Hmm
in real life it often is over unsaid things that need to be talked about, like kids, where to live,etc (there was a great article I read that talked about 'millenial divorce", where millenials move in together without getting married and often end up breaking up. Reason? Like with marriages, they don't talk about what they want out of the relationship before moving in.
Some ideas:
1)Her or his family dominates their lives (lived through this one, on both sides of our family *gag*). he is a mamas boy, or his family doesn't think she is good enough (or vice versa) and their partner doesn't defend them.
2)Her or his family has the dynamic where they think it is good fun to put people down, not just themselves, but someone 'coming into the family'
3)The family (his or hers) treats a spouse, not as family, but as someone who is like a pet or something in terms of how they view them and treat them.
4)Hidden resentments that under the pressure of upcoming marriage explode. I know it seems trivial, but these can be big. So she resents that he spends so much time with his old buddies or his family, going golfing, etc, feels like he abandons her on the weekends. Or he feels like her career means more to her then him, she is working long hours (like for example, an associate at a law firm), is always talking about her making partner) and he feels neglected. Not so much she is working the long hours, but in the time they have together all she talks about is her job and the stress of it, and how much she is looking forward to being a partner...and there is basically nothing about him, it is all focused on that. (could be the other way, too). Among other things, makes the partner think that with all the attention on their partners careeer that they couldn't think too much of their or them, if the job means that much to them.
5)If you want to make it more modern, make it a same sex couple, where one of them might be in a different place (for example, a bi woman where this might have been her first true relationship, partnered with someone who sees herself as totally gay, ids that way). Could be strains on both sides, the bi woman seeing that being a same sex couple getting married has a different dynamic then a straight couple, worries about how she will be perceived by society, worried about being treated differently. It is unrealistic even now, to think that being a same sex married couple is the same as being a straight one, the dynamics are different. To make real conflict have it where the gay spouse to be can't understand why her fiancee cares what other people think or why it bothers her, and wonders if her fiancee can stay in a same sex marriage if she worries so much about that or if she is ashamed of getting married to another woman, if the bi partner doesn't regret not getting married to a man. It could come out in a variety of ways, like when the bi woman's family throws an engagement party for them and some of the family members make comments that are intentionally or uninitentionally cruel and the bi woman kind of distances herself from her fiancee during the party and after or defends them, or gets depressed and withdrawn.
Or they go to parties and events with friends of the gay partner to be, and she feels kind of ignored or left out because she isn't quite as into being part of the 'queer community', and feels like she is kind of treated with suspicion or is treated like a guest of a guest who was invited, that it was really the gay woman who was invited and she was just there, or even hostility that she is too 'het normantive' or whatever, and the bi woman's fiancee dismisses it or worse, tells her she isn't trying to 'fit in' (why the hell should anyone have to be anyone but themselves?).
Things like this do happen, and in coming together they both have to realize they are no longer going to be an individual only and they need to understand and connect with their partner,just just love or sex but in sharing fears and concerns and working as a team to make them better, to help the other person and acknowledge them and their feelings.
The funny part is if you break down what causes couples to fall apart, the underlying dynamics, straight, gay, "WTF", are often the same just packaged differently.
What brings them back together? That is the fun part. Missing each other of course, realizing how much the other person is part of them, but then there is the need in any story how the light bulbs go off, something happens that makes them reevaluate things (romance novels tend to follow a form with this, the thing that breaks them apart, the event that opens their eyes and the sex and other things that brings them back together). The fun part is the how to me, how does a breakthrough happen, who opens their eyes, etc. And it has to be two way, it isn't just one or the other IMO, rarely is one partner a saint and the other a sinner, it is reconciliation that requires admitting there was a problem with the old relationship, making amends for the stupid things they both did, letting the other person know they understand what was wrong, and committing to changing things to make it their relationship, not "my rellationship" and "my relationship".
in real life it often is over unsaid things that need to be talked about, like kids, where to live,etc (there was a great article I read that talked about 'millenial divorce", where millenials move in together without getting married and often end up breaking up. Reason? Like with marriages, they don't talk about what they want out of the relationship before moving in.
Some ideas:
1)Her or his family dominates their lives (lived through this one, on both sides of our family *gag*). he is a mamas boy, or his family doesn't think she is good enough (or vice versa) and their partner doesn't defend them.
2)Her or his family has the dynamic where they think it is good fun to put people down, not just themselves, but someone 'coming into the family'
3)The family (his or hers) treats a spouse, not as family, but as someone who is like a pet or something in terms of how they view them and treat them.
4)Hidden resentments that under the pressure of upcoming marriage explode. I know it seems trivial, but these can be big. So she resents that he spends so much time with his old buddies or his family, going golfing, etc, feels like he abandons her on the weekends. Or he feels like her career means more to her then him, she is working long hours (like for example, an associate at a law firm), is always talking about her making partner) and he feels neglected. Not so much she is working the long hours, but in the time they have together all she talks about is her job and the stress of it, and how much she is looking forward to being a partner...and there is basically nothing about him, it is all focused on that. (could be the other way, too). Among other things, makes the partner think that with all the attention on their partners careeer that they couldn't think too much of their or them, if the job means that much to them.
5)If you want to make it more modern, make it a same sex couple, where one of them might be in a different place (for example, a bi woman where this might have been her first true relationship, partnered with someone who sees herself as totally gay, ids that way). Could be strains on both sides, the bi woman seeing that being a same sex couple getting married has a different dynamic then a straight couple, worries about how she will be perceived by society, worried about being treated differently. It is unrealistic even now, to think that being a same sex married couple is the same as being a straight one, the dynamics are different. To make real conflict have it where the gay spouse to be can't understand why her fiancee cares what other people think or why it bothers her, and wonders if her fiancee can stay in a same sex marriage if she worries so much about that or if she is ashamed of getting married to another woman, if the bi partner doesn't regret not getting married to a man. It could come out in a variety of ways, like when the bi woman's family throws an engagement party for them and some of the family members make comments that are intentionally or uninitentionally cruel and the bi woman kind of distances herself from her fiancee during the party and after or defends them, or gets depressed and withdrawn.
Or they go to parties and events with friends of the gay partner to be, and she feels kind of ignored or left out because she isn't quite as into being part of the 'queer community', and feels like she is kind of treated with suspicion or is treated like a guest of a guest who was invited, that it was really the gay woman who was invited and she was just there, or even hostility that she is too 'het normantive' or whatever, and the bi woman's fiancee dismisses it or worse, tells her she isn't trying to 'fit in' (why the hell should anyone have to be anyone but themselves?).
Things like this do happen, and in coming together they both have to realize they are no longer going to be an individual only and they need to understand and connect with their partner,just just love or sex but in sharing fears and concerns and working as a team to make them better, to help the other person and acknowledge them and their feelings.
The funny part is if you break down what causes couples to fall apart, the underlying dynamics, straight, gay, "WTF", are often the same just packaged differently.
What brings them back together? That is the fun part. Missing each other of course, realizing how much the other person is part of them, but then there is the need in any story how the light bulbs go off, something happens that makes them reevaluate things (romance novels tend to follow a form with this, the thing that breaks them apart, the event that opens their eyes and the sex and other things that brings them back together). The fun part is the how to me, how does a breakthrough happen, who opens their eyes, etc. And it has to be two way, it isn't just one or the other IMO, rarely is one partner a saint and the other a sinner, it is reconciliation that requires admitting there was a problem with the old relationship, making amends for the stupid things they both did, letting the other person know they understand what was wrong, and committing to changing things to make it their relationship, not "my rellationship" and "my relationship".
