Why do men lie?

[Sammyjo]

Ok, I have no idea if women do this, because I do not...here goes...

A friend of mine has been seeing this guy for almost a year. In November, he moved in with a "friend" of his. A woman, who was expecting a child. The father was a supposed prick, and left her after the pregnancy occured. Neither of them could afford a place on their own, and both needed to move out...they decided to get a place together.

All along, my friend has been suspicious that there was more going on than this guy let on...but continued to believe that he was being truthful whenever he denied her suspicions.

She saw him the other day, and he made mention of the fact that he was moving out of the apartment and back home.

Now, the woman contacts her, claiming to be his fiance. She still isn't sure if this is true, as the woman has always had designs on him, and is extremely jealous of any relationships he has with anyone. But upset with the fact that he may have lied to her. He was not the only guy she was dating, so it wouldn't have bothered her, and she may have continued to see him, regardless. He knew of her other men, so there was no real reason to lie.

I guess my question is...Why do men (er, people) lie? What is the point? Eventually, your lies will all catch up to you. Has anyone been in this situation (either end)? How did you handle it?

Right now, she's just waiting for him to call her back so she can find out what is going on.

 

[Unclebill]

I guess my question is...Why do men (er, people) lie? What is the point? Eventually, your lies will all catch up to you.

Well, IMNTBHO, people lie to get what they want. They have decided that what they want is more important than anything else and are unconcerned with the fact that they hurt others by lying. I attribute it to being incredibly self-centered and a bit of the old "the end justifies the means" mentality. It seems to me this type person does not care much for people in general, perhaps because they think of themselves in less than complimentary terms.

I have formed over my years the opinion that what a person uses to assess a newly encountered person is to attribute to the new acquaintance the traits of what they know most intimately, i. e., themselves. If they expect the new acquaintance to be honorably and decent, it is because that is what they know of themselves. Likewise, if they expect the new acquaintance to be deceitful, dishonest and scheming, that is what they know that themselves to be in the reversed situation.

Frankly, I have no respect for people who lie. I presume they have no sincere self-respect so why should I grant them what they do not grant themselves. I consider that those who lie seek to attain honor but any honor they attain by lying is temporary and fleeting. True honor must be earned and is the product of one's integrity. Ultimately, lying is the destroyer of one's honor, if in fact there was ever any at the outset.

Once I find a person to be a liar, I disassociate as much as possible.

 

[Melody_lane]

A necessity...

That's the catagory I'd put lying under. Sometimes it is just easier to lie.

*Opens up birthday present from grandma*

"Oh, grams- a new cd! Oh, the backstreet boys. THanks, I love it!"

'nuff said.

 

[Siren]

 

[Hullo_nurse]

Not a necessity, a convience

All you had to tell Grams was "Thanks!!" YOu didn't have to go into the BS. I understand that sometimes it is easier and more convient to lie. But is that what we want to teach the children of today?

"It's ok, Johnny. If telling the truth makes you at all uncomfortable, them by all means tell a little 'white' lie."

Isn't that essentially what we are saying to them?

I am NOT insuating, by any stretch of the imagination, that I am perfect and Never lied. I have told my fair share of lies & then some. I couldn't keep them all straight in high school. And I have learned that even though the truth is hard to say sometimes, that it is the best policy...

Oh, wait, this is a sex board. I guess that means that we are all the dregs of society and can do whatever the hell we want cuz 'people' expect it of us anyway, right? <said with a grin on my face...>
NOT!! I'm sure most of us (Zeke & Bruiser excluded) are well respected persons.


So, waht was the question, Sammyjo? Why do men lie? Cuz the are assholes & pigs.....
<whispers to Sammyjo: 'now that ought to start some shit! we'd better get out of here before they catch us!!'> http://geocities.com/r337m0nk3y/net2/BURNOUT.GIF

 

[Guest]

But one thing I have found, a person that doesnt like themself, wants to reinvent themself and it is easy faster and less effort to lie than to make actual changes.

u should know

 

[Hullo_nurse]

Secretsanta -- It appears that you can't stop sinking your fangs into Siren....... would there be a reason for this, or are you just a shit-stirrer?

 

[Sammyjo]

I can't believe you are comparing lying about liking a BSB CD to lying about being in a relationship. Ugh!!

Maybe his problem has to do with being young and immature. I really don't know.

But yes, she did find out that he has been lying to her for 6 months, he finally admitted it. All the time, telling her how he wanted to be with her, while he was with someone else. Now I have to help my friend get on with life...again...because a man has fucked with her head.

