationships, both partners tend to let some things slide. It's like the old joke:
Q: Why was the the bride smiling as she walked down the aisle?
A: She knew she'd given her last blowjob.

It's not a gender thing. Both genders once they get tied down, wear things they probably wouldn't have worn earlier in the relationship, don't put out the same sort of special effort. So Mr. Send You Flowers and Chocolates can turn into Mr. Can You Get Me Another Beer Hon? and Ms. G-string and Garter Belt can turn into Mrs. Fuzzy Slippers and Sweats, with the emotional neglect that goes along with those changes.

In general though, I think men still want the sex if they can get the sweats off, whereas a woman may find her libido shutting down as she doesn't feel romanced/appreciated/whatevered.

Of course, these are gross generalizations.

 

[lovecraft68]

Men are by far the number one reason women don't want to have sex.

There's so few decent ones around that women have to scrape the bottom of the barrel and try to make do with what's there.

 

[JackLuis]

I wonder how well out current Sex Ed courses are at turning out well rounded individuals, who understand the biologic and psychological issues about sex?

I'd say that if 80% of women have trouble climaxing, then it isn't working. I read that recently. Surprising it's that high.

Let us not forget the anguish of men, chained to a reptilian imperative to breed as often as possible. Without training and understanding men are as adrift as women.

 

[sr71plt]

Let us not forget the anguish of men, chained to a reptilian imperative to breed as often as possible.

I sense (and hope) that was tongue in cheek. Most men don't have an imperative to breed (not wanting to is 70 percent of what gets them to agree to wear a condom). They just want to ejaculate. Often. And then check out the beer supply in the refrigerator.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

I wonder how well out current Sex Ed courses are at turning out well rounded individuals, who understand the biologic and psychological issues about sex?

I'd say that if 80% of women have trouble climaxing, then it isn't working. I read that recently. Surprising it's that high.

Let us not forget the anguish of men, chained to a reptilian imperative to breed as often as possible. Without training and understanding men are as adrift as women.

Yeah, 80% of women have trouble climaxing, and we should worry about the men

 

[3113]

I wonder how well out current Sex Ed courses are at turning out well rounded individuals, who understand the biologic and psychological issues about sex?

According to a recent study matching the U.S. to 17 "peer" nations (i.e. first world, higher income types), the U.S. ranked last in all sorts of health issues including our young people who have "the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy and deaths from car crashes."

Apparently, all those years of abstinence only sex ed didn't do a very good job in preventing anything and I'd lay odds that none of the grads from those classes understand anything biologic or psychological about sex.

It also looks like driver's ed failed them, too.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I'm sure it is true that some women lose interest in sex because the men in their lives are clods who don't know what they are doing. This is a recurring theme in many of my stories, that a woman needs a partner who knows what he or she is doing. Once they find somebody who is patient and considerate, the interest will return.

However, there are women who are not interested in sex, nor are they interested in becoming interested.

 

[JackLuis]

Yeah, 80% of women have trouble climaxing, and we should worry about the men

You should worry about men too. As SR pointed out men are driven to cum, biologically. They will even resort to the solitary sin, if driven to that extreme. It is a breeding drive, although blunted by social pressures into something less elemental, it is still imprinted on our brains.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

You should worry about men too. As SR pointed out men are driven to cum, biologically. They will even resort to the solitary sin, if driven to that extreme. It is a breeding drive, although blunted by social pressures into something less elemental, it is still imprinted on our brains.

I was kidding, sorry. I know that men need more guidance, but you worded it funny.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You should worry about men too. As SR pointed out men are driven to cum, biologically. They will even resort to the solitary sin, if driven to that extreme. It is a breeding drive, although blunted by social pressures into something less elemental, it is still imprinted on our brains.

Actually, no it is not imprinted on your brain. And there's nothing wrong with masturbation, I do it a lot, and did even when I was married. I never felt bad about it, or oppressed. I think it's a very civilised thing to do.

Funny thing about Human beings, we are NOT, in fact, abject slaves to evolution.

It's kind of intersted, if you think about it though. One hundred fifty years ago, the common narrative was that men were rational creatures capable of deep thought and the highest aspirations, women were driven by primitive biological urges and needed protecting from their base nature.

Around about the sixties, women began to stake a claim to sapience. And, that male narrative began to change. Now, it's men (according to men) who are helpless in the grip of Mother Nature and can't help it. Women are both the helpless victims of male appetites, and also responsible for being nice to men because umm.. just because, evidently.

Feminism says; Men AND women, both, “are civilized people. We do not have to conduct ourselves like a slob.” 1].

[1]op. cit. Guys And Dolls, Miss Adelaide, during the "So sue me" number.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Actually, no it is not imprinted on your brain. And there's nothing wrong with masturbation, I do it a lot, and did even when I was married. I never felt bad about it, or oppressed. I think it's a very civilised thing to do.

Funny thing about Human beings, we are NOT, in fact, abject slaves to evolution.

