Would anybody mind reading my World of Warcraft smut please?

[Ghostwriter100]

Hello there!

As someone who enjoyed the writings of ItsJesse, PizzaforFive and World of Aros I decided to throw my hat into the smut ring.
Got a thing for erotic adventure, ever since the Wulf Archives that was posted...god, since the early days of the internet.
I'm currently writing my own novel and I would use this series as my wetstone for my actual novel (So far I've used quite a few sentences first used in this smut series that I popped in my first draft).

However I'd like some criticisms and thoughts if you guys can spare a moment of your time.
I've had quite a few clicks so far and someone who commented, thanks Anon.
The chapters are quite short, so far I posted chapter 1 with chapter 2 currently pending and chapter 3 just finished and waiting to be published when chapter 2 has gone ahead.
Each is about 4000 words each so they are relatively short affairs.

Much like PizzaforFive I went with a Gilnean sellsword having adventures in Classic WoW as he tries to find a way to get back home to Gilneas. I have a thing for timelines partly to help explore the character and if anything an excuse for him to bang NPC's from the game before he settles on an OC Orc lady introduced in chapter 2.
This series is going to be a lot of "lots throw stuff on the wall and see what sticks (phrasing)" but i'd like you to come along for the journey if you're interested.

The link is below and I thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Ghostwriter

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wolves-at-the-wall-warcraft

It's Celebrity and Fan fiction stories, mostly m/f stuff.

Edit; I made a edit of spelling mistakes and something about changing the title of my story or else it wouldn't be allowed to be published? So Chapter 2 might be out soon or...well later I suppose.

 

[StillStunned]

Disclaimer: my knowledge of WoW is limited to three words: it's a thing.

That said, here are my thoughts from a quick read through.

The first thing is that Celeb & FanFic is generally considered a wasteland. Sci-Fi & Fantasy is heading in the same direction, unfortunately. A few hundred views seems to be a good result, where other categories will yield tens or even hundreds of thousands of views for a single story. That's not to say you should be writing Incest just for the views, but Lit has a whole ecosystem and dynamics with popularity and feedback that takes time to figure out. I know people who've given up on series because it wasn't worth spending weeks writing just for 200 views and 6 votes.

The next thing I noticed was a present tense in a past tense story: "His lungs felt like they were on fire, pure adrenaline and his training are what kept him standing and alert." Overall your grammar was good, but this was in the second sentence, and that's going to through casual readers off. When I'm not writing smut on Lit, I'm a professional editor, and here's my best tip: before you submit your story, use Read Aloud or another text-to-speech tool to proofread your story. The highlight will skip from word to word, and if you're patient and follow it carefully you'll catch 99% of the typos. You'll also see where you repeated words, or where a sentence is clumsy or too long. It's an invaluable tool.

The story overall seemed interesting, but it didn't do much more than set the stage. You say there are more chapters to come; you could have included them in this story. Don't worry about them being too long. The sweet spot for what readers like seems to be around 7000-10000 words. That gives them enough time to become invested. And without that investment they're unlikely to come back to subsequent chapters. Not only that, when your next chapter goes live, it will attract fewer readers simply by reason that it's a second chapter. Accepted wisdom says views drop by 50% from chapter 1 to chapter 2, and down to 30% by chapter 3.

I think you have the basics for good characters and a compelling story, but you need to slow down. This cam be hard for beginning writers to understand - I know, I started writing less than two years ago. But it's true. For every action, include how it affects the POV character emotionally. Your readers want to feel what the character is feeling, so let them reflect. Lots.

For instance, this is a key scene:

The small cheers were quickly silenced when the saw the gates were shut. They saw faint figures and a Gilnean banner near them wave above to draw attention. Their efforts were in vain. Even from this distance they could tell the towers and parapets were abandoned.

"By the light..." one of the soldiers said breathlessly." They closed the gate."

"So?" Hadgar raised his brow." They can open it again, cannae?"

William shook his head." When those gates are shut, they remain so..." He fought the stop the tremble in his voice, the cold fear in his spine." They shut us out."

It happens very quickly for such an important, heart-stopping, kick-in-the-guts moment. Here's a very rough rewrite:

The small cheers faltered, then became ragged. William peered ahead, wondering what was happening. Heads obscured his vision, arms and banners blocked his view, but eventually he saw it.

The gates were shut.

His heart felt like a lump of lead in his chest. His breath was short and shallow. "No," he breathed.

Faint figures ahead were waving their arms to draw attention. A Gilnean banner fluttered in the still air as its bearer swung it back and forth. It was all in vain. Even from this distance William could tell the towers and parapets were abandoned.

