Who is a male dom?

CharleyH

Curioser and curiouser
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May 7, 2003
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I have asked this question in the guise of what a Domme is, but never got much of an answer. What IS a male Dom? How does he define himself?
 
It's usually a male who takes charge in the bedroom. Sometimes even in other areas of their lives. Others even do it for a living.
 
My view of a Male Dom is a man who get pleasure from being in charge and watching those under him submit to whatever whim he has.

In the bedroom he is the one that takes charge and directs the flow of the actions whether by telling or manually directing the submissive as to what to do.

When it comes to BDSM the Male Dom is always in control and while dishing out a spanking, a whipping or binding a submissive however he wishes, he is responcible for their safety and takes great measures to make sure that both his submissive and he get what they want out of the session.

In life situations, he is the one who takes charge and even when the odds are against him he remains calm and stays in charge.

Hope that helps you.
 
I take pleasure in the gift that my female submissives give to me and entrust me with.

I take pride in my ownership of them.

I adore the free and unfettered use of their bodies for my own pleasure.

I enjoy using their bodies, and showing them their (my) bodies through my eyes, in order to indulge my aesthetic tastes.

I crave the power-give.

I demand total submission under the framework of our mutually negotiated contract.

I value my female submissives and want to help them grow as submissives and individuals.

I am a male Dominant.
 
Dude who gets his rocks off being in sexual control. Like me but a dude.

In life situations, he is the one who takes charge and even when the odds are against him he remains calm and stays in charge.

Ha, not in my observation. Sometimes a male dom or a female dom when in danger or in doubt will run in circles scream and shout. And some subs display the above aplomb in the face of uncertainty.
 
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Jeremy Davis said:
When it comes to BDSM the Male Dom is always in control and while dishing out a spanking, a whipping or binding a submissive however he wishes, he is responcible for their safety and takes great measures to make sure that both his submissive and he get what they want out of the session.
So if a dominant male like to have his butt spankes, or fucked, that means he is no Dom? Even if he always directs whatever happens?
 
chris9 said:
So if a dominant male like to have his butt spankes, or fucked, that means he is no Dom? Even if he always directs whatever happens?

You just screened Brokeback Mountain, watch the heads all explode as the spectre of possibility arises.
 
chris9 said:
So if a dominant male like to have his butt spankes, or fucked, that means he is no Dom? Even if he always directs whatever happens?

Glad somebody ask this question.
 
It means he is a "switch" meaning that he likes to be both dominate and submissive depending on the partner he is with.
 
Netzach said:
Ha, not in my observation. Sometimes a male dom or a female dom when in danger or in doubt will run in circles scream and shout. And some subs display the above aplomb in the face of uncertainty.

Just because someone says they have a dominant or submissive personality doesn't mean they do. I can't see any way that a dominant person would be prone to panic.
 
Stuponfucious said:
Just because someone says they have a dominant or submissive personality doesn't mean they do. I can't see any way that a dominant person would be prone to panic.

I'm dominant, in the context of BDSM obviously, but in my day to day (professional) life I am not as dominant. I tend to like things done my way but if they aren't I can deal. More often then not when I present my plan for something or directions 90% of the time I win...due mostly to the clear thinking and logic. I don't force anything and if you don't like my way use someone else's idea, fine. That would never happen in my BDSM side, it's my way or nothing.

As for panic. I rarely panic, but when I do you better watch out because it's ugly. I tend to get even calmer under stressful situations and can focus even more so. I won't overtly take charge of things but again I will present my plan and those who want to follow can, those who don't great...good luck.

I tend to be very Stoic and self-assured to the point of some thinking I am arrogant (which I am not). I have my views and can form a plan for execute something and am confident in my abilities. If you don't agree with me, more power to you, I won't force the issue given i could care less.

I've never panicked with one of my submissives within a scene, even in some of the more sketchy/dangerous times. It's not in my nature to but my feeling is if i did panic, while I was supposed to be watching out for this other person's safety that I'd void any trust in that fact I had. As a sub I'd never trust a Dom who panicked with me and put me at risk. There are no second chances when it comes to safety.
 
Jeremy Davis said:
It means he is a "switch" meaning that he likes to be both dominate and submissive depending on the partner he is with.
How is he submissive telling his partner to spank him until he says enough, or if he orders his partner to fuck his ass with a strap-on? What you are saying is it's the actions that make a Dominant, with which I don't agree.
 
