Who Do You Respect?

[caela]

I try to treat everyone with courtesy but there are very few people I actually respect. I was taught that good manners are something you should simply give everyone unless they are a total asshole and you need to put them in their place.

So I say say "please and thank you", I smile and ask waitresses how their day is going, I tell cashiers to have a good day and if someone bumps into me on the street I'll offer an "excuse me" since I clearly wasn't looking either or I'd have dodged better. I find it amazing how many people look at me like I've sprouted a second head for what is basic courtesy and should, in my opinion, be commonplace.

 

[unregistered]

 

[JMohegan]

We had a saying in the service, ‘Respect the uniform if not the man.’ It was a way of telling our people that sometimes an officer isn’t worthy of respect, but his uniform demanded it.

There was an expectation on the part of many butter-bars (O-1, officer’s fresh out of the mint) that they were entitled to the respect of enlisted men. An individual who seeks to be respected of their own merit must earn that respect; no one is entitled to it just because. When I took off an enlisted uniform and put on an officer’s rank the first day I had an edge, the men who worked for me knew me, we had a history together. They respected me because of that history; the uniform was a side issue.

Consider President Obama. Did I vote for him? No. Do I support him? No. Do I respect him despite disagreeing with him on just about every word that has come out of his mouth? Yep. Back at Christmas Limbaugh made a statement following his hospitalization that hit his listeners like chewing on tin foil. He was concerned that the President, who was also in Hawaii might visit him as a photo-op. He was concerned, he said, because, “It’s the President, if he comes to see you then you take the meeting.”

Many of Limbaugh’s listeners were livid. They couldn’t believe that Limbaugh felt that way; that he would meet with Pres. Obama. What they didn’t understand was that accepting the meeting wasn’t about respect for the man but about respect for the office.

It’s that failure to understand the urgency of disagreeing without being disagreeable that is the greatest weakness in the current American condition. We’ve lost our respect for our neighbors in favor of respect for our causes.

This is tongue-in-cheek, right?

Limbaugh is the epitome of the trend toward disagreeing while being overtly and outrageously disagreeable, disrespectful, and routinely obnoxious in the extreme.

 

[unregistered]

 

[unknooown]

Photography with an interest in art history, eh? I like that combination. Which photographers of note do you most enjoy? Do you find yourself emulating or being inspired by any one in particular in your work?

I'm not actually sure if I'm qualified to answer those questions as I more or less stumbled across photography as an interest. I modeled a fair amount to make some extra cash while attending university and when that got boring I tagged along on some shoots with a few photog friends I'd made. Seeing what went on behind the scenes was more exciting than being in front of the camera so I bought a camera and started fucking around with it. Back at university a professor (the one I mentioned in the OP) caught me in the dark room after hours but liked my stuff so much he offered to put it in a university art show. That was about a year ago I guess. Since then I've switched majors (I was originally an English Lit/Creative Writing major) and am still getting the hang of the more technical aspects of it but I am lucky because it comes pretty naturally to me.

As for photographers I like. Off the top of my head: Todd Selby and Sean O'Kane. I'm trying to get more into landscape photography because I think there's more to it than people realize. For the life of me I can't take a good landscape photo, but in my experience (which is admittedly limited) people assume it's as easy as pointing and shooting. I hope (for my sake) that this isn't the case.

 

[JMohegan]

Not at all; it's about giving credit where credit is due.

The first step in gaining respect is giving respect. I don’t agree with much of what Limbaugh says either, though I do agree more often with him than with the President. In this case he, Limbaugh, was willing to make the right choice and stood by that choice even when he drew fire from his own people. He understood the importance of that simple lesson, ‘If you can’t respect the man, respect the uniform.’

This is nothing more than Limbaugh seizing an opportunity to insult the President.

Out of curiosity - would you have been allowed to refer to a superior officer as "man-child" on a regular basis? Call him a liar routinely? Photoshop images of the guy, to publicly portray him with a dunce cap or clown costume or clad only in a loincloth with a bone through his nose?

 

[graceanne]

I'm the complete opposite end of the spectrum. The way I was brought up taught me that everyone deserves respect until proven otherwise.

You can be respectful to people, without respecting them.

I also respect people who can have a lively debate without insults.

Me, too. As far as I'm concerned insults are what you stoop to when you're losing the argument.

I'm nice to everybody I interact with. Even small messy children and old slow people.

Yup. Especially old slow people.

That said, I respect politeness. There are some polite people I don't respect, but there are no rude people I do respect. As far as I'm concerned if a person can't even manage common courtesy, they are not worth my time or effort.

