Where does it begin?

[chun_gong]

First, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place...so please forgive me if I am in error. I have been reading up on these posts, but still have some questions.

I know that I have several "kinks": being controlled & pain. BUT - I'm not sure that my level of commitment or interest is "up to par" with the actual BDSM die hards.

As to being controlled: I don't like to have the discussion and agree that it is going to happen. I am DEFINITELY a bottom. (not sure if pyl applies yet) My goal is to obey, please, and ummm be pushed to my limits. However, I am not sure that I could carry this out 24/7 - my daily life is just not open to being dictated. So, I am making the assumption that this is no more than a mere "kink".

Is it possible/plausible for me to be broken? Saying that I want my limits tested makes me wonder if all pyl's have been brought into the relationship as an equal and been "owned" by their PYL.

As to pain: I would hardly consider myself a masochist. (strictly referring to the physical not the emotional aspect) My conclusion is based merely on some of the more radical acts that I have seen on the Internet as I have sought out information. Sure, twisting, binding, etc turns me on - but I guess I have pretty vanilla limits. Where is the line drawn in everyones oppinion?

I am terribly intrigued by becoming a pyl...I just don't know if I am pyl material. Please, let me hear your ideas!

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

chun there will be plenty to comment on your post I am sure . I am a bit tired this evening so I'll just advise you of the following.

'pyl' as you have already ascertained refers to a bottom/submissive/slave and covers an entire spectrum of manifestations of such. Its simply a small neat term short for 'pick your label' to encompass the varying degrees of personal participation in BDSM activities across the board. Its not magic and does not come with a certificate of creditation.......smiles.

You will find this acronymn used in upper case 'PYL' across the Forum as well and denotes the complimentry spectrum to such as top/ Dominant /Domme .

Simple terms of reference nothing more.

Good luck with your journey.

@}-}rebecca----

 

[chris9]

First, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place...so please forgive me if I am in error. I have been reading up on these posts, but still have some questions.

I know that I have several "kinks": being controlled & pain. BUT - I'm not sure that my level of commitment or interest is "up to par" with the actual BDSM die hards.

As to being controlled: I don't like to have the discussion and agree that it is going to happen. I am DEFINITELY a bottom. (not sure if pyl applies yet) My goal is to obey, please, and ummm be pushed to my limits. However, I am not sure that I could carry this out 24/7 - my daily life is just not open to being dictated. So, I am making the assumption that this is no more than a mere "kink".

Is it possible/plausible for me to be broken? Saying that I want my limits tested makes me wonder if all pyl's have been brought into the relationship as an equal and been "owned" by their PYL.

As to pain: I would hardly consider myself a masochist. (strictly referring to the physical not the emotional aspect) My conclusion is based merely on some of the more radical acts that I have seen on the Internet as I have sought out information. Sure, twisting, binding, etc turns me on - but I guess I have pretty vanilla limits. Where is the line drawn in everyones oppinion?

I am terribly intrigued by becoming a pyl...I just don't know if I am pyl material. Please, let me hear your ideas!

Don't compare yourself to others. You will find those that are WAY deeper into this whole submission/domination/pain thing than you would ever believe could be sane, healthy, make you happy. There are those that wish to submit only, but no pain. There are those that submit only in the bedroom.
The important thing is that you find what suits you and your partner. Go slow, don't force anything. You don't have to do everything others do to make you a pyl, but what you feel you want to do and can do.

 

[chun_gong]

chun there will be plenty to comment on your post I am sure . I am a bit tired this evening so I'll just advise you of the following.

'pyl' as you have already ascertained refers to a bottom/submissive/slave and covers an entire spetrum of manifestations of such. Its simply a small neat term short for 'pick your label' to encompass the varying degrees of personal participation in BDSM activities across the board. Its not magic and does not come with a certificate of creditation.......smiles.

You will find this acronymn used in upper case 'PYL' across the Forum as well and denotes the complimentry spectrum to such as top/ Dominant /Domme .

Simple terms of reference nothing more.

Good luck with your journey.

@}-}rebecca----

Thank you - yes, I believe that I referenced myself as a 'pyl' and realize that I would be attracted/attached to a 'PYL'. Luckily I gained that much from the reading.

