i have never been able to have a clitoral orgasm with a partner, i have tried every which way to achieve this including just using a vibrator on myself in front of them but just can't get there! I have no problem orgasming on my own (although can take a long time - 30+ mins) I have tried to research this problem but all the answers seem to be around the cause of not being relaxed enough around your partner or being sexually repressed in some way, neither of which is true. I have been with my current partner over 10 years and regularly have gushing g-spot orgasms with him and i'm willing to try anything really. Several years ago I stopped trying for clitoral orgasms and I still enjoy sex very much and have a very active sex life. I guess i thought that if i just stopped thinking about it then it would happen one day, but that just hasn't happened. I also thought that many woman had trouble orgasming but i confessed on a recent drunken girls night and all my friends were horrified! they all said they have an orgasm every time they have sex (although most said they dont have sex very often with their husbands) which has made me feel like a freak and that i need to find a solution.....
Why can't I reach orgasm with a partner?
- Thread starter misskatuk
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Aphro
Femme du monde
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I'm confused. If you are having regular "gushing gspot orgasms" with your partner, then where is the problem? You are cumming with him...does it really matter what type of orgasm it is?
You are enjoying sex and having orgasms, personally I would not overthink it. All orgasms are good orgasms. I thought the gspot ones were the gold standard, so to speak. If you are already there, you (and he) must be doing something right.
You are enjoying sex and having orgasms, personally I would not overthink it. All orgasms are good orgasms. I thought the gspot ones were the gold standard, so to speak. If you are already there, you (and he) must be doing something right.
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GrrlFriday
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Firstly - you're not a freak. Your friends may just be statistically 'lucky' - I'm sure that if you asked more women, you'd get a more representative sample of what's going on.
Lots of women can only orgasm in one specific way (humping a pillow, etc.), because that's the way they've learned how to orgasm. Each time you orgasm, you create a 'pathway to pleasure' from your brain to your body and your body to your brain.
If, the next time you self-pleasure, you can hit upon the same pathway in your brain-body connection, it's a bit easier to follow that than for your body and brain to make a new connection - making the original pathway deeper and even easier to follow.
This is going to sound terribly rude, but I can't help but wonder if the presence of your partner keys your body into trying to follow the 'g-spot orgasm' path, rather than the clitoral path. Have you tried masturbating in front of him as if you're alone? (or masturbating with him on the other end of the telephone... etc.)
Now, I know this is going to sound terribly spambotty, but one resource I always recommend is the-clitoris.com - it has a very detailed female anatomy section (better than an undergrad general anatomy textbook), and different masturbation techniques which I think you might find helpful. It doesn't exclusively focus on inhibition/repression, but discusses orgasm as something that can be discovered and learned. I know I've found that idea frustrating and difficult, ('oh, you can't orgasm? go learn how!') but eventually I started seeing small gains, and the idea became more liberating and empowering for me.
Perhaps you might like to try a slight variation on your 'normal' technique, and see if you can branch out the pathway? Or even try something completely different, and see if you can create a new pathway.
Best of luck!
Your friends may just be statistically 'lucky' - I'm sure that if you asked more women, you'd get a more representative sample of what's going on.Lots of women can only orgasm in one specific way (humping a pillow, etc.), because that's the way they've learned how to orgasm. Each time you orgasm, you create a 'pathway to pleasure' from your brain to your body and your body to your brain.
If, the next time you self-pleasure, you can hit upon the same pathway in your brain-body connection, it's a bit easier to follow that than for your body and brain to make a new connection - making the original pathway deeper and even easier to follow.
This is going to sound terribly rude, but I can't help but wonder if the presence of your partner keys your body into trying to follow the 'g-spot orgasm' path, rather than the clitoral path. Have you tried masturbating in front of him as if you're alone? (or masturbating with him on the other end of the telephone... etc.)
Now, I know this is going to sound terribly spambotty, but one resource I always recommend is the-clitoris.com - it has a very detailed female anatomy section (better than an undergrad general anatomy textbook), and different masturbation techniques which I think you might find helpful. It doesn't exclusively focus on inhibition/repression, but discusses orgasm as something that can be discovered and learned. I know I've found that idea frustrating and difficult, ('oh, you can't orgasm? go learn how!') but eventually I started seeing small gains, and the idea became more liberating and empowering for me.
Perhaps you might like to try a slight variation on your 'normal' technique, and see if you can branch out the pathway? Or even try something completely different, and see if you can create a new pathway.
Best of luck!
This forum is full of women asking about the the g-spot orgasm - so how is that fair when they can probably orgasm clitoraly?! Plus personally I like the clitoral one better!
