When did you know?

[Betticus]

Later this was reinforced by the first time I demanded a woman not cum. The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know.

For some reason that made me get the biggest grin I've had in about a year.

 

[csassy]

... and reading your reaction to that statement made me grin. Oh, lovely reactions...

For some reason that made me get the biggest grin I've had in about a year.

 

[akittenone]

kitten started her jorney into BDSM a long time ago,at the age of about 18 a partner she was with loved to hold her down while we had sex, after He got fed up with all the squirming and kitten trying to 'buck' Him off her during one playful night He tied her hands to the bed head, the rest is history ! Mind you, after the hands came the legs and it was like everything kitten had ever drempt of was coming true,
Gradually over the course of the following weeks He started to use His hands. in other ways, a slap, a pull on the nipples, bound like that kitten could not refuse and there was no way she wanted to,

He only wanted the sex side of things but by that time kitten knew she wanted more, she needed more and after the split kitten met her first Dom, and has never looked back.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi DC

OK, I haven’t gone through the whole thread so, apologies.

I've really spent the last few days thinking back to my first forays into sex as a kid. I've thought real long & hard about it, and I've done a lot of writing in the past few days trying to figure out if there was some abuse or abnormality, and I am just not seeing any. I was just a normal little girl with a working class family. And I don't guess it matters.

The past few days have made me rethink my past condemnation of the lifestyles of others. I've come to the conclusion that this is my sexual orientation and I must have been born with it. So it would be wrong and quite short sighted and hypocritical of me to assume that any one who's sexual preferences are considered abnormal or immoral was evil or wicked or a "sinner".

I hope FaerieFire sticks her head around the door, she has gone through this process of reconciling kinky inclinations with personal faith and a religious family quite recently. Her early posts here make very insightful reading.

People tend to forget that sex was God’s idea in the first place. Orgasms were God’s idea and the penis is entirely his fault. We were built to enjoy sex and connect to a significant other (SO) through it. There are passages in the Bible that say ‘rejoice with the wife of your youth, let her breasts intoxicate you.’ or something similar. I think that many Christians make the grave mistake of assigning the same shame to marital sex as to pre or extra marital sex. Once a union has been sanctified, it is to be thoroughly enjoyed. Adam and Eve were supposed the fill the Earth – that adds up to a shitload of sex!

I don’t think that there is anything wrong or shameful in enjoying rough sex. People get it confused with non-consensual sex when in truth, they are fundamentally different. People are just wired different ways. Some enjoy bunjee jumping, others like power play and/or pain during lovemaking.

Pardon my brain farts, but these are pretty profound revelations for me. Think Southern Baptist, INFP, good little girl who never went against her parents or the rules. That is me. And if I don't break out of this, a part of my self is going to die. Sexual orientation seems such a small thing; to prefer rough sex or painful sex over bubble gum flavored sex. But I find myself largely depressed in my life. I find that I lash out at those I love most because I feel like my life is a lie.

It's just sex, but it bleeds over into everything else in my life. For example, I find myself buying clothes based not on what I want to wear and feel good in, but based on what my family expects. How pathetic is that? Sad!

Your life is not a lie but you are very frustrated sexually. The fact that this issue is causing you such emotional pain suggests to me that it’s not about to go away. You should sit and think carefully though, about the wisdom in submitting to everyone because it’s not healthy and will continue to damage your self esteem. You are old and independent enough not to dress according to your family’s wishes. I’m not suggesting you turn into a Mohawk toting goth overnight but start being more true to yourself in your choices, you can do that without offending anybody. People get offended all the time and guess what? Unless it’s something very damned important, they get over it. Most people accept that those they love will make choices they disagree with. And they love them just the same.

I believe that my partner has found me out. Last night during sex, he pulled my hair, which he would never have done before. It was a small thing, but it really got my motor running and I had an orgasm that was earth shattering, to say the least. How much stronger would my O's be if there were lovely silver clamps or a nice cat of nine tails involved?

Pardon me again. I don't mean to ramble this way.

Is it really not possible for you to confess to your man? He obviously has an idea what you crave. He clearly loves you very much and wants to please you. I think that there is very little to lose in saying ‘when you pulled my hair it hurt, but it was so hot.’ and see what he tries next. Men love positive reinforcement when it comes to sex, it makes them feel like Adonis. If you really can’t bring yourself to ask for dominance (and if you do you should make clear whether you want that just in the bedroom or for him to take the lead more in general) then try at least to let him know when he’s really punched a button with you. Don’t ask often equals don’t get. He’s not going to freak out and suddenly find you deviant and repulsive, have a little faith in the man.

Naturally, I always reserve the right to be way off base, these are just my thoughts.

 

[the_mgp]

**********

 

[kinkyknickers]

I knew bondage excited me from a VERY young age... I think I might of been four or five at the time? But it wasn't until I was 16-17ish that I started to find out there were other people like me and lots of other kinky things to explore

The internet helped a lot...