I am laughing at your 'certificat of creditation' comment. We had a similar conversation in GLBT. (jokingly mine had been revoked) It is funny how that is viewed. Again, I am fortunate to know that it is not that simple.

I appreciate your wellwishes.

Chris - I agree with your statements, and that is where I have been 'residing' to this point. However, I am intrigued by the total PYL/pyl in the scenario (not meaning to offend anyone) where there is obediance - perhaps extending out of the bedroom.

Once I had a "Master" (as we referred to him) via phone. He would call me during work and instruct me to go to the restroom and masturbate...or call him as soon as I got in the car to leave. It was quite thrilling. It may seem impossible or ludicrous, but we never met face to face. He did require total obedience, I never argued & never lied...

Has anyone ever had such relationships? Obedience without meeting or sexual contact? I'm thinking I weird or alone in this.

 

[chris9]

Chris - I agree with your statements, and that is where I have been 'residing' to this point. However, I am intrigued by the total PYL/pyl in the scenario (not meaning to offend anyone) where there is obediance - perhaps extending out of the bedroom.

Once I had a "Master" (as we referred to him) via phone. He would call me during work and instruct me to go to the restroom and masturbate...or call him as soon as I got in the car to leave. It was quite thrilling. It may seem impossible or ludicrous, but we never met face to face. He did require total obedience, I never argued & never lied...

Has anyone ever had such relationships? Obedience without meeting or sexual contact? I'm thinking I weird or alone in this.

As far as I know some on this board either did have or still have phone/internet only relationships. Some have the whole 24/7 Master/slave deal, inside and out of the bedroom. If you want another online/phone relationship, you might be able to find a suitable PYL either on the BDSM personal board here, or at a special BDSM dating site. If you want to take it into real life, that's where you can look, too. Or you can start attending social meetings with a local BDSM group ('munches'). Just don't think you're alone in any of this, there are much weirder persons out there. Though of course I'm not one of them

 

[chun_gong]

As far as I know some on this board either did have or still have phone/internet only relationships. Some have the whole 24/7 Master/slave deal, inside and out of the bedroom. If you want another online/phone relationship, you might be able to find a suitable PYL either on the BDSM personal board here, or at a special BDSM dating site. If you want to take it into real life, that's where you can look, too. Or you can start attending social meetings with a local BDSM group ('munches'). Just don't think you're alone in any of this, there are much weirder persons out there. Though of course I'm not one of them

I don't believe that I am looking. Mostly I feel like I have unanswered questions, however they aren't so much direct questions.

Any input from others is very much appreciated. By going on the Internet, there ARE mostly examples of only the 'extreme' PYL/pyl. Having followed this forum for a short time, I feel that the information and guidance here is more realistic and thoughtful.

 

[chris9]

I don't believe that I am looking. Mostly I feel like I have unanswered questions, however they aren't so much direct questions.

Any input from others is very much appreciated. By going on the Internet, there ARE mostly examples of only the 'extreme' PYL/pyl. Having followed this forum for a short time, I feel that the information and guidance here is more realistic and thoughtful.

Possibly you're right. Though who can tell with the internet?
I feel that here there aren't so many 'extremes' around, and by some of Catalina's posts (whom I consider to be extreme) it seems she feels the same way.
If you have been here some time, you might have seen some differences of experience, background, whatever. Since I'm one with hardly any experience, and the little I have is just playing, I'm not someone to give you that much input.
I think any direct questions will be answered in some way. If you don't know how to voice your questions, reading and talking here might get you there.

And allow me to ask: Are you a him or a her or any combination of the above?

 

[chun_gong]

And allow me to ask: Are you a him or a her or any combination of the above?

lol Yes, by all means. I am as someone just put it to me: "So you are a cock loving submissive lesbian?". That is a direct quote and the answer to the question is simply, yes.

 

[Etoile]

I know that I have several "kinks": being controlled & pain. BUT - I'm not sure that my level of commitment or interest is "up to par" with the actual BDSM die hards.

