Why are you Dominant?

[Netzach]

Because the first time I ever felt the guy's tongue THROUGH shoe leather, this livewire reaction went from my pussy to my brain, to my chest, and kept making the loop. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't define it. I just knew that even if that wasn't the only thing that had ever worked for me, it was a thing. Yes, I would like more of that.

It's sex. And it's power. And it's not located in other people. Wherever I go, it goes with me. Often I've wished it would go away, but it never has completely.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hard to put it in words, but I'll try.

I have difficulty with empathy. I'm a borderline Aspie, and when I need to deal with other people's feelings I have to sit there and puzzle it out like a crossword clue. I'm not too bad at it these days, but I have to stop and think about it; even if nobody else notices, it's still an artificial activity and it's wearying. And sometimes I get it catastrophically wrong, especially if I don't realise there's a "crossword" I need to be solving.

But when I click with a pyl, really click, that connection is instinctive and powerful. I can type a few words and know before I send them that a few seconds later, somebody on the other side of the world is going to shiver and spend the rest of the afternoon very, very distracted. I can hold her wrists or rake my nails down her back and I don't have to puzzle out what's going through her mind, I just know. BDSM isn't the only way I get that connection but it's one of the biggies.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I don't label myself as a "Dominant," but rather as a Sadist with some Dominant tendencies. Those D tendencies involve my control of the degree of pain I provide, its frequency (time between strokes, etc.), and the surprise on her face when she's anticipating one thing and gets another...

ETA: The above refers 99.99% to life before 12/1/12, when my sadism was physical. These days, it's mostly memories and wishful fantasies.

 

[StrayKat]

I am not, I think. I get the cravings for "being forced into stuff" now and then, but only if its carefully arranged how I want it to be.... which makes me a dominant bottom I suppose. But that is just sex, the way I like it sometimes.

Then I am a bossy sadistic bitch more often than not too, and when I find a person I can indulge those feelings with, it is more than sex, it makes me so high like no chemical substance I ever tried did, it is glorious and fulfilling and I dont really have the words to describe it. It is about power I suppose, but on the dark destructive level I am not comfortable with because I have a feeling if I let go I could do things I would regret.

So, I am not anything like "Dominant" as most people describe it. I dont know what am I, still searching for the right definition.

 

[BlondieSinner29]

Because the first time I ever felt the guy's tongue THROUGH shoe leather, this livewire reaction went from my pussy to my brain, to my chest, and kept making the loop. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't define it. I just knew that even if that wasn't the only thing that had ever worked for me, it was a thing. Yes, I would like more of that.

It's sex. And it's power. And it's not located in other people. Wherever I go, it goes with me. Often I've wished it would go away, but it never has completely.

I actually like that feeling. Ecpecially if your a female dominant. There's nothing more sexy then a man/woman that will do anything to please you. Not just in sex, but in any area of my life I love it, because I never had that feeling growing up. This role work's really good for insecure men/women that were shy, or weird, or had any form of social anxiety growing up because it helps you boost your confidence.

All I need to work on is myself right now. I recently started doing that in real life too. I promised my man I wouldn't have sex with him until he comes back to town, and he gets out of the pysch hospital but it sucks. It's like he's calling the shots, I just don't know what I could do to put my foot down, we both agreed on an open-relationship but now I have to wait. But rather then wine about it. I started applying for an online school to study for my bachelors in pyscology, and Masters in Criminal Justice. I have a volunteer job possibly coming up in september at a domestic violence shelter so I can work with juvenilles, maybe as a legal advocate, or on a crisis hotline.
So as one could tell, i'm one of those people that started out poor, but is probably going to end up wealthy, because when I hunt for my passion. I don't worry about the dollar bill. I worry about the enjoyment i'm going to get out of it. And that people is the key to success.

I've been job hunting constantly for a second Full-time job.

And every time my man calls he says things like, "Let me let you go, you must be busy!" I smile calmly and say, "You should know that by now" It's rough though, because I can tell he's intimidated. I just don't want him to feel that way. He knows me and my step-mom pretty much call the shots in the house and he's scared he's going to end up my taxi cab driver, and house-pet .

So i devised a plan to were i'm going to be super busy when he gets out. And I won't have alot of time for sex heh... interesting huh? If I have to put my other men on hold, then i'm going to put his dick on hold when he gets out too.

In a way i'm still the one with the bull-whip if you look at it though. Because he calls me like 10 times a day, writes me love letters, but he's struggling with his, "Ego" I guess. He keeps quoting how rich he's going to be when he gets out of the hospital. It's a guy thing I guess, as a way to impress me and such. Men are very competitive. And he knows how much time I have by this computer and how many people are dying to meet me, in a professional setting.

