When is NO really NO?

[midwestyankee]

I can tell that you don't get what I'm saying, by what you are writing in response.

As for what you ascribe to, the only thing I know is that you are working to repair damage to your 30 year marriage, and have little experience with D/s. When I said "that's how you roll," I therefore should have written: "that's how you've framed this discussion." My apologies for failing to do so.

If we're going to talk about how a discussion is framed, let's at least be accurate. I used the term "relatively limited" to describe the extent of my experience with D/s relationships. I place myself in the context of others who are regulars here who have had full-time or nearly so D/s relationships that have extended for a dozen or more years. I can claim only a few years, hence relatively limited. That is not, however, little, as you put it.

I do get where you're coming from JM but you refuse to believe that I both get your point and also prefer to live my life differently.

Excuse me then, for not being a true Dom in your image.

 

[JMohegan]

If we're going to talk about how a discussion is framed, let's at least be accurate. I used the term "relatively limited" to describe the extent of my experience with D/s relationships. I place myself in the context of others who are regulars here who have had full-time or nearly so D/s relationships that have extended for a dozen or more years. I can claim only a few years, hence relatively limited. That is not, however, little, as you put it.

I do get where you're coming from JM but you refuse to believe that I both get your point and also prefer to live my life differently.

Excuse me then, for not being a true Dom in your image.

Dude. For god's sake.

Please accept my apologies for misunderstanding your use of the phrase "relatively limited."

Please also know that I don't give a flying fuck how you live your life.

And please pardon me while I guffaw at the notion of a "true Dom" of any kind.

Finally - one last time, no. You don't get what I've been saying. If you did, you would have been able to substitute actual language for "hard limits" in this discussion. And you wouldn't be pondering "what I think I hear you saying".... and "maybe this".... "perhaps that".... in post 168.

You don't get it, but it doesn't matter. I am not trying to insult you. I am trying to end a fruitless discussion.

 

[Bustymagoo]

I am glad to see I've finally sparked deep discussions

I guess this thread boils down to many issues:

does a hard limit exist? Or is it truely a person to person understanding?

What is the line between seducing someone to try something and being cold and manipulative and "making" them?

Now I do believe in soft limits (things I would only explore with the right relationship/partner/situation) and hard limits (NO NEVER TOO FAR)
but I would try to find an M/D with similar boundries, practices, or willing to except my few hard lines.

To answer questions:
1. She is a sub, not a slave.
2. Again, this is not an "ewww, not really into this" situation, she told me I can share this: her reasoning for NO anal intercourse is she had a partner force it upon her (aka rape her anally) about three years ago. The were having sex, he asked, she said no, and he held her down and forced it. This was not a bdsm situation, planned/mutally agreed/etc scenario.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

does a hard limit exist? Or is it truely a person to person understanding?

I think anything that would cause irrepairable harm, physically or psychologically, to the sub would be. But then, that's also common sense.

Everything else is up for negotiation, depending on the people and circumstances.

What is the line between seducing someone to try something and being cold and manipulative and "making" them?

Unknown and considerably blurry. I'm not one to answer, given that in the past, and even currently, I've all but given partners a guide on how best to manipulate me for optimal results.

 

[MisterSir]

Even though it was in jest, Keroin had a good point in the other thread on hard limits floating around - where are the middling limits? People are using "hard limit" to alternately mean "lookit i really don't want to do this i just don't like it" and "if you try this i will leave you there's some deep shit going on here" and that's unnecessarily confusing.

 

[minx1]

To me no means no. Otherwise, by definition its not actually a no...its a maybe (if/at some point).

I wouldnt waste my time or his on something that I am adamant I wont do.

I have given my limits a considerable amount of thought and if hard limits exist, they exist for a reason...and thats because I know myself well enough to know they will break me and that wont do either of us any good.

On the other hand I have soft limits and I guess in keeping with others suggestions ones that could be referred to as medium limits lol!

The soft limits I see as temporary..they are initial ''limits'' if you like...ones that I am willing to push and try once a little trust is built.