K and I, also, are the only people I know (until today, I guess) who thanks the gas pumper, the cashier, the drive thru people, everyone. It's not like being polite is going to kill you.

 

[Netzach]

You're betraying your age, as the consensus among English professors these days is that this particular rule is no longer significant.

I seriously doubt that. It's the subject/object of the sentence. It's like saying the subjunctive is out of fashion in French.

 

[Netzach]

There are different level of respect, some for respect plus intimacy, in which case the bar is higher, and some for unknown quantities - "I don't know you but I assume we're civilized humans togther" please and thank you, hold the door, etc.

 

[CurlyKat]

There are different level of respect, some for respect plus intimacy, in which case the bar is higher, and some for unknown quantities - "I don't know you but I assume we're civilized humans togther" please and thank you, hold the door, etc.

Yes. This is what I was trying to say earlier.

As for thanking people who do you a service, it's sadly neglected. I think most people will find that if they actually do the whole please/thank you/decent tone of voice thing, you'll get much better service anyway. What lead me to this conclusion today, however, was a simple trip to the laundromat. Another guy and I were approaching the door at the same time, me with my hands full and his were completely empty. He held the door for me, and I said thank you and obviously meant it. It caught him off guard, and he actually kind of laughed. He said no girls ever thank him for holding the door open, they just expect him to do it.

 

[graceanne]

He said no girls ever thank him for holding the door open, they just expect him to do it.

That is so sad.

 

[caela]

He said no girls ever thank him for holding the door open, they just expect him to do it.

I'd expect him to do it, (not because he's a guy but because his hands were empty and mine were full, if his were full and mine empty I should be holding the door, and often am) but I'd also thank him for it. Again it's just one of those manners things I was taught, simple courtesy toward another human being.

ETA: Why is it so hard for some people to offer up a simple "Thank you" ? Even if you can expect someone to do something (like a waitress bringing your food) it's still polite to off a show a simple sentiment of gratitude. You never know just how many shitty people they've had to deal with during the day, you could be a bright spot in a bad day for them by simply treating them like their human beings instead of robots just there to serve your whims.

 

[unregistered]

 

[sb2009]

you know what I think about sometimes? How we (and by "we" I mean those of us with good manners) can sometimes be nicer to strangers than our own family. I thought about this years ago and have made a point since then to say "please" "thank you" "excuse me" etc with my kids and husband. A really nice side effect of that is that my kids picked it up quickly and are generally polite. They are still kids, so you know how that goes :lol

But really, sometimes I do see that people are so rude to the ones they are most intimate with.

 

[intothewoods]

You didn't read a single word I wrote, did you?

Is there disrespect from the right? Absolutely. But there is just as much from the left.

We can continue to point fingers and cry foul with respect to what we disagree with, while giving our guy a pass, or we can channel Gandhi and be the world we want.

Dude, you cited Rush Limbaugh as an example of respect for the office of the presidency, when all of his actions have been a perfect example of the exact opposite. If you don't see how bizzaro world that it is, I'm not sure what else there is to say.

 

[JMohegan]

You didn't read a single word I wrote, did you?

Is there disrespect from the right? Absolutely. But there is just as much from the left.

We can continue to point fingers and cry foul with respect to what we disagree with, while giving our guy a pass, or we can channel Gandhi and be the world we want.

Since you're now pivoting from Limbaugh to Gandhi, you're making it much easier for me to concur with your broader point.

If you want to hold up Limbaugh's hospital-visit comments as an example of some guy "making the right choice" and "respecting the uniform," then I'm just gonna start laughing.

But with regard to your assertion that there's just as much disrespect on the right as there is on the left, I'm with you. For every Hannity, there's an Olbermann. I agree.

 

[intothewoods]

Sometimes I think I'm too cynical, so it was nice to read this question and have many people come to mind.

You can respect people for the some things they do and not others -- it's kind of a good reminder that people are complicated.

I can think of a few people I've encountered in my career for whom I have a great deal of respect. They are smart and really provide good counsel to their clients. I really try my best to emulate them every day.

Most of the moms I know are just amazing in their dedication to their kids. And although I joke about the nutty moms who are competitive and all that shit, I would not be the mom I am without the wisdom of other mothers. I have an amazing network of friends who are truly a blessing in my life.

Kind of corny, but I have a lot of respect for Mister Man. He has great inner strength, and is such a good man. My love for him runs deep.

I also have a lot of respect for the people I see who struggle with some mighty adversity in their lives, and come out the other side fighting. Some I've met on the internet, and some in real life. I feel like I could never deal with half the shit I've seen. When I get all mopey, I try to remember that there are people dealing with stuff far worse than my little troubles, and I need to put on my big girl panties and move it right along.