No matter what anybody else tells you, always remember that what you do and like is up to YOU. Just because you aren't into tit torture, wax play, flogging, etc. - does not mean you aren't into BDSM/kink. There is no one definition, it's whatever you want it to be. Kind of like with your sexual orientation - you are a lesbian, and you want cock. Nothing wrong with that. You are what YOU want to be, not what somebody else says you are. If defining yourself as a kinkster or pyl is what you want, that's what you should do. If it simply makes it easier to describe yourself - then that's fine...if by saying "I'm a pyl" you will more clearly communicate your preferences, that's fine. You don't have to be at a certain level of kink to be "qualified."

 

[jadefirefly]

Don't worry yourself if you aren't as edgy or hardcore as someone else.

You can be a bottom, sub, or what-have-you and *not* like being tied up, whipped, or humiliated. Or you can like all of the above and more.

What's important is how you feel about it. It sounds like you have a good grasp of your preferences and limits, which is good as well.

(p.s. If it helps, I'm not edgy either. )

 

[AvaAdore]

Hehe, I don't think I can cope doing 24/7! I am happy doing a scene once every couple of weeks. At this point in our lives, that is enough to satisfy me and my PYL (we are early 20s). So like others said, don't worry about what other people are doing. Just go for what works for you!

 

[chun_gong]

Good information everyone! I'm sure that there are others with similar questions of people with 'experience'.

Yes, one always has to be true to themselves. That is the most important thing in life. Sometimes, it is hard to know what you are getting yourself into without some basic info though. I'm definitely a pyl...but if I were to find someone or seek someone it is always good to have an idea what people are up to VERY generally speaking. That keeps one from going in with blinders on.

What can I say, other than you guys are great. Helpful and full of insight as always. Thanks!

 

[lettinggo]

You are who you are. Most of the labels are a matter of semantics.

For example: I think of myself as a masochist. Compared to Catalina, I'm a vanilla with a very low tolerance for pain. The man I'm seeing often comes over to watch a movie or catch a nap or spend hours of non-sexual, non-bdsm time together. I consider him my Dom, because it's an easy way to describe the nature of our sexual (and sometimes non-sexual) relationship. The man I was married to dominated me 24/7 but never physically, and never sexually. I never thought of him as a Dom, despite the amount of control he had over my life.

My lines have been scribbled, erased, and redrawn in this past year. I've taken brave steps forward in some areas, and huge steps backwards in others. But none of that changes who I am. You can call me a sub, or a slave, or a masochist, or a pyl. There will always be someone out there who's much deeper into the fetish, kink, or lifestyle than I, and there will always be someone out there who's only experience is the fantasy or online relationship. None of that matters to me. Definitions don't change my desires.

Just be true to yourself and enjoy finding out what works for you. And if those pleasures change from day to day, you're not as unusual as you think.

 

[chun_gong]

This has been great! I have gotten to explore and 'study' some. It is making my needs much more clear. So far I am very satisfied with my self-discovery.

Now, to steer this a little and hijack my own thread...

Munches? Who has been? What are your experiences? We have a local group who meets for dinner and whatnot. There are different meetings for educational, safety, etc purposes.

Let me hear your ideas.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

This has been great! I have gotten to explore and 'study' some. It is making my needs much more clear. So far I am very satisfied with my self-discovery.

Now, to steer this a little and hijack my own thread...

Munches? Who has been? What are your experiences? We have a local group who meets for dinner and whatnot. There are different meetings for educational, safety, etc purposes.

Let me hear your ideas.

Hey Chun

Nothing stopping more reply here on this Thread in regards to Munches , though I thought I might also direct you to a Thread in the Cafe Section that was intiated by the ever delightful , generous and very forthright Miss Fury .

So here is the link

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=416815

Should get you started for now.

Once again best of luck and kind regards

@}-}rebecca----

 

[chun_gong]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=416815

Should get you started for now.

Once again best of luck and kind regards

@}-}rebecca----

Thank you - I get lazy sometimes, most frequently though...I type before I look!

Ever so helpful and kind! Many thanks.

 

[FurryFury]

Hey Chun

Nothing stopping more reply here on this Thread in regards to Munches , though I thought I might also direct you to a Thread in the Cafe Section that was intiated by the ever delightful , generous and very forthright Miss Fury .

So here is the link

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=416815

Should get you started for now.

Once again best of luck and kind regards

@}-}rebecca----

*purrs*

Thank you.

Fury