Who leads when you dance?

[SophiaY]

One of the annoying things about going out dancing with other women is how few of them know how to lead (I am into real dancing – tangos, swing, waltz, salsa and so on).

A comment from my dance partner (we both love to dance and our respective significant others don’t – sigh):

"Why is it that only butches know how to lead?"

I know she was only generalizing, still there is a kernel of truth to it.

Lack of experience, lack of interest? (puzzled)

 

[revolution724]

Me. Or at least, I want to learn how to ballroom dance, and I want to lead. But then, I do have some butchy leanings - and in fact, wanting to be the one to lead I think comes from that. I'm guessing it's just a symptom of being ingrained with the idea that it's the man who leads, which is a symptom of internalized sexism. Plus most women who take ballroom dancing lessons in a non-LGBT setting only get taught the woman's part - the follower.

From a practical standpoint, it makes sense for the person who's taller to lead, whatever gender or gender expression they may have.

 

[SophiaY]

Me. Or at least, I want to learn how to ballroom dance, and I want to lead. But then, I do have some butchy leanings - and in fact, wanting to be the one to lead I think comes from that. I'm guessing it's just a symptom of being ingrained with the idea that it's the man who leads, which is a symptom of internalized sexism. Plus most women who take ballroom dancing lessons in a non-LGBT setting only get taught the woman's part - the follower.

From a practical standpoint, it makes sense for the person who's taller to lead, whatever gender or gender expression they may have.

Butch or Alpha – it does seem that regardless of the genders in the duet, there is one that is to some degree in charge; when it comes to the romantic, sexual, aspects.
Which is very much, not a bad thing.

While I agree that most women who learn to dance do so from the “follower” position, you would think that those who are gay, and want to lead, would have worked on that. My friend’s comment was directed at that lack.

And I also agree that from an kinetic, aesthetic, point, having the taller partner lead does work better than the other way around.
Luckily, I’m 5’4 – haven’t had too many partners shorter than me.

 

[Wolfman1982]

then let us dance

even it is only at a disco

 

[Raimondin]

Butch or Alpha – it does seem that regardless of the genders in the duet, there is one that is to some degree in charge; when it comes to the romantic, sexual, aspects.
Which is very much, not a bad thing.

While I agree that most women who learn to dance do so from the “follower” position, you would think that those who are gay, and want to lead, would have worked on that. My friend’s comment was directed at that lack.

Yes, I think you're right on that (and your friend).
In my case, it's sort of a "in my blood" thing. I'm American, but my ethnic background is Argentinian. Ever since I was a little boy it was Tango whether I liked it or not.

But I never wanted to lead. I felt more comfortable taking the "passive" role or being the follower, despite Tango being a rather aggressive dance style. (Hmm. Yikes. Maybe "passive" isn't the the right word in this context).

Yeah, I think there's definitely a romantic, sexual, "in charge" thing in dance. Certainly in Tango. Certainly with guys as well.

 

[Xectxny19X]

This is an interesting question, since I've never really have to encounter this. I'm just into the club dancing where no one has to really lead. I did have to do this sort of latin dance once(forget the name), but the girl was totally leading. We were the same height, and she was definitely not butch at all(high heels, skirt, make-up, etc.).

But to answer your question, I think the person who knows the steps the most should lead. If we both know it about the same, we'll just take the role we like most for the night...maybe change it up a bit next time.

 

[Raimondin]

then let us dance

even it is only at a disco

Yes, Shall we Disco? Where no one leads or follows!

 

[Etoile]

We don't ever do any dancing that requires leading...I guess we just do club dancing mostly. I know how to box-step and fake slow dances, but I honestly don't know who leads because I haven't done it in so long! LOL

 

[SophiaY]

Dancing, whether you call it real dancing (yeah, snobbish), or ballroom dancing is like being a poem,
like being chocolate,
like being in love without the angst,
like making love for hours effortlessly,
like floating on your back in a sun warmed pond,
like being happy without having to ask yourself why...

You can live without dancing, but when you dance, you live.

 

[Xectxny19X]

*sigh*
That's a really beautiful poem!
I can do w/o the angst in dating and love though, but it just comes w/ the territory hu?
Thank you for sharing the poem.

 

[Wolfman1982]

Yes, Shall we Disco? Where no one leads or follows!

sure to Depeche Mode please

(or Modern Talking or something else danceable )

 

[Fenikkusu]

Slow dancing...I lead.

Otherwise it's a free for all and I love to have someone dance for me.

 

[SophiaY]

While I know how to lead, I’d rather be led myself, but that does depend on how skilled my partner is.

"Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, and she did it backwards and in high heels."

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't dance super well, but I both lead and follow. I can teach a partner, to the extent of my own abilities, to either lead or follow..
If you want to see something really silly, you should see me and my husband swing-dancing at a reenactment- in authentic Native American clothing!

 

[SophiaY]

Hmmm, is leading, or following, while dancing a reflection of how one is in other ways?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hmmm, is leading, or following, while dancing a reflection of how one is in other ways?

oh, aye...

 

[MintSoda]

I'm more of a club dancer too. The only times I've ever ballroom danced though I was definitely not leading. Mostly I was trying not to fall on my ass and take everyone around me with me. Heels and I don't get along in the first place, adding alcohol and a formal gown only made that worse.

 

[DarkAurora]

*Didn't know how to delete this post*

 

[DarkAurora]

Do they have dance classes for same-sex dance partners? I would love to take one of these classes! I'd probably fall on my ass at first but I would have a ball doing it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do they have dance classes for same-sex dance partners? I would love to take one of these classes! I'd probably fall on my ass at first but I would have a ball doing it.

In Tennessee? Hmm... They have them in the big cities I've lived in- Atlanta, Los Angeles, Chicago- of Course they would have them in New York. Maybe if there's a Liberal Arts college or a university campus- you'll find classes. Or find a guy couple to go with you gals. Then in private, the couples switch off, so that the follower can teach a leader. Gawd, that sounds convoluted!

 

[SophiaY]

In Tennessee? Hmm... They have them in the big cities I've lived in- Atlanta, Los Angeles, Chicago- of Course they would have them in New York. Maybe if there's a Liberal Arts college or a university campus- you'll find classes. Or find a guy couple to go with you gals. Then in private, the couples switch off, so that the follower can teach a leader. Gawd, that sounds convoluted!

When my close straight friends ask me why I grit my teeth and fall into a funk sometimes – it’s the convolutions that I tell them that makes me so.
Tired of being stared at on the dance floor, for the wrong reasons. Tired of simple things being complicated…

 

[Stella_Omega]

When my close straight friends ask me why I grit my teeth and fall into a funk sometimes – it’s the convolutions that I tell them that makes me so.
Tired of being stared at on the dance floor, for the wrong reasons. Tired of simple things being complicated…

I know, sweetie.

 

[SophiaY]

On the other hand, I wouldn't change who I am, my life, for anything...

 

[Stella_Omega]

On the other hand, I wouldn't change who I am, my life, for anything...

This is why people move to other cities... For the sake of their lives.
(edited to add) and, you know, everyone has constraints they fight against, really... queers and straights, artists and left-brainers alike.

 

[Wolfman1982]

SophiaY: do you want to dance ? Since it makes me high when i am dancing

and drugs they suck. Except when your own body is producing adrenaline and endorphine because you like the music, you are dancing to.

Come with me
Into the trees
We’ll lay on the grass
And let the hours pass

Take my hand
Come back to the land
Let’s get away
Just for one day
*chorus*
let me see you stripped down to the bone

sorry i just love that song