 

[graceanne]

you know what I think about sometimes? How we (and by "we" I mean those of us with good manners) can sometimes be nicer to strangers than our own family. I thought about this years ago and have made a point since then to say "please" "thank you" "excuse me" etc with my kids and husband. A really nice side effect of that is that my kids picked it up quickly and are generally polite. They are still kids, so you know how that goes :lol

But really, sometimes I do see that people are so rude to the ones they are most intimate with.

I've noticed that, too. Or people who are polite with all the adults they meet, but not the children. It really annoys me, and my children. They hate rude people. I know that since I always say please, that sometimes they have to ask me if what I asked them to do was a request or an order, because if it's a request then they don't HAVE to do it.

 

[sb2009]

Graceanne : I KNOW! Sometimes I have to say "that was an order phrased a request, kid!"

 

[Adakgirl]

Why do I have to respect people just because?

You don't have to. Just don't expect to be respected by other people, if you haven't the moral character to enable you to show others respect as well. It's much more emotionally difficult to show obvious disrespect than it is to show a natural respect for your fellow man.

If you are drowning, choking, bleeding to death, pinned inside a burning vehicle, I am going to try and save you regardless if you have earned my respect or not. Because I have respect for human life. If someone attempts to assault you in front of me, I will intervene. Because I respect you enough to not allow you to be hurt if I can help it. That's common human decency born out of respect for others.

If you would do any of the above for a stranger, or even someone you know, then you DO have respect for them, your just to socially inept to show it.

 

[graceanne]

Graceanne : I KNOW! Sometimes I have to say "that was an order phrased a request, kid!"

I say "I know that sounded like a request, but it wasn't. Get moving." lol My feeling is it won't kill you to say please at least the first time. Plus, children learn by watching their parents. If you never say please to them, it'll take even longer to teach them to say it. They, my kids, amaze people at their good manners; they almost always remember to say please and thank you. The main time they forget is when they're so excited about whatever they've been given that they run off to tell me about it. lol

 

[graceanne]

If you would do any of the above for a stranger, or even someone you know, then you DO have respect for them, your just to socially inept to show it.

QFT

A good question would be, why don't you (general you) have to be polite. What makes you so wonderful and perfect, that we should be polite to you and you don't have to return the favor. It boils down to the golden rule; do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

As I said, before, there is no one I respect who can't manage common courtesy, which, I guess, leaves out some of the people on this board.

 

[sb2009]

Manners are the happy way of doing things!

 

[midwestyankee]

I seriously doubt that. It's the subject/object of the sentence. It's like saying the subjunctive is out of fashion in French.

Gawd, woman...how you turn me on when you play the linguistics card. If only you were healthier, I'd drive up there and take you out for a drink and great curry.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

We had a saying in the service, ‘Respect the uniform if not the man.’ It was a way of telling our people that sometimes an officer isn’t worthy of respect, but his uniform demanded it.
<snip>
Consider President Obama. Did I vote for him? No. Do I support him? No. Do I respect him despite disagreeing with him on just about every word that has come out of his mouth? Yep. Back at Christmas Limbaugh made a statement following his hospitalization that hit his listeners like chewing on tin foil. He was concerned that the President, who was also in Hawaii might visit him as a photo-op. He was concerned, he said, because, “It’s the President, if he comes to see you then you take the meeting.”

Many of Limbaugh’s listeners were livid. They couldn’t believe that Limbaugh felt that way; that he would meet with Pres. Obama. What they didn’t understand was that accepting the meeting wasn’t about respect for the man but about respect for the office.

It’s that failure to understand the urgency of disagreeing without being disagreeable that is the greatest weakness in the current American condition. We’ve lost our respect for our neighbors in favor of respect for our causes.

I agree with your premise, but... Rush? I guess even a broken clock is right twice a day. But your example is...Rush? He's the poster child for disrespect. A few quotes:

"Kurt Cobain was, ladies and gentleman, I just--he was a worthless shred of human debris..." (TV show, 4/11/94)

On NAFTA: "If we are going to start rewarding no skills and stupid people--I'm serious, let the unskilled jobs, let the kinds of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do--let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work." (Radio show, 1993)

"When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult ; it's an invitation." (1994)

"Everyone knows the Clintons have a cat. Socks is the White House cat. But did you know there is a White House dog?" (he held up a picture of Chelsea Clinton, then 13 years old, on his TV show.) (1993)

"Take that bone out of your nose and call me back." (to a caller).