When did you stop being judgemental?

[NippleMuncher]

Over my years of being here at Lit my attitude has changed greatly about other postings on cheating, kinks, preferences, and what-have-you. In all honesty, I no longer have the judgments that I initially did when I first joined this wonderful group (whether I expressed them or not ). While I've always tried to keep an open mind, there were a few topics that would definitely push one of my "no tread" buttons. Now-a-days there are fewer and fewer things that either surprise me nor raise judgment.

Am I just getting "old", or am I realizing that people are human and relationships transient? Are all kinks really ok between consenting adults? Are there times when transgressions within a relationship are permissible?

Maybe I just need a good trout smack to set me straight?

 

[TexasWife25]

LOL

I cant get over your avatar...love it

I think, I stopped with judegment
maybe when I 1st started reading people stories, and their comments...
it took a long time before I got brave enough to actually join the site

eh
life is not black and white...

 

[NippleMuncher]

LOL

I cant get over your avatar...love it

Thanks, I love it too.

life is not black and white...

Of course not, there's Asians and Indians and ...

 

[Loverskitten]

Doooooood, I read a post today that made me question myself this same way. It was wrong, so wrong but hot, so hot. Maybe it was the writing style. Lordy I hope so, cause thinking back on it, I need a shower.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Doooooood, I read a post today that made me question myself this same way. It was wrong, so wrong but hot, so hot. Maybe it was the writing style. Lordy I hope so, cause thinking back on it, I need a shower.

Do you care to share a little more?

 

[Loverskitten]

Do you care to share a little more?

Hell no

 

[sunandshadow]

What does it mean to stop being judgmental? I think that if I decide a particular kink is now hot, that's still a judgment. So is "that kink freaks me the hell out but if those people over there like it I'm ok with them doing it." I don't make snap decisions the way I used to when I was a teenager, but I attribute that to the emotional breakdown I had in college and had lasting damage from, not to any positive process of maturation. But, I suppose it is a benefit that I learned that if someone makes a suggestions or criticism that rubs me the wrong way, but I have no logical reason to object to it, if I sit on the idea for a day or two I will either decide it's ok or figure out why it bugs me. And it is an important part of philosophy to get people to rethink their assumptions and the way they make decisions.

 

[silverwhisper]

but first...

[trout-smacks the daylights outta NM just on principle]

NM quoth:
over my years of being here at lit my attitude has changed greatly about other postings on cheating, kinks, preferences, and what-have-you. in all honesty, i no longer have the judgments that i initially did when i first joined this wonderful group (whether i expressed them or not ). while i've always tried to keep an open mind, there were a few topics that would definitely push one of my "no tread" buttons. now-a-days there are fewer and fewer things that either surprise me nor raise judgment.

when i first got to lit, i was probably a little more judgmental than i am now. however, i'm also a less tolerant of people being fucking asshats. i prefer to think of that as part of my charm.

NM quoth:
am i just getting "old", or am i realizing that people are human and relationships transient? are all kinks really ok between consenting adults? are there times when transgressions within a relationship are permissible?

bah, those 2 things are not mutually exclusive.

i think relationships can be transient, yes, but are not necessarily so unless both parties are OK with the dynamic being so. there are some people i'm always going to reach out to and care about whether they return the effort or not.

i'd say that yes, all kinks are OK between consenting adults. i may not be interested in being one of those consenting adults, but hey, if two or more people are into scat/whatever and it isn't hurting anyone else, pass 'em some rubber sheets and more power to 'em, sez me.

as to transgressions in a relationship and determining their OK-ness ex post facto, that's a tough question to answer. it really depends on the similarity in their priorities. if similar, their transgressions will be less likely to be showstoppers whereas if dissimilar, more likely.

NM quoth:
maybe i just need a good trout smack to set me straight?

o, indubitably.

[trout-smacks the ever-loving daylights outta NM again cuz i'm just an obliging kinda guy like that.]

