Why Caddlebear? Why?!

[Morrigu]

Just popping in to read, giggle and drop off Huggles

 

[Essa]

Oh yes! We can call it a Proddage fee..... That's a super brilliant idea! We can even offer them prizes.... We don't actually have to give them prizes, but they play better when they think they can win something! *Nods*

Yay! I knew you'd believe me! *Wanders around all innocent and Caddlebearily* That vodka deprivation torture must truly be effective, if you used it so many times! But.... Why do I get the feeling that you might've just used it so you didn't have to share vodka with the pirates? It couldn't be that though, right?

Ezacly! I got you the absolute biggest medal you could possibly have, while still being able to drink vodka with it on.... I also made it illegal for anyone to wear a medal that's more than half the size of your medal, so it looks even bigger compared to all other medals! Then everyone will know how brave and stuff you are! *Nodses* Oh, I never knew your words were so pure and innocent..... But are you sure you should let those beady eyes look at them? They look awfully shifty.... Maybe you could use your own eyes? They're just as innocent as your words!

*Laughs and huggles you back!* We might even be able to start a whole campaign, giving away free huggles! Of course, people would have to buy things first.... There's no point in just giving things away....

Or! We could turn it into a weekly magazine.... It'd get us more money than a book every few months.... Everyone would be required to subscribe to it... And then we wouldn't even need to worry about them remembering to do it.... It will work perfectly! Yay!

Hmmmmm..... I think we might actually be able to do the play without you actually having to chop yourself in half.... But! If you want to chop someone in half.... I'm sure the peasant chopping scene would be just the place to do it! For their own good, of course.... Can't have them getting too big....

Well... I'm sure I'll figure it out! *Nods* How hard can it be to guess whether or not someone will need to relieve themself? I am confident in my abilities! Yep!

But scraps are super yummy! What possible reason could I have to throw up such a divine meal? I will savour every bite of scrappy goodness! *Smiles and nods!*

When you spend all day pretending to catch fish.... It gives you loads of time to plot evil.... I have actually witnessed a group of fishing rod wielding gnomes, take down a postman.... The poor guy barely escaped with his life, but they got his letters.... That's what happens when a postman takes too long to deliver the mail, the second the sun goes down, the gnomes go crazy!

Wowses! *Is buried in your kindness!* You're just so amazingly kind! I am glad you don't let people be as kind as you.... It's very kind of you... Just imagine the accidents we'd have if everyone was so kind!

*Gets on the crane and marvels at your super kindness!* Wow! I get to try the crane first! I am so honoured..... It seems to be working! So, for the plan, I lure them up there.... You prod them, then they get struck by lightning, while some of them are attacked by the T-rex.... Then you prod them all again and they swap.... Then more prodding? I don't think I missed anything!

*Flaps wings* Okay! I'm ready to start hitting the builders with bottles! Need any help drinking the vodka? I'm really good at helping! *Nods* We'll have those builders bashed in no time!

You're right! I've never known a kid yet that made sound financial decisions.... The money is just wasted in their hands.... But we can do good things with it! Like making you even richer.... Always a good thing!

Aha! What kind of experiments will we be doing? *Gets the lab ready* Maybe we can discover stuff! That's always fun!

Yes! Ezacly! All sorts of problems happen when people get problems with their right and wrong eyes.... It's only the wrong eye that you don't need! That's why the other one is called the right eye!

They were truly heroes.... And one day people will build monuments to them.... Well, only small ones.... Because they can't be as big and fancy as yours! But there will still be monuments! You've never played pin the spear on the cyclops? That's the one where you get someone so drunk they can only see out of one eye... Then everyone takes turns poking them with a stick! Very fun! *Nods*

Hmmmmmm.... Fun without you? I can't even imagine a thing! I never have fun without you.... But I shall think on this.....

Oh! I know! Now this may sound a little odd.... But it's the absolute truth.... You see... They aren't actually having fun without you... They are celebrating your youness! They're always waiting for you to get there, to join in on the fun with them... Because they know if they don't start having fun before you get there, that you'll think it's boring and just leave.... So they want anything you happen to turn up to to be the absolute most fun thing ever! And it's because of this that they always seem to be having fun without you.... They're practicing for you *Nods* You are very special!

*Struggles to breathe and gives Essa Mountains of warm huggly huggles back!*

Good to see you again! Have a fantastic whatever it might be there!

A Proddage fee is a fandabedozie idea, how about we offer pots of fresh air as the prizes, they’ll be so thick they’ll definitely want to win some…and before you ask, no, you can’t have a pot

Hmm did I actually say I believed you? *scrolls back* I think you’ll find I actually said I’d give you the benefit of the doubt, that is no way near the same as saying I believe you. Damn, foiled again, erm, it might have had the teensiest weensiest bit to do with not sharing my vodka, but there were bigger and better reasons, I just can’t think of any yet.

Oh wow, you passed a law all on your own, hang about…without consulting me? I get the strangest feeling you’re just using me for my powers is that true? I don’t believe it!! Now you’re insulting my beady eyes, I’ll have you know they’re the best beady eyes in the whole world all seven of them.

You’re right again, how about you stand on the corner giving free huggles and when you’re huggling them pick their pockets, giving all the ill gotten gains to me?

Yay masses of squillions, what would we put in the weekly magazine though, have you got any interesting ideas that I could pretend was mine?

Aww, I quite fancied chopping myself in half, I’d love there to be two of me, just think I could drink two bottles of vodka at the same time, the peasant chopping scene I suppose would be ideal, do we have any volunteers yet?

I’m sure you will very quickly be able to figure out when I need a wee, just keep an eye on my leg and when you start to see a yellowy dribble coming down it…bingo you’ve got it

Oh dear I think I forgot to mention that the scraps would first be removed from the dogs throat, still I’m sure a small thing like that couldn’t possibly put you off .

How I would have loved to witness that, do you think next time you could video it for me and pop it along in the post? Before the sun goes down obviously, we wouldn’t want them evil gnomes knowing our business. Still if they find out I’ll just put all the blame on you.

Kind of accidents from being kind are actually unkind, you ever seen a kind person have a kinda accident… kind of unkind that.

You missed the bit where I prod you first to get everything started, you trying on purpose to spoil all my fun here?

*I see you’re drinking Red Bull with my voddy* I don’t actually need any help drinking my vodka but if you wish, once I’ve finished a bottle you can drink the last few dregs from it, I know I’m wonderfully kind, no need to thank me, bashing the builders heads in is thanks enough

Kids just buy crappy stuff, I know because it was only a couple of years ago that I was one of them crappy buying kids. If I’d only known then what I know now, I’d be even richer than I am now.

You got a lab, woohoo… but I hope there’s no cute little mice in it with three ears that’s just so cruel, now mice with four ears that would be cool

Gosh you’re so brainy, I always wondered why it was called the right eye, now I’ll never have to wonder again, I’ve just in my excitement told the cat, she wasn’t very impressed, guess she knew already *huggles the noble Caddlebear*

Yes, I’m afraid their monuments would have to be at least four feet smaller than mine, it’s the law you know. Nope, I’ve never been popular enough to get invited to that game, I know, maybe you could come visit me I’ll get you drunk and when you can only see out of one eye I’ll poke your other eye out with a stick, loads of fun, that is how you play the game isn’t it?

Celebrating my youness how spiffing, now I realise why when I go into a room and everyones having fun they ignore me and carry on having fun, just so I won’t leave, because I am the most specialest person ever.

I quite like it when you struggle to breath, your face goes a lovely shade of blue *huggles you back even harder, not in the hope of you turning purple, just in a warm kind way*

Have a wonderful night

 

[asian_princess]

WHy Caddlebear WHY are you still sleeping??@wake up pleasr! it's your turn to satnd guard agains the sleep monsters while i nap! plu i'm drunk and it sno fun if you're not round to try to decohper my talk!!!

*blinks*

hewoo essa... cna you adopt mem/! caddlebear's not here s i need a home.

 

[Essa]

WHy Caddlebear WHY are you still sleeping??@wake up pleasr! it's your turn to satnd guard agains the sleep monsters while i nap! plu i'm drunk and it sno fun if you're not round to try to decohper my talk!!!

*blinks*

hewoo essa... cna you adopt mem/! caddlebear's not here s i need a home.

I think the sandman has overpowered poor caddlebear

Sure I'll adopt you, think you can put up with Kylan full time?

