Who shot John? (Idioms)

[Seattle Zack]

Idioms are a great way to punch up dialogue and add some dialect without resorting to phonetic spelling, and I've been trying to use them lately to give my characters more individuality.

The phrase "Who shot John?" came up in my crossword forum. I had never heard of it, but apparently it's something Judge Judy says a lot. Some constructors seemed to think it meant to muddy the waters or confuse the issue. (John Kennedy, maybe?) Others thought it was a reference to booze, specifically moonshine.

I've heard of "who shot the dog," my grandfather used to say that a lot. "Don't bring up who shot the dog." (There was never an actual dog -- bringing up who shot the dog meant raising some long-past familial grievance that everyone else would rather not talk about anymore and that doesn't have any bearing on the topic at hand anyway.)

With authors from all over the world, I thought we could share some of the more colorful idioms we've heard. My mother used to say "quicker than a chicken on a junebug," another one I like.

So, who shot John?

 

[pop_54]

Ha

'About as much use as a chocolate fire screen' was a fav of my old uncle who passed on a few months ago bless him, he always raged it out at aunt Ciss, she'd just say "Hmm yes dear", then they'd both descend into giggling fits.

Another of his, 'About as much use as tits on a Boar Pig'

 

[Quasimodem]

There was a saying that I heard practically every day when I was a kid, in the fiftie. However I never learned its origins.

If somebody said anything with which you disagreed, you would immediately reply, "Like Ducks!"

Don't ask me why!


Regarding "Who shot John."

I am familiar with a phrase, "Who hit John" which indicates that one is pissed on a very potent variety of booze.

Example: "He went into the Hotel an hour ago, and came out like who hit John!"

 

[Colleen Thomas]

There a re a lot of southern idioms, My favorite is big ole.

Everything is big ole, there was this big ole tree, or down at the big ole lake over by that big ole house. It pretty much denoted anything mundane that the listener should know or be familiar with.

others:

Damn Skippy! : Agreement.

Stomp a Lake in your ass: Threat. Say that one more time and I'm gonna stomp a lake in your ass!

Scorin on the front porch: Insult. Something to the effect of he's so ugly his only chance to get laid is scorin on the front porch. The implication being with his sister, cousin etc.

Over yander: Usually delivered with a vague wave of the hand in the general direction. I think this one is used mostly on people asking directions

My grand father's favorite:

Looks like a bull's butt sewed up in barbed wire : Was applied to anthying done half way or badly.

-Colly

As to who shot john, I dunno.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

All I have to say to Colly is.... Damn Skippy!

Only, there is an inflection to that one I think we only use here in the south. One of my favorite expressions.

Here are a few I use frequently:

3 Sheets to The Wind = Really Drunk.

Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other = 2 people are saying the same things in different words.

10 (or 50, or 100) footer = someone who only looks good at a distance.

Julia-Roberts-Esque = One used in only a circle of my friends. My best friend is a tattoo artist and she often gets very vague requests. "Julia-Roberts-Eque" was actually a description given to her. Now all my friends use it as a term to mean that someone is being unclear. For example: "I dunno about the directions John gave me. They are a little Julia-Roberts-Esque."

Aces = I get bizarre comments about this one from people who live in other areas or that grew up with other friends. Everyone I have ever known uses it as a term synonymous with "Cool". Other people just give you a strange blank stare when you say it.

Captain Obvious = Mythical figure that appears only when you have stated the complete and utter obvious. For Example: "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

I'm sure I will think of other things....my friends and I seem to have a language all of our own.

~WOK

 

[MathGirl]

Wise sayings

"It runs off my back like a duck."

"Useless as nipples on a rooster."

MG

 

[English Lady]

"As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike!"


"Sitting around like piffy on a rock bun"

...i don't know what it means but my sister uses it when she's talking about waiting around or when she's frustrated.


I use "6 of one half a dozen of the other" alot..its a favourite saying of mine


and answering "why" with

"because a y's not a z and a z's not a y thats why!"


We do talk some right cobblers at times*L*

 

[The_Fool]

Shit happens

Shit hits the fan

Numerous other scatalogical expressions that I will leave up to the reader to discover, referencing a female of rather enticing porportions as described by a less than circumspect male.