Medium well..they are limits I am pretty serious about in that they are big deal and if not handled in the right circumstances or way, could result in a crap (generally emotional) fallout.
I need to feel extremely comfortable and secure in order to consider pushing these...but they are up for negotiation down the line. My example is a threesome...for my own reasons I have a huge problem when it comes to this. I recognise that if handled badly it is something that could do untold damage to me and my relationship...but I also recognise that its not a case of never say never...there are just a particular set of circumstances where i would be willing to try it. Otherwise I cant see it happening.

Hard limits just mean no and no set of circumstances will change that.

I guess it doesnt matter how you grade limits...soft, medium or hard so long as everyone involved in the relationship understands and accepts them for what they are.

 

[rosco rathbone]

“The thing is, most of the time when you’re coming pretty close to doing it with a girl ... she keeps telling you to stop. The trouble with me is, I stop. Most guys don’t. I can’t help it. You never know whether they really want you to stop, or whether they’re just scared as hell, or whether they’re just telling you to stop so that if you do go through with it, the blame’ll be on you, not them. Anyway, I keep stopping. The trouble is, I get to feeling sorry for them. I mean most girls are so dumb and all. After you neck them for a while you can really watch them losing their brains. You take a girl when she really gets passionate, she just hasn’t any brains. I don’t know. They tell me to stop, so I stop.”

RIP JD Salinger

 

[JMohegan]

"What really knocks me out is a book, when you’re all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.”

RIP indeed.

 

[neci]

The Glory Hole

At 83 years old He finally broke her last limit. Wheeling her into the men's room at the state run old folks home, a sense of joy and accomplishment overwhelmed Him. He positioned the wheel chair in the handicap stall next to the hole He had specially carved. Slowly, His old cronies began lining up outside the door. she removed her teeth, wrapping them in a silk napkin, and placed them in her pocket. Positioning her wrinkled mouth at the hole, they came to her one by one. she sucked every cock dry that night. Even the cocks that could no longer rise were given their proper attention.

After everyone else had finished, He took her for His own. His last hurdle, jumped. she sucked and sucked, and she swallowed every last drop of his cum - coating her throat and mixing with the rest in her belly. As He wheeled her back to their room, he placed his frail hand on her shoulder. "you did a perfect job, little one. How are you?"

she looked up at Him. her eyes sparkled. her head drunk with sperm. In a whisper she replied, "You should really start drinking the cafeteria's pineapple juice."

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

At 83 years old He finally broke her last limit. Wheeling her into the men's room at the state run old folks home, a sense of joy and accomplishment overwhelmed Him. He positioned the wheel chair in the handicap stall next to the hole He had specially carved. Slowly, His old cronies began lining up outside the door. she removed her teeth, wrapping them in a silk napkin, and placed them in her pocket. Positioning her wrinkled mouth at the hole, they came to her one by one. she sucked every cock dry that night. Even the cocks that could no longer rise were given their proper attention.

After everyone else had finished, He took her for His own. His last hurdle, jumped. she sucked and sucked, and she swallowed every last drop of his cum - coating her throat and mixing with the rest in her belly. As He wheeled her back to their room, he placed his frail hand on her shoulder. "you did a perfect job, little one. How are you?"

she looked up at Him. her eyes sparkled. her head drunk with sperm. In a whisper she replied, "You should really start drinking the cafeteria's pineapple juice."

"little one."

hehehe.

 

[Keroin]

Even though it was in jest, Keroin had a good point in the other thread on hard limits floating around - where are the middling limits? People are using "hard limit" to alternately mean "lookit i really don't want to do this i just don't like it" and "if you try this i will leave you there's some deep shit going on here" and that's unnecessarily confusing.

I was jesting? I never jest after Labour Day, it isn't ladylike.


I have no Venti limits, BTW.

 

[MisterSir]

I have no Venti limits, BTW.

Which one's Venti again? I don't go to Starbucks, so this new system of sizing confuses and infuriates me.

 

[Keroin]

Which one's Venti again? I don't go to Starbucks, so this new system of sizing confuses and infuriates me.

Yes, I imagine it does...