 

[asian_princess]

I think the sandman has overpowered poor caddlebear

Sure I'll adopt you, think you can put up with Kylan full time?

maybe sand man is really sanfwoman?!!

now we'll never get caddble ar bakc

*packs my bags and oves in*

i can be the foreign exchange cleaning lady.

hope you like things meesy

*makes cont-essa's bed...then climbs in

lets pla hie and seek!!

dont tell mcfluffikins where 'we're hding thoug!!!!

 

[Morrigu]

A sandwoman has kidknapped Caddlebear.....nooooooooo. We must send out a search party and rescue him.........let me get my CB Rescuing Kit

 

[asian_princess]

*lies in wait*

i kow youré thetre caddlbear!!

ooh that rhymed...i'm like so the poet

 

[Cadoras]

WHy Caddlebear WHY are you still sleeping??@wake up pleasr! it's your turn to satnd guard agains the sleep monsters while i nap! plu i'm drunk and it sno fun if you're not round to try to decohper my talk!!!

*blinks*

hewoo essa... cna you adopt mem/! caddlebear's not here s i need a home.

*Huggles the Drunk APplebear*

It's okay.... Caddlebear has heard your crazy, drunken rambling

And erm, you don't really sound like you're ready for any sleep.... I think I may be needing to protect those sleep monsters from you......

*Waves to the sleep monsters*

You guys can sleep now!

 

[Cadoras]

I think the sandman has overpowered poor caddlebear

Sure I'll adopt you, think you can put up with Kylan full time?

A sandwoman has kidknapped Caddlebear.....nooooooooo. We must send out a search party and rescue him.........let me get my CB Rescuing Kit

I never let myself be overpowered by the crazy sandpeople! I was merely napping.... Answering questions is awfully tiring..... *Nods*

So no need for a search party! Caddlebear is here and about to answer lots of really fun questions! Yay!

*Huggles for all!*

 

[Cadoras]

*lies in wait*

i kow youré thetre caddlbear!!

ooh that rhymed...i'm like so the poet

Yay for super goodles poet APplebear!

*Smiles and cheers!*

 

[Cadoras]

A Proddage fee is a fandabedozie idea, how about we offer pots of fresh air as the prizes, they’ll be so thick they’ll definitely want to win some…and before you ask, no, you can’t have a pot

Hmm did I actually say I believed you? *scrolls back* I think you’ll find I actually said I’d give you the benefit of the doubt, that is no way near the same as saying I believe you. Damn, foiled again, erm, it might have had the teensiest weensiest bit to do with not sharing my vodka, but there were bigger and better reasons, I just can’t think of any yet.

Oh wow, you passed a law all on your own, hang about…without consulting me? I get the strangest feeling you’re just using me for my powers is that true? I don’t believe it!! Now you’re insulting my beady eyes, I’ll have you know they’re the best beady eyes in the whole world all seven of them.

You’re right again, how about you stand on the corner giving free huggles and when you’re huggling them pick their pockets, giving all the ill gotten gains to me?

Yay masses of squillions, what would we put in the weekly magazine though, have you got any interesting ideas that I could pretend was mine?

Aww, I quite fancied chopping myself in half, I’d love there to be two of me, just think I could drink two bottles of vodka at the same time, the peasant chopping scene I suppose would be ideal, do we have any volunteers yet?

I’m sure you will very quickly be able to figure out when I need a wee, just keep an eye on my leg and when you start to see a yellowy dribble coming down it…bingo you’ve got it

Oh dear I think I forgot to mention that the scraps would first be removed from the dogs throat, still I’m sure a small thing like that couldn’t possibly put you off .

How I would have loved to witness that, do you think next time you could video it for me and pop it along in the post? Before the sun goes down obviously, we wouldn’t want them evil gnomes knowing our business. Still if they find out I’ll just put all the blame on you.

Kind of accidents from being kind are actually unkind, you ever seen a kind person have a kinda accident… kind of unkind that.

You missed the bit where I prod you first to get everything started, you trying on purpose to spoil all my fun here?

*I see you’re drinking Red Bull with my voddy* I don’t actually need any help drinking my vodka but if you wish, once I’ve finished a bottle you can drink the last few dregs from it, I know I’m wonderfully kind, no need to thank me, bashing the builders heads in is thanks enough

Kids just buy crappy stuff, I know because it was only a couple of years ago that I was one of them crappy buying kids. If I’d only known then what I know now, I’d be even richer than I am now.

You got a lab, woohoo… but I hope there’s no cute little mice in it with three ears that’s just so cruel, now mice with four ears that would be cool

Gosh you’re so brainy, I always wondered why it was called the right eye, now I’ll never have to wonder again, I’ve just in my excitement told the cat, she wasn’t very impressed, guess she knew already *huggles the noble Caddlebear*

Yes, I’m afraid their monuments would have to be at least four feet smaller than mine, it’s the law you know. Nope, I’ve never been popular enough to get invited to that game, I know, maybe you could come visit me I’ll get you drunk and when you can only see out of one eye I’ll poke your other eye out with a stick, loads of fun, that is how you play the game isn’t it?

Celebrating my youness how spiffing, now I realise why when I go into a room and everyones having fun they ignore me and carry on having fun, just so I won’t leave, because I am the most specialest person ever.

I quite like it when you struggle to breath, your face goes a lovely shade of blue *huggles you back even harder, not in the hope of you turning purple, just in a warm kind way*

Have a wonderful night

Oh, pots of air! That's a fantabulously brilliant idea! Are you sure I can't have one though? They're very pretty and you never know when I'll need a pot of fresh air.... Just one.... A small one?

But if you're giving me the benefit of the doubt.... That means that you doubt that I'm lying.... And so you think I'm telling the truth... And that means that you believe me! *Nods* I am sure of it! Bigger and better reasons... I see! So were these reasons like the fact that one of them might've said they wanted more vodka? Once one of them starts thinking that way... You have to crack down on them all... I understand that! Can't have them getting any ideas....

I would never use you for your powers! I only passed the law because it was one that you needed.... Couldn't have those commoners thinking they were more important than you! Could we? But I did think maybe my law wasn't enough and it would take one of your wonderful laws to make things right! But your eyes aren't beady at all.... I think that's where I got confused.... Maybe they're only beady when you really want them to be?

I shall start practicing my pick pocketing skills now! *Looks for someone to huggle* Not on you though, of course! You will be rolling in the squillions in no time... If I can find someone to huggle....

Well, I was thinking that maybe we could have articles on your greatness.... Ad vertising for overpriced crap that only idiots will buy.... More articles on your greatness... Free packets of air.... Random pictures.... You know, that kinda stuff?

Maybe we could try that whole chopping you in half! Because wouldn't it be so great for you both to be chopping peasants in half while swigging vodka? We have loads of volunteers to be chopped in half! They're virtually tripping over each other to volunteer!

Erm.... Isn't it a little late once the yellowy dribble starts? I may have to pay better attention to stop making you giggle before that situation occurs! *Nodses!*

If someone's going to the trouble of fighting the dog for them and getting them out of the dog's mouth.... Who would I be to say no to such wonderful food? *Sighs* It's me, isn't it? I'm fighting the dog for scraps of food for your amusement.....

But why would the gnomes be against you seeing it? I think those gnomes are mighty proud of it.... They even framed some of the letters and put them up at their favourite pretend fishing spot! All we need to do is find a postie and drop him off at a place with lots of gnomes, just before sunset..... It's really funny to watch!

Yes! Most definitely a lack of kindness in that kinda kind act...... *Sighs and shakes head*

No! It completely slipped my mind.... Probably why it's so very necessary.... If I didn't get prodded I'd probably forget something! Like to ask them how it feels while they're getting eaten by the T-Rex....

I would never drink red bull with your vodka.... Really! *Nods* That might not be the best combination for someone as crazy as myself.... Vodka dregs! Yay! *Swings an empty bottle and hits a random builder in the head* You got the camera?

Yep... I know just what you mean.... What is it about kids that makes them want to buy crap? They should be out buying antiques, that will only get more valuable as time passes.... Not wasting money on pieces of plastic that will be broken in some way within 30 seconds! Crazy kids....

Actually.... The mice in my lab all have 6 ears.... And 4 of them work as wings! So the mice can fly around, hearing stuff.... But I haven't really found a practical use for it yet....