Just another day in paradise - Sarcastic reply to a question on one's day.

Absolutely Here - Same as above.

Life sucks - Less sarcastic


I dunno...I think about it some more.

 

[RenzaJones]

"Is a frogs butt water tight?" used to agree with some previous statement.

 

[MathGirl]

Coffee so weak it reminds one of intercourse in a rowboat - Fucking near water

Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock.
MG
Ps. My father grew up in Texas

 

[Madame Manga]

"I don't care if it harelips the governor." I.e., to hell with the consequences of whatever action is under consideration.

"Independent as a hog on ice." I use it to mean a pig-headed sort of independence, the kind that rejects even necessary help.

"Sticks out like a turd in a milk pitcher." Self-explanatory.

"Slicker 'n' owl shit in an okra dish." Smooth and self-confident, but obviously not as a compliment.

I have Southern and border-state relatives with colorful vocabularies, but I know I picked up some of these in print.

MM

 

[SlickTony]

Anne Rivers Siddons always had some good ones in her novels, like "you look like the hind axle of hard times" or "the hind end of bad management."

However, one of my favorite idioms, although I don't know where it came from, I got from Harlan Ellison, who, AFAIK, is not a southerner: Sour owl poop, i.e., so&so can't write for sour owl poop.

I liked MG's idiom for bad coffee--too bad there are so few circumstances under which I can trot it out. I've had many opportunities to think about it since I've been living in Florida. I like living here, but you can't always get good coffee.

I'd never heard "as useless as a chocolate fire screen" before, but I like it, like it, like it!

 

[Guest]

barking up the wrong tree (on the wrong track)

like talking to a sign post (person doesn't pay any attention to what you say)

up a creek without a paddle (in a bad situation)

sitting there like a knot on a log (lazy, etc)

stubborn as a mule

talking til you're blue in the face (getting nowhere)

whistlin' dixie (not exactly sure what this means, but I have heard it used saying "And he ain't just whistlin' dixie."

And I have always pronounced it "over yonder," but I guess it all depends on where you live.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Here is a good site I found on the topic:

http://mmm.mit.edu/~liju99/slang.html

~W

 

[Angeline]

Best one I ever heard was spontaneous, and said to me by another mommy years ago as we were dropping our kids at the day care center. She was weighed down--as mothers of babies often are--with child plus diaper bag, purse, and three or four other kid accoutrements. Her baby had just had a major bad leaky diaper event. Her executive look was ruined. We noticed each other and our eyes locked. She said:

Poop. Bad day.

Succinct, but it spoke volumes. I use it idiomatically to indicate life going suddenly and horribly bad.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Originally posted by CrimsonMaiden [/i]
whistlin' dixie (not exactly sure what this means, but I have heard it used saying "And he ain't just whistlin' dixie."

Accoring to: http://www.hray.com/idiom/php/idiom.php?idiomid=1341

"This comes from the South when the Confederate Soldiers would sit and wait and whistle "Dixieland" "


Dunno if they are right, since it is a net source. But it sounds like it could be accurate to me.

~WOK

 

[Seattle Zack]

"Chocolate fire screen" and "turd in a milk pitcher," those are a couple of good ones.

Quasi, "Who hit Johnny" I've seen before -- I think it was even in that movie "Who Shot Liberty Valence?" referring to whiskey.

"The whole nine yards" -- I've heard that this is not a football reference (as one might assume) but refers to a full cement mixer load: nine cubic yards.

"Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of"

"Nervous as a longtailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"

"Slicker than snot on glass" (referring to road conditions, generally)

But no "Who shot John?" How about "Who shot JR?" No, wait, that was all a dream ....

 

[Angeline]

Take a long walk off a short pier.

Shit or get off the pot.

A fine kettle of fish

God's half acre

I'll knock you into next week. (love that one )

 

[Weird Harold]

"Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of"

There are a lot of idioms and sayings about being poor. One of my favorites"

If it took a dime to go around the world, I couldn't get out of sight. -- Roger Miller in "King of the Road"

Many years ago, I was warned about the dangers of drinking too much Scotch and Milk:

"It goes down smooth, like a yard of fine silk, but it comes back like a mile of barbed wire"

some other favorites about looks:

"She's got a face like the south end of north-bound mule."

