Who does what?

[Eilan]

For those of you who are married, attached, or have roommates, how do you divide the household chores? What's the method to your madness? If there's something that everybody (or nobody) likes to do, how do you decide who does it?

My responses later.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

For those of you who are married, attached, or have roommates, how do you divide the household chores? What's the method to your madness? If there's something that everybody (or nobody) likes to do, how do you decide who does it?

My responses later.

My wife is pretty anal about the house being neat and orderly. Though I do like doing a number of chores, my schedule for getting them done apparently does not match up with when she wants them done. So, I get the "manly" stuff; washing the car and truck, the yard work, moving furnature a couple times a year, making chili when the weather is cold, etc. She rides most of the other chores like a tick on a dogs ass.

The only "chore" that we did split evenly was who got up to take care of our son after he was born. Once the breastfeeding ended, which only lasted for two weeks, we alternated the nights that each of us got up for him, as well as what day of each weekend we got up for the boy or slept in. It worked wonderfully for both of us and I highly recommend any new parents doing it.

 

[FurryFury]

He cooks most suppers and does his own laundry.

I make the other meals and do the laundry for the kids and me.

He takes out the trash and does the yard.

I do the floors and clean the surfaces.

We mostly each take care of having work done on our own cars.

Sometimes I ask him about household fixes and my car fixes just to make sure he doesn't know how to do it cheaper before the mechanic, electrician, plumber gets a hold of things.

The kids are require to keep up their own rooms and each clean a bathroom as well as pick up toys, limbs and other things from the yard and sweep the porch and walk.

We both grocery shop and we try to go together but often with our schedules we have to split up.

He cooks the holiday meals.

We both shop for presents. He is in charge of his family, I am of mine. I take care of the kids too.

I take care of the cats.

My daughter takes care of the turtles. Mostly because she was having nightmares about them not being fed and it being her fault. This way she knows that isn't happening and it has stopped the bad dreams.

Everyone HATES the household chores and no one is anal about it at our house so often things don't get done until we have to.

He LOVES to cook.

Fury

 

[His_pita]

I spent 17 years doing to all! My next relationship will be much more balanced.

 

[covariant]

He cooks most suppers and does his own laundry.

I make the other meals and do the laundry for the kids and me.

He takes out the trash and does the yard.

I do the floors and clean the surfaces.

We mostly each take care of having work done on our own cars.

Sometimes I ask him about household fixes and my car fixes just to make sure he doesn't know how to do it cheaper before the mechanic, electrician, plumber gets a hold of things.

The kids are require to keep up their own rooms and each clean a bathroom as well as pick up toys, limbs and other things from the yard and sweep the porch and walk.

We both grocery shop and we try to go together but often with our schedules we have to split up.

He cooks the holiday meals.

We both shop for presents. He is in charge of his family, I am of mine. I take care of the kids too.

I take care of the cats.

My daughter takes care of the turtles. Mostly because she was having nightmares about them not being fed and it being her fault. This way she knows that isn't happening and it has stopped the bad dreams.

Everyone HATES the household chores and no one is anal about it at our house so often things don't get done until we have to.

He LOVES to cook.

Fury

This is amazingly close to how it works at my house (we don't have children, but we do have cats). Nothing's perfect, but it's worked ok for 20 years. Things evolved over time - it became clear at some point that my SO wasn't interested in cooking, and I was, so I took that over. She started doing some yard work after becoming interested in gardening. Try not to be constrained by traditional gender stereotypes and be honest about what you like or don't like to do. If we both hate it, we pay someone to do it - snow removal is a good example of that here.

 

[rosebud5446]

i usually do them, because he works AND goes to school, and i only work part time... i don't mind, it gives me something to do. but if he has a couple days off, and i'm working, he'll clean.

 

[cloudy]

[sarcasm] You mean someone else in this household could actually, oh, I dunno...pick up after themselves? [/sarcasm]

We use paper plates a lot, mainly because I'm lazy, but no shit, my husband will get through eating, and take his paper plate into the kitchen, PAST the garbage can, and set it on the counter for me to throw away.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh and we home school. He "gets sick" when I talk with him about curriculum and such so that is about 90% on me, I LOVE looking at curriculum but I also have to do all the grading which I hate. Still he is "Mr. Knowledge" and has a lot to share with the kids. They sometimes don't want to hear it because he goes into minute detail but he has a LOT to give.

He also "gets sick" when I talk to him about trip planning so I do all of that. I LOVE to plan trips.

I handle all the taxes and business (I run my own) paperwork. I pay 85% of the bills but the ones he pays are the big ones like the mortgage so he pays more but he makes about four times more than I do too.

