When a sub f's up!?

[artslut86]

Im not sure how to share this.
Lets just say a sub fucked up.
It is a new sub, a raw sub, eager, anticipatory...but a bit willful. A perfect blank canvas. Ok...and maybe a tad unclear on boundaries. More on that if it helps.
The problem was literally according to the cumslut a misunderstanding. Words were exchanged post session. Each took a different meaning away.
The sub posted after a week of silence...'hey, wtf. I'm confused, why are u such a villian.'
That sub, got the goodbye. adios mofo, u are done. . Woe is the sub.

How does a a sub who knows it fucked up, after a few weeks of learning, and REALLY taking it all seriously for a deep dive into the culture rebuild that bridge?
that dumbshit really thought it was breaking thru, 'getting it' submitting. subsuming its will. putting itself and other r.ships that were sexual last. In order to discover its self.

I'm not asking because its some whiney piss dick who pulled its pud too soon. Its a person who genuinely wants to 'understand' the role and submerse it self into that sexually via an e-Domme online r.ship. To submit its will, willingly, but clearly has some ummm. fucking trust issues when it can't read the D in question or more importantly has no contextual basis to asses intent, willingness, trust or bond.....
So how the fuck do the rest of you Subs online, IRL etal do it?

Posting for a friend.....lol.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Art
Let me ask a question. How much experience do BOTH of you have in lifestyle?
As a dominant it’s their position to be a guide. The sub sets the limits. If they know what they’re limits are. It’s the dominant who sets how to explore within those limits.
The dominant has a huge responsibility to care for the sub. Care for before during and after play. By care I don’t mean the casual.. how do you feel? Oh ok good. And that’s the end of it. The submissive’s well being is in the dominant’s hands.

 

[IrisAlthea]

The problem was literally according to the cumslut a misunderstanding. Words were exchanged post session. Each took a different meaning away.

This is something that happens in all relationships, especially when you are new to each other.
It’s easy to think that D/s will eliminate these things however high protocol and stylized you want to play this game, it is still about humans with all the foibles and pesky feelings and about a relationship.

The sub posted after a week of silence...'hey, wtf. I'm confused, why are u such a villian.'
That sub, got the goodbye. adios mofo, u are done. . Woe is the sub.

From this and previous posts, I get the feeling that you tend to go for a stiff upper lip with a coating of witty banter style of communicating.
It is highly possible that I’m just projecting, because I certainly do that myself and I’ve found that people sometimes see that as being disrespectful and even worse as inauthentic and uncaring.
Up to a point it is about styles that either mesh or don’t but I have found that I sometimes have to let the guard down and be vulnerable enough to admit that I feel insecure, left out or whatever it may be.

For the record, I don’t think it has a bit to do with being sub or dom except that I think some people prefer a very polite and formal style of communication that doesn’t work for everyone. It’s one of the things I think you either need to discuss before starting out together or have the tolerance and fortitude to communicate as it comes up.

Its a person who genuinely wants to 'understand' the role and submerse it self into that sexually via an e-Domme online r.ship. To submit its will, willingly, but clearly has some ummm. fucking trust issues when it can't read the D in question or more importantly has no contextual basis to asses intent, willingness, trust or bond.....

It is hard to read people and online or long distance makes it worse.

I think it is worth trying to say just what you did here:
”I want to get this right but I’m not sure I’m reading you right and it’s making me feel insecure in a bad way.”

If you are more into ”staying in character”, you could implement some kind of traffic light systems, where you can call yellow for ”I’m struggling here, help?” by using a special word or signal.

Having already fucked up, there is a handy code word already: ”Sorry!”.
Useful on both sides of the slash, because miscommunication is rarely a onesided issue.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Having been a sub who disappointed my dominant partner, if he had dismissed me because I messed up or misspoke…yeah, he has then fucked up, too. That wouldn’t work for me. If the consequences are going to be that swift and severe, I hope they were established and agreed upon before the consequences were just dealt out. This relationship would not work for me at all. He would be dismissed. Adios. Goodbye.

 

[artslut86]

Experience levels, me zero to 6 weeks online 4-5 sessions. I was 'in training..on probation' for want of a better term [there was a momentary freak out about identity capture, which so far appears to be unfounded]
Her... I dunno taken at face she has a LOT of experience with online, I know nothing at all about who she really is etc. Makes it hard to develop a context for assessing what to do, how to do it, what resonates.
Seeing how she does what she does to me confirms either I'm a see thru moron, or she is very wise for her age and has a 'past'.

