What's your take?

[IhateClowns]

I've enjoyed the threads lately that have gotten everyone talking. Instead of listing, or ranking, or word play. Ones where people converse and have fun. Hopefully this thread will continue that trend.

The premis is simple. I will bring up a topic and you tell us your take on it. I will also try and give my option as well.

So what's your take on:

Online Dating

I am married so luckily I don't have to date. The idea scares me to be honest. As many yahoos that are on here, there are plenty more in the real world. My friends who are single think online dating is a hook-up site. It's essential a glorified playground. I haven't really ever done it so I can't really give much of an opinion on it.

 

[Iceprincess12]

I like how you were going to give an opinion but picked a topic that you don't have an opinion on

I am married as well and don't need to date, but if I was single I would absolutely online date. I wouldn't pick anyone I couldn't evetually meet in real life, that is the purpose of dating, but it's a good way to screen people and get to know them. You also have the fun of flirting without the commitment or fear of running into them at the grocery store. If someone wouldn't skype or face chat after you decided to move the relationship forward, then that is a good sign he is hiding something. I like the idea, less commitment, more fun.

 

[IhateClowns]

I like how you were going to give an opinion but picked a topic that you don't have an opinion on

I am married as well and don't need to date, but if I was single I would absolutely online date. I wouldn't pick anyone I couldn't evetually meet in real life, that is the purpose of dating, but it's a good way to screen people and get to know them. You also have the fun of flirting without the commitment or fear of running into them at the grocery store. If someone wouldn't skype or face chat after you decided to move the relationship forward, then that is a good sign he is hiding something. I like the idea, less commitment, more fun.

I think we all relate to the topic to a certain extent based on being here. It's interesting the stigma online dating had just a few years ago compared to now.

 

[TheSilverLining]

I've enjoyed the threads lately that have gotten everyone talking. Instead of listing, or ranking, or word play. Ones where people converse and have fun. Hopefully this thread will continue that trend.

The premis is simple. I will bring up a topic and you tell us your take on it. I will also try and give my option as well.

So what's your take on:

Online Dating

I am married so luckily I don't have to date. The idea scares me to be honest. As many yahoos that are on here, there are plenty more in the real world. My friends who are single think online dating is a hook-up site. It's essential a glorified playground. I haven't really ever done it so I can't really give much of an opinion on it.

Good idea for a thread!

Unlike those of you who have posted above me, I'm single. No husband, no fuck-buddy, no lesbian life-partner (and before you ask - no cats, either).

Have I tried online dating? Yup. Had me a shiny new profile for all of 72 hours, before closing the thing and never going back.
The idea just doesn't sit well with me. I suppose you could say the thought of putting myself out there like that is rather terrifying. I'll admit it's a pretty efficient way to be rejected, but I'd really rather avoid it.
And that's before we even get started on just how antisocial I am.....

Now I'm not saying it doesn't work. I have loads of close friends / colleagues who are all shacked-up in long term relationships with peeps they met online. (I'm talking POF or whatever the equivalent is). Few of them even did the marriage and kids thing, so I know it does work.

I'd just like to meet someone the old-fashioned way: "through alcohol and poor judgement".

<shrug>

 

[suckonsimon]

We're good friends with a young couple who married five years back, now have two kids, real vibrancy about their life together. They met through an online dating agency here in the UK. I forget which. Much jibing about it at their wedding which they took in good spirit. They're doing ok!

Me personally? No-one was online when I hooked up with my woman!

... and btw Clowns, good to connect with you! Been far to long pal!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Some of my favorite people on earth started online.
I met my husband on facebook, in a group, seven years ago. When groups were a thing.
I'm of the generation who views online relationships as normal, having had to maintain a good portion of mine in this manner since 2000 (I've lived internationally, a lot).

 

[IhateClowns]

Good idea for a thread!

Unlike those of you who have posted above me, I'm single. No husband, no fuck-buddy, no lesbian life-partner (and before you ask - no cats, either).

Have I tried online dating? Yup. Had me a shiny new profile for all of 72 hours, before closing the thing and never going back.
The idea just doesn't sit well with me. I suppose you could say the thought of putting myself out there like that is rather terrifying. I'll admit it's a pretty efficient way to be rejected, but I'd really rather avoid it.
And that's before we even get started on just how antisocial I am.....

Now I'm not saying it doesn't work. I have loads of close friends / colleagues who are all shacked-up in long term relationships with peeps they met online. (I'm talking POF or whatever the equivalent is). Few of them even did the marriage and kids thing, so I know it does work.

I'd just like to meet someone the old-fashioned way: "through alcohol and poor judgement".

<shrug>

You say you're anti social but I have never get that is who you are. If you have loads of friends and work colleagues then you are far from anti social. I think I takes a certain mentality to put yourself out there. Whether it be online or not. It seems easier to weed out some of the ones that are non compatible online than it is in real life. Problem is anyone can say anything online to get your attention before knowing if it is true or not. We see it on here everyday.

I would think online dating would give a sense of security in that you don't have to accept a face to face until you are fully comfortable with that person.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I would think online dating would give a sense of security in that you don't have to accept a face to face until you are fully comfortable with that person.

In a way, but it also affects the way you communicate in real life. Its one thing to be completely open and honest in front of a screen, but its another thing to open up to a real person in the flesh.

