Why Soccer isn't really a sport.

[mcfbridge]

Ok, I admit I tried to get into this World Cup thing this year. As an American I'm a huge baseball and American Football fan, but Soccer is about as interesting as watching paint dry. It's a great game to play, but watch, Dear God.

You spend 2 hours watching and maybe a goal or two is scored. Sometimes all that happens is a bunch of guys almost score. Maybe that's the problem, no American guy wants to spend 2 hours of an evening when the best that will happen is that he almost scores.

But ok, so I still try to watch. Then I realize, that soccer is really a sport. In fact, it's a sport I've seen several times in the Olympics. It's called diving.

Guys run up and down the field, and if someone so much as runs near them, they fall to the Earth as if they were shot. They moan and groan and writhe in pain, until a stretch comes out and removes them. Then, after the referee calls a foul, a miracle occurs. The man is totally healed and runs back onto the field. It's amazing.

I have, however, after watching many game come to realize what the different fouls are. A player waving his foot in the general direction of a player gets a red card. A player who makes contact with another player gets a yellow card. A player who actually bumps a player out of the way gets a foul. And a player who manages to really clobber someone gets applause.

I'm sure there are slight nuances to this game that I have missed, but that seems to cover the basics. For those of you who want to watch this stuff feel free. Personally, if it's a choice between this nonsense and a curling event, well it's a tought choice.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Personally, if it's a choice between this nonsense and a curling event, well it's a tought choice.

If you knew what was smart for you, you would enter the witness relocation program NOW! Before you find a dead horse head in your bed.

Hey - that rhymed!

~WOK

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Ok, I admit I tried to get into this World Cup thing this year. As an American I'm a huge baseball and American Football fan, but Soccer is about as interesting as watching paint dry. It's a great game to play, but watch, Dear God.

You spend 2 hours watching and maybe a goal or two is scored. Sometimes all that happens is a bunch of guys almost score. Maybe that's the problem, no American guy wants to spend 2 hours of an evening when the best that will happen is that he almost scores.

As opposed to baseball where in a 2 hour, 9 innning game there is actually about 15 minutes of actual movement? Or maybe football, (American Football) where they play for 5 seconds... stop. Play for 9 seconds... stop. Play for 7 seconds... stop. Timeout...

Yeah, that's exciting.

 

[Guest]

. . .You spend 2 hours watching and maybe a goal or two is scored. Sometimes all that happens is a bunch of guys almost score. Maybe that's the problem, no American guy wants to spend 2 hours of an evening when the best that will happen is that he almost scores. . .

I think you're missing the point here.

It's the chase, yes? The contest of wills? The battle for the top?

The goals are so infrequent they are almost revered.

I'm not a schooled fan, but the sport is fascinating.

 

[kiba]

i prefer womens beach volleyball. sand ,sweat ,hugging....

 

[Belegon]

so tired of people saying something "isn't" something just because they don't happen to like it.


say you don't fucking like it. don't insult everybody that does.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

i prefer womens beach volleyball. sand ,sweat ,hugging....

And don't forget those little pats on the ass.

 

[kiba]

yes the sport of kings

 

[JohnnieJohnson]

Soccer: A bunch of guys or gals who are capable of running a marathon on their easy training days, because all that stopping and starting during a game is much more taxing than just running in a straight line, have tremendous talent at both personal personal skills (ball handling) and team skills (give-and-go, etc.), and have to sustain an extremely high output of energy and skill for a prolonged period.

Football and baseball: A bunch of fat slugs who collapse after running forty yards, or 60 feet; who call a committee meeting every 20 seconds of play, or take a break every three "outs," and are so pumped up on "performance-enhancing" substances that they need two sets of record books: pre- and post-drugs.

Gee, which one sounds more like a "sport"? I know - lets declare poker and pool players the real 'athletes' of the North American continent!

Please excuse my excesses - I've had a few martinis.