But when you look at that particular situation of mine, i'm really the one with the power. Sometimes I wish he'd let it go, and let me train him to be a dominant. He's all over the place, and now that i've been keeping up with my meds, buying make-up. And staying focused, he can't get enough of it heh... I even bought him some clothes because he needs help with his fashion. For women there's nothing more important then finding the right look. You could be really attractive but if you give up on yourself, or buy an obnoxious shirt, they will sometimes, make up an excuse to get out of a date, and ecpecially sex. When get more turned on mentally usually, but apperances, and personal hygiene and exercise, is essential for a good relationship with a woman. Vanilla, or not Vanilla.

So I know how you feel about that power feeling it's great. I'm not the aggressive type, unless he were to request it from me, i'm like a gentle natured dominant. I like to inflict light pain with pleasure. It's yummy. Just not sure how i'm going to get my man to enjoy it. Any tips let me know, i'm kindof new to this femdom lifestyle. I researched it for years but never really tried it out on a regular lifestyle basis. Just in the bedroom.

 

[BiBunny]

I dunno if you'd call me dominant, but the older I get, the more I realize that the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do. So I just roll with that, I guess.

 

[StrayKat]

pysch hospital

Wasnt he in jail last time you were here?

 

[Netzach]

I am not, I think. I get the cravings for "being forced into stuff" now and then, but only if its carefully arranged how I want it to be.... which makes me a dominant bottom I suppose. But that is just sex, the way I like it sometimes.

Then I am a bossy sadistic bitch more often than not too, and when I find a person I can indulge those feelings with, it is more than sex, it makes me so high like no chemical substance I ever tried did, it is glorious and fulfilling and I dont really have the words to describe it. It is about power I suppose, but on the dark destructive level I am not comfortable with because I have a feeling if I let go I could do things I would regret.

So, I am not anything like "Dominant" as most people describe it. I dont know what am I, still searching for the right definition.

People make it sound like this organized conscious always totally responsible thing. It's not. However, I've always liked being able to honestly tell the occasional strong grown ass man "You may not want to do this. I could fuck you up. Badly." And we did it anyway. And I didn't - but I had the ability to in my teeth.

 

[Miles Long]

I dunno if you'd call me dominant, but the older I get, the more I realize that the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do. So I just roll with that, I guess.

I don't know if I can go so far as to say the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do, but I definitely would go so far as to say my world would be a much better place. And you know what? That's enough for me.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I have no idea.

I really don't.

Sexual power -> brain euphoria -> hard cock.

If I knew anything about the brain I'd say that there are neural connections and stuff between the pleasure center and the sex center and whatever center longs for control. I'd make it sound way better than that, though.

When I was a kid I loved directing creative projects, and that's how I view sexual control now.

Maybe it's because of weird parental stuff. Maybe it's a genetic mutation. Maybe it's traceable to my childhood, when I used to love to tie other kids up, sometimes against their will, which is now called "bullying," I believe.

Why is a good question, although I gave up on it years ago.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't know if I can go so far as to say the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do, but I definitely would go so far as to say my world would be a much better place. And you know what? That's enough for me.

Ditto!

 

[Miles Long]

Ditto!

High five!

 

[GrizzlyBear68]

I like it for two reasons. Sometimes I'm totally into self satisfaction and taking what I want. I'm a man but I don't let myself go like that much. Most of the time though I love taking a woman where she needs to go and giving her permission. If I can explore her, make her see the hidden desires for kink that she has, and then deliver those. Well that's an incredible rush too. Particularly if those hidden desires revolve around submission, a touch of pain, and her husband not getting what I'm getting.

 

[phoenixrhys]

This is all very enlightening. I'm not dominant. I'm the opposite. However, being submissive ... sometimes I feel I have more power than a dominant does. More control. But then sometimes I just want to lower my head against someone's hard stare and beg pleasepleaseplease. Or maybe that's the same thing.

Either way, I'm enjoying reading these responses. A lot.

 

[BiBunny]

High five!

...

 

[GrizzlyBear68]

This is all very enlightening. I'm not dominant. I'm the opposite. However, being submissive ... sometimes I feel I have more power than a dominant does. More control. But then sometimes I just want to lower my head against someone's hard stare and beg pleasepleaseplease. Or maybe that's the same thing.

Either way, I'm enjoying reading these responses. A lot.

I am addicted to that look a woman has when she's in her subspace. If that's control then she has it all. Lol.

 

[Stella_Omega]

This is all very enlightening. I'm not dominant. I'm the opposite. However, being submissive ... sometimes I feel I have more power than a dominant does. More control. But then sometimes I just want to lower my head against someone's hard stare and beg pleasepleaseplease. Or maybe that's the same thing.

