When did you know?

[Sir_Winston54]

This thread https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=9112626#post9112626 echoes the current one, and may offer some additional insights.

The following is a slightly-edited version of my post in that thread: I realized I had some unusual interests, especially spanking a pretty female bottom, even before I reached puberty. Then when I was 14, a 14-year-old girl deliberately kicked a soccer-type ball directly into my groin from about 6 feet away, and then laughed. I dragged her over to a convenient spot, yanked her across my thighs and proceeded to spank the devil out of the little witch. When I finished and let her up (my hand was sore!), she ran off crying and cursing at me.

A few days later, however, as I passed her door, she asked me in... and when I sat down, promptly laid herself back across my thighs and said, "Do it again?"

That was when I first realized the sensuality of spanking (etc.), and that I was the dominant partner of the pair, though I wasn't, of course, familiary with the terminology. I learned that in my early twenties - but I knew that I was Dominant at 14, even if I didn't know what to call it.

As far as "did {I} ever change? Do {I} think {I} might sometime in the future?" No, and no. I'm hardwired Dominant/Master/Sadist, and quite happy that way.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It is interesting to see the number of us who had these feelings as far back as we can remember almost, or close to it.

Catalina

 

[Sir_Winston54]

It is interesting to see the number of us who had these feelings as far back as we can remember almost, or close to it.

Catalina

Underscore is mine, for emphasis. I think I've mentioned before that one of my earliest memories is from age three or four, having the similar-aged neighbor girl over my lap, panties dangling from one ankle while I spanked her. She was a willing participant, so yes, I guess you could say some of us have had these feelings for a long, long time. I sometimes wonder if she ended up a pyl...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Underscore is mine, for emphasis. I think I've mentioned before that one of my earliest memories is from age three or four, having the similar-aged neighbor girl over my lap, panties dangling from one ankle while I spanked her. She was a willing participant, so yes, I guess you could say some of us have had these feelings for a long, long time. I sometimes wonder if she ended up a pyl...

LOL, and I still remember that nasty (in my mind at the time) little boy who peed in front of me on the way home from school when we were about 6yo and then chased me all the way to my front gate begging me to pee in front of him!! I wonder what he is doing now!!

Catalina

 

[Wednesday'sRose]

I honestly can't remember a time that I didn't think of BDSM as synonymous with sexual arousal. The first fantasies that I can remember having (I didn't know they were fantasies at the time) were all submission related. The first time I remember acknowledging my dominant side is closer to Jr. High, which I remember thinking was quite confusing. It took me quite a while after that to understand that being a switch was allowed and didn't mean I was completely nuts. Though I am a switch, I am mainly a sub so it seems to follow the path as it started years ago.

As to whether I see that changing...I don't think so, but you never know about the future.

 

[caela]

hmmmmm, an interesting question. i think i have always known that something was missing from my vanilla relationships though i could never quite put my finger on it until recently.

i was constantly aggravated with my boyfriends because i tended to be introduced to very gentlemanly young men who were far to solicitous to suit me...i got bored quickly with haveing to make all the decisions and figured there was something wrong with me because my friends all thought i was nuts and oh so lucky for having such "sweet" boyfriends.

so i just quit dating, being ubsurdly busy with work and school it wasn't a real loss. in the last year and a half or so a girlfriend of mine has been actively collecting BDSM erotica and as i tend to filch books from her shelves i've been doing a lot of reading (and buying) of my own as well.

it was like a switch being flipped in my brain...here was what was missing! the vagueness in my head coalesced into something i could finally define not just to myself but to someone else as well. luckily for me i have a friend with benefits who is very experimental and when i told him that i wanted him to control our sex more actively and maybe toss in a little bit of pain as well he was happy to comply. lucky me!

well this was a bit long, kudos to anyone that reads the whole thing.

 

[Esclava]

I had my first sexual exploration when I was 7. My next door neighbor and I were sitting under the stairs in my basement and I asked her if she had ever looked at herself. We spent the next 30 minutes looking, touching and learning that it felt really good to "play" with what was inside our panties.

That continued for almost a year before she moved away. But during that time, we did many things that surprise me now. She was my first kiss, my first masturbation mate and my first submissive. Of course I didn't know that then, but I learned many things about my own body by playing with hers.

I really think because my upbringing taught me that lesbianism was a sin, I tried not to venture onto that path as I grew through puberty into young adulthood. I never found sex with boys an exciting prospect - it didn't hold the same facination as what I did with my neighbor.

Unfortunately, I tried to adhere to societal "norms" and make relationships with men work - even though from the age of 9, I fell in love with the "girl" I would love for the next 34 years. Off and on, she was the love of my life. During an "off" time, I tried dating men again - didn't work. I just never found what I was looking for.

Fast forward to 3 yrs ago, after a lesbian relationship of 7 yrs dissolved and a 10+ year hiatus from BDSM ended (after a really abusive relationship), I went in search of myself. I found a very strong man online who is now my Master and who gifted me to the woman I call Mistress. I am relatively happy as a submissive to Master, but find myself exhibiting switch tendencies with others.