 

[JamesSD]

yes the sport of kings

Hockey?

 

[JamesSD]

Soccer: A bunch of guys or gals who are capable of running a marathon on their easy training days, because all that stopping and starting during a game is much more taxing than just running in a straight line, have tremendous talent at both personal personal skills (ball handling) and team skills (give-and-go, etc.), and have to sustain an extremely high output of energy and skill for a prolonged period.

Football and baseball: A bunch of fat slugs who collapse after running forty yards, or 60 feet; who call a committee meeting every 20 seconds of play, or take a break every three "outs," and are so pumped up on "performance-enhancing" substances that they need two sets of record books: pre- and post-drugs.

Gee, which one sounds more like a "sport"? I know - lets declare poker and pool players the real 'athletes' of the North American continent!

Poker gets a ton of coverage on sports channels.

Did you happen to catch the last 20 minutes of the USA-Ghana match? It was all stoppage as Ghana stalled the hell out of the clock!

The Spain-France match, now that was good soccer! (At least what I caught of the first half)

 

[kiba]

im all for hockey if it involves women in tight swimsuits running back and forth then hugging and patting each other on the behind. they can do it on ice i dont care

 

[mcfbridge]

Soccer: A bunch of guys or gals who are capable of running a marathon on their easy training days, because all that stopping and starting during a game is much more taxing than just running in a straight line, have tremendous talent at both personal personal skills (ball handling) and team skills (give-and-go, etc.), and have to sustain an extremely high output of energy and skill for a prolonged period.

Football and baseball: A bunch of fat slugs who collapse after running forty yards, or 60 feet; who call a committee meeting every 20 seconds of play, or take a break every three "outs," and are so pumped up on "performance-enhancing" substances that they need two sets of record books: pre- and post-drugs.

Gee, which one sounds more like a "sport"? I know - lets declare poker and pool players the real 'athletes' of the North American continent!

Please excuse my excesses - I've had a few martinis.

Wow, after the first few responses, I wasn't sure there was a soccer fan capable of an intelligent arguement. However, I like this.

You are of course correct about the performance enhancing drugs. And while I doubt that they are exactly unknown in soccer ( or any other world sport for that matter) they are indeed a disgrace in the game of baseball.

But, even accepting your argument about the athleticism of the players, how can you take the officiating seriously.

All this diving and moaning and faking, because the most important thing in the game is to cheat enough to get the referee to give you a penalty kick. If steroids are destroying the game of baseball, then this kind of nonsense is doing the same for soccer.

 

[Guest]

Wow, after the first few responses, I wasn't sure there was a soccer fan capable of an intelligent arguement.

Oh, fuck you.

I was attempting to be civil.

You are attempting to be an asshole.

Well done.

 

[JohnnieJohnson]

Wow, after the first few responses, I wasn't sure there was a soccer fan capable of an intelligent arguement. However, I like this.

You are of course correct about the performance enhancing drugs. And while I doubt that they are exactly unknown in soccer ( or any other world sport for that matter) they are indeed a disgrace in the game of baseball.

But, even accepting your argument about the athleticism of the players, how can you take the officiating seriously.

All this diving and moaning and faking, because the most important thing in the game is to cheat enough to get the referee to give you a penalty kick. If steroids are destroying the game of baseball, then this kind of nonsense is doing the same for soccer.

No argument, mate. Maybe they should give the soccer official's drug tests. But you still need to be in shape before you can qualify for a soccer "Oscar."

 

[JohnnieJohnson]

Oh, fuck you.

I was attempting to be civil.

You are attempting to be an asshole.

Well done.

You seem bloody civil to me, Miss, and I appreciate your willingness to be open to things that seem new and different.

The mart's are wearing off a bit now - I didn't really mean to dis the yank sports - just reactin' a bit to the reactin' from the other side.

Now, any of you baseball or football blokes care to race some of the elite soccer chaps over a 10k or 20k course? I didn't think so . . .