I'd hire a cleaning service but I can't stand having anyone in the house. I like to be able to walk around in few if any clothes and do my own thing.

Fury

 

[TBKahuna123]

OK, I admit it. My wife pretty much does everything. I'm a bad husband.

Seriously though, I do a few things but not much. My wife only works part time, and our deal for her only working part time was that she would do most the house work. That was her decision, BTW. I do laundry occasionally and I'm always the one who cleans the bathroom. The only thing I won't do is dishes, but I wind up doing those occasionally too. Whenever she has to work more than usual or is really stressed out, I always try to jump in and do more than usual to help her out.

The only wierd part of our relationship is that she does all the yard work. I have HORRIBLE, and I do mean horrible allergies. If I mow a lawn I'm worthless for days. So she does all the lawn work and I handle snow removal. If you've ever lived inthe Midwest you'll know she's getting the light side of that arrangement.

 

[Scepter]

It depends... When I worked and my SO didn't, she did the lions share of the housework, I helped out quite a bit though and did all the outside work and house repair.
When we both worked I tried to do 50% of the housework. That seems fair to me.

(But she still didn't help much with the outside work. )

 

[revolution724]

You included roommates in your question, but it looks like everyone here's discussed partners thus far. I don't have a partner, but I do have roommates. Basically, whomever sees that there's something that needs to be done does it, whether it's washing the dishes or feeding the cat. We each take care of our own rooms and I take care of my cats' litter box. We also have cleaning people come every couple of weeks. That's pretty much it. If we see the landlords (who also live with us) working on something bigger, we usually pitch in. The landlords do most of the grocery shopping. We all cook for ourselves, but we share meals sometimes.

I guess it really is a bit different from living in a partnership in that regard - we're ultimately responsible only for ourselves, not really the functioning of the whole household.

 

[SweetErika]

He:
-does dishes (I have some type of soap intolerance)
-cleans the counters and stove (more or less)
-takes out the trash
-does minor car work
-fixes and installs things
-cooks easy stuff sometimes (usually just his own dinner though)
-brings in and moves heavy things
-usually irons his own shirts
-does minor errands like picking things up on the way home
-pretty much helps with whatever I ask.

He's been doing a lot more recently with my neck problems, and always picks up the slack when I'm sick or gone.

I:
-tidy up
-do most of the shopping
-vacuum
-mop
-clean the carpets
-dust
-clean the neglected parts of the kitchen
-do most of the cooking
-clean the bathroom
-at least sort and pretreat laundry
-organize
-empty the garbage around the house
-plan
-research purchases and problems
-make appointments
-resolve issues
-do everything he can't during the day

I do as many of his jobs as I can when he can't for whatever reason, and more in general because I work less.

We:
-usually grocery and big-purchase shop
-pay the bills, invest, and work on the taxes
-change the sheets
-do laundry (generally multiple heavy loads which have to be carried a ways)
-clean big messes together

I'd imagine we'll divide child care and associated duties fairly evenly when the time comes because we both think single-parenting in a two parent household is bad for the child and marriage. I like the idea of alternating nights, Halo_n_Horns.

Most of the division started when we moved in together years ago. Some were for physical reasons, and others were based on preference. We both have similar ideas and tolerances regarding cleaning and getting things done so there's very little conflict.

 

[Eilan]

I didn't know chili-making was a man's job.

I think the division of labor at our house has changed since my hubby retired. When he was working, I tended to do more of the housework, but that's shifted somewhat in recent months. I'm more of a laundry doer and dish washer; he's more of a vacuumer. He also does the outdoor stuff, like mowing, raking, taking out trash, etc. and takes care of the cars (including calling the mechanic). Though we keep the house clean, we both have a high clutter tolerance.

I think we divide the child care pretty equally. We did so even when my hubby was working. Fortunately, he received six weeks of paid leave when our kiddies were born, and that was a huge help for me. A diaper change goes to whoever smells it first. I tend to help the kids, particularly the older ones, with baths or showers.

The kids can play with the toys in the living room, but they have to put them away. The older ones will help me fold the laundry and load/unload the dishwasher.

Puppy and kitty care goes to the person who thinks about doing it. My husband usually handles the vet visits.

Cooking goes to the person who's in the mood. It's a pain to cater to everyone sometimes.

I get the older kids ready to catch the school bus and I usually pick them up in the afternoon. I'm also generally the person who takes kids to practices and games when we don't go as a family. I also schedule medical/dental appointments.

Bills are paid by the person who sits down with the checkbook and takes the time to do it.

