When you hit rock bottom the only thing to do is dig

the only place to go now is up.

one moment at a time, my friend.
 
wallow in the shit, and you'll stay in shit.
a few years ago i ended a shitty marriage of 16 years. went wild as hell. and ended up in jail for 4 1/2 months on my own stupidity. got out and was semi-homeless for over 6 months. had a truck that was going to shit. had fines i had to pay, over $1400 worth. got behind in child support of $1500. got a great job. paid my fines, paid up on child support (although ex disappeared with kids and BCSE is no longer responsible for collecting from me, i tried paying it directly but always returned "undeliverable). haven't seen kids in almost 3 years.
i got my shit together, got a better vehicle, made a lot of damn good friends, volunteer in a local community garden, learning to play an instrument i had hand made by a local. i miss my kids, but i don't let it get to me. i know they are fine. i can't let a bitch ex's actions rule my life.
everythings fine.
 
I ended 2012 losing my job and watching my relationship of many years grow so distant that even a fully equipped expedition would struggle to find it. Still as I stared down the twin barrels of financial ruin and romantic isolation I still had some misguided notion of hope. A few weeks later the small number of friends I had have gone with my employment and there's only so many long lonely days at home I can take while looking for a new life without losing some of the shreds of sanity I have left.

I tried reaching out to a few people here but apart from this creative exercise in self destruction I can't think of anything else to contribute to the forums right now. The few people I've connected with through this site have been really nice but I've even managed to successfully alienate them in ever more spectacular fashion. Yay me.

So I started this week in a pretty dark place and somehow I found a way of making it worse. On Monday morning I ended up being rushed into hospital with severe chest pain in what had the hallmarks of a pretty impressive heart attack. After several hours of investigation including a comedic moment where my phobia of needles led to me being pinned to a gurney as they took a blood sample I was told it wasn't a heart attack. Those 10 or so seconds of relief were good until they said my blood test result was worrying and I may have a nasty chest infection or one of several other bleak possibilities that may at least help to solve my concerns about employment. I'd laugh but as I presently feel like a large gorilla is sat on my chest the best I can muster is a crackle filled wheeze that makes me sound like Muttley.

I've had about 4hours sleep in the last 72 hours or so and it is possible that it helps explain this ill advised posting. The last few rays of light are getting dimmer but I still have some hope left in me.

I'm not looking for sympathy or pity but for anyone who wishes to share their tales of woe, laugh at my good fortune or poor judgement grab a shovel and join me, a barely functional social misfit, as I figure out what there is after rock bottom.
You're a decent writer.
 
Sorry to hear things are rough and I sure hope they get better. I've watch my life spiral out of control over the last 7 months and I'm now in the middle of a divorce. The best I can say is take it one day at a time something is bound to change for the better.
 
Geist, I have no words of wisdom. ( Some Litsters will agree). :) Life sucks sometimes. Just do the best you can. Keep up a routine and find something that makes you smile or laugh each day..And ignore John below. :)



:rose:
 
I can relate. Usually, my bring my own shit on, and while I can't say I'm done making mistakes, I am getting a little smarter. Not to imply you've brought any of this on yourself, just my story. I have learned everybody lies, especially when you tell people up front that it's not necessary. All you can do is be stubborn enough to hang in there, and try to have faith that things will change. Not necessarily for the better,lol, but at least new, different problems. And it's not over til it's over. Believing in karma helps me. I hope things get better for you.
 
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