 

[chy_girl]

Perhaps it's a matter of naivety or newness, but I couldn't imagine telling a man 'No' when I didn't mean it - outside of consensual non-con that is.

Then again, I don't understand why a Dom would demand something of his girl that she has clearly stated would emotionally break her because of this set of specific, valid reasons. However, "Don't break the toy" seems to be much more appreciated as mantra or meme than a rule in my experience.

 

[where]

Even though it was in jest, Keroin had a good point in the other thread on hard limits floating around - where are the middling limits? People are using "hard limit" to alternately mean "lookit i really don't want to do this i just don't like it" and "if you try this i will leave you there's some deep shit going on here" and that's unnecessarily confusing.

I'm not sure a hard limit is or should be confined to stuff that is traumatic. it can also include stuff that is against one's personal ethics, which is why animals, children and dead people seem to so frequently occur in lists of hard limits.

 

[Marquis]

And of course I am thoroughly uninterested in incarceration.

This is my primary metric for when no means no.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm not sure a hard limit is or should be confined to stuff that is traumatic. it can also include stuff that is against one's personal ethics, which is why animals, children and dead people seem to so frequently occur in lists of hard limits.

I always wonder what exactly people mean by this. It's okay if the guy fucks kids, cats, and corpses - as long as he doesn't make you join in?

Really?

If that first part's not actually okay with you, then why not add wanking after axe murdering, charging the neighbors for blowjobs to raise money for Republican candidates, or exhibitionism during armed robbery to the list?

Or........ Wouldn't it just be easier to say: Note to self - don't date criminals, the ethically challenged, or people with habits that you find seriously creepy?


.

 

[JMohegan]

This is my primary metric for when no means no.

Nice av. Good to see you again.

 

[Marquis]

Nice av. Good to see you again.

Thanks.

 

[rosco rathbone]

At 83 years old He finally broke her last limit. Wheeling her into the men's room at the state run old folks home, a sense of joy and accomplishment overwhelmed Him. He positioned the wheel chair in the handicap stall next to the hole He had specially carved. Slowly, His old cronies began lining up outside the door. she removed her teeth, wrapping them in a silk napkin, and placed them in her pocket. Positioning her wrinkled mouth at the hole, they came to her one by one. she sucked every cock dry that night. Even the cocks that could no longer rise were given their proper attention.

After everyone else had finished, He took her for His own. His last hurdle, jumped. she sucked and sucked, and she swallowed every last drop of his cum - coating her throat and mixing with the rest in her belly. As He wheeled her back to their room, he placed his frail hand on her shoulder. "you did a perfect job, little one. How are you?"

she looked up at Him. her eyes sparkled. her head drunk with sperm. In a whisper she replied, "You should really start drinking the cafeteria's pineapple juice."

That's fucking awesome!

 

[neci]

That's fucking awesome!

thank you

 

[rosco rathbone]

thank you

Romantic, funny and pervy as shit. Hat trick.

 

[evesdream]

At 83 years old He finally broke her last limit. Wheeling her into the men's room at the state run old folks home, a sense of joy and accomplishment overwhelmed Him. He positioned the wheel chair in the handicap stall next to the hole He had specially carved. Slowly, His old cronies began lining up outside the door. she removed her teeth, wrapping them in a silk napkin, and placed them in her pocket. Positioning her wrinkled mouth at the hole, they came to her one by one. she sucked every cock dry that night. Even the cocks that could no longer rise were given their proper attention.

After everyone else had finished, He took her for His own. His last hurdle, jumped. she sucked and sucked, and she swallowed every last drop of his cum - coating her throat and mixing with the rest in her belly. As He wheeled her back to their room, he placed his frail hand on her shoulder. "you did a perfect job, little one. How are you?"

she looked up at Him. her eyes sparkled. her head drunk with sperm. In a whisper she replied, "You should really start drinking the cafeteria's pineapple juice."

Quoted just to see it again

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Ultimately, it's not about the ass, it's about the control.

This to me seems to be the point that was lost by some along the way. I just want to cosign this.

 

[graceanne]

charging the neighbors for blowjobs to raise money for Republican candidates

*spew*