Why do guys like to dominate?

[Shybutwantsit]

I love the idea of a guy prior consensually taking me unexpectedly and using me for their pleasure I think it takes away the overthinking aspect ( which I do a lot) and gives me more pleasure since I’m not in my head . But I wanna know why do guys like to do it and what’s your favorite way to do it?

 

[mousberry]

I think they like the power and control they get from dominating someone

 

[Greedy_lion]

I think it’s similar but the other side of the coin. My mind escapes momentarily by focusing in on just this one thing. The pleasure of making a woman cum extremely hard when she is usually deeply in her head is extremely satisfying.

It’s like picking a lock or rebuilding a car engine, the mind is fully engaged.

Also it’s just fucking hot cuz of the power dynamic and control and submission and all that.

 

[BillyWalrus]

It's not just guys. There are women who like to seize control too but it's less common than among men.

 

[ChloeOfCascadia]

I love the idea of a guy prior consensually taking me unexpectedly and using me for their pleasure I think it takes away the overthinking aspect ( which I do a lot) and gives me more pleasure since I’m not in my head .

Mtf trans here, I've lived and loved as a guy most of my adult life.

I have written about this elsewhere on the site- Women in our society in general are pressured to have sex and put out for their boyfriends in particular, male sexuality is celebrated, but, female sexuality is considered slutty, wrong, immoral, and especially if done for her pleasure, everyone has an opinion about it and most of them are flat out sexist and misogynistic and wrong.

Women internalize the misogyny and are often unaware of their own bodies, unable to explore their own sexuality through masturbation, unable to get educated about sex through media that is created and widely distributed for men.... they feel hesitation and anxiety and stress when they feel attraction and they feel shame when they want to explore their sexuality.

All of these factors lead to women not having pleasure or having a mental block to their own pleasure in the bedroom.

I am a service dominant, which means, I am there to serve and please you, but, I am also fully in control. I'm gentle, but I may restrain you or put you in certain positions and make decisions and control the narrative of the sexual experience. Basically, I improvise a new sexual adventure every time we make love, and I'm the writer, and my lady partner is the person who is experiencing the story in first person perspective.

It's happening to her, she is along for the ride.

She need only relax and enjoy it.

One aspect that helps her enjoy it is that, playfully, not seriously, she has no choice. She's being restrained or put in a position where she just accepts the tongue in her pussy, the lips on her neck, chest, breasts, nipples, clitoris..... the fingers inside her pussy.... the cock penetrating that pussy afterward.

She can get past the anxiety and shame and experience hours of pleasure meant just for her to enjoy.

She is the focus of attention, my attention. She is getting her body made into the object of attention and desire and pleasure, and she is experiencing all of her desires being satisfied.

And she need not experience any shame, because after all, this sexual behavior is being done TO her, by someone who is (pretending to) take away her choice and her agency. So, she doesn't have to feel shame, it wasn't her idea to be bent over the bed and taken hard from behind, and if it feels good, it's not her fault.

Now..... if I didn't have experience with women experiencing a lot of sexual pleasure from this, and relief at having the responsibility for sex taken away, I'd think this entire endeavor is kinda fucked up.

I wish we lived in a society where women were treated more equally and sexual activity didn't become a form of therapy, to overcome the trauma she's endured all her life, the gaslighting, the sexism.

I'm so sorry she went through that.

All I can do now is treat her with loving kindness and gentleness and passion and honor her and make all her dreams and pleasures come true.

All I can do now is tie her wrists down and fuck her pussy with my tongue until she cums all over my face and squeezes the sides of my head with her thighs like she's trying to suffocate me.

All I can do now is stroke her g spot with my fingers until she cums really hard all over my fingers and grips them tight with her pussy until I can't even feel my fingers anymore, and they get really sore.

I bet that felt good, for your vagina to cum that hard and show off how strong those muscles really are. Fuck that's tight. Wow. That always turns me on, is feeling women gripping my fingers with a death grip after they cum on those fingers. That's amazing. How did those muscles get so strong? It's also very hot.

Look, if the best way for her to get off on ordinary penis in vagina sex, is to feel as if she is being taken, forced, tied down, bent over, and just pounded like a wild animal, and all she can do is surrender to it.... but she gets a lot of pleasure from that?

Okay.

If she likes it that much, I'm in.

