Where do you find strength?

[Freya]

For family or friends going through a rough time, or needing someone to lean on. Parents get sick, friends find lumps in their breasts, breakups....whatever. As any type of reasonably worthwhile friend/daughter/son/parent/whatever, you need to be there for them during their time of need right? So if you're not feeling particularly strong yourself, what do you draw upon to find those reserves to be able to help them out?


Any tricks or advice would be warmly welcomed.

 

[Ezarc]

Lots of hugs. I wish you and your family the very best in the troubling time. Just hug them when you can and be as strong as you can. You can always lean on your friends here.

 

[TWB]

Talking to strangers.

 

[MissTaken]

I know this may sound a bit incongruous, but my kids give me the strength to help out others.

I look at them, love them and hug them. I hope that someone will be there for them after I am gone.

Then, there are times, when you just do what you have to do because you know it is right

It isn't easy, especially if you feel you are being pulled in too many different directions.

 

[Cerberus666]

I've always been the strong one in my family, I don't know if I was born that way or I just had to be strong at such a young age.
Usually just the fact that they are my family or friend is enough for me to be strogn and help them. It's just in some people's nature i think.
I think it's easier to be strong if you can detach yourself from the situation and look at it objectively. Just be honest and encouraging, hold them when they need it and tell them the truth when they need to hear it but don't want to.

 

[calypso_21]

For family or friends going through a rough time, or needing someone to lean on. Parents get sick, friends find lumps in their breasts, breakups....whatever. As any type of reasonably worthwhile friend/daughter/son/parent/whatever, you need to be there for them during their time of need right? So if you're not feeling particularly strong yourself, what do you draw upon to find those reserves to be able to help them out?


Any tricks or advice would be warmly welcomed.

I draw my strength from within and the love that surrounds me. I have been in most of the situations you've mentioned and then some. I breathe deep and plunge right in...it is in my nature though.

Talking and sharing helps a great deal. Don't be afraid to show emotion. People like to know they are not the only ones suffering or dealing.

I wish you strength hun. It is there...just pull it to you.

 

[Freya]

Ok, I so do not want to be one of those daily poor me sympathy posters. I have always done for myself, even when it's almost killed me. I don't go to others for help until I am truly desperate....and boy, do I get shit for it all the time. I'm also, at times, the one most likely to be leaned on by others. I think because I don't feed them all the wishy washy nonsense - I'm not cruel, but I'm honest. But does anyone have that point at which they want to scream "No, I can't go to the doctors with you and hold your hand while you get your death sentence. It's too fucking much for me!" But of course, you can't do that. You're there for them, and you talk to them, and hold them while they cry, and tell them what needs to be done.

Where do you get that from? When you're emotionally exhausted yourself, but need to be there for them.

I need help on how people have dealt with this stuff before, if anyone has any.

 

[Samuari]

Talking to strangers.

As in posting on popular porn bulitin boards?

 

[ozme52]

Hello Freya,

Strength comes from balance. It's true in martial arts. I think it's true in all things.

I think many people feel guilty if a loved one is ill and they aren't "there" all the time. But that is putting all your emotions on one side of the emotional fulcrum, like standing on one leg.

You will eventually fall down.

I have found that when emotion, duty, sacrifice, are weighing in heavily on the one hand, it is all the more important to participate in the things that give me joy.

Go to your friends. And not necessarily for their sympathy. Go to them for the reasons you enjoy their company. Have a good time.



Also, think about this. If you were ill and a loved one came and told you about something good in their life, would you begrudge them their joy? Of course not. In fact, just hearing about it would make you feel better. After all, that person also took time for you.

Laughter and joy help the ill get better. Go get some for yourself and share that.

 

[Ezarc]

Ok, I so do not want to be one of those daily poor me sympathy posters. I have always done for myself, even when it's almost killed me. I don't go to others for help until I am truly desperate....and boy, do I get shit for it all the time. I'm also, at times, the one most likely to be leaned on by others. I think because I don't feed them all the wishy washy nonsense - I'm not cruel, but I'm honest. But does anyone have that point at which they want to scream "No, I can't go to the doctors with you and hold your hand while you get your death sentence. It's too fucking much for me!" But of course, you can't do that. You're there for them, and you talk to them, and hold them while they cry, and tell them what needs to be done.

Where do you get that from? When you're emotionally exhausted yourself, but need to be there for them.

I need help on how people have dealt with this stuff before, if anyone has any.