How is he submissive telling his partner to spank him until he says enough, or if he orders his partner to fuck his ass with a strap-on? What you are saying is it's the actions that make a Dominant, with which I don't agree.

That description stuck out like a sore thumb to me as well, and I think that's how some people get confused with regards to roles in the lifestyle. People tend to think that the person on the receiving end of thngs during a session must be the submissive, but this is not neccesarily true. As Chris9 pointed out, Dominance is generally determined by who calls the shots in an intimate relationship.
 
riverofshudder said:
I've never panicked with one of my submissives within a scene, even in some of the more sketchy/dangerous times. It's not in my nature to but my feeling is if i did panic, while I was supposed to be watching out for this other person's safety that I'd void any trust in that fact I had. As a sub I'd never trust a Dom who panicked with me and put me at risk. There are no second chances when it comes to safety.


I'm not talking about in a scene. I'm talking about how people react when emotional shit hits the fan in which case I've seen very stoic and capable people turn totally useless.

Example in recent memory, a well-respected Dom, a paragon of self-control and control who was nowhere to be seen while his bottom's shoulder had dislocated (seemed to have popped out from her moving a certain way, no bondage or fault of his) he went to make calls, but essentially left the business of calming her down to other people.

Yeah you get points for first-aid protocol there, but you don't get any "being a mensch" points from me. Everyone has a cell, have someone hand you one so you can physically be around.
 
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Netzach said:
I'm not talking about in a scene. I'm talking about how people react when emotional shit hits the fan in which case I've seen very stoic and capable people turn totally useless.

Example in recent memory, a well-respected Dom, a paragon of self-control and control who was nowhere to be seen while his bottom's shoulder had dislocated (seemed to have popped out from her moving a certain way, no bondage or fault of his) he went to make calls, but essentially left the business of calming her down to other people.

Yeah you get points for first-aid protocol there, but you don't get any "being a mensch" points from me. Everyone has a cell, have someone hand you one so you can physically be around.

As a Dom I've had a sub pass-out due to my actions (breath play years ago), I've had a few have massive panic/anxiety attacks, numb limbs from bondage (that didn't quickly return to feeling), and a dislocated shoulder (badly) due to some suspension bondage (and her not telling me she had shoulder issues. I've been to the emergency room with a sub and have had to have some awkward conversations. I've dealt with them calmly and very logically...

In my real life...let's just say I'm a New Yorker who was less than a block away from the WTC that day. From that point on I will never ever doubt myself in a stressful and scary situation. The blackout we had in the Northeast a few years back also aided in my confidence too.

Given some of the sports I do (snowboarding, cycling, hiking) I've been in equally sketchy situations as well. I find having to deal with pressures and life/death situations brings out the best in me. It's all about focus.

I'm not saying any of these to be a tough guy, more to illustrate some of the things I experienced which have helped me be confident in my abilities to handle pressure.

I can think of a handful of times, mostly when I was much younger, when I panicked. Though those few cases were more of a survival instinct type thing kicking in....like a cornered animal with no option but to fight it's way out....
 
CharleyH said:
.... What IS a male Dom? How does he define himself?

I am me.

I own my girl janey.

I give her direction and guidance and focus in her life.

We work, eat dinner, watch TV now and then, go to movies, have friends over to the house, we listen to music, read books, we go to munches, demonstrations, play parties.

We make love. I beat her ass and back and boobs and thighs. Sometimes I massage her. Sometimes I dribble hot wax on her. Sometimes I shave her because I like running a razor over the most intimate parts of her body. sometimes I tie her up.

Sometimes I fix dinner. Sometimes I help clean up the house. Sometimes I take out the trash and mow the yard and trim the shrubbery around the house. Sometimes I go shopping, sometimes I work on the car. Sometimes I play with my kids. Sometimes I play with the cat.

What's a male Dominant? I am. janey knows that and acknowledges that, and has surrendered herself to me. How anyone else defines the role is irrelevant.
 
Aren't what we are talking about here is the 'fight or flight' response currently. In which case there is some degree of predisposition to either depending on the individual. I am one of the freaks that think to a large degree in some people that being a Dominant or submissive is hard wired . So based on my own premise 'fight or flight' is in a similar genre. Having also said that I am not presuming there is a gene that says 'I am a Dominant ' that hooks into another that says 'fight'. Humans and our psychological make up are far more intricate than that as we know. Training and conditioning comes to mind as well as environment , past experience and exposure as to how we will react. I am a 'fighter' always have been. Faced with any kind of adversity I am collected and act second by second on what I see to be priority based in a situation yet I am a submissive ( cry ,crash, burn and throw up after the fact however........smiles).