Some advice guys/girls...if you don't want a relationship, don't pretend you do. If all you want is a piece of ass, there are plenty of women or men, as the case might be, who will give it to you no strings attached...don't deliberately lie and hurt people...you can get what you want without all the hassle.

 

[Skitten]

I agree with UncleBill here men lie to get what they want. A friend of mine just went through almost the same thing. The guy was bringing up marriage and leading her on big time they made a date to start seeing each other again beforehand then he never showed. So she went to where he was living and found out that he was living with another woman and two kids 1 was 12 and the other 8 so he was lying to both women so I believe men lie to get what they want and to see how much they can get away with before getting caught.

 

[Melody_lane]

I can't believe you are comparing lying about liking a BSB CD to lying about being in a relationship. Ugh!!

It was just an example of why sometimes it is easier to lie. I don't like to comment on people that I have no direct contact with. I was just saying, maybe it was easier for him to lie-or maybe he thought it was at that time.

Generalizations...they typically offend less people. *grins

Although, I should know better by now.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: A necessity...

That's the catagory I'd put lying under. Sometimes it is just easier to lie.

*Opens up birthday present from grandma*

"Oh, grams- a new cd! Oh, the backstreet boys. THanks, I love it!"

'nuff said.

This is what is known as a polite fiction. (AKA a little white lie.)

originally posted by Hullo Nurse:
All you had to tell Grams was "Thanks!!" YOu didn't have to go into the BS. I understand that sometimes it is easier and more convient to lie. But is that what we want to teach the children of today?

"It's ok, Johnny. If telling the truth makes you at all uncomfortable, them by all means tell a little 'white' lie."

I think the children of today need to be taught that there are times when the blatant and blunt truth is not the right thing to say. They also need to be taught the difference between a polite fiction to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and lying to get something you want or lying to avoid the consequences of your actions.

 

[CreamyLady]

I think the particular situation had a lot to do with getting what he wanted. It may also have had a bit to do with sincerely wanting to be with your friend, and not wanting to hurt her feelings -- or deal with the situation when her feelings were hurt.

It's all very complicated, but it sounds as if trust really went out the window.

 

[Kamiyue2c]

Wow!

I agree with Harold.

I think the children of today need to be taught that there are times when the blatant and blunt truth is not the right thing to say. They also need to be taught the difference between a polite fiction to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and lying to get something you want or lying to avoid the consequences of your actions.

(Sorry, haven't learned how to quote yet)

When I was much younger, early to mid teens, I found I could lie through my teeth and nobody could tell. I was also really good at keep the stories straight. But then I saw the hurt it could cause other people and knew I didn't like how it felt.

I have two children (5 and 8) and to the best of my knowledge, except for ideas of Santa, the Easter bunny, etc., I've never lied to then to get them to do something or to do anything that would hurt then down the road. Yeah, there are ways to get around without telling them the blunt truth and I do use those, but never a deliberate lie.

I have taken to a strong philosophy of telling the truth and this gets me in trouble may times, but I can hold my head up and not worry about getting something off my chest.

Back to the topic, Why people lie? Usually to get something that they couldn't get otherwise. It's a power play. The thrill of getting away with a falsehood is a rush and the power over someone is also a rush. Why should I ask you to do something when a lie will get you to do it and I don't have to worry about a "No" answer. I've dealt with this type of things many times and had my head messed up by it and if I find I've been lied to, I just walk away. The trust is broken and without trust, what can you every believe.

Sorry for ranting, I just feel strongly

e2c

 

[Thumper]

....interesting subject.

I have done my share of lying B4. I'll admit it. But never to get anything or to exercise some sort of power play. My best freind in his youth had no qualms about telling a girl he "loved" her if it facilitated getting into her pants. I find that disgusting....and yes I told him so. Interestingly enough he absolutely will not fool around on his present girlfriend of 4 years...not even when they were "not a couple" last summer....and it was blatantly offered to him by an absolute drop dead gorgeous woman.
He thought it odd that when he introduced me to a woman he knew ( with the intent to "get me laid"), I told her I was married. He asked me why I told her that....I said why not it was true. I won't lie to get a woman into bed....but I have when confronted with it. Why....believe it or not for some reason I think I am sparing her feelings(my wife). It has been an interesting 18 years....and will no doubt continue to be so....She is my best freind and I think she understands me more than any other person on earth...I never ever did what I did because something was lacking at home or to hurt anyone...it is just something I am inclined to do...monagamy rhymes too much with monotony....in more ways than the obvious.
BTW the sex my wife and I have is the best....so it isn't that....Perhaps a Psychiatrist would know. If things go well in 8 years we will have one free of charge...

Melody!!! You don't like the BSB?????

Ok I have my chain mail underwear on so shred away folks