Who is polyamorous?

[Equinoxe]

Like the Bible, the Qur'an sometimes seems to contradict itself. However, I think most interpretations of the ahadith and Qur'an generally come in favor of the practice. It's interesting to note that the correct mu'aasharah would be to treat each wife equally. Like Christians, Islamics tend to pay attention to the parts they like and gloss over those they don’t.

I'm inclined to agree, the Quran does seem to contradict itself on a variety of issues, as in general does the Bible (less so though, the Christian scriptures rather contradict the Jewish scriptures a bit more than the Quran does in any respect). The Hadith are no more useful on the matter and I don't believe the traditions of the Shi'a are particularly solvent either (although the Shi'a have this concept of temporary marriage that is interesting and not found amongst the Sunni).

 

[Never]

I assume you mean just hugging friends and things like that, right? No, I don't have any jealousy issues with that...only with the two of them together. I do think it's selfish that I want each of them to only want me...but hey, that's mainly why I'm working on finding a therapist who can handle poly issues.

You get jealous when they hug? Yeah, that's a bit of an issue.

I still don't think wanting them to only want you is selfishness. Are you suggesting your Daddy or your wife have never felt the same?

I can see how that could become a problem, however, if it negatively impacts the relationship.

 

[Equinoxe]

I assume you mean just hugging friends and things like that, right? No, I don't have any jealousy issues with that...only with the two of them together. I do think it's selfish that I want each of them to only want me...but hey, that's mainly why I'm working on finding a therapist who can handle poly issues.

I would imagine that it would be hard to find a therapist who deals with those things, but I hope you do, I wouldn't want you to have an unnecessary strife...

 

[dagdag]

Like the Bible, the Qur'an sometimes seems to contradict itself. However, I think most interpretations of the ahadith and Qur'an generally come in favor of the practice. It's interesting to note that the correct mu'aasharah would be to treat each wife equally. Like Christians, Islamics tend to pay attention to the parts they like and gloss over those they don’t.

dagdag,
Would have happen to be Raise the Red Lantern? Excellent movie.

YES! u got it. Indeed, excellent movie.

Religion is a cover for some people to do what they want...

If you are a successfull businessman in France, you need to have a ongoing affair. It comes with the package.

 

[Etoile]

You get jealous when they hug? Yeah, that's a bit of an issue.

I still don't think wanting them to only want you is selfishness. Are you suggesting your Daddy or your wife have never felt the same?

I can see how that could become a problem, however, if it negatively impacts the relationship.

Actually, you're right - I don't get really jealous anymore when they just hug. There is still a fleeting moment of jealousy, but it's nothing like what it used to be. I guess some things have improved.

I'm sure my wife has felt the same, but I'm not too sure about Daddy. I just don't think eir brain works that way...it's a rather strange brain, to be sure. After all, as many red-blooded American male(-identified) guys would agree, it's great to have two chicks at the same time! But e also just isn't the jealous type. E has a very strong personality - knows what e wants, doesn't take shit from anybody, etc.

 

[Equinoxe]

Actually, you're right - I don't get really jealous anymore when they just hug. There is still a fleeting moment of jealousy, but it's nothing like what it used to be.

Well, that would have to be for the better, a step in the right direction at least.

 

[dagdag]

Actually, you're right - I don't get really jealous anymore when they just hug. There is still a fleeting moment of jealousy, but it's nothing like what it used to be.

Happy bithday

 

[Etoile]

I would imagine that it would be hard to find a therapist who deals with those things, but I hope you do, I wouldn't want you to have an unnecessary strife...

There are definitely kink-aware professionals out there; a link to them was posted in my "Finding a Therapist" thread in BDSM Talk. Unfortunately I'm quite certain none of them will be on my insurance plan, and the issues I need to deal with are too important to just pick someone off my plan's listing. I'll probably end up paying out of pocket (and through the nose), but I do think I'll find somebody who's at least compatible with my lifestyle.