It's kind of intersted, if you think about it though. One hundred fifty years ago, the common narrative was that men were rational creatures capable of deep thought and the highest aspirations, women were driven by primitive biological urges and needed protecting from their base nature.

Around about the sixties, women began to stake a claim to sapience. And, that male narrative began to change. Now, it's men (according to men) who are helpless in the grip of Mother Nature and can't help it. Women are both the helpless victims of male appetites, and also responsible for being nice to men because umm.. just because, evidently.

Feminism says; Men AND women, both, “are civilized people. We do not have to conduct ourselves like a slob.” 1].

[1]op. cit. Guys And Dolls, Miss Adelaide, during the "So sue me" number.

To a degree, it is imprinted on the brain, but that can be overcme by intelligence and often is. It is the normal drive to male mammals to pass their seed on to as many females as possible. Homo Sapiens has come to realize it is not a good idea to breed with every woman they can, because of paternity suits and other reasons. Even so, it is still the normal drive to fuck every woman they can, unless they are restrained by such things as marital fidelity or religious oaths or other circumstances.

Women were, correctly, claiming sapience long before the 1960's. Did you ever hear about the Suffragettes in the 19th Century? During my youth, in the 1940's and 1950's, many women, maybe even most women, held down jobs, many of them on a professional level, and this had been the situation for a long time.

 

[Stella_Omega]

To a degree, it is imprinted on the brain, but that can be overcme by intelligence and often is. It is the normal drive to male mammals to pass their seed on to as many females as possible. Homo Sapiens has come to realize it is not a good idea to breed with every woman they can, because of paternity suits and other reasons. Even so, it is still the normal drive to fuck every woman they can, unless they are restrained by such things as marital fidelity or religious oaths or other circumstances.

Women were, correctly, claiming sapience long before the 1960's. Did you ever hear about the Suffragettes in the 19th Century? During my youth, in the 1940's and 1950's, many women, maybe even most women, held down jobs, many of them on a professional level, and this had been the situation for a long time.

Yeah, we've heard about your memories of professional women, that really don't jibe much with anyone else's.

You are quite right about the Suffragette movement. but this thing about how the men just can't help it came about right at the same time men started having to pay attention to women in the broader political arena.

That men truly believe in "The drive to fuck every women they can" is something no man ever has to explain to any woman who has heard men talk for even a few days. The belief that men need religion and paternity suits to restrain them from doing so is way too much degrading and infantilising crap, and also so very handy for evading personal responsibility.

A little balance would be lovely. My opinion.

 

[sr71plt]

Women got into the work force in the 40s because of the war and the country's need for someone to do the work while the men were off to war. In the 50s women were pushed back into being Donna Reeds. Into the late 60s, for instance, the State Department's policy on intra-Foreign Service marriages was that if two Foreign Service officers got married, the woman was fired immediately, no questions/arguments entertained.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Yeah, we've heard about your memories of professional women, that really don't jibe much with anyone else's.

I hope you are not going to tell me that most nurses and elementary and high school teachers in the 40's and 50's were not women.

You are quite right about the Suffragette movement. but this thing about how the men just can't help it came about right at the same time men started having to pay attention to women in the broader political arena.

Until then, the question did not arise much, so no explanation or excuse was called for.

That men truly believe in "The drive to fuck every women they can" is something no man ever has to explain to any woman who has heard men talk for even a few days. The belief that men need religion and paternity suits to restrain them from doing so is way too much degrading and infantilising crap, and also so very handy for evading personal responsibility.

A little balance would be lovely. My opinion.

I cited paternity suits and religion as two examples of restrictions. Personally, I believe marital vows keep more men's pants zipped up than anything else, except maybe lack of opportity.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I hope you are not going to tell me that most nurses and elementary and high school teachers in the 40's and 50's were not women.

Until then, the question did not arise much, so no explanation or excuse was called for.

If you haven't heard the answers to these arguments a hundred times already I'll eat my hat.

I cited paternity suits and religion as two examples of restrictions. Personally, I believe marital vows keep more men's pants zipped up than anything else, except maybe lack of opportity.

Wow. That's not a very flattering portrait of male sapience you paint there, Box.

 

[Porkwarrior]

And women have been atleast 1/3 of wage earners in the work force since the Industrial Revolution. Before then they simply didn't have the strength to perform the manual labour necessary. Since the onset of widespread mechanization in the early to mid-19th century. Powered manufacturing machines & gaslight were the two big liberating factors in empowering women to earn enough on their own than any suffrage movement. Capitalistic forces will always win out, and women work cheaper and usually more dependable. Who do you think ran England's textile economy, wove the ropes of the Royal Navy and mass produced a million little things in a consumer society?

Hell I'll even wager the dashboard of your car was put together in a medium sized sub-contractor industrial mall that employs mostly women.

 

[sr71plt]

I rather wish you did eat your hat. It's not very flattering.