 

[amofiga]

In prior years, I was probably one of the most guilty parties about being judgemental. It took more than just some posts on this website for me to understand the inner feelings and secrets that we all share. I became less judgemental when I was forced come face to face with my own issues and come to grips with them. When I finally had to stand in the spotlight emotionally naked and admit to my own mistakes, I began to realize that we are all subject to human weaknesses and have no right to judge others. I've often said that standing in front of someone physically naked is easy, it's standing there emotionally naked that can be embarrassing as hell. I try very hard to remember this when dealing with anybody about anything, not just sexual concerns.

People hold their beliefs and attitudes (whether political, religious, sexual, whatever), because they are at the very core of their personality. They define who they are in their own mind; how they view themselves. To judge them negatively is to invalidate them as people. It can be extremely hard for people to admit some of their feelings, attitudes, fantasies, etc because they are terrified that othes will judge them, not understand them, and make them feel like they are "wrong" about whatever it is. I try now to understand that we all have weaknesses, we all have beliefs, we all have our own motivations in life, and the greatest gift that anyone can give us is to accept us as who we are. The greatest gift we can give others is to return that same acceptance. It takes a strong person to offer acceptance and validation to others who may not feel the same way we do ourselves, even if we don't necessarily agree with them.

 

[NippleMuncher]

What does it mean to stop being judgmental? I think that if I decide a particular kink is now hot, that's still a judgment.

While that may be the broad definition, for this mental exercise, the definition of judgment would be to have an excessively critical and negative point of view.

it is an important part of philosophy to get people to rethink their assumptions and the way they make decisions.

Well said, I think this is more than a philosophical perspective, it should be put into daily use in everyone's life. This world would be a lot happier if people would just get the fuck over themselves once in a while.

[trout-smacks the daylights outta NM just on principle]

[trout-smacks the ever-loving daylights outta NM again cuz i'm just an obliging kinda guy like that.]

Thanks ed, I knew I could count on you! LOL

The greatest gift we can give others is to return that same acceptance. It takes a strong person to offer acceptance and validation to others who may not feel the same way we do ourselves, even if we don't necessarily agree with them.

Well said, even though I don't feel the same way or agree with it ...

 

[Eilan]

I've never stopped being judgmental. I pick my battles, though.

 

[wicked woman]

I used to think I wasn't judgmental but then I realized that I am judgmental - I have my own code of what's right and wrong...for me - I just don't think other people have to live by my code of values. Add that to being open minded and you get an interesting combination.

 

[StrayKat]

I believe I am more judgmental now than when I was younger. Maybe it goes with getting to know people and their motives a bit better, or filling into certain roles life gets me in, or just overall less patience and understanding I can afford to have for some people as I age.

When I was 20 I could forgive just about anything, now not so much.

 

[fire_breeze]

There are a very few things that, for me, is wrong no matter what. Granted, I realise that sometimes, circumstances are in play, but there are very few things that I believe to be completely unacceptable. This hasn't changed as I've matured or with my time here at Lit, so I guess I am judgmental in that respect.

That said, I try to accept people for who they are - and to place whatever I may find as odd into context. I find that always help. Was I more or less judgmental since coming to Lit? Neither. How can I judge something I don't understand? I will fully admit when I don't know something and I do truly try not to pass any sort of judgment until I have the facts. I also realise that when it comes to personal kink, it's best to ask the person because it is, by it's nature, personal.

I may not understand a particular kink/fetish, but I can most definitely accept that people do, and I am more than willing to learn about it. In my mind, if I am open to learn about something that I would consider to be out of the normative range, that doesn't

Also, there are some things that I would never ever have admitted to myself. Was I passing judgement on myself? Maybe. But I got over it and embraced these various facets of who I am. It took a very open minded and patient someone who told me that it was okay to desire x-y-z, and that it didn't detract anything from me, and no, I'm not a sick fuck.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I find that I'm probably less judgmental about kinks, and more judgmental about the way people handle relationships from an emotional standpoint. I think just about anything is OK between consenting adults, so long as it is done with respect. Even if one partner wants to be degraded in the context of a sexual encounter, there still needs to be an inherent element of respect for the person and their boundaries.

That said, I think the things I really disapproved of when I got here, I still disapprove of. On those scores though I pretty much have a live and let live attitude and I just won't chime in if not asked. I would say though that I understand a lot of things I used to disapprove of from a different perspective, and my acceptance of those has definitely changed.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I would say though that I understand a lot of things I used to disapprove of from a different perspective, and my acceptance of those has definitely changed.