"By the light...," one of the soldiers whispered. He sounded as if he was about to choke. "They closed the gate."

"So?" Hadgar's voice was loud, almost unconcerned. "They can open it again, cannae?"

William found himself shaking his head. He felt numb. "When those gates are shut..." He swallowed. "When the gates are shut, they remain so..." He took a slow breath, fighting to stop the tremble in his voice, to suppress the cold fear that he felt crawling down his spine. "They shut us out. We're abandoned."

This is just a quick draft, of course, and it's your story, not mine. But it illustrates what I'm trying to say. Slow down, draw the reader in, let them experience every split second that that the character experiences. That's what they're reading for, after all - not a description of event, but an emotional journey. So take them along every step of the way. Share thoughts, feelings, scents, tastes, everything.

I usually compare it to making love to your partner on a lazy Sunday morning. Take your time, explore every inch, draw a response with every touch of your fingers, every kiss of your lips. Build up the tension as slowly as you can until it's impossible to hold back - and then you take a step back and start over, and then again, and then again. The longer you can build tension, the more your readers will reward you.

Most of all, though, remember that I'm an amateur writer and my thoughts carry no more weight than your own. No-one here is a Nobel or Booker Prize winner. We're just people with day jobs writing in our time off and sharing our own experiences of what works and what doesn't. My advice is to read as much feedback as you can, consider whether it works for you, and pick what you want.

Don't let anyone tell you how you should write. There's no right, there's no wrong, except to enjoy the process. Don't write to anyone's rules unless they're paying you for it. If they're not, just write your words as they please you. That's really what it's all about.

Good luck, and have fun writing!

 

[Ghostwriter100]

Disclaimer: my knowledge of WoW is limited to three words: it's a thing.

That said, here are my thoughts from a quick read through.

The first thing is that Celeb & FanFic is generally considered a wasteland. Sci-Fi & Fantasy is heading in the same direction, unfortunately. A few hundred views seems to be a good result, where other categories will yield tens or even hundreds of thousands of views for a single story. That's not to say you should be writing Incest just for the views, but Lit has a whole ecosystem and dynamics with popularity and feedback that takes time to figure out. I know people who've given up on series because it wasn't worth spending weeks writing just for 200 views and 6 votes.

The next thing I noticed was a present tense in a past tense story: "His lungs felt like they were on fire, pure adrenaline and his training are what kept him standing and alert." Overall your grammar was good, but this was in the second sentence, and that's going to through casual readers off. When I'm not writing smut on Lit, I'm a professional editor, and here's my best tip: before you submit your story, use Read Aloud or another text-to-speech tool to proofread your story. The highlight will skip from word to word, and if you're patient and follow it carefully you'll catch 99% of the typos. You'll also see where you repeated words, or where a sentence is clumsy or too long. It's an invaluable tool.

The story overall seemed interesting, but it didn't do much more than set the stage. You say there are more chapters to come; you could have included them in this story. Don't worry about them being too long. The sweet spot for what readers like seems to be around 7000-10000 words. That gives them enough time to become invested. And without that investment they're unlikely to come back to subsequent chapters. Not only that, when your next chapter goes live, it will attract fewer readers simply by reason that it's a second chapter. Accepted wisdom says views drop by 50% from chapter 1 to chapter 2, and down to 30% by chapter 3.

I think you have the basics for good characters and a compelling story, but you need to slow down. This cam be hard for beginning writers to understand - I know, I started writing less than two years ago. But it's true. For every action, include how it affects the POV character emotionally. Your readers want to feel what the character is feeling, so let them reflect. Lots.

For instance, this is a key scene:

It happens very quickly for such an important, heart-stopping, kick-in-the-guts moment. Here's a very rough rewrite:


This is just a quick draft, of course, and it's your story, not mine. But it illustrates what I'm trying to say. Slow down, draw the reader in, let them experience every split second that that the character experiences. That's what they're reading for, after all - not a description of event, but an emotional journey. So take them along every step of the way. Share thoughts, feelings, scents, tastes, everything.

I usually compare it to making love to your partner on a lazy Sunday morning. Take your time, explore every inch, draw a response with every touch of your fingers, every kiss of your lips. Build up the tension as slowly as you can until it's impossible to hold back - and then you take a step back and start over, and then again, and then again. The longer you can build tension, the more your readers will reward you.

Most of all, though, remember that I'm an amateur writer and my thoughts carry no more weight than your own. No-one here is a Nobel or Booker Prize winner. We're just people with day jobs writing in our time off and sharing our own experiences of what works and what doesn't. My advice is to read as much feedback as you can, consider whether it works for you, and pick what you want.

