Why Can't He Cum?

[JennX]

My boyfriend has been having issues finishing lately and I wonder if anyone has any suggestions. He has no issue getting an erection and can maintain it for a long time. But, lately he has been unable to climax after our marathon sessions and I can't help but feel frustrated for us both.

He says it is something he has had issues with his whole life and he has just learned to deal with it. We don't talk about it much and I try to act as if it's no big deal. I tend to think one possibility is that he spends so much time and effort trying to please me, that he goes past his point and then can't get it back.

Anyone have suggestions or advice?

 

[Cathleen]

Can he ejaculate if he masturbates? How often are you having sex? Has he ever seen a doctor about it? How old is he? When was the last time he was able to do so? ......

Maybe you should shorten your sessions or have him climax then rest/recover before more.

Talking about it is important -- outside the bedroom on this issue IMHO.

 

[Acktion]

I can think of a few possible reasons off the top of my head.

First, he really should think about discussing it with his doctor during a check-up if he hasn't already. He probably won't think of it if it's something that has been going on awhile. However, an inability to ejaculate can be symptom of something pretty serious going on. Not saying it is, necessarily, but I would suggest ruling out health factors.

Here's the thing. While women have all the eggs they ever will at menarche, men are constantly creating semen and only a very small part of that "money shot" will be sperm. Hydration is a major issue for men and it can affect the amount of ejaculate produced. Sugar also is a major thing, but the right kinds of sugars. (NERD ALERT) Here's a list of what is found in Semen;
fructose
ascorbic acid
zinc
cholesterol
protein
calcium
chlorine
blood group antigens
citric acid
DNA
Magnesium
vitamin B12
phosphorus
sodium
potassium
uric acid
lactic acid
nitrogen
other nutrients (less than .01% each)

What you probably don't want to do is make him feel odd or freakish or defensive. I'm sure you are already aware of that as you indicate you don't discuss it and pretend it is no big deal. However, I would suggest that you are aware that it is at least a sign for some concern as you thought enough of it to post here and should find ways to talk with him about it. Preferably without any comparisons to other men or making accusations of any sort.

While you do have a valid point that it is possible that he is getting so wrapped up in holding off to give you pleasure, I'm not sure it is possible for all these chemicals to be released in "precum" leaving nothing for the "big finish". It may be, but I couldn't say either way with any certainty.

Something you may want to think about is that it is a fairly common trick for a guy to relieve themselves prior to lying with their chosen partner specifically to keep from "popping off". It may be that he is doing this and his refractory period is too long to be able to produce enough volume of semen to be visible.

I am reasonably certain that it is not because he does not find you attractive as typically that would result in not being able to attain an erection rather than failure to ejaculate while maintaining one. I apologize if I've read too much into your OP, but wanted to reassure you in case you might be having thoughts along those lines.

 

[fma20fma]

I can think of a few possible reasons off the top of my head.

First, he really should think about discussing it with his doctor during a check-up if he hasn't already. He probably won't think of it if it's something that has been going on awhile. However, an inability to ejaculate can be symptom of something pretty serious going on. Not saying it is, necessarily, but I would suggest ruling out health factors.

Here's the thing. While women have all the eggs they ever will at menarche, men are constantly creating semen and only a very small part of that "money shot" will be sperm. Hydration is a major issue for men and it can affect the amount of ejaculate produced. Sugar also is a major thing, but the right kinds of sugars. (NERD ALERT) Here's a list of what is found in Semen;
fructose
ascorbic acid
zinc
cholesterol
protein
calcium
chlorine
blood group antigens
citric acid
DNA
Magnesium
vitamin B12
phosphorus
sodium
potassium
uric acid
lactic acid
nitrogen
other nutrients (less than .01% each)

What you probably don't want to do is make him feel odd or freakish or defensive. I'm sure you are already aware of that as you indicate you don't discuss it and pretend it is no big deal. However, I would suggest that you are aware that it is at least a sign for some concern as you thought enough of it to post here and should find ways to talk with him about it. Preferably without any comparisons to other men or making accusations of any sort.