"You look like ten miles of bad road."

"Shot at and missed; Shit at and hit"

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

There are a lot of idioms and sayings about being poor. One of my favorites"

If it took a dime to go around the world, I couldn't get out of sight. -- Roger Miller in "King of the Road"

Here is one of my favorites on that subject:

He's so Po he can't even afford the O and the R.

~WOK

 

[Seattle Zack]

I'll knock you into next week. (love that one )

That one made me laugh -- my mom used to say that all the time. That and "I'll snatch you bald-headed."

A variation on WOK's was made by a Dallas Cowboy (Henderson, maybe?) about Terry Bradshaw before their Super Bowl: "He's so dumb he couldn't spell CAT if you spotted him the C and the T."

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Old but still one of my faves:

Busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.

And I'm still fond of telling people to go piss up a rope.

Farts and garlic--not sure what it means, but I like it.

---dr.M.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Here are some I collected while working on a novel set in the rural south.

--

Couldn't back a piss ant out of a pee pod - incompetent

Get shed of – to rid oneself of (Get shed of that boy.)

Madder than a wet hen – very angry

Ain’t no hill for a stepper – no problem

Been beat with a ugly stick – very ugly

Don’t care if syrup goes up to a dollar a sop – indifferent

Proud of being stupid – self explanatory

Well, I’ll be dipped – surprise

Pee’d in the whiskey – messed up too bad to fix

That dog won’t hunt – that’s not going to happen/I doubt it

Haven’t got a dog in that hunt – not my problem

Tore it/Tore the blanket – ended a situation/relationship

Handy as a pocket on a shirt – very handy

Ugly as homemade sin/soap – very bad or ugly

Showed his butt – looked foolish

Thinks his shit don’t stink – thinks he’s really something

Road hard & put up wet – very tired

Like to died – embarrassed

Call in the dogs and piss on the fire ‘cause the hunts over -
something’s finished and can’t be re-started

Bird’s nest on the ground – sure thing

Hotter than a goat’s butt in a pepper patch – very hot
Hotter than the hinges of hell – very hot
“
Colder than a well digger’s ass in Idaho – very cold
Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass brassier – very cold

Et up with – very afflicted (He’s et up with love/shit/himself)
Et up with a case of the running dumb ass – very stupid

Bad off – extremely ill (He’s pretty bad off with the flu)
Bad off - desperately in need (He’s bad off for a drink)

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass brassier – very cold

I resemble that remark....


I've got another along the "beat by an ugly stick"...

"Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

My dad used to say that one all the time.

~WOK

 

[The_Fool]

Barking up the wrong tree – Dogs on a coon hunt. Wrong decision
He’s/She’s a one bagger – Sex is acceptable providing that person wears a sack over their head.
He’s/She’s a two bagger – Sex is acceptable providing that person wears a sack over their head and you wear a sack in case theirs falls off.
He’s/She’s a three bagger – Sex is acceptable providing that person wears a sack over their head and you wear a sack in case theirs falls off. As a backup there is a sack on the nightstand. Just in case.
They all look good in the dark – Response to an ugly comment
Coyote Ugly – So ugly that if you woke up in bed next to them, you would rather chew your arm off then wake them up.
Its all pink on the inside – I don’t think I’ll explain this one.
Pushing the envelope – Fly boy talk, pushing the limits of technology
On the Bleeding Edge – Out on the forefront of technology
Sharp as a butter knife/Sharp as a spoon – Reference to intelligence, not very.
Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed – For some, age has no reference.
Jury-Rigged – Half assed put together, just so it works. Tasteless version uses the N word which I see no reason to repeat.
Held together with Duct Tape/ Held together with bailing wire – See above.
Shooting the Shit/Shooting the breeze – Just talking about inconsequential stuff.


I started thinking about phrases referencing drinking, getting drunk and the aftermath. That is a thread to itself.