Cats know all about eyes.... But even if cats didn't know about eyes... Your cat would still show no excitement.... It's against cat policy to care about anything other than the cat.... Awwwww! *Huggles the sweet Essa*

Only 4 feet? I'm not sure there.... Unless they have to be at least 4 feet smaller than your smallest monument.... But I thought maybe 6 feet would be better! Because then you'd need to have a tall person standing on it to come to the height of your monuments.... Wait! Maybe 7 or 8 feet? Just to be safe? Well, that's how the game was played traditionally..... But I fear my eyes may not be good enough to play the game with.... I can barely see out of either of my eyes as it is! You have to have someone with perfect eyesight to be the cyclops... But I can help you find them! *Nods*

Ezactivitively! If they all stopped having fun when you walked into the room and came over and harassed you with greetings and the like.... Wouldn't you feel that it was a pretty boring place and even take offense because all fun stopped when you walked into the room? They'd never want you to feel like that, as special as you are!

Awwwwwwses! *Huggles you back hugglishly!* You are the absolute sweetest! *Noddles*

And you have a wonderful night too! *Huggles you some more*

Erm... Just out of interest.... Was there a question?

 

[Essa]

Oh, pots of air! That's a fantabulously brilliant idea! Are you sure I can't have one though? They're very pretty and you never know when I'll need a pot of fresh air.... Just one.... A small one?

But if you're giving me the benefit of the doubt.... That means that you doubt that I'm lying.... And so you think I'm telling the truth... And that means that you believe me! *Nods* I am sure of it! Bigger and better reasons... I see! So were these reasons like the fact that one of them might've said they wanted more vodka? Once one of them starts thinking that way... You have to crack down on them all... I understand that! Can't have them getting any ideas....

I would never use you for your powers! I only passed the law because it was one that you needed.... Couldn't have those commoners thinking they were more important than you! Could we? But I did think maybe my law wasn't enough and it would take one of your wonderful laws to make things right! But your eyes aren't beady at all.... I think that's where I got confused.... Maybe they're only beady when you really want them to be?

I shall start practicing my pick pocketing skills now! *Looks for someone to huggle* Not on you though, of course! You will be rolling in the squillions in no time... If I can find someone to huggle....

Well, I was thinking that maybe we could have articles on your greatness.... Ad vertising for overpriced crap that only idiots will buy.... More articles on your greatness... Free packets of air.... Random pictures.... You know, that kinda stuff?

Maybe we could try that whole chopping you in half! Because wouldn't it be so great for you both to be chopping peasants in half while swigging vodka? We have loads of volunteers to be chopped in half! They're virtually tripping over each other to volunteer!

Erm.... Isn't it a little late once the yellowy dribble starts? I may have to pay better attention to stop making you giggle before that situation occurs! *Nodses!*

If someone's going to the trouble of fighting the dog for them and getting them out of the dog's mouth.... Who would I be to say no to such wonderful food? *Sighs* It's me, isn't it? I'm fighting the dog for scraps of food for your amusement.....

But why would the gnomes be against you seeing it? I think those gnomes are mighty proud of it.... They even framed some of the letters and put them up at their favourite pretend fishing spot! All we need to do is find a postie and drop him off at a place with lots of gnomes, just before sunset..... It's really funny to watch!

Yes! Most definitely a lack of kindness in that kinda kind act...... *Sighs and shakes head*

No! It completely slipped my mind.... Probably why it's so very necessary.... If I didn't get prodded I'd probably forget something! Like to ask them how it feels while they're getting eaten by the T-Rex....

I would never drink red bull with your vodka.... Really! *Nods* That might not be the best combination for someone as crazy as myself.... Vodka dregs! Yay! *Swings an empty bottle and hits a random builder in the head* You got the camera?

Yep... I know just what you mean.... What is it about kids that makes them want to buy crap? They should be out buying antiques, that will only get more valuable as time passes.... Not wasting money on pieces of plastic that will be broken in some way within 30 seconds! Crazy kids....

Actually.... The mice in my lab all have 6 ears.... And 4 of them work as wings! So the mice can fly around, hearing stuff.... But I haven't really found a practical use for it yet....

Cats know all about eyes.... But even if cats didn't know about eyes... Your cat would still show no excitement.... It's against cat policy to care about anything other than the cat.... Awwwww! *Huggles the sweet Essa*

Only 4 feet? I'm not sure there.... Unless they have to be at least 4 feet smaller than your smallest monument.... But I thought maybe 6 feet would be better! Because then you'd need to have a tall person standing on it to come to the height of your monuments.... Wait! Maybe 7 or 8 feet? Just to be safe? Well, that's how the game was played traditionally..... But I fear my eyes may not be good enough to play the game with.... I can barely see out of either of my eyes as it is! You have to have someone with perfect eyesight to be the cyclops... But I can help you find them! *Nods*

Ezactivitively! If they all stopped having fun when you walked into the room and came over and harassed you with greetings and the like.... Wouldn't you feel that it was a pretty boring place and even take offense because all fun stopped when you walked into the room? They'd never want you to feel like that, as special as you are!

Awwwwwwses! *Huggles you back hugglishly!* You are the absolute sweetest! *Noddles*

And you have a wonderful night too! *Huggles you some more*

Erm... Just out of interest.... Was there a question?

A small pot of fresh air you say, just the one? Hmmm I’m thinking, you are very sweet and they are free…erm….sorry, no, that would be like me giving somebody something and that just never happens.

My benefit of the doubt and your benefit of the doubt are obviously two different things, one of us has got our benefit of the doubt wrong and it ain’t me. You got it in one that was the only reason, I had to do something or I’d have none left, Yay I knew you’d understand *huggles the non drinking voddy caddlebear*

Aww that’s so sweet passing a law for me, I do realise your law isn’t enough and we need one of mine, is there any chance you could think of a better law for me and just pretend I thought of it? I have perfect beady eyes whenever I want, I’ll let you into a secret but you must promise not to tell anyone or I’ll have to kill you…I take some beads of an old necklace and put them in my good eyes, I then have perfect beady eyes for any occasion.

Perhaps a camel? They like huggles and you could steal their wallets at the same time, if you’ve ever seen rich people trying to sit on a camel you’d understand why the camels are so rich. They fling them about so much as their trying to stand up, the rich men’s wallets jump out and land in the camels pockets.

Are you now implying my greatness is overpriced crap? I don’t know how you’ve got the nerve especially when I give you all my great ideas and stuff.

What a wonderful idea, you’re so full of them lately, I’ve been thinking how about we swap brains for a bit, my ideas are crap lately and I’m getting a bit impatient, I don’t think it will hurt you much and I am very special *huggles the soon to be no brained caddlebear*

It’s not to late at all, I’ll have you know the yellow dribble once passed my ankle before I sucked it back up, I’ve got excellent bodily control me

Now I didn’t actually say that did I? But thinking about it…what another wonderful idea of yours, we must find the most nastiest dogs ever, just to add a little more amusement.

Perhaps we could use one of my posties? I’m sure I still have a couple in the shed, well they were there last week, it’s been far to hot for me to venture out lately, don’t want to burn my precious young skin, I’ll take a look when winter sets in and I’ll let you know if they’re suitable or not.

See, I’m right again, there is absolutely no entertainment in just filming tv people being prodded and eaten, if we’re going to make my squillions we must have soundtrack and not that rubbishy dubbing, it has to be authentic, perhaps put the microphone to their mouth after their legs have been eaten, should make good viewing that.

Damn I forgot the batteries, I thought you were bringing them? *downs another bottle and hits caddlebear over the head with the empty bottle* Maybe next time you’ll remember to remind me to bring them?

Wow, that I’d love to see, flying extra ear mice, I don’t feel it matters that you haven’t found a practical use for them yet, being in your lab should be good enough for them and if it isn’t you could always breed some flying cats to hunt them.

I’m afraid the only time my cats show any excitement at all is when I dangle them over next doors wall, they’ve got three dogs there, I get quite a few cuts and scratches and boy do they bleed, but what am I to do? I can’t keep cats that don’t get excited, the cat do gooder people would come and take them away.

7 or 8 foot smaller than my monuments sounds good to me, do you know any 8 foot people, we’ll need cleaners to keep my monuments sparkling, I know, I’ve think I’ve found a use for your flying mice, pop a duster in their mouths and send them up to do the cleaning, god I’m brainy me. Aww, I really was looking forward to poking your eye out, are you sure you couldn’t just play one game, I promise not to poke to soft.

I would indeed take offence if all fun stopped as soon as I walked into a room, though sometimes it would be nice to just get a “hello“, they wouldn’t even need to add “how are you“, just a “hello”

Now about the question that I certainly didn’t forget to put, it must have been the invisible ink, seeing as you took so long to look for my question the invisible ink invisibled it, obviously all your fault, no blame at all lies at my door

Why caddlebear is lemon juice made with artificial flavour and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

*huggles and snuggles for the wisest caddlebear ever*

Have a Superduper night

 

[SweetSassyVixen]

I like Essa's question alot. That has made me wonder a bit sometimes.