 

[Equinoxe]

There are definitely kink-aware professionals out there; a link to them was posted in my "Finding a Therapist" thread in BDSM Talk. Unfortunately I'm quite certain none of them will be on my insurance plan, and the issues I need to deal with are too important to just pick someone off my plan's listing. I'll probably end up paying out of pocket (and through the nose), but I do think I'll find somebody who's at least compatible with my lifestyle.

Well, I stay away from the BDSM board, not so much my style, so suffice it to say I missed the thread.

Yes, I can imagine calling the insurance office:
"Yes, I would like to see if this therapist is covered by your plan."
"Well, what does he specialise in?"
"He specialises in polyamorous lesbian relationships."
"... No."

 

[Etoile]

Well, I stay away from the BDSM board, not so much my style, so suffice it to say I missed the thread.

Yes, I can imagine calling the insurance office:
"Yes, I would like to see if this therapist is covered by your plan."
"Well, what does he specialise in?"
"He specialises in polyamorous lesbian relationships."
"... No."

Ha! That would undoubtedly be the case.

 

[Equinoxe]

Ha! That would undoubtedly be the case.

That's HMOs for you though, I guess.

 

[dagdag]

Well, I stay away from the BDSM board, not so much my style, so suffice it to say I missed the thread.

Yes, I can imagine calling the insurance office:
"Yes, I would like to see if this therapist is covered by your plan."
"Well, what does he specialise in?"
"He specialises in polyamorous lesbian relationships."
"... No."

How about finding the therapist first. And, once you find him/her, you can ask her office as far as which policies they are accepting; and once you find out, you can start getting quotes around for that policy...

If you do not have enough money, they may cover a large portion of it as well.

Good luck

 

[Etoile]

How about finding the therapist first. And, once you find him/her, you can ask her office as far as which policies they are accepting; and once you find out, you can start getting quotes around for that policy...

Yup, that's the plan. I already know of one in the DC area but he's a guy and I'd prefer a female therapist, so I'm still looking.

 

[Equinoxe]

Yup, that's the plan. I already know of one in the DC area but he's a guy and I'd prefer a female therapist, so I'm still looking.

I think if I were in that situation I would definitely prefer a female therapist as well. I think in general I would prefer a female therapist, no gender gap to overcome or something to that effect.

 

[Etoile]

I think if I were in that situation I would definitely prefer a female therapist as well. I think in general I would prefer a female therapist, no gender gap to overcome or something to that effect.

Yes, I've always preferred female therapists in the past. There was one I saw for quite a while and managed to open up to (including the poly issues), but she's not convenient to me anymore so I probably won't be able to get to her. I think it's just that I relate better to women than I do to men.

 

[Equinoxe]

Yes, I've always preferred female therapists in the past. There was one I saw for quite a while and managed to open up to (including the poly issues), but she's not convenient to me anymore so I probably won't be able to get to her. I think it's just that I relate better to women than I do to men.

I would think it's the same for most women and likewise I would guess most men find it easier to relate to men. Men and women do have different patterns of thought and all, so I think most people would find that they understand someone of the same sex and likewise can more reasonably expect that person to understand them.

It's unfortunate that the therapist you were comfortable with is no longer convenient, I know it can be very hard to open up to people about these sorts of things.

 

[Teal]

The sight of this topic brings up a song I shal post the lyrics.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Breaking Benjamin-Polyamorous


The day has come to an end
The sun is over my head
My polyamorous friend
got me in a mess of trouble again
so
Just when you think that you're all right
I'm crawlin out from the inside
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all

They've come to get me again
The cloud is over my head
My polyamorous friend
Got me in a mess of trouble again
so
Just when you think that you're all right
I'm crawlin out from the inside
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all
just stay away from the white light
I'd say your worst side's your best side
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all-

well how do you know?
well how do you know?
well how do you know?
well how do you know?

Just when you think that you're all right
I'm crawlin out from the inside
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all
Just stay away from the white light
I'd say your worst side's your best side
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all
Let's go

 

[Guest]

Now this is a nice way to be polyamorus, share your bed with friends.

