Why i don't like nice guys

[YourCaptor]

You think?

I KNOW. LOL!

Nope, it's not okay, anywhere but in his own demented, I mean rebellious, mind.

She got it.

 

[FurryFury]

She got it.

Thanks!

*smiles and buffs nails on shirt*

I'm kind of an expert on D&D and rebellious rapist types.

 

[ataxia.girl]

These are my downfall. I feel the need to rescue them, and it usually all goes to hell in a handbasket. I live for that ride, though.

Do you find there was one time that far exceeded the rest though and do you think you will go to that degree again? i only gave myself over like that once really. i go back and read some of my writings from that time and sometimes i think i was my most authentic self during that year i quit school and followed him around to save him. i reformed after that and never did anything remotely like it again. i do sometimes with i was free to be that girl again. i was good at it and in many ways it felt like the role i was meant for but i'm sure that was just inherited from my martyr mother.

i have romantic notions of saving hard and wounded men with my undying devotion. i also have romantic notions of gaining a sort of power in the process. Becoming an advisor or confidant to a powerful man with a dark side has always appealed to me. To be the one person they can be Dr Jekyl with, thus enabling Mr Hyde to continue to exist. Concubines who rule over emperors. Courteseans who somehow make themselves essential within a role which is inessential by definition.

 

[cherokee_dove]

To me, nice guys don't have to finish last.

As long as they have enough of the sadist in them; to bring me to the edge of the heaven of begging, pleading, and aching for pain-keeping me there to drive me insane, and putting the humiliation of them knowing that i need that point to be me, all at the same time; that is perfect.

The cuddling and aftercare, and the showing that they care enough to be there and understand that i need that also; then they are in first place in my book.

 

[ataxia.girl]

The cuddling and aftercare, and the showing that they care enough to be there and understand that i need that also; then they are in first place in my book.

Yes... it takes a special man to let the sadist out and then stay in the room to cuddle after. More than just aftercare though i like a sadist willing to take the time to get to know the rest of me and that is rarer still.

If they want me to see them at their darkest and still give my love i expect the same. my darkest may not be the same as what they think.

 

[cherokee_dove]

Yes... it takes a special man to let the sadist out and then stay in the room to cuddle after. More than just aftercare though i like a sadist willing to take the time to get to know the rest of me and that is rarer still.

If they want me to see them at their darkest and still give my love i expect the same. my darkest may not be the same as what they think.

True, but usually; for me anyhow...that is something you learn or figure out in the "getting to know each other" stage, and how far and deep you want to take the relationship. So by the time you are both involved, you each know how "dark" the other needs it; or needs to be brought down to.

And if they are going to take the time to learn that much about you, thats showing; in their own way, that they do love or at least care enough about you to be there in your dark moments.

And there are "nice guys" that will do all of that, they are just hard to find sometimes.

So good luck in your search, i am just happy knowing that those "nice guys" do exist.

And a few even right here on the forum.

 

[ataxia.girl]

If someone treats you like trash, before they treat you nicely is someone who is abusive.

Wise wise wise words.

i hope you don't mind that i quoted them. i think i'm going to tape this on my monitor to remind me.

Thank you

 

[ataxia.girl]

And if they are going to take the time to learn that much about you, thats showing; in their own way, that they do love or at least care enough about you to be there in your dark moments.

Very much agreed. Time and effort speak loudest almost always.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

True, but usually; for me anyhow...that is something you learn or figure out in the "getting to know each other" stage, and how far and deep you want to take the relationship. So by the time you are both involved, you each know how "dark" the other needs it; or needs to be brought down to.

And if they are going to take the time to learn that much about you, thats showing; in their own way, that they do love or at least care enough about you to be there in your dark moments.

And there are "nice guys" that will do all of that, they are just hard to find sometimes.

So good luck in your search, i am just happy knowing that those "nice guys" do exist.

And a few even right here on the forum.

Yes we are and you forgot we are handsome, smart and modest too.

 

[Guest]

Interesting

SoCalM1 from cm


again interesting

 

[catalina_francisco]

Before you all start shouting at Catalina, it is the part after the underscore who is writing an answer. It has been a while since I posted on Lit, but this thread triggered me. I am a bit rusty, so if I insult people by being insensitive I am sure you all realize I am just a bastard and really do not care if I do LOL.

A lot of labeling has been going on in this thread, nice guy, bad guy, they are just labels. BDSM is about labels, but more so it is about who you are.

If you do not have a need to hurt you are not a sadist,
If you do not have a need to be hurt you are not a masochist.
If you need to submit you need someone who needs to dominate.
If you need to dominate, you need someone who needs to submit.

Like with everything there are degrees and variations and depths to the level of what a person needs. The first and most important step is to first figure out what it is you really need. Of course that can include a lot of experimenting with a lot of different people or it can entail just reading a lot, again which depends on the person

Once you know what it is that makes you tick go and look for your counterpart. There are many experienced BDSM practitioners out there who would fit the profile of the person you described and most of them are neither nice nor bad they are just who they are. A Good BDSM relationship is a symbiotic relationship where all parties involved get out of it what they need and want.

Francisco.

 

[ataxia.girl]

If you do not have a need to hurt you are not a sadist,
If you do not have a need to be hurt you are not a masochist.
If you need to submit you need someone who needs to dominate.
If you need to dominate, you need someone who needs to submit.

i don't know why anyone would yell at you and i think you put it very well.