My question is why oh why does time seem to crawl slower and slower the closer you get to an appointed hour?

*Thanks for the wise words earlier, Mr. Wisest of the wise bearies!*

 

[Cadoras]

A small pot of fresh air you say, just the one? Hmmm I’m thinking, you are very sweet and they are free…erm….sorry, no, that would be like me giving somebody something and that just never happens.

My benefit of the doubt and your benefit of the doubt are obviously two different things, one of us has got our benefit of the doubt wrong and it ain’t me. You got it in one that was the only reason, I had to do something or I’d have none left, Yay I knew you’d understand *huggles the non drinking voddy caddlebear*

Aww that’s so sweet passing a law for me, I do realise your law isn’t enough and we need one of mine, is there any chance you could think of a better law for me and just pretend I thought of it? I have perfect beady eyes whenever I want, I’ll let you into a secret but you must promise not to tell anyone or I’ll have to kill you…I take some beads of an old necklace and put them in my good eyes, I then have perfect beady eyes for any occasion.

Perhaps a camel? They like huggles and you could steal their wallets at the same time, if you’ve ever seen rich people trying to sit on a camel you’d understand why the camels are so rich. They fling them about so much as their trying to stand up, the rich men’s wallets jump out and land in the camels pockets.

Are you now implying my greatness is overpriced crap? I don’t know how you’ve got the nerve especially when I give you all my great ideas and stuff.

What a wonderful idea, you’re so full of them lately, I’ve been thinking how about we swap brains for a bit, my ideas are crap lately and I’m getting a bit impatient, I don’t think it will hurt you much and I am very special *huggles the soon to be no brained caddlebear*

It’s not to late at all, I’ll have you know the yellow dribble once passed my ankle before I sucked it back up, I’ve got excellent bodily control me

Now I didn’t actually say that did I? But thinking about it…what another wonderful idea of yours, we must find the most nastiest dogs ever, just to add a little more amusement.

Perhaps we could use one of my posties? I’m sure I still have a couple in the shed, well they were there last week, it’s been far to hot for me to venture out lately, don’t want to burn my precious young skin, I’ll take a look when winter sets in and I’ll let you know if they’re suitable or not.

See, I’m right again, there is absolutely no entertainment in just filming tv people being prodded and eaten, if we’re going to make my squillions we must have soundtrack and not that rubbishy dubbing, it has to be authentic, perhaps put the microphone to their mouth after their legs have been eaten, should make good viewing that.

Damn I forgot the batteries, I thought you were bringing them? *downs another bottle and hits caddlebear over the head with the empty bottle* Maybe next time you’ll remember to remind me to bring them?

Wow, that I’d love to see, flying extra ear mice, I don’t feel it matters that you haven’t found a practical use for them yet, being in your lab should be good enough for them and if it isn’t you could always breed some flying cats to hunt them.

I’m afraid the only time my cats show any excitement at all is when I dangle them over next doors wall, they’ve got three dogs there, I get quite a few cuts and scratches and boy do they bleed, but what am I to do? I can’t keep cats that don’t get excited, the cat do gooder people would come and take them away.

7 or 8 foot smaller than my monuments sounds good to me, do you know any 8 foot people, we’ll need cleaners to keep my monuments sparkling, I know, I’ve think I’ve found a use for your flying mice, pop a duster in their mouths and send them up to do the cleaning, god I’m brainy me. Aww, I really was looking forward to poking your eye out, are you sure you couldn’t just play one game, I promise not to poke to soft.

I would indeed take offence if all fun stopped as soon as I walked into a room, though sometimes it would be nice to just get a “hello“, they wouldn’t even need to add “how are you“, just a “hello”

Now about the question that I certainly didn’t forget to put, it must have been the invisible ink, seeing as you took so long to look for my question the invisible ink invisibled it, obviously all your fault, no blame at all lies at my door

Why caddlebear is lemon juice made with artificial flavour and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

*huggles and snuggles for the wisest caddlebear ever*

Have a Superduper night

*Sighs* It's okay.... I understand.... I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up over that jar of air.... It just sounded so good.... And I know how generous you are..... But you're right... You can't just go around giving things away, that'd be wrong!

*Glances at benefit of the doubt* Oh... I guess mine wasn't a very good one then..... I shall have to find a new one! But I don't think it will ever be as good and shiny as yours..... Yes! Those evil people.... Thinking that they were deserving of the super tasty, life giving vodka! How dare they? *Gwares at them* Erm.... *Shuffles feet nervously* Yes, no vodka drinking here....

Wells.... You could always make it illegal for anyone else to even own a medal.... Or.. All medals could be owned by you! And people have to rent them from you, after they win them.... Then we can give everyone a small medal, for being special enough to be ruled by you! *Nods* I shall never tell anyone about your beady eye secret! I will take it to my grave with me! Well, I should probably forget it before I die.... Can't trust those worms.... And what if I come to life as a zombie or something and spill your secrets? Not good!

Whoa! I never knew that about camels.... Those little thieves! I just hope I don't get tricked and end up going for a camel ride.... That would be really embarassing.... But maybe if I hide the wallets, after I huggle them... Then I can go for a camel ride! It'll all be great! Yay!

No! Not at all.... I was saying we could advertise overpriced crap to sell to them.... Which they would buy! Because it's in their favourite magazine.... *Nods*

But.... We don't really need to swap brains do we? I mean your brain is just so much better than mine.... It seems a waste for you to take such an inferior brain in place of your own..... *Hands you a super stylish thinking cap* Wear this! It's way better than having a stinky Caddlebear brain.....

*Marvels at your amazing bodily control* You're always demonstrating abilities that simply dwarf those of common people! It's no wonder you're Queen of the world!

The most nastiest dogs ever? Hmmmmmm..... We could get Top Gear Dog! That'd be sooooooo cool! And we could even market it! People would pay squillions to see such a brilliant show! I knows they would!

It's winter here! I can go check on your posties for you.... Well, maybe... When did you feed them last? I don't like to risk myself on hungry posties... They're so unpredictable! Maybe before we check on them, we should gas them? Just to make sure they're nice and unconscious..... Then you could wake them up with the pirate prodder!

Hmmmmmm..... Why would we need to put the microphone to their mouth after their legs are eaten? Why not during? We've gotta get some of those screams! It's what the people want.... How will we get the music though? All good shows need some great music! Maybe we should get a live band? They could even be part of the show! It'd be great!

*Points at the batteries in your other hand* I get the feeling you just wanted to hit me in the head with that bottle..... But no! You wouldn't do that... I'm sure of it! I should've reminded you the batteries were in the hand without the vodka, my mistake completely!

The mice are really very good at finding cheese..... And if you happen to drop any, they're right onto it! Quick little things.... I'm not really sure how well the flying cats would work.... *Hides failed experiments* But maybe that could be fun!

I totally understand that! If those cats refuse to get excited, you just have to force them, it's for their own good.... Who knows what would happen to the poor unexcitable things if those cat do-gooders got to them? It's scary to even think about it! You are such a good cat owner *Nods*

Hey! That's a great idea! Those mice'll have loads of fun, flying and scampering around, poking cats with dusters! Think they'll get cocky and get caught by the cats? That could be pretty funny to watch! Let's do it! *Looks around, then leans toward Essa and whispers* Well.... If you really want a game... I have this cyclops I've been saving for a special occasion.....

Oh.... Maybe we need to do something about these mean people at parties.... I know! I suggest next time you go to a party.... Randomly shoot people, until one of them says hello to you.... Then stop, so they know that that's what you were waiting for... You have to let them figure it out themselves! *Nods*

Invisible ink? That explains it all! And now it's too late..... I will never know what that question was! *Sighs* Unless I can get myself a working time machine! Maybe!

Lemons! A subject Caddlebear knows loads about!

You see... These companies can only get access to a certain amount of lemons for their products.... So the true lemons have to go to the products that need the better quality of lemon.... Which, oddly enough is the dishwashing liquid.... Because people want to be able to taste the lemon on their plates! I mean no one wants to be tasting fake lemon on a plate, do they? That's why some foods are served with a slice of lemon.... To make up for the lack of lemon in the dishwashing liquid.... But no one really cares about lemon in their lemon juice.... All they're doing is drinking that!