All good good points thank you one and all, thanks for adding some context to the journey for me.
At the end of the day folks you are right, this is about people. Thats where I'm struggling, I usually have a keen sense of empathy, can read motive intent desire etc. Not here. a disembodied cute voice with a sexy chuckle in my earbud is all I got. Oh well shit happens.

At this juncture, its a resignation to the status quo. I'm not about to be whiney and needy over email or skype or w.e.
The steps taken by the D feel very final - deleting her content from a shared folder [all words and guidance stuff no images], blocking me on skype. For all I know the apology and further explanation I sent went to spam.

Being patient and silent is a discipline of its own.
So that is in of itself a learning experience.

Also perhaps trusting that the D has the best interests at heart and while a mis understanding occurred. I should have checked in to verify instead of questioning everything.

I've spent my life with women being a hunter, walking away from closeness, until I found a life partner for a vanilla existence, that checked the boxes I needed at the time.
Like most at a certain age that situation changes.

I chose the most extreme opposite of my past sexual life to see what it would be like to be denied my will. Its a fascinating mental and physical game. Its awakening new desires, new levels of sexuality and I enjoyed the experiment to date.

 

[artslut86]

​

such great communitylol​

Dapperguy​

The Egoist​

JoinedSep 23, 2022 Posts114
Today at 9:37 AMNew
I'll cut to the chase. You're the fuckin sub you're discussing. Am I right? Of course I am. If you'd fucked up with me there is only one way back-reparations. I would have you hoodwinked. I would strip you naked. I would then kneel you on the floor. I would leave you there, all on your own. There a speakers in room that are wireless. I would then, from another room, play white noise with the intermittent growled command, insult and ANGRY outbursts. This would go on for quite sometime. It would suddenly stop, then deep silence. Silence for quite a while. After this, I would enter the room wearing a strap-on dildo. I would let you suck it before pegging you long and deep, for quite a while.
Then silence. Then more white noise. After this would come your urethral stretching, not by me, but my darling wife, who is a jealous woman. She would sound your cock long and hard, after which she would assemble a whipping post and whip your bottom until it leaked blood. After your whipping, you would lose the hoodwink and I will plough your hole, lubricating my cock with your own blood from your bottom. After this our Dom/sub relationship would be established.

Right, the sweet rim of desire. I think that sorts you out.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Experience levels, me zero to 6 weeks online 4-5 sessions. I was 'in training..on probation' for want of a better term [there was a momentary freak out about identity capture, which so far appears to be unfounded]
Her... I dunno taken at face she has a LOT of experience with online, I know nothing at all about who she really is etc. Makes it hard to develop a context for assessing what to do, how to do it, what resonates.
Seeing how she does what she does to me confirms either I'm a see thru moron, or she is very wise for her age and has a 'past'.

All good good points thank you one and all, thanks for adding some context to the journey for me.
At the end of the day folks you are right, this is about people. Thats where I'm struggling, I usually have a keen sense of empathy, can read motive intent desire etc. Not here. a disembodied cute voice with a sexy chuckle in my earbud is all I got. Oh well shit happens.

At this juncture, its a resignation to the status quo. I'm not about to be whiney and needy over email or skype or w.e.
The steps taken by the D feel very final - deleting her content from a shared folder [all words and guidance stuff no images], blocking me on skype. For all I know the apology and further explanation I sent went to spam.

Being patient and silent is a discipline of its own.
So that is in of itself a learning experience.

Also perhaps trusting that the D has the best interests at heart and while a mis understanding occurred. I should have checked in to verify instead of questioning everything.

I've spent my life with women being a hunter, walking away from closeness, until I found a life partner for a vanilla existence, that checked the boxes I needed at the time.
Like most at a certain age that situation changes.

I chose the most extreme opposite of my past sexual life to see what it would be like to be denied my will. Its a fascinating mental and physical game. Its awakening new desires, new levels of sexuality and I enjoyed the experiment to date.

It sounds like a learning experience, for sure. And also like you two are possibly not looking for the same thing? Welcome to the community. I hope you stick around; there’s a wealth of information here.