Thank you

Its probably not going to stop me from pscyhoanalyzing everything and everyone however

 

[cherokee_dove]

Yes we are and you forgot we are handsome, smart and modest too.

And very sexy.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Francisco.

ummm and wow... did not see was F. i feel kinda special for being controversial enough to get an F comment

 

[ataxia.girl]

If you do not have a need to hurt you are not a sadist,
If you do not have a need to be hurt you are not a masochist.
If you need to submit you need someone who needs to dominate.
If you need to dominate, you need someone who needs to submit.

Like with everything there are degrees and variations and depths to the level of what a person needs. The first and most important step is to first figure out what it is you really need. Of course that can include a lot of experimenting with a lot of different people or it can entail just reading a lot, again which depends on the person

Once you know what it is that makes you tick go and look for your counterpart. There are many experienced BDSM practitioners out there who would fit the profile of the person you described and most of them are neither nice nor bad they are just who they are. A Good BDSM relationship is a symbiotic relationship where all parties involved get out of it what they need and want.

While i like the simple "if then" of the first paragraph the second 2 quoted should not just be dismissed. The first seems to suggest we all go get in our little boxes and not worry about why those are the boxes we're in. In some ways that is most expedient. No matter why i need to submit i should be wearing the submission label but as you say we have to identify what it is we need from another person and perhaps to figure that out it is necessary to wonder and question why it is we are wearing x label.

i am not a good match for every Dominant Sadist. Not because i need bloodplay and that one only likes caning but because i want to see past just the mere fact that they dominate into why they have to do it. Its the part of them that makes them have to Dominate and the part of me that makes me have to submit that i want to be compatible. That's where i think the real chemistry happens, where the two broken pieces come together.

 

[catalina_francisco]

No matter why i need to submit i should be wearing the submission label but as you say we have to identify what it is we need from another person and perhaps to figure that out it is necessary to wonder and question why it is we are wearing x label.

You should only wear those labels you feel comfortable to wear, and with which you identify with. Labels are just words we use to clarify to others what we mean. So yes you should wear the submission label if that is what you want others to recognize you as.

To wonder and question is what makes us human, but when the hunger and need hits you hard, and you feel like a heroin addict in search for a shot you might have the strength of will and the clarity of mind to try to analyse the motivation and drive behind it, most will find that a very challenging task. Me I am a simple man, first I feed my monkey and then when the monkey is happy, or at least is not shouting in my ear, I try to figure out why I actually have a monkey for pet.

i am not a good match for every Dominant Sadist. Not because i need bloodplay and that one only likes caning but because i want to see past just the mere fact that they dominate into why they have to do it. Its the part of them that makes them have to Dominate and the part of me that makes me have to submit that i want to be compatible. That's where i think the real chemistry happens, where the two broken pieces come together.

Very nicely put, I could not agree more.

Francisco.
PS.
Well, its one for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to get ready,
Now go, cat, go.

But dont you step on my blue suede shoes.
You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Me I am a simple man, first I feed my monkey and then when the monkey is happy, or at least is not shouting in my ear, I try to figure out why I actually have a monkey for pet.

i agree very strongly. More often than not it is through experiences that things even begin to be uncovered and illuminated. Sometimes you don't even know the nature of your itch until you've had it lightly scratched.

Of course once scratched you're sort of done for and if you've lost your monkey you may have to do some self examination to find one that works again.

i'm just a sucker for the mysterious angry hater. Can't help myself.

Very nicely put, I could not agree more.

hee hee thank you

 

[RawHumor]

i have very serious self esteem issues despite being attractive and successful.

I can help you.

You're really not that attractive. I was just being nice.

 

[RawHumor]

I can help you.

You're really not that attractive. I was just being nice.

Okay, that wasn't so nice.

You're actually really pretty, and very freaksexy.

 

[twysted73]

Okay, that wasn't so nice.

You're actually really pretty, and very freaksexy.

*points at RH* Nice guy.

You barely qualify as a semi-servicable foot rest, tax.
Now find your spot on the rug and stay there.

 

[RawHumor]

*points at RH* Nice guy.

I am... it's a fault of mine.

I have a hard time believing I may have hurt a friend's feelings... (and she is freaksexy... and no I don't think I hurt her feelings).

Punishing someone is easy... being mean to them is kinda foreign to me.

 

[ataxia.girl]

*hides under the desk*

 

[MechaBlade]

I'm a nice guy who just wants to push girls beyond their limits. Pity I can't find someone who can appreciate that.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I'm a nice guy who just wants to push girls beyond their limits. Pity I can't find someone who can appreciate that.

Sometimes the little girl's limits are either beyond your own or virtually nonexistent. What do you do then? Funny how the assumption is always that the sub has more limits than the Dom. Is that the only way a D/s relationship can work?

Maybe we need a thread.

 

[MechaBlade]

Sometimes the little girl's limits are either beyond your own or virtually nonexistent. What do you do then? Funny how the assumption is always that the sub has more limits than the Dom. Is that the only way a D/s relationship can work?

Maybe we need a thread.

True, the girl could have softer limits than me. I don't think it's funny that the assumption is the sub has more limits. I don't expect it because so few women have ever expressed such. I doubt I'll ever have a relationship with any girl whose limits will almost come close to mine.

Mostly, I'm just whining.