When Sir Leaves
- Thread starter TigersPet
- Start date
Now, I could be completely wrong but, isn't it similar in some way to being single?
Break-ups hurt no matter the reason for it but the only thing you can do is learn from the experience and have a better sense of what it is you are looking for?
Just a thought.
Break-ups hurt no matter the reason for it but the only thing you can do is learn from the experience and have a better sense of what it is you are looking for?
Just a thought.
troubledone
Lord of smut
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With your PMs off you do not have much of a chance to learn.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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Join fetlife.com and see what kinds of gatherings are happening in your area. 
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
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It's difficult when you thought you had the life you wanted, but life isn't over just because a relationship breaks up. Just look at it as his loss. You gotta remember...it's a very big world. It's very likely there's somebody out there that's even better for you.
Take this time to rethink what you want from a relationship. Don't judge someone based what you've had with your former partner. Think of this as a chance for a new connection and a new beginning. It's time to get out there and explore all of the different colors of the world and let them find the vibrant colors that are within you.
Watch out for people who will PM you and offer advice. I always wonder why someone would choose a PM over this forum. They should be able to offer you the same advice in an open forum. PMs are fine for some things, but you'll get the best connections in a thread like this. Someone who sends you a PM straight from "go" seems to me like a poser trying to make a play. I could be wrong, but...
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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"Low and stunned" is not an uncommon reaction to the end of a relationship.
Ditto for "... I feel like there's no way I could trust like that again."
"... I'm also feeling like there's no way I can't have that in my life again" is the one you want to focus on, after you grieve for what you've lost. Don't "rebound" into the first thing that appears on the radar, especially in regard to DVS's post below. Take some time to sort out what has happened, how it's affected you, and give yourself some time to feel sorrow for your loss and to (metaphorically) let the mound of earth over its grave settle to the level of its surround. Then open your eyes, and your heart, and begin to let the rest of the world back into you.
Good luck.
This... x 100.
subwannabe
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This is why I often recommend finding a marriage type relationship with someone like what you want. It is possible but many don't even try. They seem so sure that you can't have your cake and eat it to. You can and it's not that hard.
So, what do you do when Sir leaves you?
Realize that this was not your Sir. Be grateful for the teachings and world that He opened up for you, for you've experienced a new world with His attentions. He's awaked you and allowed you to progress to the next stage.
Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of the relationship ... but keep in mind that this was a stepping stone to your true Sir. You'll become a stronger and better submissive and ready for a true relationship when it comes to you.
Congratulations on your next step!
Realize that this was not your Sir. Be grateful for the teachings and world that He opened up for you, for you've experienced a new world with His attentions. He's awaked you and allowed you to progress to the next stage.
Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of the relationship ... but keep in mind that this was a stepping stone to your true Sir. You'll become a stronger and better submissive and ready for a true relationship when it comes to you.
Congratulations on your next step!
subwannabe
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Stardust: Of course marriages end and you have to go back to square one, but that's only 50%. Another 50% actually stay together. I'm just saying that too many ignore the 50% possibility that they could have their cake and eat it to. By seeking only a dom and not a lifelong partner they are going for a 5% chance of lifelong happiness instead of a 50% chance of lifelong happiness. In effect, they are trading a 50% chance of having everything long term for 100% chance of short term immediate gratification.
SirEdgar34
Experienced
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Learn and grow
Deffinetly take time ... Life is about learning .. If you have too take a step back and think about yourself and what u need .. It's all or nothing ...
Deffinetly take time ... Life is about learning .. If you have too take a step back and think about yourself and what u need .. It's all or nothing ...
SirEdgar34
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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And of that 50 percent how many probably shouldn't and aren't happy? At least not any happier than single people?
It's all a crap shoot. Ignoring your need for sexual fulfillment because you admire someone as a person is a great way to vote, and not a good way to get married.
I made the mistake of putting that "short term gratification" too far down the scale, and I made a wreck of things. I've done much better getting the simple stuff out of the way, because seriously, some BDSM should be easy to come to a consensus on, realistically - it's the rest of life that's more work. If I like how you are in bed, then I like 50% of you on top of that, we're getting solidly into "maybe we should stick around a lot" territory. If I like that 50 percent but I don't like how you are in bed, why would I subject us to this?
I say this as someone who is happily, I think, married. Even "happily" is a constant dance of compromise and gauging where you are. I sought a sub with cautious optimism, I found more - yay. Finding some nice vanilla person and then inserting "by the way, I am a freaky freak" into things several months in - that's just more cruel than I actually roll.
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subwannabe
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That's my point. Too many think that having a real relationship with someone is somehow vanilla and that the BDSM has to come later. There's no reason you can't go out on a date or two, "feel the other person up" (for lack of a better phrase) to see how kinky they are and start from there and see how it works out. Most people have sex after the first few dates and if it doesn't look like it is going to go down the road you want then you break up and start again. You can also run personals ads or whatever saying you want an LTR and that you are a sub or a dom, being up front about it right from the very beginning. I'm just amazed at how many people don't even try to find the person of their dreams, they just give up in the very beginning and just think about sex, sex, sex. You can have your cake and eat it to but, as they say with the lottery, you can't win if you don't play.
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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It still makes no sense to me. I'm a let's have sex and if I like you maybe you should leave a toothbrush here person. If that isn't working well for me, the rest is beside the point. I like to kill off the easy stuff first, getting it on is woven into my "getting to know."
I'm also far from super promiscuous, kind of a moderate in terms of the number of people I've done this with.
I'm also far from super promiscuous, kind of a moderate in terms of the number of people I've done this with.
subwannabe
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I also want to point out that my posts are only directed to those who would like a long term marriage type relationship as a sub or a dom but don't even try because they don't think it is achievable so they just settle for finding a dom or a sub. There are times in peoples lives where they don't really want a LTR or marriage. For those I don't see any problem with just wanting to find a dom or a sub and when the relationship ends it ends. Single people in the "vanilla" world do this all the time. I just hate it when BDSM people stereotype that everyone else in the world is vanilla.
I wanted to come back and thank Stella Omega for the pointer to fetlife. The reason that this is different, Daxaeha, at least for me, is that I have no one to talk to about it. But I have already met several nice people on fetlife and that has helped a lot.
