Why is it so hard for bi-curious women to hook up?

[SlipperyWitch]

It seems like if a guy wants to experiment with another guy, he has no problem finding someone. But a female looking to explore something new with another woman has a much harder time. I posted somewhere else online, and got responses from couples (even though the post specifically said NO COUPLES), people who just wanted to send out pics but never followed through, and other assorted flakes.

Not to mention us "bi-curious" gals getting constantly flamed by the "real" bi or gay women. WTF?

Somebody please es'plen it to me!

 

[Wolf of Mibu 69]

You have to remember this is the internet, and there are many more men on here than women. Anyway, good luck. I'm sure there's a woman willing to play with you.

 

[RA9T]

It seems like if a guy wants to experiment with another guy, he has no problem finding someone.

I'm a guy, and I've had exactly the opposite experience.

 

[anne27]

I think it's basically harder for women to just hook up period, bi-curious, bi, or lesbian. I hate to use stereotypes, but I do think it has something to do with the basic differences men and women have as their concepts of sexual relations. Men have casual sex much more often than women tend to do. Not all men are that way, nor are all women relationship oriented, BUT in my limited experience with women, I have found it really does go like that old joke 'What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul.'

My advice, for what it's worth, is to keep looking. Not all of us think of sex that way. Best of luck to you!

 

[Guttergoddess]

you're going to find more "bi" or "bi-curious" women in relationships, and while some may be willing to play without their partner, others are going to require that their BF,l husband, whatever he may be, be involved.

I can tell you that in the 10 years I've been online...I've found 2 "real" bi girls...1 because I was cybering with her husband, and one luckily here on lit...BUT she was willing to meet with my BF and I....so that made her the single girl in the 3some....

 

[raven2]

It seems like if a guy wants to experiment with another guy, he has no problem finding someone. But a female looking to explore something new with another woman has a much harder time. I posted somewhere else online, and got responses from couples (even though the post specifically said NO COUPLES), people who just wanted to send out pics but never followed through, and other assorted flakes.

Not to mention us "bi-curious" gals getting constantly flamed by the "real" bi or gay women. WTF?

Somebody please es'plen it to me!

Seems to me that the reason is the same as why it is easy for a female to post a personal and get all sorts of replies but not very easy for a male.

 

[human_male]

The reason women find it hard to hook up with each other is because neither wants to make the first move. This is especially true of a bi curious woman because she's used to men making the first move and she expects the women she wants to meet to be the same way.

I'm of course basing this on no actual experience or knowlege of female female realtions.

 

[fungirl911]

bi-girl here

The reason women find it hard to hook up with each other is because neither wants to make the first move. This is especially true of a bi curious woman because she's used to men making the first move and she expects the women she wants to meet to be the same way.

I'm of course basing this on no actual experience or knowlege of female female realtions.

I've got to admit....he's right, in my opinion. I have a friend that is bi-curious, and I've only had 2 experiences with other woman. And I always laugh at the fact that no matter how much we flirt, neither one of us is brave enough to make the first move. Hence the 'dominant male' thing............
Maybe if I knew she'd done it before I wouldn't be quite at hesitant.
I know the last girl I was with, she had done it also............and once we both figured out we were both bi-curious, it was hard to keep our hands off each other when we were alone, together.

Good for me I've got a hubby that won't get mad if I do play with another girl, because he knows he's going to get a hot detailed story.

Anyone interested ??? PM me.

 

[comfort zone]

me too

i'm a guy and am not having luck "hooking up" either. it's smart to be particular these days, but DAMNIT, where are the other particular guys?

 

[lastingpassion]

Here we are

Alive and well in Vermont.......although, a night in Montreal is much more fun!

 

[ima6uldv8]

For me, it's a lot of what Night Visions said. I grew up in a strict family and friends don't know this side of me. It's a huge fantasy for me and I hope one day, the time will be right.

 

[MaxLongfella]

you're going to find more "bi" or "bi-curious" women in relationships, and while some may be willing to play without their partner, others are going to require that their BF,l husband, whatever he may be, be involved.

I can tell you that in the 10 years I've been online...I've found 2 "real" bi girls...1 because I was cybering with her husband, and one luckily here on lit...BUT she was willing to meet with my BF and I....so that made her the single girl in the 3some....

You've got it right there. I try my best to make sure I don't respond to someone asking for "no couples", but I contact lots of girls. My gf doesn't want to do anything without me there, won't even kiss another girl unless im watching. Hell, her biggest turn-on will be watching me with the other girl. So, guttergoddess has it right - hi btw! Hope your b-day party goes well

 

[comfort zone]

double damnit

Alive and well in Vermont.......although, a night in Montreal is much more fun!

you are there;i am here (1200 miles or so), ever get to the south?

 

[playwithlezli]

I have found the same thing, lots of talk, little follow through.

I have had the good fortune to actually have a meal (in a restaurant you bad girls!) with a couple of ladies but then there was no chemistry...sigh...

There's no hang-ups with me iniatating, just lots of curious gals are going to stay that way I think

Maybe a problem with geography too-not too many of us on lit from western Canada.

But if Slippery Witch or Fun911 or any other women are coming up this way-PM me if you like!

 

[SweetErika]

It seems like if a guy wants to experiment with another guy, he has no problem finding someone. But a female looking to explore something new with another woman has a much harder time. I posted somewhere else online, and got responses from couples (even though the post specifically said NO COUPLES), people who just wanted to send out pics but never followed through, and other assorted flakes.

Not to mention us "bi-curious" gals getting constantly flamed by the "real" bi or gay women. WTF?

Somebody please es'plen it to me!