Either way, I'm enjoying reading these responses. A lot.

Indeed-- I love being the center of attention. Sometimes as the bottom, feeling all of someone's energy poured into making me react-- sometimes as the top, keeping someone focussed on me. Either way is good.

 

[phoenixrhys]

Indeed-- I love being the center of attention. Sometimes as the bottom, feeling all of someone's energy poured into making me react-- sometimes as the top, keeping someone focussed on me. Either way is good.

Yes! Isn't that funny, I've never thought of it that way. I've never been the kind of person who would ADMIT to wanting to be the center of attention. I've spent my whole life avoiding the spotlight. I didn't want anyone to see. But isn't it a heady experience, when someone projects their laser-like focus on you, turning the mirror to you, and making you see all of your dirty little desires, wanting you to express them, wanting things for you. Or being the one to take control of someone else, to turn their desires into something that benefits you both. Hello spotlight!

 

[IrisAlthea]

I dunno if you'd call me dominant, but the older I get, the more I realize that the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do. So I just roll with that, I guess.

I don't know if I can go so far as to say the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do, but I definitely would go so far as to say my world would be a much better place. And you know what? That's enough for me.

This!
It's mostly not about sex though.

People make it sound like this organized conscious always totally responsible thing. It's not. However, I've always liked being able to honestly tell the occasional strong grown ass man "You may not want to do this. I could fuck you up. Badly." And we did it anyway. And I didn't - but I had the ability to in my teeth.

When it is about sex it's about this. Especially about the strong grown ass person and doing it anyway.

 

[StrayKat]

People make it sound like this organized conscious always totally responsible thing. It's not. However, I've always liked being able to honestly tell the occasional strong grown ass man "You may not want to do this. I could fuck you up. Badly." And we did it anyway. And I didn't - but I had the ability to in my teeth.

My first childish memories are about hurting, plants (laugh at me but I thought they had as much feeling as people back then), animals, people. Then at some point the need to hurt started to mingle with horrible feeling of guilt and loss. And after that the guilt and loss became a thrill in some twisted way too.
I really dont know how to explain it, is it genetics or something that happened too early to remember, I just dont want to ever feel that way again and I think I would if I let go, or that I would get lost and not be able to come back to "normality" again. Maybe I am just a chicken and dont trust myself enough. But I dont want to risk it.

 

[MyRubiLips]

Wasnt he in jail last time you were here?

It seems many of her postings are inconsistent. This one about her man, her age, seeking second full time job- yet enrolling in a university. Then odd ball posts like her "story idea" of someone writing her entrance essay for said college...

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Power and control.

 

[Heatseekher]

I don't see myself as Dominant, more a sensual dominant or facilitator. I love the element of control, but control over the 'scene' not just the recipient, but more than that is the beauty of giving/facilitating unusual pleasure to my wife. She's not unadventurous, but kind of has preconceived limits; Finding those and going past them by having built up a new level of arousal or hunger is simply a massive turn on.

 

[eastern sun]

Because the first time I ever felt the guy's tongue THROUGH shoe leather, this livewire reaction went from my pussy to my brain, to my chest, and kept making the loop. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't define it. I just knew that even if that wasn't the only thing that had ever worked for me, it was a thing. Yes, I would like more of that.

It's sex. And it's power. And it's not located in other people. Wherever I go, it goes with me. Often I've wished it would go away, but it never has completely.

*like*

 

[Allyourbase]

Lovely thread! So interesting to see the diversity.

In my case, not sure I'm your 'typical' Dominant, but if I'd define my own PYL side I would say it has to do with subtle power exchange.

I fail miserably when it comes to being really strict, or being sadistic to someone who says 'no', or (with permission) cross someone's boundaries.

What I AM good at, though, is getting under someone's skin with a caring, flirty approach, so that I know exactly which buttons to push. I guess I do that to bypass my insecurities over how well I can do a 'traditional' PYL-role (not that well). I tend to see it as taking on a Daddi role. I love getting to the point where someone has opened up so much to me, it turns out I've made them want to slide down to their knees for me even though they 'really don't kneel for people usually'. Or made them want to take some pain for me, because it turns me on, and that turns them on.

I guess it's manipulation, but it's probably the safest way to manipulate, since it's consensual. also it is sexy as hell. For me it gives me a rush like the one all of you talk about. It feels like breathing in, sucking up the power someone gives up, it's as satisfying as drinking a cool glass of water when I'm thirsty. It makes me hard and wet but I don't have to get naked for it in the least. It's a mental thing. Wanting it feels like a Dominant brain itch, like a sore spot in your mind that just needs a good painful massage. Something like that.