When my mother passed on I was the guy who ended up doing it all. I came here and leaned on everone. I thank them all so much for helping me when I was so busy helping my family. *Big Hug*
Ezarc

 

[freakygirl]

Ok, I so do not want to be one of those daily poor me sympathy posters. I have always done for myself, even when it's almost killed me. I don't go to others for help until I am truly desperate....and boy, do I get shit for it all the time. I'm also, at times, the one most likely to be leaned on by others. I think because I don't feed them all the wishy washy nonsense - I'm not cruel, but I'm honest. But does anyone have that point at which they want to scream "No, I can't go to the doctors with you and hold your hand while you get your death sentence. It's too fucking much for me!" But of course, you can't do that. You're there for them, and you talk to them, and hold them while they cry, and tell them what needs to be done.

Where do you get that from? When you're emotionally exhausted yourself, but need to be there for them.

I need help on how people have dealt with this stuff before, if anyone has any.

I think we are twins.. or atleast in some way related. You sound just like me..

I don't have any answers.. because I'm asking myself the same questions.

 

[ozme52]

Wow, a number of others posted between my starting and hitting enter. And they all mostly say the same thing.

BTW, I think samarai's post is worthy of our derisive laughter, you can even take strength in that. Nothing like a good guffaw to provide some balance to your life.

Gorsh, what a schmoe!

 

[HeavyStick]

 

[Samuari]

Wow, a number of others posted between my starting and hitting enter. And they all mostly say the same thing.

BTW, I think samarai's post is worthy of our derisive laughter, you can even take strength in that. Nothing like a good guffaw to provide some balance to your life.

Gorsh, what a schmoe!

.

Yes I intended it to be somewhat funny, and there is a theroputic lift from humer, but actually there is a very serious side to that. I have found a great deal of strength here at times when I needed it desperatly, from friends that are in reality strangers.

 

[Guest]

 

[magicpenis]

from great tales. Like VALILI ZIETSEV

 

[gridiron]

Where do I find strength? That's a good question, and I'll do my best to give a thoughtful answer to it..

I find strength in knowing that until the day I die, that my life is my own, and as such, I make the most of it as I can.. There are times when I stumble and falter.. Hell.. There have been times where my proverbial face has smacked the proverbial floor.. When faced with trying situations (I.E. grueling tests, losing a football game that my team should've won, coping with the loss of loved ones) I do a variety of things.. Sometimes listening to a certain kind of music will cure it.. Others, I have to close myself off completely for a good hour or two and just sit in a place and meditate, all the while breathing calmly.. But the best cure for I've found for finding strength is when I help others with their problems.. It gives me an extreme amount of satisfaction to know that I have, in some way or other, helped somone overcome one of life's many hurdles.. And with renewed strength, I can face my own obstacles and overcome them..

A few other things that help me to focus and find strength:

1) Engaging in an exhaustive work-out for a good hour or two

2) Writing my thoughts down in a journal

3) Taking a long walk

4) Talking to someone about my problems (strangers, family, friends, girl friends, counselors)

I hope at least some of this proves useful.. Best of luck to you..

-Grid

 

[Route66Girl]

Hope for the best, but if it doesn't happen that way...

There's no magic trick to overcoming pain and loss. The best you, or anyone, can do is try to find a new lesson or bit of knowledge somewhere in the muck. Rely on your own strength, and those who love you, to get you through- it's there. It's there for everyone, if they only let it happen. There may not be a happy ending, but there's always something to learn.

This post was originally a lot longer, but never mind what I wrote. It was drivel

 

[Lost Cause]

My parents...

When things were going bad for the family, I watched how my parents treated each other in the situation. They taught me to think "How will this make me stronger, and what can I learn from it?" They worked as a team, brainstorming their options to solve the problem. They were careful to separate the problem from the attention we needed as kids, and tried hard not to show the stress. When they are gone, I hope to pass on what they taught me to anyone that'll hear.
If I have the strength, I'll ride my Harley, hang out with upbeat friends, and let laughter be the best medication.

 

[Freya]

Feel free to ignore - whining rant ahead.

Still reeling from news about my father, one of my best friends called me tonight, wanting to let me know that they had done an ultrasound on lumps in her breasts, and had cause for concern on a few of them. I think, in some ways, breast cancer, or the potential of, is the most emotionally scary thing for a woman. She kept telling me how her breasts felt alien, tingly, and as if they belonged to another person. Rather than get her more panicked than she already was, I tried to focus on her reasons for feeling like that, and to be realistic about her chances. She didn't want to tell me because of what I'm already dealing with, with my dad - but on the other hand, she said I'm the only one who knows. She has so many emotional and mental issues already, including the loss of her mom a year ago, and a recent painful divorce - both of which I have gone through with her - that this is just icing on a rotten cake for her. She has had such a rough year - but even beyond that, she deals with depression on a daily basis - so anyone involved with her deals with it too. She has guilt over not helping her mom to die peacefully - she was supposed to inject her with medication to allow her to go without pain. Plus she has the normal guilt of a daughter who wasn't perfect - in that she caused her mom hell and feels horrible about it now. So, I've been trying to talk her through that over th past year.