Now here comes the tricky part. I would not want to be in service of a Dominant in any way prone to flight/panic. It would undermine my faith/trust in him instantly. The whole World can go into panic mode just not my Dominant okay ...........smiles

Edit Apologies Charlie slightly off topic End of edit
 
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riverofshudder said:
I'm dominant, in the context of BDSM obviously, but in my day to day (professional) life I am not as dominant. I tend to like things done my way but if they aren't I can deal. More often then not when I present my plan for something or directions 90% of the time I win...due mostly to the clear thinking and logic. I don't force anything and if you don't like my way use someone else's idea, fine. That would never happen in my BDSM side, it's my way or nothing.

As for panic. I rarely panic, but when I do you better watch out because it's ugly. I tend to get even calmer under stressful situations and can focus even more so. I won't overtly take charge of things but again I will present my plan and those who want to follow can, those who don't great...good luck.

I tend to be very Stoic and self-assured to the point of some thinking I am arrogant (which I am not). I have my views and can form a plan for execute something and am confident in my abilities. If you don't agree with me, more power to you, I won't force the issue given i could care less.

I've never panicked with one of my submissives within a scene, even in some of the more sketchy/dangerous times. It's not in my nature to but my feeling is if i did panic, while I was supposed to be watching out for this other person's safety that I'd void any trust in that fact I had. As a sub I'd never trust a Dom who panicked with me and put me at risk. There are no second chances when it comes to safety.

Apparently you have the wrong idea of what dominant means in a mainstream context, because what you described is essentially a dominant nature.

Due to the feminization of America previously neutral and/or positive terms that describe typically male traits have become negative, such as dominant, aggressive and alpha.
 
Evil_Geoff said:
What's a male Dominant? I am. (My partner) knows that and acknowledges that, and has surrendered ... to me. How anyone else defines the role is irrelevant.
Ka-ching.
Evil_Geoff said:
... trim the shrubbery around the house.
ToT ... do you go "Nee, Ping, and Nee-womm" as well? Is it an expensive shrubbery? Do you happen to have tree cutting herring for the mightiest in the forest?
 
AngelicAssassin said:
Ka-ching.ToT ... do you go "Nee, Ping, and Nee-womm" as well? Is it an expensive shrubbery? Do you happen to have tree cutting herring for the mightiest in the forest?

*Is very lost*

Fury :rose:
 
CharleyH said:
I have asked this question in the guise of what a Domme is, but never got much of an answer. What IS a male Dom? How does he define himself?


Are you asking about a Dom or a top?
 
FurryFury said:
*Is very lost*

Fury :rose:

laughs........... the evil Assassin strikes again......its Monty Python :rose: Miss Fury :rose:

Know what I would like to do with a Holy Grail currently ? Though I doubt it would define dominance ...........smiles
 
riverofshudder said:
As a Dom I've had a sub pass-out due to my actions (breath play years ago), I've had a few have massive panic/anxiety attacks, numb limbs from bondage (that didn't quickly return to feeling), and a dislocated shoulder (badly) due to some suspension bondage (and her not telling me she had shoulder issues. I've been to the emergency room with a sub and have had to have some awkward conversations. I've dealt with them calmly and very logically...

In my real life...let's just say I'm a New Yorker who was less than a block away from the WTC that day. From that point on I will never ever doubt myself in a stressful and scary situation. The blackout we had in the Northeast a few years back also aided in my confidence too.

Given some of the sports I do (snowboarding, cycling, hiking) I've been in equally sketchy situations as well. I find having to deal with pressures and life/death situations brings out the best in me. It's all about focus.

I'm not saying any of these to be a tough guy, more to illustrate some of the things I experienced which have helped me be confident in my abilities to handle pressure.

I can think of a handful of times, mostly when I was much younger, when I panicked. Though those few cases were more of a survival instinct type thing kicking in....like a cornered animal with no option but to fight it's way out....


Yeah thank you for posting. That's what I mean. Do you seriously credit how you like to relate to your lover with how you acted?

The firefighters who went up the steps could have been subs for all we know in their personal lives (and the law of averages says some were)

the idea that a Dom conducts himself in some uniform manner outside the context of a scene (or a Domme herself) is a fallacy - if a DOM is always the guy holding it together I take it the subs are the pansies who can't?
 
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