Where Dad Jokes Go To Die

[SnowIris]

In honor of Father’s Day, post your best(worst) dad jokes here!

I’ll start: what do you call a magical dog?






A Lab-ra-cadab-ra-dor!


Don’t be shy, hit us with your best material!

 

[RandallOldman]

I get annoyed that Alexa always seems to be listening in, even when I don't want her to.

So one day I said, "Alexa, how do I turn you off?"

She said "You could try walking around naked."

 

[SnowIris]

What’s brown and sticky?




A stick.
Get your heads out of the gutter

 

[BIGDADDY90]

Where do boats go when they are sick?


They go to the boat doc

 

[jason28053]

My ex wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend.


Honestly, I should have seen the signs.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

My kid gave me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.

 

[NC_Coastal]

Neighbor: Do you have a ladder I can borrow?
Me: All I have is a step ladder.
Neighbor: What?
Me: My real ladder left us.

 

[sallysparrow23]

I finally got around to watching that documentary on clocks.

It was about time.

 

[SnowIris]

Neighbor: Do you have a ladder I can borrow?
Me: All I have is a step ladder.
Neighbor: What?
Me: My real ladder left us.

I had to think about this for way too long

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

 

[BIGDADDY90]

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles

 

[sallysparrow23]

Have you ever used a telescope before?

No, is it fun?

Yeah, it's great! You should look into it.

 

[Openmarriageohio]

When I was younger I had to have a toe amputated after an accident at work. To make it even worse, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me after the surgery.

Apparently, she was lack toes intolerant.

 

[sallysparrow23]

Did you hear?

They're not making 12" rulers any longer.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.

 

[sallysparrow23]

Whoever stole the copy of my Microsoft office.

I will find you.

You have my word.

 

[SnowIris]

I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.

 

[sallysparrow23]

I am reading a horror story in braille.

Something bad is going to happen... I can feel it!

 

[Openmarriageohio]

This is the best. I needed some new material for my penny, Dad jokes I tell at work. Thank you!

 

[sallysparrow23]

When my husband told me to stop impersonating flamingos, I had to put my foot down.

 

[Bry1313]

I texted my wife and told her we had a giant leak on our toilet…..waited ten minutes and then texted a pic resembling this

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.

 

[sallysparrow23]

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer yesterday.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort child-proofing my house… but the kids still got in.