So, I was a practicing lesbian Domme at 7, an abused submissive at 30, a valued o/l submissive at 41, and now I wonder if I should explore the switch in me or leave it dormant.

Will I change? Probably. I have found the keys to my submission. I need to see if I also have keys to my dominance as well.

Esclava

 

[Marquis]

When did you know that you were dominant, submissive, or switch? Have you ever changed or rediscovered your preferences throughout your sexual development?

I've always been kind of a tyrant, so it was no surprise to me when those feelings crossed over into my sexual tastes. I considered it a character flaw though, something to overcome which I should be ashamed of.

Although I had had sex before, I didn't get to explore my sexuality with a steady partner until I had my first serious girlfriend - at 17. One day she asked me if I had any fantasies I wanted to act out with her. I very shyly admitted to her that I often fantasized about raping girls. I saw her ears perk and eyes widen as soon as it came out of my mouth. At first, she was just as shy about her reaction as I was to tell her my fantasy. She said that was ok, we could do that if I wanted.

I started off with kid gloves of course, but everytime I'd do something to push the envelope she would respond well. Eventually she was begging me to be rougher and meaner to her, to make it as realistic as possible.

Realizing that there were people out there who had complementary desires to mine, and that I could satiate myself without really hurting anyone made me accept myself as a dom and a sadist.

For the most part I dislike being in roles of submission and have no masochistic urges, but just last weekend I found an exception. Some friends of mine and I took Ecstasy with some girls and had a semi-orgy, and I found it incredibly erotic and intense whenever one of the girls would scratch or bite me. I doubt I'd like it off drugs though.

 

[sunfox]

I don't really remember when I got the 'ah ha' moment.. but I also don't remember a time when I have altered from being the way that I am.

Complex, at best, but I am a strong, alpha personality in every way. Despite that.. I am not a leader... except perhaps behind the scenes. I like to organize, and be a driving force behind things, but I don't like to be the face in charge.

When I was a child, I was like that, and now that I am an adult, I'm still that way. I'll probably be that way when I'm old. I have no desire to be dominant. My enjoyment and fulfillment is in submission, but only to someone I respect and love.

As for my sadistic/masochistic tendencies.. well. I liked spankings enough that my parents stopped giving them, because they were useless to change my behavior. Pain, and the giving of pain, always seemed to me like a way to increase sensitivity, and make things more pleasurable.

 

[AvaAdore]

As long as i can remember.

When i was 7 and lasting for a few years after, my best friend and i played a game called "slave". She was the Mistress and I was always the slave, except once. The game would start with her buying me in a "slave shop", and then i would have to do all sorts of stuff for her, like get cookies and milk and carry stuff. If i was bad i got punished, but i always tried to be good. I have a faint memory of being spanked by her in the corner of her room. The one time i got to be the Mistress, it wasn't nearly as much fun.

I also had a thing for treasure trolls. I collected them (and recently found my collection). They have such adorable round little spankable butts!

 

[Netzach]

I don't think I really figured much of itl out until I met M.

I was a switch in the scene who hadn't bottomed in 2 years, and when I met him I didn't care if I never did again. Maybe had I met the right Top before I met the right bottom I'd be saying the opposite, I have no idea.

But when I realized that this was the person I wanted central in my life, I knew the way I wanted to be, had to be, what I wanted to do. Not bending to please him, really, more a feeling of accepting one's destiny. I'm happiest of all the things I am in the world to be M's partner and Top.

All the stuff leading up to that was play, experiment, the same as tying myself up when I was 7 (I was an only child) I don't have to stop doing any of it, of course, I just know that being M's Ma'am is the most important role I have.

I may get the bottoming jones I feel satisfied anyway, hopefully we'll be going to some rope classes together in february and learning to suspend each other. I think using a bottom as a top for myself or others is super sexy.

I've started tying myself up again. I've started to play around and not limit myself again, and figure out what feels good. I've learned to slap the shit out of someone without sending them to the ER. I've learned that I like a really rough, uncouth, physical scene, and maybe there's some latent combative thing in me, that has never got out.

We're always in development, hopefully.

 

[Arles]

I think most of the women I've been involved with knew before I knew myself. When I was in my early 20s, I married a woman who was smart, brassy, and assertive ... except in the sack. Neither of us was very experienced sexually, and so I attributed her passivity to that and took it upon myself to be the assertive one. Having no clue at all that being sexually submissive might be her 'thing', I took it as disinterest until one day in frustration I got much more aggressive than usual and began saying and doing various things to humiliate/degrade her. Well, suffice it to say that it was the best sex we ever had.

The marriage didn't last for a variety of reasons, and I sort of retreated from the kinkier tastes I'd acquired, figuring my ex was just an anomalous freak and that I'd never find another girl to submit the way she had. Fortunately, though, I've had a number of them find me.