My guilt lies in the fact, that when she called me tonight I was about to shower and get ready for an evening out with friends - presumably to help me lighten up and have fun after worrying about my dad the past couple of days. When she told me what was going on, my first impulse was to say "Hey call someone else, I have enough on my plate" Of course, I didn't - and I talked to her for over an hour trying to help ease her mind about this whole thing. But, I feel guilty for going out - instead of going to her house to be with her.

I guess what it is, is that I immediately assume the worst. So i'm thinking of - what if she has cancer and needs to go through treatments or a mastectomy added to what if my dad's cancer is bad, plus the stroke - then I'll move home to take care of him, but how do I take care of her at the same time? Can I take care of two terminally ill people at the same time? Can I deal with two people with troubles like that, and give them the strength needed to fight it, or go through treatments or face death? Can I take the possibility of losing two people so very important to me, at the same time? What will I do with her daughter - and my grandpa after this happens? But how selfish is it to be only thinking of your own troubles when you have people trying to cope with shit like this going on? How important are my problems compared to theirs? I feel like I'm overhwlemed already with my own unemployment and problems with my daughter, but I need to be there for each of these two. One person who won't say a word to others, for fear of bothering them - and one who spills all her problems so as to get it off her chest and not trouble others with it. to even think of my own issues at a time like this is selfish, but how can I not?

It's so hard to concieve of what might happen - hopefully it'll all turn out in a good way, because if it doesn't I fear I'll let them both down.

Ugh - all I know is that while I was able to put it aside for a little while tonight, I'm really not able to get it off my mind completely. I just really wish there was a solid solution to all this - some magic wand I could wave to make it all better for both of them.

And I know that drinking doesn't erase what's happening - and I'm drunk and whining and boring the shit out of people trying to have fun. But I so needed to get it out, and put my feelings into words. Ignore this.

 

[kidthor]

For family or friends going through a rough time, or needing someone to lean on. Parents get sick, friends find lumps in their breasts, breakups....whatever. As any type of reasonably worthwhile friend/daughter/son/parent/whatever, you need to be there for them during their time of need right? So if you're not feeling particularly strong yourself, what do you draw upon to find those reserves to be able to help them out?


Any tricks or advice would be warmly welcomed.

...I find my strength in her...Thank God she will be back soon...I need a recharge...

Big Hug for Freya!

 

[intrigued]

Feel free to ignore - whining rant ahead.

Still reeling from news about my father, one of my best friends called me tonight, wanting to let me know that they had done an ultrasound on lumps in her breasts, and had cause for concern on a few of them. I think, in some ways, breast cancer, or the potential of, is the most emotionally scary thing for a woman. She kept telling me how her breasts felt alien, tingly, and as if they belonged to another person. Rather than get her more panicked than she already was, I tried to focus on her reasons for feeling like that, and to be realistic about her chances. She didn't want to tell me because of what I'm already dealing with, with my dad - but on the other hand, she said I'm the only one who knows. She has so many emotional and mental issues already, including the loss of her mom a year ago, and a recent painful divorce - both of which I have gone through with her - that this is just icing on a rotten cake for her. She has had such a rough year - but even beyond that, she deals with depression on a daily basis - so anyone involved with her deals with it too. She has guilt over not helping her mom to die peacefully - she was supposed to inject her with medication to allow her to go without pain. Plus she has the normal guilt of a daughter who wasn't perfect - in that she caused her mom hell and feels horrible about it now. So, I've been trying to talk her through that over th past year.

My guilt lies in the fact, that when she called me tonight I was about to shower and get ready for an evening out with friends - presumably to help me lighten up and have fun after worrying about my dad the past couple of days. When she told me what was going on, my first impulse was to say "Hey call someone else, I have enough on my plate" Of course, I didn't - and I talked to her for over an hour trying to help ease her mind about this whole thing. But, I feel guilty for going out - instead of going to her house to be with her.

I guess what it is, is that I immediately assume the worst. So i'm thinking of - what if she has cancer and needs to go through treatments or a mastectomy added to what if my dad's cancer is bad, plus the stroke - then I'll move home to take care of him, but how do I take care of her at the same time? Can I take care of two terminally ill people at the same time? Can I deal with two people with troubles like that, and give them the strength needed to fight it, or go through treatments or face death? Can I take the possibility of losing two people so very important to me, at the same time? What will I do with her daughter - and my grandpa after this happens? But how selfish is it to be only thinking of your own troubles when you have people trying to cope with shit like this going on? How important are my problems compared to theirs? I feel like I'm overhwlemed already with my own unemployment and problems with my daughter, but I need to be there for each of these two. One person who won't say a word to others, for fear of bothering them - and one who spills all her problems so as to get it off her chest and not trouble others with it. to even think of my own issues at a time like this is selfish, but how can I not?