*Huggles and snuggles back to Essaness!*

Yay! Hope you're having lots of funs

 

[Cadoras]

I like Essa's question alot. That has made me wonder a bit sometimes.

My question is why oh why does time seem to crawl slower and slower the closer you get to an appointed hour?

*Thanks for the wise words earlier, Mr. Wisest of the wise bearies!*

Awwwwws!

*Huggleses Sasslebeary!*

Hmmmmmms.... Time! I know it well! *Shakes fist at time*

Time is very very tricky.... And you'll notice that time doesn't always crawl along.... It only does it when you're waiting for something.... Cos then you're watching it very closely and it can't make any sudden moves.... But you try having a deadline, then the moment you take your eyes off that clock, time leaps forward in unbelievable amounts! It's such a cheater..... Mean old time..... *Gwares at it* The more you want time to pass, the less willing it is.... Sometimes the clocks even go backwards.... Just to tease you! It really is an evil thing..... *Sighs*

*Huggles you some more!*

But don't despair! Time can sometimes work in our favour... But only when it really wants to

 

[SweetSassyVixen]

Awwwwws!

*Huggleses Sasslebeary!*

Hmmmmmms.... Time! I know it well! *Shakes fist at time*

Time is very very tricky.... And you'll notice that time doesn't always crawl along.... It only does it when you're waiting for something.... Cos then you're watching it very closely and it can't make any sudden moves.... But you try having a deadline, then the moment you take your eyes off that clock, time leaps forward in unbelievable amounts! It's such a cheater..... Mean old time..... *Gwares at it* The more you want time to pass, the less willing it is.... Sometimes the clocks even go backwards.... Just to tease you! It really is an evil thing..... *Sighs*

*Huggles you some more!*

But don't despair! Time can sometimes work in our favour... But only when it really wants to

Caddlebear, you are da smartestest bear I know!!

Another thing about time, it does fly when you are having fun! Seems like its over before you know it! lol

Hope you have a great day!

**HUGGLES**​

 

[Cadoras]

Caddlebear, you are da smartestest bear I know!!

Another thing about time, it does fly when you are having fun! Seems like its over before you know it! lol

Hope you have a great day!

**HUGGLES**​

Shhhhhhhs! You shouldn't be saying things like that... *Glances around nervously* Yogi gets violent when he's drunk..... And those campers have started packing a lot of alcohol in those picnic baskets....

*Nodses* That's totally because you can't keep looking at the clock when you're having fun.... You either slow it down by continually looking at it, which really isn't any fun anyway, or just let it do what it wants and lose too much time! Mean time *Gwares*

I shall do my beary best to have a great day! You enjoy yourself too! *Huggles and snuggles and stuffs!*

 

[Essa]

*Sighs* It's okay.... I understand.... I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up over that jar of air.... It just sounded so good.... And I know how generous you are..... But you're right... You can't just go around giving things away, that'd be wrong!

*Glances at benefit of the doubt* Oh... I guess mine wasn't a very good one then..... I shall have to find a new one! But I don't think it will ever be as good and shiny as yours..... Yes! Those evil people.... Thinking that they were deserving of the super tasty, life giving vodka! How dare they? *Gwares at them* Erm.... *Shuffles feet nervously* Yes, no vodka drinking here....

Wells.... You could always make it illegal for anyone else to even own a medal.... Or.. All medals could be owned by you! And people have to rent them from you, after they win them.... Then we can give everyone a small medal, for being special enough to be ruled by you! *Nods* I shall never tell anyone about your beady eye secret! I will take it to my grave with me! Well, I should probably forget it before I die.... Can't trust those worms.... And what if I come to life as a zombie or something and spill your secrets? Not good!

Whoa! I never knew that about camels.... Those little thieves! I just hope I don't get tricked and end up going for a camel ride.... That would be really embarassing.... But maybe if I hide the wallets, after I huggle them... Then I can go for a camel ride! It'll all be great! Yay!

No! Not at all.... I was saying we could advertise overpriced crap to sell to them.... Which they would buy! Because it's in their favourite magazine.... *Nods*

But.... We don't really need to swap brains do we? I mean your brain is just so much better than mine.... It seems a waste for you to take such an inferior brain in place of your own..... *Hands you a super stylish thinking cap* Wear this! It's way better than having a stinky Caddlebear brain.....

*Marvels at your amazing bodily control* You're always demonstrating abilities that simply dwarf those of common people! It's no wonder you're Queen of the world!

The most nastiest dogs ever? Hmmmmmm..... We could get Top Gear Dog! That'd be sooooooo cool! And we could even market it! People would pay squillions to see such a brilliant show! I knows they would!

It's winter here! I can go check on your posties for you.... Well, maybe... When did you feed them last? I don't like to risk myself on hungry posties... They're so unpredictable! Maybe before we check on them, we should gas them? Just to make sure they're nice and unconscious..... Then you could wake them up with the pirate prodder!

Hmmmmmm..... Why would we need to put the microphone to their mouth after their legs are eaten? Why not during? We've gotta get some of those screams! It's what the people want.... How will we get the music though? All good shows need some great music! Maybe we should get a live band? They could even be part of the show! It'd be great!

*Points at the batteries in your other hand* I get the feeling you just wanted to hit me in the head with that bottle..... But no! You wouldn't do that... I'm sure of it! I should've reminded you the batteries were in the hand without the vodka, my mistake completely!

The mice are really very good at finding cheese..... And if you happen to drop any, they're right onto it! Quick little things.... I'm not really sure how well the flying cats would work.... *Hides failed experiments* But maybe that could be fun!

I totally understand that! If those cats refuse to get excited, you just have to force them, it's for their own good.... Who knows what would happen to the poor unexcitable things if those cat do-gooders got to them? It's scary to even think about it! You are such a good cat owner *Nods*

Hey! That's a great idea! Those mice'll have loads of fun, flying and scampering around, poking cats with dusters! Think they'll get cocky and get caught by the cats? That could be pretty funny to watch! Let's do it! *Looks around, then leans toward Essa and whispers* Well.... If you really want a game... I have this cyclops I've been saving for a special occasion.....

Oh.... Maybe we need to do something about these mean people at parties.... I know! I suggest next time you go to a party.... Randomly shoot people, until one of them says hello to you.... Then stop, so they know that that's what you were waiting for... You have to let them figure it out themselves! *Nods*

Invisible ink? That explains it all! And now it's too late..... I will never know what that question was! *Sighs* Unless I can get myself a working time machine! Maybe!

Lemons! A subject Caddlebear knows loads about!

You see... These companies can only get access to a certain amount of lemons for their products.... So the true lemons have to go to the products that need the better quality of lemon.... Which, oddly enough is the dishwashing liquid.... Because people want to be able to taste the lemon on their plates! I mean no one wants to be tasting fake lemon on a plate, do they? That's why some foods are served with a slice of lemon.... To make up for the lack of lemon in the dishwashing liquid.... But no one really cares about lemon in their lemon juice.... All they're doing is drinking that!

*Huggles and snuggles back to Essaness!*

Yay! Hope you're having lots of funs

So glad you understand, I realise getting your hopes up for something that will never be yours can be hard, but on the plus side it gives me a giggle.

*Glances at the nervous foot shuffling Caddlebear* You haven’t been stealing my vodka by any chance have you? You do realise what happens to vodka thieving Caddlebears? I shall be keeping an eye very very closely on you in the future.

I could indeed make it illegal for anyone other than me to own a medal, you must think up a suitable punishment for anyone daring to flaunt a medal in public. Renting out medals? Another brill idea, I wonder where you keep getting these money spinning plans from, you haven’t been stealing my unique thoughts again have you? I very much doubt you’ll forget my beady eye secret before you die, I shall be there at your deathbed chanting it to you, just to make sure. I’ll even throw in extra worms when you’re in your grave, see how kind I am, I must stop myself but it’s hard, I bring joy to so many people. If you even dare to come back as a zombie specifically to tell my secret I shall kill myself and return as a super zombie, then you’ll be for it

See how enriched you become chatting with me, I’ve known about them camels for years it’s just I’ve never met anyone to carry out my cunnin…stunning plan before. I’ll make sure they don’t trick you into going for a camel ride, I’ll tie a rope around your neck and if they hoist you up, you’d be dead. The camels wouldn’t want a death on their hands, way bad publicity that.