This is where I find myself. I had what I would call a naive perspective on what a healthy relationship is and should be. My experience, however, has taught me what "normal" relationships seem to be and how disheartening and unsatisfying they are and how it can lead to discontent.

It's one of those things where walking in the shoes of another opens your eyes as to why they would do the things they do.

 

[TBKahuna123]

This is where I find myself. I had what I would call a naive perspective on what a healthy relationship is and should be. My experience, however, has taught me what "normal" relationships seem to be and how disheartening and unsatisfying they are and how it can lead to discontent.

It's one of those things where walking in the shoes of another opens your eyes as to why they would do the things they do.

I think this has also been good for my relationship. I've had things happen in my marriage since I've been here that I've been able to go, hey wait a minute, I just commented on a similar issue.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Don't ya just hate it when that happens?

 

[bailadora]

In some respects, I think I have a better understanding of why people might indulge in some of the things they do, even if those particular things aren't appealing to me. So in that sense, I do think I am less judgmental now than I was say in my 20's.

Are all kinks really ok between consenting adults? Are there times when transgressions within a relationship are permissible?

I started to say yes and then stopped. One thing I remain absolutely judgmental about is incest. Even when between consenting adults, the potential for hurt/damaged relationships does not lie strictly between the two participants.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I started to say yes and then stopped. One thing I remain absolutely judgmental about is incest. Even when between consenting adults, the potential for hurt/damaged relationships does not lie strictly between the two participants.

Wha?!?! Ince?!?! What kind of a kinky perv are you!

I see where you're coming from, but still, if they're consenting adults, then they are aware of the repercussions of their actions, whether they want to look at them or not. The key word is always "consenting".

 

[bailadora]

What kind of a kinky perv are you!

The BEST kind!

The key word is always "consenting".

Not in my book. Usually, I'm all for people doing whatever rocks their boat, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. But that particular kink is a landmine just waiting to explode and the collateral damage is enormous. There's no way I'll ever believe it's OK to cross that particular line. Yes, I realize that's judgmental. And I'm fine with it.

 

[werdsmith]

Life is really complicated, I get less judgemental every day.

-w

 

[Satellite15]

It always happens suddenly for me. On an issue or set of issues I can be quite judgemental, then something just blows it wide open. I think the most memorable times are when those arguing the opposite view to mine do it so elegantly and brilliantly that really, you couldn't help but be turned.

One of the big ones for me is the issue of sex workers. While I have always described myself as greatly liberal, I still had some problems with those who work as prostitutes. Partly I think because there is one around near I live who I despise because of the way she puts her addictions before her children. Aside from her tho, it wans't a hatred but an indifference - they chose to do what they do, they should be ready to accept what happens as a result.

It was reading the blogs of a few people, one is an indie porn actress and a few others were current or former prostitutes. It was the simple process of opening my eyes to the issues that affect them. For me, a lot of my harder line positions are, when i think about it, more to do with lack of knowledge and understanding of the other sides position. Sometimes the opposition comes out with something inflammatory and unhelpful, and that just confirms my view in my eyes. Other times reasoned thought and debate are the trigger to make me say "wow, you're right".

I'm always going to be judgemental on subjects, but I become less and less when through whatever reason I can see the flip side, and appreciate what the opposing argument is about. I think people as a whole will be less judgemental if everyone was more respectful and understanding of opposing views, and are at least prepared to hear that other side without derision.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Literotica and friends I have made here have opened my eyes and taught me a lot that I did not know...... but I'm not sure how much this has impacted what I'm judgemental about or not. I'd like to think I'm less judgmental about most things related to sexuality. It's issues outside of sexuality that I'm still pretty judgmental about.


Great topic.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I haven't stopped judging

Not really anyway, but trawling the greasy end of the internet makes supposed transgressions in real life seem, well, less transgressive. Hushed revelations that someone's into swinging, or ess and em, or whatever illicits a shrug or maybe a crude joke and life goes on.
Someone actively participating in these things doesn't seem to bother me, not that I would necessarily do any of them. Still you won't see me marching in any parades in support of whichever alternative lifestyle is supposed to offend me.