I.... don't even really have any innate desire to dominate a woman. I want to serve her.

In too many examples in my life, I've stumbled into women wanting to be held down, restrained, bent over, taken forcibly, spanked hard, fucked hard.... if that's really and truly what you want, I'm here.

I can give you what you want.

Your pleasure is my pleasure.

But I wanna know why do guys like to do it and what’s your favorite way to do it?

I actually found that I get very very aroused from erotic spanking, licking a woman's pussy or ass while she is face down, ass up, before, or after that spanking, and just taking her while she is in that position and claiming that pussy as my own.

She likes it as much as I do and I experience a little bit of primal need to want to dominate her and make her mine in the sexual sense.

I am actually shocked that comes out of me. It's an animal instinct that I don't understand, I just surrender to if that's what she also wants from me.

Please note, I may want to dress or live as a woman but I'm still biologically male, functional that way, and I am attracted to women only for romance and long term sexual relationships.

So.... I hope I meet all the "guy" qualifications. I am a dominant in the bedroom and I do have a penis and I do like to have that relationship with women.

Note, not all women have these desires and for those who don't, I can have no power dynamic, switch, or be submissive a little bit. I'm flexible.

It's not a need to dominate from me, it's more like.... this is what many women want and I am able to give it to them. Whatever you want.

I've recently gotten interested in good girl praise kink.

That's right, baby. Take that cock. You're such a good girl for doing everything I asked of you. Let me show you how I reward good girls in my bed, starting with your pussy.... I think she wants to be licked and fucked with a tongue.... and since you're already bent over and spread apart for me, baby, I will show my good girl some love.

Things like that.

I actually was nervous to have pillow talk in the bedroom but, praising my good girl feels nice, actually. It depends on how she wants to be spoken to. Whatever she wants me to say, I will.

 

[ChloeOfCascadia]

I think they like the power and control they get from dominating someone

It's funny, I actually don't, I'm dead certain my partner loves that someone else is using the power and control to give her pleasure.

That's been just my experience and I can only speak for me.

But no, I don't get off on the power fantasy. I even thought I was the submissive one, until I learned the definitions better. I thought that pleasing and serving would always be a submissive act, but no.... I'm technically the one in control and I'm almost never the one giving up control, and I'm the active one, and I'm usually doing something to my lady that she wants.

So....

I may be doing things she likes and what she wants, but I'm the one driving. She's the one who told me the destination to drive her to.

She wants to go to the amusement park, I'm the one chauffeuring her there and paying the entry ticket and escorting her around the park and going on the rides with her.

I feel these are all loving acts of service, but yeah, I was the one driving.

So, after some education, I realized okay, I am dominant.

So I lean in to that role for the women who want to feel dominated.

Whatever makes them happy.

I'm happiest watching them cum on my face, that makes ME happy. Whatever gets us to that part of the evening, and keeps her happy, I'm in for.

If that happened by being submissive I might go along with that, I just find that women in general, in my own experiences, want a more active partner in control.

That's okay. It's not for everyone.

And there's no shame in it on either person. I'm here to make her feel good, she's there to feel good with me.

We're just having ordinary lovemaking in my opinion. Nothing to be ashamed of, most other adult humans that have ever lived do this stuff.

No shame. Shame not allowed.

 

[AlexAtNight]

It's funny, I actually don't, I'm dead certain my partner loves that someone else is using the power and control to give her pleasure.

That's been just my experience and I can only speak for me.

But no, I don't get off on the power fantasy. I even thought I was the submissive one, until I learned the definitions better. I thought that pleasing and serving would always be a submissive act, but no.... I'm technically the one in control and I'm almost never the one giving up control, and I'm the active one, and I'm usually doing something to my lady that she wants.

So....

I may be doing things she likes and what she wants, but I'm the one driving. She's the one who told me the destination to drive her to.

She wants to go to the amusement park, I'm the one chauffeuring her there and paying the entry ticket and escorting her around the park and going on the rides with her.

I feel these are all loving acts of service, but yeah, I was the one driving.

So, after some education, I realized okay, I am dominant.

So I lean in to that role for the women who want to feel dominated.

Whatever makes them happy.

I'm happiest watching them cum on my face, that makes ME happy. Whatever gets us to that part of the evening, and keeps her happy, I'm in for.