Also, ignore @Dapperguy. He’s a poser.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I think where the ball was dropped was rushing into a D/s dynamic without vetting to see if you were compatible. Just because it's online doesn't mean it isn't necessary. We've all done it. We were new once, too. We jump in because we want to explore, we're excited, etc.

This experience will help you grow. Learning isn't always fun, but I am reading your post and thinking, "This is great! This relationship is probably over, but his next one will be better because he's willing to learn from mistakes!"

~bfg~

 

[artslut86]

Thanks barefootgirl69!

 

[IrisAlthea]

Thats where I'm struggling, I usually have a keen sense of empathy, can read motive intent desire etc. Not here. a disembodied cute voice with a sexy chuckle in my earbud is all I got.

Yes, it gets a bit garbled, as through a filter.
Realizing that the normal stuff still applies helps a lot though, I think.

Being patient and silent is a discipline of its own.

Yep.

I've spent my life with women being a hunter, walking away from closeness, until I found a life partner for a vanilla existence, that checked the boxes I needed at the time.

It’s interesting how life puts you in new situations and new roles.
Personally, I’ve learned a ton by trying to find my own way of doing them.

Its a fascinating mental and physical game. Its awakening new desires, new levels of sexuality and I enjoyed the experiment to date.

Sounds like a win to me.

 

[Older_Pervert]

​

such great communitylol​

Dapperguy​

The Egoist​

JoinedSep 23, 2022 Posts114
Today at 9:37 AMNew
I'll cut to the chase. You're the fuckin sub you're discussing. Am I right? Of course I am. If you'd fucked up with me there is only one way back-reparations. I would have you hoodwinked. I would strip you naked. I would then kneel you on the floor. I would leave you there, all on your own. There a speakers in room that are wireless. I would then, from another room, play white noise with the intermittent growled command, insult and ANGRY outbursts. This would go on for quite sometime. It would suddenly stop, then deep silence. Silence for quite a while. After this, I would enter the room wearing a strap-on dildo. I would let you suck it before pegging you long and deep, for quite a while.
Then silence. Then more white noise. After this would come your urethral stretching, not by me, but my darling wife, who is a jealous woman. She would sound your cock long and hard, after which she would assemble a whipping post and whip your bottom until it leaked blood. After your whipping, you would lose the hoodwink and I will plough your hole, lubricating my cock with your own blood from your bottom. After this our Dom/sub relationship would be established.

Right, the sweet rim of desire. I think that sorts you out.

What an arsehole you are!

 

[artslut86]

Update.
Well after months in the wilderness I received a message from my former online Domme.
After some conversation via skype, we restarted some basics, with knowledge I was on probation.
We had a fantastic multi hour session, which was absolute torture. I could only touch myself through my clothing.
Then I had to sit and watch porn naked and not touch myself.
Then put underwear on and do exact rub counts with soaked underwear in lube.
It drove me mad. Exquisite . Then I presented my self online one way vid to her and we started all over again.
Im a walking hard on right now.

Of course me the eager bunny got bit excited. I am trying to rein in myself.
I briefly touched myself without permission and OMG..now I am being reminded of how wicked this delicious Domme can be.
I need to develop some late in life self control. Any community ideas on mental fortitude exercises?

Any thoughts about how to calm ones thoughts down?. I'm trying deep breathing exercises. Once my elbow heals up a bit I can get back to aggressive exercise to get an alternate endorphine rush. But it aint ready yet.

The other problem i have is She cleverly uses silence as a weapon, so when I dont get a response or am given an instruction she might go for an extended period of time with no response. So I've got to NOT be so fucking needy, that sub frenzy silliness. I guess I am craving her attention too much. The silence thing really does my head in.

I've been tasked with reading about sub space and wrote up some notes for her. I hope she likes them.

Well I can say that after no contact with her, my 3 IRL domme experiences, no one has done so effectively and so quickly what she has. Her command and control, is so arousing it hurts. I crave it. Its been months since I had a hardon like this. Its almost better..almost... than the orgasm. Which I have yet to have. Its now day 5 no orgasm, and its only 830am. Im on a no touch regimen, forced porn watching, and I think more corrective punishment to come for my unallowed touching Wed nite.

Wish me luck.