It's so hard to concieve of what might happen - hopefully it'll all turn out in a good way, because if it doesn't I fear I'll let them both down.

Ugh - all I know is that while I was able to put it aside for a little while tonight, I'm really not able to get it off my mind completely. I just really wish there was a solid solution to all this - some magic wand I could wave to make it all better for both of them.

And I know that drinking doesn't erase what's happening - and I'm drunk and whining and boring the shit out of people trying to have fun. But I so needed to get it out, and put my feelings into words. Ignore this.

Oh honey....I am so sorry.

First, surely you realize that you have to take care of Freya FIRST, without Freya, no one gets taken care of.

This is going to be so very cheesy and cliche, but its the only answer I have.

When times are good, what reaffirms your faith? What life event that you happen across makes you smile and say "yep, all's right with the world...."? The birth of a baby....the kindness of total strangers....what little miracle gets you going, and
makes all the bad look like a piece of dust in the wind? Whatever your answer is...go there.
You have to have faith in something. A faith so strong that you believe even when everything inside tells you "no."
Right now, I think that faith needs to be in this...that you alone can't change things, there is a higher power at work here. All you can do is share yourself and your love and your compassion. You have to remember that the people turning to you are not looking for answers, they are looking for love and someone to be with them...they don't want to be alone. Please don't feel that you have to have some magic formula/answers, you just need to express your feelings honestly, no matter what they are. You hurt, and thats just that. Don't cover it, don't try to not show it...put it out there because that is what is real. You are a loving woman, and that is what they need...just you. Your presence.

When it comes time to make the decisions you feel you are facing, it won't be easy, but I just know you'll do your best, and that is ALL you can do. Do it in love, and you'll be amazed at just how right it will be.

I'm pulling for you, and thinking of you. You are so tough and strong...you just can't see it right now because you are worn out, because you are struggling with the injustice and plain wrongness of it all. But when it gets right down to it, you'll be there....just being Freya.

You kind of remind me of a Steel Magnolia.

Sheesh! I am so damn cheesy.

 

[Countess DeWinter]

For family or friends going through a rough time, or needing someone to lean on. Parents get sick, friends find lumps in their breasts, breakups....whatever. As any type of reasonably worthwhile friend/daughter/son/parent/whatever, you need to be there for them during their time of need right? So if you're not feeling particularly strong yourself, what do you draw upon to find those reserves to be able to help them out?


Any tricks or advice would be warmly welcomed.

My faith gives me strength. Everyone and everything will and has let me down, but not God.

 

[Trail48]

Oh honey....I am so sorry.

First, surely you realize that you have to take care of Freya FIRST, without Freya, no one gets taken care of.

This is going to be so very cheesy and cliche, but its the only answer I have.

When times are good, what reaffirms your faith? What life event that you happen across makes you smile and say "yep, all's right with the world...."? The birth of a baby....the kindness of total strangers....what little miracle gets you going, and
makes all the bad look like a piece of dust in the wind? Whatever your answer is...go there.
You have to have faith in something. A faith so strong that you believe even when everything inside tells you "no."
Right now, I think that faith needs to be in this...that you alone can't change things, there is a higher power at work here. All you can do is share yourself and your love and your compassion. You have to remember that the people turning to you are not looking for answers, they are looking for love and someone to be with them...they don't want to be alone. Please don't feel that you have to have some magic formula/answers, you just need to express your feelings honestly, no matter what they are. You hurt, and thats just that. Don't cover it, don't try to not show it...put it out there because that is what is real. You are a loving woman, and that is what they need...just you. Your presence.

When it comes time to make the decisions you feel you are facing, it won't be easy, but I just know you'll do your best, and that is ALL you can do. Do it in love, and you'll be amazed at just how right it will be.

I'm pulling for you, and thinking of you. You are so tough and strong...you just can't see it right now because you are worn out, because you are struggling with the injustice and plain wrongness of it all. But when it gets right down to it, you'll be there....just being Freya.

You kind of remind me of a Steel Magnolia.

Sheesh! I am so damn cheesy.

No wonder you make my heart sing

 

[Soblue]

I look at it this way. Everyone has problems. Big horrible problems, or small everyday problems, no one slides through life without them.

You can let them keep you down, or you can pick up and move along with your life.