 

[SnowWolfy]

I am

just wish I could find the right people to be with me.......

have pretty much never had a Jealous bone in my bod......would have let me X be with anyone she wanted to be with and would have loved to have a larger family...grinz

oh yeh she was also bi....so could have been very fun and life changing if she would have not been so Jelly of me with other women...which sucked......s

 

[OneColdMonkey]

You hit the nail on the head. Jealousy and insecurity are two different things, though - your latter sentence is about insecurity. The jealousy issues (for me, anyway) are more about being selfish. I want my wife to have sex with ME and not Daddy, I want my Daddy to have sex with ME and not my wife. Whenever they're together I feel like I'm doubly jealous - that is, I'm jealous of each of them. This jealousy is so intense that we're not really able to have three-person sexual encounters. We did it recently where I was the center of attention, and that was okay, but whenever I physically see them being even affectionate I get jealous.

Did I mention I have major jealousy issues?

Good point about jelousy v insecurity.

So far as your insecurity over your partners showing affection for each other, think about this... You love both of them, right? So isn't it wonderful that they should love each other as well? That you can all share this love? Don't be insecure when they hold hands, smile, because you helped make it happen. And then go take one of their hands and have a good time!

 

[SweetDommes]

hmm... without dragging myself through all of the posts, I have to post about our situation.

Anyone who goes on the BSDM boards has seen us, and I know that Etoile has heard all about us before ...

We are a f/f bisexual couple who has male submisives - one of whom lives with us, the other is dragging his feet and is about to not be ours anymore if he can't get his shit together ... but I digress. Our current relationship with the boy who already lives with us is great. We communicate and work to keep the jealousy down to a minimum. I am the one of the three of us with the biggest jealousy issues and I do have to work on them - constantly. We are currently rearranging the dynamics to help that, and hoping that it will work. It is a lot of work ... I would say that for each person added, it increases the difficulty of keeping the relationship going by an order of magnitude ... but for us, it is definately worth it.

We do all love each other equally ... differently, but equally. My love for ghosst is not the same as my love for Holly ... but if I ever had to make a decision between the two of them, I would be unable to.

And I totally understand that this kind of relationship is not for everyone ... far from it. And sometimes, it's not for us either (like when sylvan is being flakey on us ... which he is right at this very moment *sigh*). But overall, we are happy where we are with ghosst, and that is what matters - we have done what makes us happy.

Karen

 

[John Doe]

hmm... without dragging myself through all of the posts, I have to post about our situation.

Anyone who goes on the BSDM boards has seen us, and I know that Etoile has heard all about us before ...

We are a f/f bisexual couple who has male submisives - one of whom lives with us, the other is dragging his feet and is about to not be ours anymore if he can't get his shit together ... but I digress. Our current relationship with the boy who already lives with us is great. We communicate and work to keep the jealousy down to a minimum. I am the one of the three of us with the biggest jealousy issues and I do have to work on them - constantly. We are currently rearranging the dynamics to help that, and hoping that it will work. It is a lot of work ... I would say that for each person added, it increases the difficulty of keeping the relationship going by an order of magnitude ... but for us, it is definately worth it.

We do all love each other equally ... differently, but equally. My love for ghosst is not the same as my love for Holly ... but if I ever had to make a decision between the two of them, I would be unable to.

And I totally understand that this kind of relationship is not for everyone ... far from it. And sometimes, it's not for us either (like when sylvan is being flakey on us ... which he is right at this very moment *sigh*). But overall, we are happy where we are with ghosst, and that is what matters - we have done what makes us happy.

Karen

Do I know you?

 

[SweetDommes]

Do I know you?

Uh ... I don't know ... do you?

 

[Mermaid]

Actually, you're right - I don't get really jealous anymore when they just hug. There is still a fleeting moment of jealousy, but it's nothing like what it used to be. I guess some things have improved.

I wonder if you've just gotten used to them hugging. Maybe you've seen it enough, so that you know that when they hug, you'll still get hugs too. Your wife hugging Daddy is not going to make either of them not want to hug you. And so it's better.

Maybe just over time, you can work up to other things being ok...?

 

[Never]

Yep, you just have to watch them go at each other for hours, rubbing their sweaty bodies together, and having orgasm after mind-blowing orgasm on end and all your feelings of jealousy will vanish.