Aha I see now, I can’t believe I even thought you said something else, scrolls back, hang on,

Well, I was thinking that maybe we could have articles on your greatness.... Advertising for overpriced crap that only idiots will buy

Hmm if you’re sure you meant something else, I’m not entirely convinced. *huggles the unconvincing Caddlebear*

Wow, thank you so much *places super stylish thinking cap on head* Ooooh, wait a sec, exactly whose thoughts are these? *blushes profusely*

You are so right, indeed it’s no wonder I voted myself Queen of the world, I mean who else would be able to suck it back up and continue to drink at the same time?

I knows it as well, especially if there’s a caddlebear dressed as a cat and smeared in dogfood as the bait, fantastic viewing that would make

I last fed them last month, I had some rotting green beans I thought they’d enjoy, the thing is I never actually went in, just opened the window a touch and chucked the beans through. Gassing them sounds the best way to me, do you think you could prod them awake with the pirate prodder? I’ll hide behind you, just in case…

I hoped the sound of their screams would be more blood curdling after their legs were bitten off but you know you are absolutely right again, can you imagine the sound quality we’d get if their screams were when their legs were being bitten off? We need music, you may advertise for a band, pretend everything’s your idea though, I wouldn’t want to get into any trouble.

I didn’t actually want to hit you over the head, sadly you left me no choice. See if only you’d have told me the batteries were in my other hand you could have saved yourself a lot of pain and saved me the waste of my time it took to hit you.

You have failed experiments? I want to see *stamps feet* It doesn’t matter if the cats can’t properly fly yet, you must never give up on failed experiments, even if they jump flap their wings and then crash nose first to the ground…it’s a start

My cats love me so much, as soon as I walk in they charge for the cat-flap, not because they don’t want to be with me, it’s because they can tell that I’m skint, they bring me a headless bird or two to cook for me dinner, once they brought me a half eaten rat, so thoughtful of them. If them cat do gooders got their hands on them I’d starve to death.

Wowzie a spare cyclops, please let me have him, you did say you were saving him for a special occasion and since every occasion with me is special…hand it over. I promise I’ll be gentleish.

Excellent idea, thing is I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, and I definitely wouldn’t want to get blood on their party clothes, it’s such a bugger to get out. I’ll shoot them in the head, it won’t hurt and the blood will splatter over the floor, they won’t actually have to clean the floor so everyone’s happy.

It was the bestest question I’ve ever thought of in my entire short life, problem is I can’t remember it now. You’ll have to speedy on with your time machine so you can go back and marvel at my why question intelligence.

You know I always wondered what that slice of lemon on a plate was for, now I can tell everyone, I’ll be even more popular than I am already…if that’s possible.

A very serious question for Caddlebear today, one that has saddened me greatly on many occasions. Why, if carrots are so good for the eyes do we see so many dead rabbits on the road?

*Huggles the wise Caddlebear*

Have a stupendous night

 

[SweetSassyVixen]

A very serious question for Caddlebear today, one that has saddened me greatly on many occasions. Why, if carrots are so good for the eyes do we see so many dead rabbits on the road?

*Huggles the wise Caddlebear*

Have a stupendous night

Very good question, Essa! I always enjoy reading your posts!!

My question is, is it the eye sight that is poor or is the supposed "lucky rabbits foot" what does them in? Cant be very lucky for them in the end.

Hope you have a wonderful Hump day!

 

[Cadoras]

So glad you understand, I realise getting your hopes up for something that will never be yours can be hard, but on the plus side it gives me a giggle.

*Glances at the nervous foot shuffling Caddlebear* You haven’t been stealing my vodka by any chance have you? You do realise what happens to vodka thieving Caddlebears? I shall be keeping an eye very very closely on you in the future.

I could indeed make it illegal for anyone other than me to own a medal, you must think up a suitable punishment for anyone daring to flaunt a medal in public. Renting out medals? Another brill idea, I wonder where you keep getting these money spinning plans from, you haven’t been stealing my unique thoughts again have you? I very much doubt you’ll forget my beady eye secret before you die, I shall be there at your deathbed chanting it to you, just to make sure. I’ll even throw in extra worms when you’re in your grave, see how kind I am, I must stop myself but it’s hard, I bring joy to so many people. If you even dare to come back as a zombie specifically to tell my secret I shall kill myself and return as a super zombie, then you’ll be for it

See how enriched you become chatting with me, I’ve known about them camels for years it’s just I’ve never met anyone to carry out my cunnin…stunning plan before. I’ll make sure they don’t trick you into going for a camel ride, I’ll tie a rope around your neck and if they hoist you up, you’d be dead. The camels wouldn’t want a death on their hands, way bad publicity that.

Aha I see now, I can’t believe I even thought you said something else, scrolls back, hang on, Hmm if you’re sure you meant something else, I’m not entirely convinced. *huggles the unconvincing Caddlebear*

Wow, thank you so much *places super stylish thinking cap on head* Ooooh, wait a sec, exactly whose thoughts are these? *blushes profusely*

You are so right, indeed it’s no wonder I voted myself Queen of the world, I mean who else would be able to suck it back up and continue to drink at the same time?

I knows it as well, especially if there’s a caddlebear dressed as a cat and smeared in dogfood as the bait, fantastic viewing that would make

I last fed them last month, I had some rotting green beans I thought they’d enjoy, the thing is I never actually went in, just opened the window a touch and chucked the beans through. Gassing them sounds the best way to me, do you think you could prod them awake with the pirate prodder? I’ll hide behind you, just in case…

I hoped the sound of their screams would be more blood curdling after their legs were bitten off but you know you are absolutely right again, can you imagine the sound quality we’d get if their screams were when their legs were being bitten off? We need music, you may advertise for a band, pretend everything’s your idea though, I wouldn’t want to get into any trouble.

I didn’t actually want to hit you over the head, sadly you left me no choice. See if only you’d have told me the batteries were in my other hand you could have saved yourself a lot of pain and saved me the waste of my time it took to hit you.

You have failed experiments? I want to see *stamps feet* It doesn’t matter if the cats can’t properly fly yet, you must never give up on failed experiments, even if they jump flap their wings and then crash nose first to the ground…it’s a start

My cats love me so much, as soon as I walk in they charge for the cat-flap, not because they don’t want to be with me, it’s because they can tell that I’m skint, they bring me a headless bird or two to cook for me dinner, once they brought me a half eaten rat, so thoughtful of them. If them cat do gooders got their hands on them I’d starve to death.

Wowzie a spare cyclops, please let me have him, you did say you were saving him for a special occasion and since every occasion with me is special…hand it over. I promise I’ll be gentleish.

Excellent idea, thing is I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, and I definitely wouldn’t want to get blood on their party clothes, it’s such a bugger to get out. I’ll shoot them in the head, it won’t hurt and the blood will splatter over the floor, they won’t actually have to clean the floor so everyone’s happy.

It was the bestest question I’ve ever thought of in my entire short life, problem is I can’t remember it now. You’ll have to speedy on with your time machine so you can go back and marvel at my why question intelligence.

You know I always wondered what that slice of lemon on a plate was for, now I can tell everyone, I’ll be even more popular than I am already…if that’s possible.

A very serious question for Caddlebear today, one that has saddened me greatly on many occasions. Why, if carrots are so good for the eyes do we see so many dead rabbits on the road?

*Huggles the wise Caddlebear*

Have a stupendous night

Well, in the end, your amusement is what's really important, isn't it? I shall survive! But I really did want that air.... It seemed like a great thing..... I've always wanted air of my very own..... *Sighs*

No! Of course not! I would never steal your vodka.... I'm not a vodka thieving Caddlebear..... And I know very well what happens to them..... Well, I know what happens to other vodka thieving creatures... And I assume the result for a Caddlebear is similar or worse.... *Smiles innocently* No need to worry about me, really!

You know.... We could do both..... You could make it illegal for them to flaunt their medals in public..... But let them rent them for private use.... So they can show off their small medals to their friends.... But if they get caught doing it.... We fine them! That'll learn em.... Medal flaunting bastards! I would never steal your ideas! They're too unique and fancy for me to ever pass them off as my own, you know that.... *Nods* Oh, you'll be at my deathbed chanting? That's so sweet of you, I shall definitely do my very best to remember your secret! But make sure no one else hears you chanting.... They might get suspicious..... Oooooh! Super Zombie Essa? It might just be worth it to see that! But I'd probably get yelled at, so I dunno.... *Ponders*

You're so smart! How do I spot the camels with the best wallets though? Or do I just huggle them all and steal all their wallets? You're always looking out for me! You'd really tie a rope around my neck, just to protect me from those nasty camels? *Glances at the camels* Are you sure they won't just kill me and dump me in the desert?