I'm sleepy. I've probably left out something important, but that's all I can think of right now.

 

[silverwhisper]

i work while my wife is a homemaker. generally, she does most of the household chores: she has more time to do them than i do, and she prefers that we spend our time together actually being together.

when we're cleaning b/c we're expecting company, i do whatever is needed, although she's convinced that i do things badly on purpose b/c she gets frustrated w/ the way i tend to accomplish those tasks using a lot more time than her. :>

during the weekends, i usually make breakfast in bed for us.

oo, one thing that drives me berserk: i often unload the dishwasher. it bothers me that perfectly clean dishes are sitting there as dirty dishes pile up in the sink.

[grumbles]

ed

 

[SweetErika]

<snip>
oo, one thing that drives me berserk: i often unload the dishwasher. it bothers me that perfectly clean dishes are sitting there as dirty dishes pile up in the sink.

[grumbles]

ed

Hey, Ed... At least you HAVE a dishwasher to empty!

 

[WaitingTesting]

My wife is pretty anal about the house being neat and orderly. Though I do like doing a number of chores, my schedule for getting them done apparently does not match up with when she wants them done. So, I get the "manly" stuff; washing the car and truck, the yard work, moving furnature a couple times a year, making chili when the weather is cold, etc. She rides most of the other chores like a tick on a dogs ass.

Minus washing the car and truck (I do that), this is pretty much our house in a nutshell. I'm pretty anal about the house being clean, and I like to do it (he hates it). He likes to do yard work and I don't. Works out perfectly.

 

[silverwhisper]

erika: true, that. :>

ed

 

[bobsgirl]

I do the inside stuff. MrB does the outside stuff.

He is pretty domestically challenged--he'd let dirty dishes pile up to the ceiling, but he will cook breakfast on the weekends. But only because I won't, geing allergic to mornings and all.

 

[Eilan]

allergic to mornings

Ooh, I hear ya. I've been allergic to mornings for at least 25 years.

 

[bobsgirl]

Ooh, I hear ya. I've been allergic to mornings for at least 25 years.

Yep. Food is the last thing on my mind when I wake up. A big stack of pancakes first thing in the morning? Yecch.

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Not too sure

For those of you who are married, attached, or have roommates, how do you divide the household chores? What's the method to your madness? If there's something that everybody (or nobody) likes to do, how do you decide who does it?

My responses later.

Great question, wish I had an answer. I have heard that many couples argue over this. We just kind of fell into a team effort kind of thing. We both help eachother and do everything but at times we kind of divide without discussing it. I do laundry, some house cleaning, he does trash, dishes, we switch off for cooking. He walks the dogs. We both pick up the slack if one is working more or stressed usually without even talking about it. I think the most important thing is that we are considerate of eachother and we take care of eachother.

I hated having roommates, I lived with slobs. Ended up doing everything!

 

[Eilan]

I have to admit that it's hard for me to get back into the habit of litterbox-changing. I can't use the pregnancy excuse to get out of it, either!

 

[M's girl]

I once was in a relationship where this was a big issue all of the time. We both worked, I did all the stuff in the house and he did all the complaining about it. Needless to say that did not work well in the long run and we split up after a few years.

After that it has never been a big issue anymore. Maybe partly because I don't mind doing the majority of the stuff as long as the other one does not complain. But I do expect something in return; at least some gratitude or something; is that childish? M does some things around the house on occasion, but while he works full time and I am still looking for another job, I think it's only natural I do most of the work around the house. When I find another job, however, I will be curious to see how things will be devided then...

 

[Guest]

 

[SweetErika]

I once was in a relationship where this was a big issue all of the time. We both worked, I did all the stuff in the house and he did all the complaining about it. Needless to say that did not work well in the long run and we split up after a few years.

After that it has never been a big issue anymore. Maybe partly because I don't mind doing the majority of the stuff as long as the other one does not complain. But I do expect something in return; at least some gratitude or something; is that childish? <snip>

You bring up a really great point about gratitude. I see everything as a choice, not a requirement. For example, last night it was my husband's choice to do dishes before they piled up. He certainly could have refused and waited until it absolutely had to be done or I stepped in and did it, but he chose to do it immediately.

Therefore, I always appreciate and make it a point to thank him for doing things, even if they're typically his jobs. I don't expect gratitude for everything, but if I've spent a lot of time or effort, or have done his job(s), I want to be recognized or thanked. I've told him I appreciate the positive reinforcement, and he usually gives it. If I did everything and he just complained, I'd go on strike, and he'd likely be the winner of a swift kick in the ass, right out the door.

BTW, I love the AV, M's girl!