When did you first know?

[Carnevil9]

here's one; My daughter, recently mentioned that she'd always assumed herself to be bisexual-- and she said it is a bit of an adjustment for her to realize that she is, in fact, hetero. She said that she wasn't expecting a default preference.

The poor dear. I hope that she can find a support group to help her deal with this horrible stigma.

 

[starrkers]

Technically I'm straight but I cleave closer to asexual -- possibly because I seriously dislike any form of intimate contact beyond hugging (which provides a barrier in the form of clothing).

I probably first started to get the idea that I was outside the norm when I was about 14 and sat down at my computer to find a practical description of masturbating because the I knew of the concept but the mechanics had never occured to me. Most of elementary school was like that, actually. The "family life" classes started then and people started getting a concept of sex and sexuality.

There was one incident that is amusing in retrospect. Some of my friends asked me whether gay or lesbian sex was "better." Obviously they were curious about which one turned me on. I said something to the effect that gay sex made more 'sense' because insertion was possible, the idea of porn was totally alien.

To a large degree, that's me as well.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The poor dear. I hope that she can find a support group to help her deal with this horrible stigma.

Here is my daughter, given every permission to be as perverse as she wants-- and she doesn't care to! She has no need to be untrue to herself in any way. She knows that her sexuality is her own affair, and that her parents will support her any way it goes. It is not a point of rebellion for her.

As a mother, I could not ask for a better outcome.

Contrast this to a certain Libertarian's whining about how his family has deviated from the true, designated, straight and narrow path.

 

[starrkers]

here's one; My daughter, recently mentioned that she'd always assumed herself to be bisexual-- and she said it is a bit of an adjustment for her to realise that she is, in fact, hetero. She said that she wasn't expecting a default preference.

That is totally awesome.

If my kids are that well adjusted I'll buy myself a very large cocktail to celebrate!

 

[where]

I still haven't 'decided', chosen or whatever. By circumstance I'm hetero, but I have gone through lesbian phases. In fact I consciously 'chose' to be a lesbian, but found I like cock too much so I guess that makes me bi (or in need of a chick with a dick or strap on).

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Queer stopped being pathological behavior in 1980 when the DSM 3 deleted homosexuality as a mental disorder. Prior to then, for all of human history, it was.

When E.O. Wilson formulated sociobiology queers were an embarrassing phenomenon, because the central dogma of sociobiology is reproduction: whatever gets in the way of reproduction is pathological. The Left had fits about this and sociobiology changed its name to Evolutionary Psychology. But queers are still odd-balls and this keeps Wilson pacing the floor at night trying to square the circle (pink triangle?).

People have the same problem with queers that they have with eunuchs, cripples, midgets, and the ugly. All of these traits get in the way of their kid reproducing.

 

[oggbashan]

I can't quote scientific studies, only my own experience.

That tells me that teenage girls can have crushes on older females and intense "best" friendships with girls of their age. I think that phenomemon is sufficiently common to be considered a normal part of their development without indicating what their future sexual preference might be.

For teenage boys, attachment to a hero or to what Aussies call a "mate" is also not unusual but historically the homosexual overtones have been vilified.

I think it is part, sometimes an unconscious part, of the growing up experimentation with what is possible.

Og

 

[Liar]

I think my point stands: homosexuality is a choice. Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it; quite the contrary, I think it is a fine choice of lifestyle. Just don't try to tell me that it isn't a choice to begin with......Carney

Just because it's not genetic, doesn't mean it's conscious choice.

Tell me, when did you as a staight man (just my assumption) say to yourself "Ok, from now on, I will not get sexually aroused by males." I'm guessing you didn't. It just turned out that way. Or you occasionally get attracted to a man, but choose to not act upon it. But that's something else. Lifestyle does not equal sexual orientation.

 

[rgraham666]

Misty, that's exactly the kind of thing I'm thinking of when asking this question.

I think you and I are a similar age. When I was a teen any boy thought to be "queer" was shunned as possibly contagious. The mere possibility of gayness was an automatic ticket to the class of the outcast. I'm not sure lesbianism even existed in our teen minds - bit like Queen Victoria.

With that kind of undercurrent, I would expect total confusionn in the mind of a teen homosexual person. They expect to be attracted to the opposite sex and then find they're not. What could be more mortifying to a teen mind - that pressure cooker age of peer pressure - than to be different?
Christ, it must've been horrendous.