Don't let anyone tell you how you should write. There's no right, there's no wrong, except to enjoy the process. Don't write to anyone's rules unless they're paying you for it. If they're not, just write your words as they please you. That's really what it's all about.

Good luck, and have fun writing!

Hey man! thank you very much for you reply.
I appreciate the honest to goodness feedback, I did find upon re-reading I may have gone a bit to fast as it were as well as the typos. I will strive to do better.
As for the pacing of the stories, I'll work on it to. I might let chapter 2 ride out as it is, it is longer than 1 but a bit and has been proofread more, and work more on chapter 3 in the mean time.

I appreciate the heads up about the state of the site, do you think I should repost a redone chapter 1 on the Fantasy section or just plot on with its current home in Celeb and Fanfic?

I got an over arcing storyline in mind so chances are I might just end this arc sort of speak as I had a lot of fun writing the past three chapters.
Again thank you very much for your comments, I hope to see you on those boards again

 

[StillStunned]

I wouldn't bother with redoing and republishing. The editing process here on Lit is clumsy, and it will probably take a month for your edited story to appear.

Just write the rest of the story as best you can. That will bring in more readers, and they'll check out the other chapters. The best way to get more eyes on your work is just to keep writing. If you really want a boost, post something in Incest/Taboo - my first story there stands at 172k views, for a 1.5k word story. But that comes with its own caveats: the I/T readers will express their disappointment if your other stories don't contain incest, so you'll see your other scores down every time you publish in I/T.

Ultimately, the best thing is to write what you want to. This site offers so many possibilities, and readers for every genre and every kink. You can experiment with styles and content, and just practise and practise. If you want to make a living from writing at some point, this is the place to get experience. If you're just writing as a hobby, or to get a fantasy or two out of your head, you can do that here too. It's very accommodating.

Good luck!

 

[Ghostwriter100]

I wouldn't bother with redoing and republishing. The editing process here on Lit is clumsy, and it will probably take a month for your edited story to appear.

Just write the rest of the story as best you can. That will bring in more readers, and they'll check out the other chapters. The best way to get more eyes on your work is just to keep writing. If you really want a boost, post something in Incest/Taboo - my first story there stands at 172k views, for a 1.5k word story. But that comes with its own caveats: the I/T readers will express their disappointment if your other stories don't contain incest, so you'll see your other scores down every time you publish in I/T.

Ultimately, the best thing is to write what you want to. This site offers so many possibilities, and readers for every genre and every kink. You can experiment with styles and content, and just practise and practise. If you want to make a living from writing at some point, this is the place to get experience. If you're just writing as a hobby, or to get a fantasy or two out of your head, you can do that here too. It's very accommodating.

Good luck!

I appreciate your kind words man.
I'll go read some of your stuff as well, least I can do.
Happy writing my dude.

 

[Ghostwriter100]

Chapter 2 just dropped.
I've taken your criticisms to heart and done a bit more.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wolves-at-the-wall-ch-02

 

[Ghostwriter100]

Chapter three just dropped!

 

[Ghostwriter100]

Chapter 4 dropped!

I believe i'm getting better but comments are always appreciated.

 

[Ghostwriter100]

The Wolves at the Wall. Chapter 5

New chapter dropped!

 

[Ghostwriter100]

The synopsis and dramatis personae of the series.

In case you guys fancied something among those lines.

 

[Ghostwriter100]

The Wolves at the Wall Ch. 06

Sixth entry into the series is in...VERY sex heavy. I actually had to take out one scene just because it became too much for my blood (i'll probably release it seperate like I did with Dalliance in Hammond Farmstead).
I feel like I've thrown too much at it in fact so I'll try to tone it down for chapter 7. They GOTTA get to Gilneas at some point, right?
Another small trigger for murder at the end of this one...I'll probably call it with this last one with Jacky Wald as I don't want to be that kinda vore writer.
Anyways, always up for comments and the like.

Hope you enjoy.

 

[Ghostwriter100]

The Hunt begins

New story dropped, a in-between chapter of sorts.
Found out if I don't number my chapters I gain more views...hmmm....

 

[Ghostwriter100]

The Wolves at the Wall Ch. 07

My latest chapter dropped, the crew finally leaves Menethil and gets on their way to Gilneas by the way of Arathi Highlands. Meanwhile in Gilneas, some minor drama unfolds.
As I stated before I'll try to write less smut since it does stop the narrative from going forward but we'll see.
Anyways, enjoy.

 

[Ghostwriter100]

Holy crap it's been a minute hasn't it?
Anyway, chapter 8.

The Wolves at the Wall Ch. 08