I did mean something else! Really! I just might not have been clear enough in what I said.... But you know I'd never suggest that your stuff was overpriced crap! It's the other stuff that is! *Nods*

Well.... That was my thinking cap.... It's not my fault you used it the wrong way! You were supposed to use it for brilliant money earning ideas and the like! Really! I can't help what thoughts you come up..... *Shakes head*

No one but you! I am sure of it.... You are a very unique and special Queen! I am positive that there's not a single thing you can't do while drinking a bottle of vodka! *Nodulates*

Are you sure Caddlebear has to dress up as a cat? He's okay with the whole dogfood smearing thing.... But I'm not sure how the cat costume will go..... Well, if you insist, I guess we can give it a try.... *Sighs some more*

You wouldn't want to go in there with the crazy posties though, would you? Especially if you're feeding them beans.... A bunch of posties full of old beans? Urgh! We'll, knock em out, then go in with the prodder and check to see if they're alive... Then I'll prod them in the head until they wake up.... You'll hit them with an empty bottle if they wake up? We can't have them thinking they're allowed to be awake... They'll start getting ideas! *Glares at the posties* Don't worry, I'll hold them down with the prodder while you hit them, or just throw a bottle at their head from behind me...

We'll need more microphones! And more cameras.... We have to get every angle and make sure we capture all the sounds! I don't think we're likely to get a second take.... Those legless tv people suck at climbing ladders... Well, they did last time I tried.... I am sure I can find a quality band to play for us.... They won't dare say no once they find out we have a baby T-Rex, musicians love babies... It will be the greatest show ever! *Nods*

I know! I'm sorry.... I just wasn't thinking.... I should've made sure to tell you exactly where the batteries were.... I didn't mean to waste your time! I promise..... *Huggles the Patient Essa* It won't happen again! I'll make sure you always know exactly where the batteries are...

Actually.... The experiments have been somewhat less promising than that.... The cats seem to want lick and scratch too much..... So they end up ruining their wings! It's horrible, blood everywhere and stuff...... *Points at the flying cat room* You can take a look for yourself.... It's really not very pretty in there....

Those are such good cats you have.... You really do need to make sure that those cat do-gooder people don't take them away.... You'll starve! And the cat do-gooder people don't even care about that! They're just mean and don't want cats to be in loving homes.... *Glares at them* I'm sure your cats will scratch them if they try to take them away, what do cat do-gooder people taste like anyway? Hmmmmmm....

Okay... You can have my cyclops.... But only if I get to play too! The game's no fun with just one person... You need someone to yell strange things while you're trying to poke the cyclops! *Nods* It makes it so much more fun!

Good! Brilliant idea! Everyone will be happy then! And you won't have to hear anyone screaming in pain either... I know the screams of agony can get a little distracting when you're trying to aim.... So that will solve all the problems! Just make sure there aren't any carpets in the room.... Bloodstains can be icky.... Oh! You could just shoot them on the grass, then everyone will be happy

*Kicks the non working time machine!* I'll get it working one day, I promise! Then I will most definitely answer your question for you... And everyone can see the greatness of your question!

People will be so happy when you tell them! And then they can just use extra dishwashing liquid, instead of putting lemons on plates.... You don't really need both! And it's way better to have it straight on the plate, cos it can't fall off....

Poor Wabbits.... I think I can help you understand this, but you may not like the truth.....

The reason we see so many dead wabbits on the side of the road is actually because it's only the rich wabbits that can afford to eat carrots regularly.... The rest, approximately 83% of the wabbit population are unable to eat carrots more than once a week.... It gives them okay eyesight, but nothing like that which is required to notice a car travelling at high speed..... Many of these low income wabbits also can't afford proper healthcare and end up deaf.... So they don't even hear the cars coming.....

Then there are those wabbits that are just so desperate to provide for their family, that they leap infront of a car, so their family will get an insurance payout.... Things are getting very bad for the wabbits of the world.... And all aid payments go to the more popular "endangered animals" The animals at risk in majority groups are simply ignored! It is horrible!

*Huggles the poor Wabbits!*

Carrots for all, not just the rich!

*Super huge huggles for the sweet Essa!*

Enjoy your day!

 

[Cadoras]

Very good question, Essa! I always enjoy reading your posts!!

My question is, is it the eye sight that is poor or is the supposed "lucky rabbits foot" what does them in? Cant be very lucky for them in the end.

Hope you have a wonderful Hump day!

*Huggleses Sasslebeary!*

Another good question *Nods*

The reasons, as I mentioned earlier... Really do vary from Wabbit to Wabbit..... I can't be sure exactly why each rabbit dies.... But have you ever wondered why there are lucky rabbit's feet? Those are the feet that are taken from wabbits that managed to live long enough to die of natural causes.... Those are the only feet that are acceptable....

Unlucky Rabbit's Feet are far more common.... Any wabbit that is killed, accidentally or on purpose, is deemed to have four unlucky feet.... Some people even try to pass these off as "lucky" but no one would ever believe that.... They're just so obviously filled with bad luck!

Getting back to your question though.... It really is a number of factors that lead to the death of these poor wabbits.... And some of them are just really stupid.... We are doing our best to help these wabbits, but I really can't see any way to save them, in the near future....

*Sighs*

I'm sorry I couldn't be more help....

*Huggles you*

Hope you do have a wonderful day!

 

[Essa]

Well, in the end, your amusement is what's really important, isn't it? I shall survive! But I really did want that air.... It seemed like a great thing..... I've always wanted air of my very own..... *Sighs*

No! Of course not! I would never steal your vodka.... I'm not a vodka thieving Caddlebear..... And I know very well what happens to them..... Well, I know what happens to other vodka thieving creatures... And I assume the result for a Caddlebear is similar or worse.... *Smiles innocently* No need to worry about me, really!

You know.... We could do both..... You could make it illegal for them to flaunt their medals in public..... But let them rent them for private use.... So they can show off their small medals to their friends.... But if they get caught doing it.... We fine them! That'll learn em.... Medal flaunting bastards! I would never steal your ideas! They're too unique and fancy for me to ever pass them off as my own, you know that.... *Nods* Oh, you'll be at my deathbed chanting? That's so sweet of you, I shall definitely do my very best to remember your secret! But make sure no one else hears you chanting.... They might get suspicious..... Oooooh! Super Zombie Essa? It might just be worth it to see that! But I'd probably get yelled at, so I dunno.... *Ponders*

You're so smart! How do I spot the camels with the best wallets though? Or do I just huggle them all and steal all their wallets? You're always looking out for me! You'd really tie a rope around my neck, just to protect me from those nasty camels? *Glances at the camels* Are you sure they won't just kill me and dump me in the desert?

I did mean something else! Really! I just might not have been clear enough in what I said.... But you know I'd never suggest that your stuff was overpriced crap! It's the other stuff that is! *Nods*

Well.... That was my thinking cap.... It's not my fault you used it the wrong way! You were supposed to use it for brilliant money earning ideas and the like! Really! I can't help what thoughts you come up..... *Shakes head*

No one but you! I am sure of it.... You are a very unique and special Queen! I am positive that there's not a single thing you can't do while drinking a bottle of vodka! *Nodulates*

Are you sure Caddlebear has to dress up as a cat? He's okay with the whole dogfood smearing thing.... But I'm not sure how the cat costume will go..... Well, if you insist, I guess we can give it a try.... *Sighs some more*

You wouldn't want to go in there with the crazy posties though, would you? Especially if you're feeding them beans.... A bunch of posties full of old beans? Urgh! We'll, knock em out, then go in with the prodder and check to see if they're alive... Then I'll prod them in the head until they wake up.... You'll hit them with an empty bottle if they wake up? We can't have them thinking they're allowed to be awake... They'll start getting ideas! *Glares at the posties* Don't worry, I'll hold them down with the prodder while you hit them, or just throw a bottle at their head from behind me...

We'll need more microphones! And more cameras.... We have to get every angle and make sure we capture all the sounds! I don't think we're likely to get a second take.... Those legless tv people suck at climbing ladders... Well, they did last time I tried.... I am sure I can find a quality band to play for us.... They won't dare say no once they find out we have a baby T-Rex, musicians love babies... It will be the greatest show ever! *Nods*

I know! I'm sorry.... I just wasn't thinking.... I should've made sure to tell you exactly where the batteries were.... I didn't mean to waste your time! I promise..... *Huggles the Patient Essa* It won't happen again! I'll make sure you always know exactly where the batteries are...