If that happened by being submissive I might go along with that, I just find that women in general, in my own experiences, want a more active partner in control.

That's okay. It's not for everyone.

And there's no shame in it on either person. I'm here to make her feel good, she's there to feel good with me.

We're just having ordinary lovemaking in my opinion. Nothing to be ashamed of, most other adult humans that have ever lived do this stuff.

No shame. Shame not allowed.

I tend towards "service top," my self. Like a genie with riding crop. Very, "you wished to be frightened and I was terrifying" kind of vibes. Amd I agree with you on real shame, though one of my kinks is being shamed when I am the sub, but thats the wholesome, fun kind of play shame

 

[Ash999]

I love the idea of a guy prior consensually taking me unexpectedly and using me for their pleasure I think it takes away the overthinking aspect ( which I do a lot) and gives me more pleasure since I’m not in my head . But I wanna know why do guys like to do it and what’s your favorite way to do it?

Dunno' about other guys but I like to spank and dominate those 2 nether globes called the Gluteous Maximus......
https://ibb.co/ks2V9j7w

 

[mellowyellows]

Some of us….it is a part of our nature.

 

[J D Danger]

when I first started exploring BDSM. I thought I would be a submissive...it just seemed to fit me more..but I was wrong...

I can't really explain...but I need to be in control it is almost like a craving

 

[Zeus_10]

Personally feel its a power thing, taking control and basically doing what ever you want, within set boundaries of course. I can think of nothing more erotic than having a female at your disposal. Saying that there are I'm sure plenty of females that love the idea of being taken and dominated, however society frowns upon this and they unfortunately keep this hidden away, but I may be wrong?
Of course think it is also in the DNA of male to dominate. Go back in time to the cave men, from which we are all descended. They went around clubbing the females and dragging them away. Obviously social restraints say otherwise now days, but the instinct is still there.

 

[average_red]

I haven't actually done anything bdsm, yet, except for more "primal" sex back in the day, but for me, the part that is uniquely attractive is the potential to not have to hold myself back. To be in a relationship where I can just do it, and she knows to use a safeword when I go to far? You mean that I don't have to keep censoring what I say and do? I don't have to curate my appearance, tone, and posture to not seem too demanding and threatening?

So I think that for men:

1) the primary male desire to provide, not just financially but in life, to show you experiences, to do for you things that no one else has ever done... to display skills and competence. Is taken to extreme, even in the s&m he gets to display physical power, a sort of shadow play for physical ability to provide protection. That's vanilla dating in a nutshell, he provides not only financially but provides entertainment, experience and leadership in choosing.

2) As a man in society you have to hold yourself back, not stand too intimidatingly, always mind your physical movements because other people are not as strong as you, and you can hurt them accidentally, don't say anything too smart or mean because you might hurt someone's feelings... Honestly, that's what I miss about getting into fights across south america and africa, for a little while I didn't have to worry about anything, I could just DO. But I might not represent most American men, I've been sorely disappointed in the quality and nature of fights here. /shrug


I think that is ultimately why the dynamic is so frequently gendered. As a man I want to just DO, I want to do the thing well, but I want to do it. I want to show what I can provide. Women tend to want to just BE, be loved, cared for, important, but mostly be the center of attention. Even if she IS just a worthless whore, she is HIS worthless whore and she is who he is paying attention to right now, it's just something that she IS.

That seems to be the difference between the voice I am running from, and the voice subs are running from. Subs nasty voice seems to keep asking what they should be doing, my nasty voice keeps telling me what not to do.

 

[Ash999]

The desire you spank a well rounded Female Bottom must surely reside in the core of every Red Blooded male......!!?
https://ibb.co/Q2nT6yq
https://ibb.co/C5kwJRrm

 

[lily_wall_]

I think its nature. Some are guys, some are men. Guys have sex with me, men take me.

They went around clubbing the females and dragging them away

I always wonder how do we know what cavemen did? Its not like they left us notes described their dating life in detail. I doubt it ever happened

but mostly be the center of attention. Even if she IS just a worthless whore, she is HIS worthless whore and she is who he is paying attention to right now, it's just something that she IS

You described me except one word. Replace "attention" with "pleasure". I want to be center of HIS pleasure.

 

[stxjimmy]

I think its nature. Some are guys, some are men. Guys have sex with me, men take me.