I've had some success in really putting myself out there on several sites and places, being clear on what I want, and meeting a fair number of women. But you're right... you usually get some couples, men, (I'm always just abundantly clear responses from couples looking for a woman and men will be deleted immediately, and that seems to cut down on it), and flakes.

I guess I've come to see it as sorting through the trash to find the treasure, and even the crappy experiences have taught me valuable lessons.

I got the idea early on that most lesbians aren't interested in bi women who aren't specifically looking for more serious relationships with women, nor are they eager to start something with a woman who is (or plans to be) involved with a man. So, I happily only look for bi women.

The Bi vs. Bi-curious Issue
At first I figured I didn't have experience, so I'd better call myself bi-curious. Then, I saw lots of women who used that term and:
a) wanted to lay back and enjoy, but weren't sure if they could reciprocate
b) stated they were unsure about this, might chicken out, and would probably need a lot of alcohol and/or drugs to get up the courage
c) would only be doing it for their boyfriends or husbands
d) had only been thinking about it for a very short time, and sounded kinda flaky
e) wanted to make a porno

So, I dropped that term altogether because I didn't want to be mistaken for one of those women, instead just stating that I was "new to this, but couldn't wait to experience a woman, giving and receiving incredible pleasure." It seemed to work. Looking back, I probably should have said, "I'm bi, but haven't had the pleasure of experiencing a woman just yet" because I was fairly certain I was bi.

Now, I'm very leery of "bi-curious" women, and generally avoid them (just like those looking for no-strings-attached or to do it behind their partner's back) UNLESS they indicate they're secure and want the same thing as me. There's nothing wrong with experimenting or being unsure, but it's not what I'm, or many women, are looking for, and I'd think their best bet would be to hook up with women who feel the same as they do.

 

[ima6uldv8]

Bi curious has been done to death. That's why I don't call myself that. I say its a fantasy just like all my other fantasies.

 

[MaxLongfella]

SweetErika, those are some great points... looks like me and my gf have to revise how we talk about what she's looking for

 

[SweetErika]

SweetErika, those are some great points... looks like me and my gf have to revise how we talk about what she's looking for

I looked at the link in your sig, and it seems fine. You describe her experience, desires, and what you're looking for, which sounds forthright and honest. I would suggest having her write the ad and respond to women though...as I said, some women are pushed into it, and sometimes their lack of participation seems a little fishy.

Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting people be anything but completely honest, open, and themselves. If your gf feels 'bi-curious,' there's no reason she can't describe herself that way. Often I think 'bi-curious' and 'likes to play with women' are good descriptors for those who are not attracted to the idea of playing without their S.O.s, and people are more understanding of the term in that case. And when it comes down to it, most of us are looking for characteristics/descriptions, NOT the labels other use.

A little more unsolicited advice based on my experience: I'm sure you understand there's a short supply of women looking to be with a couple, and there are tons of couples competing for those few. So, to increase your chances of success, I'd suggest you seriously consider:

- Checking out swinging. It's not just couples, and you'll likely have a better chance meeting people who are amenable to this. http://www.swinglifestyle.com/ are pretty good, free personals, and the folks at http://www.swingersboard.com/ are a wonderful resource for learning, answering questions, and maybe even meeting others in your community. You can also look into clubs in your area.

- Keep an open mind, and don't completely rule out couples. There are all sorts of configurations and possibilities, including getting to know a couple and the wife just joining you, and a foursome with the couples together, the girls together, the wife with you, and your gf not playing with the other guy. My hubby wasn't really open to it, but as it turned out we met a couple we were really comfortable with and ended up getting what we wanted. I'm sure we'd still be waiting if we'd been set on "no couples, period."

A couple who has a solid relationship, particularly one in the swinging community, will also likely remove some of the threat to your relationship by way of the other woman trying to get too involved and lessening jealousy. This is fun, but it's also one of the quicker ways to ruin your relationship, so reducing risks wherever possible is a really good idea.

- Her going solo, and trying to develop a friendship with a woman who might be open to joining both of you in the future. I know this may seem unappealing at first, but it could very well work out. Plus, if she's bi, there's a good chance trying it on her own would be beneficial...involving a man is great, but it makes for a very different experience and some women have a tough time getting an accurate idea of how they feel if they never try it alone. Again, if you go this route, you want to be honest about your desire for a threesome at some point, but let the women know there won't be pressure or expectations.

Good luck with your search and experiences!

 

[playwithlezli]

Well said sweeterika

Thanks for your well considered answers on the bi-curious issue and swinging.

Your lead to the swinger post the other day made it much easier for my husband to relax enough to enjoy going to our first club together.

Looks like there will be more visits in the future.

PS-lovely AV..sigh...

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for your well considered answers on the bi-curious issue and swinging.

Your lead to the swinger post the other day made it much easier for my husband to relax enough to enjoy going to our first club together.

Looks like there will be more visits in the future.

PS-lovely AV..sigh...

You're very welcome, and I'm glad it's helpful.

And thank YOU for the compliment. I'm not into NSA sex at all, but it's a shame you're not a little farther west, in Vancouver or something; it's great to make friends within easy driving distance!

 

[MaxLongfella]

Well, im already on those swinger sites, we'll be going to some parties soon - she has done some ads herself, too, we're just trying to cover some ground by us both doing it

We've come close a few times (we are very sexy ), but had them back out, turn out to be fakes, etc. We're in no rush though

 

[playwithlezli]

You're very welcome, and I'm glad it's helpful.

And thank YOU for the compliment. I'm not into NSA sex at all, but it's a shame you're not a little farther west, in Vancouver or something; it's great to make friends within easy driving distance!

Was in Vancouver (BC that is) for the holidays, go there a couple of times a year.
We are always interested in making new friends, irregardless of the sexual component. That being said-sorry but I am new to a lot of this, what is NSA sex?