Actually.... The experiments have been somewhat less promising than that.... The cats seem to want lick and scratch too much..... So they end up ruining their wings! It's horrible, blood everywhere and stuff...... *Points at the flying cat room* You can take a look for yourself.... It's really not very pretty in there....

Those are such good cats you have.... You really do need to make sure that those cat do-gooder people don't take them away.... You'll starve! And the cat do-gooder people don't even care about that! They're just mean and don't want cats to be in loving homes.... *Glares at them* I'm sure your cats will scratch them if they try to take them away, what do cat do-gooder people taste like anyway? Hmmmmmm....

Okay... You can have my cyclops.... But only if I get to play too! The game's no fun with just one person... You need someone to yell strange things while you're trying to poke the cyclops! *Nods* It makes it so much more fun!

Good! Brilliant idea! Everyone will be happy then! And you won't have to hear anyone screaming in pain either... I know the screams of agony can get a little distracting when you're trying to aim.... So that will solve all the problems! Just make sure there aren't any carpets in the room.... Bloodstains can be icky.... Oh! You could just shoot them on the grass, then everyone will be happy

*Kicks the non working time machine!* I'll get it working one day, I promise! Then I will most definitely answer your question for you... And everyone can see the greatness of your question!

People will be so happy when you tell them! And then they can just use extra dishwashing liquid, instead of putting lemons on plates.... You don't really need both! And it's way better to have it straight on the plate, cos it can't fall off....

Poor Wabbits.... I think I can help you understand this, but you may not like the truth.....

The reason we see so many dead wabbits on the side of the road is actually because it's only the rich wabbits that can afford to eat carrots regularly.... The rest, approximately 83% of the wabbit population are unable to eat carrots more than once a week.... It gives them okay eyesight, but nothing like that which is required to notice a car travelling at high speed..... Many of these low income wabbits also can't afford proper healthcare and end up deaf.... So they don't even hear the cars coming.....

Then there are those wabbits that are just so desperate to provide for their family, that they leap infront of a car, so their family will get an insurance payout.... Things are getting very bad for the wabbits of the world.... And all aid payments go to the more popular "endangered animals" The animals at risk in majority groups are simply ignored! It is horrible!

*Huggles the poor Wabbits!*

Carrots for all, not just the rich!

*Super huge huggles for the sweet Essa!*

Enjoy your day!

You’re in luck today it’s Friday and you know how generous I am on Fridays, I shall breath some air into a fancy pot and present it to you. Obviously it’ll be the sweetest air you have ever breathed in, ignore the little specks of blood, that’s just my liver caving in.

The results for innocently smiling vodka thieving Caddlebears are far worse than the normal vodka thieving creature. You see Caddlebears give an innocent smile to lure people under false pretences, they pretend to be your friend but as soon as my back is turned they’re snaffling my vodka. Death would be far to easy a punishment ‘cause that would mean they’d feel no more pain. I hope you get my drift?

I was hoping we could fine them and pirate prod them, then chuck them on a bonfire with their medals rammed into their mouths, do you think that’s going a little to far? People wouldn’t get suspicious of my chanting I’d tell them I was ridding your soul of evilness, they’d definitely believe me. Don’t worry about me coming back as a super zombie, I wouldn’t yell at you, what kind of Queen do you take me for? I’d suck all your blood from your body and roast you in a stew pot but I’d never shout at you, I’m actually upset you’ve even suggested such a thing.

The camels with the best wallets are easy to spot, they’re the ones buying bottled water with fancy credit cards, the ones crowding around a waterhole I’d personally leave well alone, they’re obviously unemployed. They won’t kill you I promise, remember bad publicity and all that, I shall have a word with Camilla the Chaircamel just to make sure.

You really need to start saying what you mean more clearly, I was all ready to test out my new super skin pinching gadget on you and now I can’t

I didn’t use it the wrong way, maybe it was tuned in to some one else’s thoughts hang on I’ll try it again….“Ooooooo I say” maybe I’ll just give it you back, I’m far to young and innocent for that.

You’ll be fine, I’ll chuck a few fleas on you so you can scratch realistically. I’ve even got you one of those silly pink bows people insist on putting on cats heads, just so you’ll blend in. Believe no one will ever guess you’re not a real cat.

I certainly wouldn’t want to go in there with the crazy posties…that’s why you are. How about you knock ‘em out, prod them awake, knock ‘em out again for daring to wake and I’ll watch from the a safe distance. Sound good?

Good idea, you go and buy the cameras and microphones and I’ll stand guard in case the tv people decide to make a run for it. We can’t have anything ruining my show. I’d like you to find a heavy rock band, they’re the in thing at the moment, plus they have long hair, better for you if they dare to play a wrong note. Being picked up by the hair and slammed to the ground actually hurts.

I shall allow myself to accept your humble apology, I hope you realise you only get two chances with me and you’ve used up one of them?

Yuck, that is nasty, I think I’m about to be sick…you’re actually feeding them dry cat food!! Can you not see where you’re going wrong? Cats need a special diet of budgies and chicks if they’re gonna fly, how on earth can they be expected to fly if they’re not eating living flying things?

You know I’ve never actually tasted a cat do-gooder person yet, they don’t smell very nice, perhaps you could kidnap one, wash them and send it along, I’d save you the bones so you could make a lovely cat do-gooder person soup, invite your neighbours around for the grand tasting, charge them for the privilege, that sort of thing.

Of course you can play, I wouldn’t be that cruel to you. The cyclops can stand and yell strange things and I’ll poke you, perfect, when can I start?

Oh, you’ve found that distracting as well have you. You’d think they’d keep their gobs shut wouldn’t you, I mean you need a very steady non distracting hand to aim perfectly, this is also why blood gets everywhere, they can’t even be bothered to stand still while you’re working out the best place to shoot them.

*crosses fingers for the time machine not to start working, it was a very crap question* Yes it was the bestest question ever, maybe it’s best if you didn’t see what it was. It was so good people would faint at the greatness of it and they might bang their heads as they fall, we wouldn’t want that on our conscience would we?

True, you ever tried picking up a slice of lemon that’s fell off your plate? By the time you’ve retrieved it off the floor it’s covered in dog hairs, cat hairs and mice droppings, or is that just my house?

I understand it, but you’re right I don’t like the truth, them damned wabbit politicians are as corrupt as ours. We really need to do something, perhaps we could give the unemployed wabbits an allotment and a packet of carrot seeds, throw in a couple of spades and a few pairs of wellys and the world wabbit problem will be solved. I happen to have a spare torch here somewhere, for the wabbits whose eyes have long since stopped working, I’m afraid there’s no batteries they’ll have to buy their own but it’s a start.

Why Caddlebear do people give you presents that require batteries and not give you any batteries to put in the said present?

*sumo style breath squashing huggles for the adorable Caddlebear*

Have the bestest night ever

 

[asian_princess]

*storms in*

Applebear is MAD at you.

It's from something you said ages ago like this morning and i was kinda mad then but SUPER mad now and really it's not your fault I'm just transferring my madness cos if I'm mad at the person I'm supposed to be mad at then i'll seem like a stupid girl cos I'm not supposed to be mad at that person for not doing anything wrong and your comment made it worse so I'm being mad at you cos you're used to me being mad at you and being mad at you is okay cos we still talk like we normally do when I'm not mad at you cos normall we're just mad as in crazymad not mad mad even though sometimes we are mad mad at each other but then we just say we are mad mad in case the other person can't tell the difference between us being mad crazy and mad mad which is what i am at you cos I cant be mad mad at that other person i'm supposed to be mad mad at.

*dies*

Oh, I dunno.... The problem with that is.... Well... When she wakes up, she'll hurt us.... It's really not a good idea at all to wake APplebear up.... Caddlebear has done it before.... She REALLY doesn't appreciate it! *Huggles and snuggles Tralalala instead!*

Didn't stop caddlebar this...um..afternoon

*plonks Caddlebear super hard and breaks off a piece of his arm and eats it, huggling him as he looks at Applebear bagoozedly*

what?? I'm mad mad at you, i'm not without need of nutrition...sheesh.

oh and.

Why, Caddlebear, why... is the word "why" spelt "why"...why can't it just be spelled, "Y"?

and yes, i'm having to hold my breath right now not to laugh...
i'm telling Essa what you saiiiiiid you're gonna get in twoubleeeee

 

[Morrigu]

Why is Caddlebear asleep? *pokes......prods......sighs......snuggles*

 

[asian_princess]

Why is Caddlebear asleep? *pokes......prods......sighs......snuggles*

*giggles* he's not he's at work...let's go shoot marshmallows at him...