God, your sick. The man who owns you must have his hands full! lol

 

[the_mgp]

**********

 

[unfoundiamond]

I know I have always been a maso.

I have always loved pain.

But being submissive is something I didn't realize untill I became sexually active as I am sexually submissive...

I am socially dominant and very outspoken.

Hope you find whatever you're looking for.

 

[RedHotHoneyPot]

I've been obsessed with sex for as long as I can remember. I think my first sexual fantasy was at age 4 or 5, but I've been masturbating since I was in diapers. (No- I don't remember - I know because my mother told me so.)

I cannot pinpoint when exactly I started having submissive fantasies, fantasies about being hurt, forced etc. I know I was very young. I did not discover any literature on the subject till I was abt 17 with the Story of O. Since then I've experimented a bit, but never really found anyone who would play with me in that way. When I was 18-19 I had a gay roommate/bestfriend who indulged my desire for a beating one night and it was everything and more that I ever thought it would be.

My partner now is straight vanilla to my ever growing frustration, but I'm trying to bring him around. I love him, but I know that I NEED more, sexually. My fantasy life is so much more fulfilling than my real life. Every once in a great while, his hand will squeeze my neck or slap my ass, but not nearly long enough or hard enough.

I guess there's a lot of us out there....

 

[Fauna]

I think I've always known...

It seems to me that I’ve been aware of the power play between people for most of my life, whether it comes from sexual tension, a position of authority or a difference in age. I remember being 5 or 6 years old and taking my grandma's head scarves and pretending to tie up other people with them. (the knots made her mad!) I didn't know why I wanted to do that, but I knew I wanted to.

I didn't really know what these desires were called until I got into college and read "Exit to Eden." It all fell into place then! And what an amazing journey its all been since then

 

[kittenartist]

It is funny... it is one of those things I have always known but fought tooth and nail to deny. I did the same thing about being bisexual. I found myself more attracted to the women in porn. My solution? Restrict myself to gay porn -- no girls to distract me from the males. Same concept with being a Domme. I went the extreme opposite of my desires and tried to be submissive. This started actively around age eighteen. At nineteen I met my ex-husband who is dominant; although not actively in the lifestyle. I had to go through a series of experiences to be honest with myself about who and what I am.

Now that I accept it I am better able to see the signs from the past. Hindsight is twenty/twenty, right? However, I do not trust my memories. I have a history of sexual abuse and a lot of confusing memories, and many repressed things that slowly leak out at random moments. >.< But I do recognize things from as early as three that point to my love of control. And yeah, I think the abuse had a hand in developing my desires (I had no control then; I insist on control now) but I do not believe that is the case for everyone. In fact, I cling to the fact that not everyone had a horrible childhood. It helps me... hmm... feel like it is less of a victim's reaction and more like a "normal" person who enjoys a lifestyle.

 

[Big Poppa]

I think I knew many years ago, in highschool when i went on a date with a chick and she brought up something regarding me leading her around on a leash and collar.

I didnt know anything back then, but I liked the sound of it.


Past that, my son's mother and I have played a bit rough on a few occasions, and I enjoyed mind fucking her more than i should have.... somethign about fucking a chick after you've degraded her and made her feel bad and having her crying.

Then I found this place

 

[DangerousCurvz]

Velvet, that was a great post. (I almost called you VD, then thought better of it!) I appreciate it very much.

My partner won't even try anal. Never mind that it just makes me wild-he won't go there. And I can respect that. Never mind that when he "accidently" slips in that direction, it's obvious that he gets intense stimulation and he obviously enjoys it.

It is he who cannot let go of is religious rigidity and enjoy our partnership. I have begun to question my beliefs, and even if I was devout, I recognize and have always recognized our freedom within our marriage to explore each other and the wants, needs, and desires we have.

I love him, and I love intimacy with him, but it feels sometimes (actually, often) that a part of me is not being fulfilled. Then it feels so selfish of me. Meanwhile, he is perfectly content-or seems to be-with our sex life, though he would like to have sex more often. It's hard for me to get into it, though, when I know that I will not be completely satisfied.

 

[gingermango]

I knew from about age 5 or 6. Whenever we played cops and robbers, I always wanted to be the robber who got caught and tied up or handcuffed. Watching re-runs of "I Dream of Jeannie" I always loved the episode where Maj. Nelson was caught by Jeannie's evil cousin (Barbara Eden in a dark wig ) and tied to a spit over the hot flames . . .

It just evolved from there through my entire life. It took me until my mid-20's to meet real people interested in the same things I am, and who were willing to accept me as I am. It took another 5 or 6 years to get out of a bad first marriage (with an unaccepting partner) and find a better-matched spouse. Things since then have been fantastic.