Either my daughter's group is seriously enlightened, or times have definitely changed (I'm thinking a little from column A, a little from column B).

As a spin off from the bully thread, it was widely assumed by my 'peers' in my teen years that I was a 'faggot'. That's the word used then. I received more than what would be called 'gay bashings' now.

I sometimes encountered that attitude as an adult as well.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

I still haven't 'decided', chosen or whatever. By circumstance I'm hetero, but I have gone through lesbian phases. In fact I consciously 'chose' to be a lesbian, but found I like cock too much so I guess that makes me bi (or in need of a chick with a dick or strap on).

If you really love cock so much you're probably closer to straight than bi.

 

[Liar]

I never made the choice to be attracted to men. But the first ones that I can remember getting my hormones going happened to be boys at my school, and the mnake pop and movie stars on the posters in my sister's bedroom. I jerked off to Simon LeBon before I even knew who he was.

So naturally I assumed I was gay. And that was that. I grew up in a good home where that was perfectly accepted, and not even my old fart grandparents, who could be awfully conservative about other stuff, minded.

Doesn't mean I was totally happy with it. My family was one thing. Junior High was another. Kids threw "homo" around as run-of-the-mill derogative slur and being stigmatised as any kind of "different" was a social death sentence. So I didn't want to be what I was. It complicated thngs. And at that age, in your early teens, things are complicated enough at they are. But there was nothing I could do about it.

And then, after I crouched myself through those three years, I finally began to own it. As I started High School I chose to not care what people thought. A new school and a little bit more mature kids, and I found that the majority of my schoolates didn't mind. I was finally homo and happy about it, and spent my days laughinhg in the face of the few cliques of homophobes who still thought I'd give them cooties.

And that was that. Or so I thought. Then I met a girl who grabbed my by the balls, shoved me into her bedroom and ravished me until I realized that the weird feelings I'd had when being around girls were also sexual, even though my set mind had tried to interpret them as, well, something else.

Over the years I have gradually became more interrested in woman than men. Not because I find men less sexually appealing, but because I enjoy women's company more. Or rather, I have a certain distaste for the gay identity, that every gay male seems to embrace so fervently. So I don't meet as much gay men in a dating mood anymore.

So some people say I've been "converted" to straightness. Other amateur shrinks claim I wasn't really gay to begin with, just "finding my way" through adolescense or whatever. But they'd be wrong. Just because I haven't fucked a man in over a decade, it doesn't mean I couldn't. And I'll still check out a nice ass, whatever plumbing there is on the other side.

So what am I? I'm a logophile, cat person and musician. I am not my sexual orientation.

 

[Liar]

If you really love cock so much you're probably closer to straight than bi.

How come? What if she likes pussy as much?

 

[The_Fractal_King]

How come? What if she likes pussy as much?

She said she failed at trying to be lesbian because of how much she loved cock.

 

[Liar]

She said she failed at trying to be lesbian because of how much she loved cock.

Yes? Your logic is still off. Not lesbian does not equal straight.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

Yes? Your logic is still off. Not lesbian does not equal straight.

Clearly she doesn't love pussy "as much" if she so tremendously preferred cock. She seems to be closer to straight than bi to me.

 

[where]

Clearly she doesn't love pussy "as much" if she so tremendously preferred cock. She seems to be closer to straight than bi to me.

But I like both. preferably at the same time

Seriously, I just don't think it is always as clear cut. and in my morning haze I was trying to make the point that you could 'chose' to be something but not be it really or for ever. I think what I am trying to say is it's the person I really fuck, not the gender

 

[impressive]

Actually, the shocker for me was when I learned that everyone didn't swing both ways. I always just kinda assumed that love was love ... and people were with their mates because of the person not their plumbing. *shrug*

So, monosexuality was a real eye-opener for me ... at around 8-9 years old.

 

[where]

As a spin off from the bully thread, it was widely assumed by my 'peers' in my teen years that I was a 'faggot'. That's the word used then. I received more than what would be called 'gay bashings' now.

I sometimes encountered that attitude as an adult as well.

in my school the equivalent was known as Chris Puff. Yep he got bullied and the crap kicked out of him by some of the guys, but he was the first one to fuck the school hottie and got to grope more tit, ass and cunt than any of his tormentors put together.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The nice thing about being straight is you dont obsess about it or have the angst gays have. Gays live in a Special Olympics world.