I always wonder how do we know what cavemen did? Its not like they left us notes described their dating life in detail. I doubt it ever happened

You described me except one word. Replace "attention" with "pleasure". I want to be center of HIS pleasure.

So correct.

 

[average_red]

I think its nature. Some are guys, some are men. Guys have sex with me, men take me.

I always wonder how do we know what cavemen did? Its not like they left us notes described their dating life in detail. I doubt it ever happened

You described me except one word. Replace "attention" with "pleasure". I want to be center of HIS pleasure.

Honestly I think that cavemen were wiped out because they were not violent enough to other humanoids. the bush people of africa seem to have had a similar problem. near as we can tell they got driven to worse and worse lands until they found a land no one else could survive because they refused to fight... but that's an argument for other forums.


Fair point about attention/pleasure. Not only have I never been a sub, nor a woman, I would not even be able to tell the difference from my perspective. That definitely captures the situation better.

 

[pilotguy123]

for me its not so much me taking control. its her giving it up. My partner likes to hand over control to me, let me make the decisions, tell her what her actions are. and i am happy to oblige

 

[P0peye]

I think that it's wired into our genetic programming going back to whatever we evolved from. The survival of the species requires that we reproduce and although reproduction is probably the farthest thing on our minds at the moment we're engaged in the act, the male of the species instinctively needs to spread his seed in as many females as possible, regardless of what the female wants.

 

[SirCharles01]

I think they like the power and control they get from dominating someone

No ... I see it as an expression of the heart, seeing her as she truly is and her submissive desires that I want to fulfill.

 

[mousberry]

No ... I see it as an expression of love, seeing her as she truly is and her submissive desires that I want to fulfill.

gross

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

I love the idea of a guy prior consensually taking me unexpectedly and using me for their pleasure I think it takes away the overthinking aspect ( which I do a lot) and gives me more pleasure since I’m not in my head . But I wanna know why do guys like to do it and what’s your favorite way to do it?

I want to remove all of her hang-ups about accepting sexual pleasure imposed on her by society.

No more slut shaming. It's not her doing something wrong to have consensual sex with a man. This has been happening for countless generations. Women used to be passed around the tribe and filled with cum by every virile man, because that's how the tribe became powerful.

Women in the modern age have rights and deserve respect and they should not be taken without consent, but, if they wish to be taken and dominated by a man, and cummed in, that's perfectly healthy and normal behavior and I wish to volunteer as a respectful, sane partner for that activity.

My favorite ways of doing it include missionary style, holding her knees back, leaning down, giving her kisses as I cum inside her, staring her deep in the eyes during sex, not breaking eye contact, doggy style, face down ass up, bent over a bed or chair.

I can give it to her when she's prone and spreads her legs.

I can also do cowgirl and having her queen me and face sit, but, I feel more in control of her pleasure in other positions.

It's not because I want control, I want her to cum. If she allows me to help her rather than lay me down and force me to be passive, I will guarantee she will cum faster that way.

But it's not because of some male ego thing. Feel free to sit on my face. I'll lick you until we're both exhausted.

 

[UtilityCurve]

..I love the idea of a guy prior consensually taking me unexpectedly and using me for their pleasure I think it takes away the overthinking aspect ( which I do a lot) and gives me more pleasure since I’m not in my head . But I wanna know why do guys like to do it and what’s your favorite way to do it?

Nature abhors a vacuum, right? Dominance, as you have discovered, is the corollary to submission.

Now whether female submissiveness is hardwired, learned or simply socialized into girls/women it clearly is the experience most of us have, almost all of the time. Dominance fills that empty space. Dominance and submissiveness are symbiotic. But what's key for me is that if a woman wants to try her hand at dominance, I'm all for it: I'll submit. One of my fondest memories is of my late wife presenting me with a ball spreader and telling me she wanted to use it. Now.

 

[jerryb1966]

When I dominate someone and they have submitted to me, it makes both of us feel good. I will say for me it is somewhat a control thing for me that turns me on. However, a woman’s submission to me is a gift and something I don’t take lightly. That gift that is given can be taken away at any minute by that woman and I have a responsibility to respect her limits and boundaries. Because of that I always try to reward her with pleasure for her gift of submission.

 

[PleasureDaddy]

In terms of sexually it feels very natural. I am lucky I dated two very adventurous women when younger and they asked me for aggressive sex and it changed my whole style.