 

[Guest]

You seem bloody civil to me, Miss, and I appreciate your willingness to be open to things that seem new and different.

Thank you.

 

[minsue]

As opposed to baseball where in a 2 hour, 9 innning game there is actually about 15 minutes of actual movement? Or maybe football, (American Football) where they play for 5 seconds... stop. Play for 9 seconds... stop. Play for 7 seconds... stop. Timeout...

Yeah, that's exciting.

I you, ducky

 

[Guest]

I haven't read a single post. I just read the thread title and thought

"Why does that person want to commit suicide by lynch mob?"

 

[Guest]

I haven't read a single post. I just read the thread title and thought

"Why does that person want to commit suicide by lynch mob?"

Laughing -

Oh - read my posts! I even used the F word!

 

[matriarch]

so tired of people saying something "isn't" something just because they don't happen to like it.


say you don't fucking like it. don't insult everybody that does.

My hero.

 

[blackhaus7]

There are three sports: bull-fighting, mountain climbing and auto racing. All else are games.

Not verbatim, I think. I was too lazy to look it up. But close.

Hemingway.

 

[Guest]

There are three sports: bull-fighting, mountain climbing and auto racing. All else are games.

Not verbatim, I think. I was too lazy to look it up. But close.

Hemingway.

You're drunk.

And so was he, when he wrote it.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Before you find a dead horse head in your bed.

I beg your pardon!

I thought the rest was funny. The "diving" passage had me laughing out loud. Just looked like harmless humor to me.

 

[Belegon]

To all who ignored my post and decided to join the mud-slinging by cutting down other sports...

a very respectable FUCK YOU!

my turn...

You go stand in a fucking chalk box and let someone throw a weapon at you at 90 mph. Then try to hit it with a round stick. Try to hit it someplace that the nine men against you can't reach it. Oh, and you have less than a second to decide where it's going to be and whether you're going to swing or not. Oh, and by the way, some of these guys against you can make the ball move. Not just up or down, but sideways. When he throws one at your head, hit the dirt to save your fucking life** then get up, dust yourself off and get back in your little chalk box, because it's only 1-0. By the way, if it hits you it HURTS!

Now do it in 95 degree heat with 90% humidity, sweat dripping in your eyes. Do it at 1 in the afternoon under a blistering sun after the bus got to the hotel at 5:30 in the morning and you got two hours sleep before batting practice.

Now squat in the dirt wearing armor for nine innings. Stay still, because the umpire needs to see and your pitcher needs a steady target. Catch the ball despite the 260 lb. designated hitter swinging the club six inches from your hand. Do it with broken fingers. Do it with arthritic knees. Also, remember that this guy eats inside fastballs for breakfast and can't hit a slider low and away. Remember that kind of stuff for all 300 guys in the league.

Now, when your pitcher shakes you off and throws the guy an inside fastball that ends up bouncing off the roof of some guys car beyond the left field fence, go walking out to the mound and play pyschologist to the ego-centric arrogant asshole that is telling you to get the fuck back behind the plate. In spanish. Tell him that he needs to listen to you, even though he makes ten times the money you do and doesn't speak the same language you do. Convince him to throw what you want.

Now do it for five months. Take one day off every two and a half weeks. Live on busses and in cheap motels, never see your family, be bored for most of the day. Do that...for $1200.00 a month. Because like most ballplayers, you don't have a chance to make those millions people talk about because you weren't born with a thunderbolt in your right arm.

Then feel like you were blessed because for a few short months you got to live the dream of playing a kid's game for money.

I guarantee you soccer and hockey and football and rugby players can give you similar rants. Look, just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not valid. How about telling what you like about the sports you like instead of cutting down other peoples just because you don't have enough fucking empathy to look at it and see that it takes hard work and skill?

/rant



** Literally for your life. Ray Chapman of the White Sox DIED after being hit in the temple by a pitched ball.