Why Dominate?

[intothewoods]

Just for the record in the more than 20 years we have been active duty we only lived on base for 8 of those years. Less than half of the couples I was referring to are/were military. We just must be exposed to different people.

I don't agree with your point about most people sucking at relationships. Different perspectives on the world around us, I guess.

I am really heartened to hear your point of view, es. I love hearing about happy marriages.

To play devil's advocate, though, the divorce rate is pretty high in this country. So someone must be doing something...wrong, right? I don't think it's that people are inherently selfish or lazy though. I just don't think people necessarily learn communication tools. I know I didn't!

 

[intothewoods]

It wasn't the attempt to convert me that made me laugh.

It was the presumption that communication in my relationship, without the structure of regular joint prayer sessions, was somehow likely to be lacking in relation to his.

Did they give you any specific examples of how their marriage was transformed? Was it a united belief in a higher power or was it the therapeutic aspect of prayer groups? Many clergy are trained therapists, so that's not all that surprising. Sometimes just a joint social hobby can be unifying! I'm just curious.

As a side note, and I may have said this before, I have found a lot of overlap between kinky groups and organized religion. The thing is, lots of people really do well with structure in their life, regardless of where that structure comes from.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I am really heartened to hear your point of view, es. I love hearing about happy marriages.

To play devil's advocate, though, the divorce rate is pretty high in this country. So someone must be doing something...wrong, right? I don't think it's that people are inherently selfish or lazy though. I just don't think people necessarily learn communication tools. I know I didn't!

Yeah, I know the statistics. I'm sure the reasons are varied and often multi-dimensional.

 

[JMohegan]

Did they give you any specific examples of how their marriage was transformed? Was it a united belief in a higher power or was it the therapeutic aspect of prayer groups? Many clergy are trained therapists, so that's not all that surprising. Sometimes just a joint social hobby can be unifying! I'm just curious.

As a side note, and I may have said this before, I have found a lot of overlap between kinky groups and organized religion. The thing is, lots of people really do well with structure in their life, regardless of where that structure comes from.

I don't think joint prayer was supposed to be therapeutic, exactly. More like joint prayer was a means to stay focused on common values and purpose.

 

[StrayKat]

I think you're right. This is better way of stating what I was trying to say, thanks.

Welcome

You see, when people talk about relationships I think about my Grandmother who managed 63 years of very successful marriage.
She was brilliant, educated (quite an achievement for that time), bossy and very selfish woman. My old school gentleman Grandfather respected and adored her and they were very happy together, even though their life was anything but easy.

I really dont think we differ so much from our grandparents, yet how is it possible they could be happy and productive in marriages that wouldnt last a year nowdays? They didnt even have a freedom of choice so much as we have. If it was just a matter of society pressure how comes they were not miserable and unhappy for being forced to stay together?

 

[Netzach]

Welcome

You see, when people talk about relationships I think about my Grandmother who managed 63 years of very successful marriage.
She was brilliant, educated (quite an achievement for that time), bossy and very selfish woman. My old school gentleman Grandfather respected and adored her and they were very happy together, even though their life was anything but easy.

I really dont think we differ so much from our grandparents, yet how is it possible they could be happy and productive in marriages that wouldnt last a year nowdays? They didnt even have a freedom of choice so much as we have. If it was just a matter of society pressure how comes they were not miserable and unhappy for being forced to stay together?

A lot more of them were than were not. I think about my grandparents and I basically come up with two people clinging to the raft of emotional desperation with little in common.

Fixing that just wasn't an option in their minds. I don't find that more admirable than a willingness to communicate and an ability to move on, that the last 30 years has offered.

The notion that "the children were all better off" is absurd. The children were trapped along with the adults.

And not everyone is doing some kind of Hollywood marriage insane thing either. There are plenty of relationships that start with, weather, and last crap together. I'm in one. I actually feel like the option to leave relationships makes the ones I have more meaningful, but that's just me.

 

[StrayKat]

A lot more of them were than were not. I think about my grandparents and I basically come up with two people clinging to the raft of emotional desperation with little in common.

Fixing that just wasn't an option in their minds. I don't find that more admirable than a willingness to communicate and an ability to move on, that the last 30 years has offered.

The notion that "the children were all better off" is absurd. The children were trapped along with the adults.

And not everyone is doing some kind of Hollywood marriage insane thing either. There are plenty of relationships that start with, weather, and last crap together. I'm in one. I actually feel like the option to leave relationships makes the ones I have more meaningful, but that's just me.

I am sorry to hear that about your grandparents.
I have seen different in my family, people that lived through quite happy marriages and even if they had option to leave like we have today, they wouldnt.
Some of the people I knew would not hesitate to fix things no matter, even 30 or 50 years ago. My Grandmother had lot of equally strong minded friends and I cannot imagine any of them staying married if they were miserable. They all had an opinion of divorce being a good thing if people dont get along. Most of their children and grandchildren grew up to be healthy, responsible and happily married people as well.

So I guess its matter of personal experience as well

I agree with you that option of leaving makes my staying more meaningful, I feel the same way.
I do think, however, that too many people abuse that option without giving it a second try nowdays.