Who wants a laugh?

[Octavian]

Chapter 2 of my saga about two down and outs, Clarisse and Brett, has just been posted.

It is short on sex but you shouldn't find it short on laughs.

Or to put it in verse,

You won't get your rocks off
But you might laugh your socks off.

A Day to Forget, Chapter 2

Octavian

 

[Sweet_Candi]

I read your story....and it was so damn funny.....thanks for making me laugh.

 

[the_bragis]

Hello Octavian,

Well just like you previous work this is very well written and thought out. I like reading your writing very much, as you know.

As I read this, parts of it made me smile, others however didn't. I enjoy dark humor but I feel you may be ahead of your time with this one. Consider this, fifty years ago any kind of dark humor would have been shunned.

For me, at any rate, portions of it just went too far over the edge, I felt you just pushed the envelope a little too much. I mean some one's vomit on the landing? Yuck! I guess the one sentence that jumped right out at me though was unfortunately right at the start. The bit about him 'not having an opportunity to kill any animals', I'm sorry but that just left me cold. I can't speak for other readers, but I think a lot of them, especially women, might feel the same way and unfortunately back click, or worse vote accordingly.

Later your story redeems itself with full blown English humor, especially with the simply wonderfully witty dialog between the shop assistant and the old lady. Now that's classic stuff that had me grinning from ear to ear.

I'm not sure how Brett's suspicions about Clarissa being a lesbian made him think she needed a dildo, but I guess we're not talking about a rocket scientist here, are we?

Can you believe it? I actually know men as thick as Brett. "Oh so she doesn't find me attractive? I can't satify her. Well then she must[/I} be a lesbian!" It's funny in a sad kind of way.

Technically it all looked fine, although a couple of sentences read oddly to me, like this one:

In fact, when he came to think about it, he was not successful by any standards.

I think it should have have perhaps been - In fact, when he thought about it, he wasn't... (was not, wasn't - I think it's a smoother read when you use contractions) And I think 'immature ejaculation' should have been premature, but then maybe you meant to do that?

Overall, well done. Humor is so hard to write. You did well.

I wish you well with your future writing.

Have a great day,

Alex.

 

[Octavian]

intended or otherwise

Thank you for your constructive comments, Alex. I am glad it made you laugh. I am not sure that certain parts deserve to be described as dark humour. It is all a matter of taste, I suppose.
And yes, I did mean to write 'immature ejaculation'.

Octavian