 

[sutherngent985]

When did you first know? I'm assuming that you mean, when did you decide, right? Clearly, one's choice of sexual partners is a conscious choice, isn't it? People are born with free will, after all.......Carney

Ok, when did you "choose" to be straight (attracted to women in your case)? Who you are sexually attracted to ISN'T a choice. Deciding you won't act on that, or more precisely, deciding to act in accordance with society's ideals, is a choice. But just because someone decides to be with women when he really wants to be with men, or women to be with men instead of women, doesn't mean that being attracted to the same sex it isn't inborn.

 

[matriarch]

You're a fucking idiot.

Exactly.
That's why he's ignored completely.
A total arsehole.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Exactly.
That's why he's ignored completely.
A total arsehole.

Coffee spew.......

 

[rgraham666]

in my school the equivalent was known as Chris Puff. Yep he got bullied and the crap kicked out of him by some of the guys, but he was the first one to fuck the school hottie and got to grope more tit, ass and cunt than any of his tormentors put together.

In high school if I even looked at a girl that got me another shit kicking. And the girls would be pleased.

Stephen King once said that high school is the most caste ridden society in the world with the possible exception of Hindu India. I was an untouchable, not human at all.

Maybe that's why I write vampires so well.

 

[ishtat]

Why

The more I learn the less patience I have with the gay/straight dichotomization of people's sexuality. It wasn't that way in the classical world. It doesn't appear to have been that way in the early and High Middle Ages. It wasn't until the 14th Century that Europe got into homophobia in a big way and it wasn't until the 19th Century that English even had words for Homosexual and Heterosexual.

I have wondered whether the history of the change in attitude to homosexuals was based purely on their sexuality or whether other factors intervened. For example William II of England 1099-1100 was definitely respected as a strong king but also homosexual. Conversely Edward II 1307 - 1327 was a notoriously weak king. He was despised and eventually murdered in Berkeley Castle (symbolically by having a red hot iron driven into his rectum)

Edward II was hated for his cavalier attitude to the property laws in favour of his favourites. I suspect that his sexuality then became a convenient label (of abuse)

The history of intolerance of all types is a fascinating subject, one of the great Why's

 

[matriarch]

I realised I was attracted to girls, from around 12, 13, when puberty arrived. I also realised, back in the early 60's, that this was not an acceptable thing, and I'd better keep it quiet.

I fought against it, avoided any occasions when it could get me into trouble, didn't have any boyfriends, didn't date.........until I was 21 and agreed to go out with a guy I'd met at Badminton Club (the extent of my social life). 3 months later he asked me to marry him. I said yes, but I can remember quite distinctly in the back of my head thinking (if it doesn't work out, we can get divorced).

We got married, i was 22, and he was my first and only sex partner for the next 24 years. The marriage worked, because I wanted it to be.......but I never, NEVER, for one minute of that time, lost my attraction to women, in fact it grew stronger and stronger and stronger, until it got to the point that I could no longer tolerate sex with my husband, but I couldn't explain why. For a while life was very difficult.

I finally had my first sexual ecounter with a woman, at the age of 45. It was like an epiphany. For the first time in my life, sex felt right. It was amazing. I had come home.

For the next 9 years, my husband and I lived as a couple, but apart, separate rooms, separate lives, except when it concerned our sons, when we came together as one.

After 32 years as a couple, we amicably agreed to separate, sold our house, and moved apart. It was painful, emotional, but necessary for both of us to move on.

I had no expectations of ever finding someone else, I was simply looking forward to living as me. Then I went on holiday to meet some of my Lit friends, and met Min. The attraction was instantaneous, emotional as well as sexual. And here we are, heading towards our second 'wedding' anniversary, blissfully, happily in love, more and more each day. She is my life, I can't imagine my life without her in it. This is not purely a sexual thing, this is love. The desire and need to be with that person, come what may.

The only choice I made, was to ignore what my body was telling me, for 23 years.

People, bigots, narrow minded arseholes like Carny will never understand what it involves to live to your heart and need when those needs are enclosed in a member of the same sex. Nobody, even now, in these so called enlighted times, would choose to live this way, with the constant prejudice, especially in USA, and hatred that that choice would involve.