Thanks GrrlFriday I will check that site out....
J
JAMESBJOHNSON
Guest
The g-spot is an extension of the clitoral nerves. Normally distributed, 2% of females will have intense g-spot orgasms, 2 % wont experience much at all, and the other 96% will feel more or less.
Aphro
Femme du monde
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It's just no one should ever feel like a "freak" when it comes to their orgasmic ability, or feel like because they can only do it one way but not the other, they need to find a "solution", that's all I am saying. It seems like you are stressing yourself out because you are not having the "right" kind of orgasm with your guy. I'd say the same if it were the other way around...and you couldn't have a gspot orgasm.
I personally don't have a totally clitoral orgasm with my husband. I have some mind blowingly amazing orgasms, but none are purely clitoral. A combo, yes, probably, but only clitoral, no. Luckily, this has never made me feel broken, or that I needed to fix myself somehow.
Sorry if you took offense to my post, I just didn't want you to feel like you were somehow not doing something right.
I agree with the others. You say you're having regular gushing g-spot orgasms and you aren't happy? In the minds of many, you've found the Holy Grail of Orgasms. I'm sure your partner is happy. Have there been any negative comments? If I had someone who had regular gushing sopping soaking orgasms with me......I'd kiss the ground she walked on. Do you not find the orgasms you have satisfying? If you do, stop looking for problems.
fire_breeze
Softly Seductive
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Many women, even those asking for advice about g-asms, do not always have clitoral orgasms with their partners every single time.
You mentioned in your previous post that it takes you over 30 minutes to reach c-gasms; you cannot expect that during sex with your partner that it will take less time. It might take more.
I suggest playing in bed, doing what you do to reach a clitoral orgasm when you masturbate with your partner, although I would also strongly suggest to just enjoy. You are most certainly not deficient or a freak or this needs to be fixed. It is who you are. Some women, for example, cannot have g-gasms. YKMV :shrugs:
And another point: you said, again in your previous posts, that during a drunken girls-night out, that all of your friends said that they orgasm every single time they have sex. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. However, it has raised an eyebrow... every single time? It's a bit hard to swallow.
No pun intended.
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GrrlFriday
Guest
If the OP could orgasm with her clit, but not her g-spot, and felt like a freak for that, would we be giving her the same advice - 'why can't you be content that you can cum with your clit'?
We wouldn't - we'd be pointing her to the 11 year old, over 3000 post, Try This thread, and encouraging her to read the whole thing, try it all out, and not to give up. Why is a gushing g-spot orgasm the solution (or the implied better 'second prize') to not being able to orgasm clitorally?
We wouldn't - we'd be pointing her to the 11 year old, over 3000 post, Try This thread, and encouraging her to read the whole thing, try it all out, and not to give up. Why is a gushing g-spot orgasm the solution (or the implied better 'second prize') to not being able to orgasm clitorally?
SquirtnBrat
Gregarious Brunette
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Pathway-Brain-Body-Connection
I'm in the same boat, misskatuk. Except I have clitOs rarely deep g-spot/squirt Os with my partner. But while reading grrl's reply made me think maybe there is something to the pathway-connection. In my case, a female taught me to gush so it wouldn't make sence for a male to get the same reaction... right?
I feel your pain, it can be highly frustrating not cummin the way you know you can! Going to check out that site another mentioned!
I'm in the same boat, misskatuk. Except I have clitOs rarely deep g-spot/squirt Os with my partner. But while reading grrl's reply made me think maybe there is something to the pathway-connection. In my case, a female taught me to gush so it wouldn't make sence for a male to get the same reaction... right?
I feel your pain, it can be highly frustrating not cummin the way you know you can! Going to check out that site another mentioned!
G
GrrlFriday
Guest
Possibly, possibly not, SquirtnBrat - the 'pathway', as I understand it, is more to do with my body's arousal response than the exact unfolding of a sexual encounter.
I have this same problem, except I can't achieve a clitoral orgasm at all anymore even when masturbating alone. Best I can get is close then I gush so it feels like a g spot orgasm with added clitoral stimulation. I have been wondering about the gushing though, as over the years it has increased in intensity and volume at the same time as the pleasure from clitoral stimulation has decreased; perhaps the two are linked in more ways than we know (wouldn't surprise me with the lack of research into female anatomy). It's taken about 7 years to get to this point and I sadly have no answers as to what could be done to help.
You have my sympathies misskatuk, and you are most definitely not alone.
You have my sympathies misskatuk, and you are most definitely not alone.