While you do have a valid point that it is possible that he is getting so wrapped up in holding off to give you pleasure, I'm not sure it is possible for all these chemicals to be released in "precum" leaving nothing for the "big finish". It may be, but I couldn't say either way with any certainty.

Something you may want to think about is that it is a fairly common trick for a guy to relieve themselves prior to lying with their chosen partner specifically to keep from "popping off". It may be that he is doing this and his refractory period is too long to be able to produce enough volume of semen to be visible.

I am reasonably certain that it is not because he does not find you attractive as typically that would result in not being able to attain an erection rather than failure to ejaculate while maintaining one. I apologize if I've read too much into your OP, but wanted to reassure you in case you might be having thoughts along those lines.

wow.i didnt know all that.thanks.no wonder my friend always swallows it out of her bf.I thought it was disgusting till now.

 

[Que]

consider idiosyncratic masturbatory practices may be having an impact.

If he is used to getting off that way his body is looking for that, and its hard to get off through sex or oral...

Medications are possible too. SSRIs (Select Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) Prozack, Paxil, etc can cause anorgasmic conditions.

 

[silverwhisper]

some guys are simply less sensitive in that area, unfortunately. it means they can go for hours & hours. unfortunately, it also means that they can go for hours & hours...

but it's also possible he simply can't let go enough to orgasm.

i don't know how long you two have been together but if this is a long-term relationship, it can't hurt to suggest he seek professional medical advice. he's gotta know he's unusual, but he doesn't have to simply accept it.

ed

 

[JennX]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and educated replies! There is so much good information here.

Ironically, right after this HE initiated a conversation about this issue. He admitted he's frustrated and (thankfully) promised it wasn't me. We decided the problem lies in him delaying his urge to climax for so long that he eventually loses it altogether. He claims he hates being selfish and wants to please ME more than himself.

I assured him that by allowing himself to relax and RECEIVE as well as give he is actually GIVING to me without realizing it! I revel in HIS pleasure, too.

So I told him the next time we were together I wanted him to do nothing but sit and allow me to work him to orgasm. It would be all about his pleasure. Well, he complied and it was amazing for us BOTH!

Thanks again for all the advice!!

 

[Cathleen]

That is fantastic Jenn -- woohoo.

We can forget about the symbiotic relationship of giving and receiving. You can't have one without the other and sometimes giving pleasure is such a high and brings us such pleasure it can mess with us. I'm thrilled things are moving in the right direction for you guys.

 

[silverwhisper]

jenn, that's completely awesome & it's great to know it was about how he was approaching it, rather than a medical issue!

it's always nice to know how an issue unfolded. that's great for both of you!

ed

 

[Rapts]

It is not unusual. I would try extended forplay, like watching or reading something that adds excitement or toy games so when you have intercourse he is super arrosed already. Also mutual masterbation also works after a period. I cum listening to my partner come next to me. Believe me, it is not you, and he knows so don't bring it up during intermit times as this is a turn off. Ask him his real turn on spots and what he likes. Communication about how hard and soft some areas you touch makes a big difference. Have fun!

 

[Cumference]

I too think, that he cares too much about you, and forgets himself.

Have you considered a light bondage?
It will make it impossible for him, to do anything but receiving.
( and relieve him of "responsibility")

 

[Cumference]

......

So I told him the next time we were together I wanted him to do nothing but sit and allow me to work him to orgasm. It would be all about his pleasure. Well, he complied and it was amazing for us BOTH!

Thanks again for all the advice!!

Oh, I see that you basically did allready.

Congrats, over and out.

 

[Que]

This was one of those great little success stories around here.

I am sure this must come up a lot. It seems rare that advice worked as quickly as it did here on what can be a very troubling problem for a couple.

 

[Que]

I had hoped that the OP would be back again.

I know this can be a problem for me at times...Girls do NOT find it flattering.

 

[Daisy_Hols]

i think it happens to all guys at some point, better this way than them cumming too fast!