 

[suckonsimon]

In a way, but it also affects the way you communicate in real life. Its one thing to be completely open and honest in front of a screen, but its another thing to open up to a real person in the flesh.

So right, geeky! I confess that I find it significantly easier to talk about sex - about my own sexual needs and desires - with my wife of 39 years, since these three years I've posted about it on Lit! Crazy or what? But it's true. Not that we didn't talk before; we did, thanks to her. But now it flows for me. Yeah everything flows! So 'online' has freed me up, and about time too!

 

[MaryanneB]

As a widow dumped into the single scene, it has taken awhile to figure out the whole thing. Before I met my husband, I lived in San Francisco and bars were great places to meet people and hook up on occasion but now I'm uncomfortable in a bar. Lit was good for me to get back into being myself. I'm still trying to get back but the idea that you can get comfortable with a man online still doesn't compute. Good way to weed out the "I don't think so" but I still want to look into some eyes....and check out his butt

 

[suckonsimon]

As a widow dumped into the single scene, it has taken awhile to figure out the whole thing. Before I met my husband, I lived in San Francisco and bars were great places to meet people and hook up on occasion but now I'm uncomfortable in a bar. Lit was good for me to get back into being myself. I'm still trying to get back but the idea that you can get comfortable with a man online still doesn't compute. Good way to weed out the "I don't think so" but I still want to look into some eyes....and check out his butt

Good on you, Maryanne! There are some guys on here who are for real - as I guess you know better than me.

Wow just noticed my post figure go into the five grand. Heck!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

As a widow dumped into the single scene, it has taken awhile to figure out the whole thing. Before I met my husband, I lived in San Francisco and bars were great places to meet people and hook up on occasion but now I'm uncomfortable in a bar. Lit was good for me to get back into being myself. I'm still trying to get back but the idea that you can get comfortable with a man online still doesn't compute. Good way to weed out the "I don't think so" but I still want to look into some eyes....and check out his butt

There are some good looking guys around, for sure.

So right, geeky! I confess that I find it significantly easier to talk about sex - about my own sexual needs and desires - with my wife of 39 years, since these three years I've posted about it on Lit! Crazy or what? But it's true. Not that we didn't talk before; we did, thanks to her. But now it flows for me. Yeah everything flows! So 'online' has freed me up, and about time too!

This forum has helped me immensely, as I'm sure it has for others. I'm still shaping a sexual identity and I'm so thankful that I discovered lit in my early years.

I also, am not comfortable in bars. I find the comradery here on the boards educational, harmless and fun. I've gotten the courage to be honest with my husband regarding my desires, which, like simon, I wouldn't have been able to without the advice of some wonderful peeps here.

Lit is not really online dating. I won't seek that out, but these days, any social media is a pseudo dating site, really.

 

[ShelbyBubbles]

We are living in a virtual world. Online dating is not only acceptable it is now the "norm". I don't see it as a positive or negative thing...it just is what it is. I feel whether you meet someone in person or online it's not going to matter because the person you meet will only show and tell what they want you to know. Dating anyone you don't know can always be a risk...but so can dating someone you did know for the past 10 years. No matter whom you date, or where from, it's always going to be a matter of compatibility and connection. I also think any social online site, whether it's an actual dating site, gaming site or just simply Facebook is a playground for hookups.

 

[COYS4414]

......

 

[1sickbastard]

Online dating is like any sort of interactive environment, what it is depends largely on what you make of it.

 

[justashygirl]

My take is that it's definitely a great way to meet a lot of people, and you can do so without any sort of pressure. However, I'm sure there are a lot of crazies to sort through. I am not single, and have not been for a while, so I never really dabbled in online dating.

In the brief time that I was single in between relationships, I went out and met people that way. However, almost everyone I know who has gone that route has had pretty good luck with it. If I were to suddenly become single, I think I'd eventually explore that option without any particular expectations.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I'm unique in that I had been hurt most by the people I was supposed to be able to trust in real life. My closest family and 'friends' that I met in person the 'normal' way.

Not to say that I haven't been lied to or felt betrayed by anyone online, ever. But by and large ALL of my most long lasting and deeply cherished connections have been online and eventually over the phone. My phone friends become my family.

 

[IhateClowns]

In a way, but it also affects the way you communicate in real life. Its one thing to be completely open and honest in front of a screen, but its another thing to open up to a real person in the flesh.

Sure of course. That goes with just about anything online vs real life. Whether it be trying to hook up or trolling someone. That computer screen makes a lot of people more brave than they actually are.

 

[IhateClowns]

As a widow dumped into the single scene, it has taken awhile to figure out the whole thing. Before I met my husband, I lived in San Francisco and bars were great places to meet people and hook up on occasion but now I'm uncomfortable in a bar. Lit was good for me to get back into being myself. I'm still trying to get back but the idea that you can get comfortable with a man online still doesn't compute. Good way to weed out the "I don't think so" but I still want to look into some eyes....and check out his butt

Yeah the idea of meeting a woman at a bar is not very appealing to me. I hang out at bars often simply because my wife is the lead singer of a band and they play at bars quite often. It is always fun to watch guys make attempts. Some successful, but most are not. You have to almost be unique to garner the attention of a woman at a bar. Sometimes that uniqueness is being yourself and being genuine. I think that is where most people lose. They aren't genuine. Plus common decency and respect seems to be dwindling.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Sure of course. That goes with just about anything online vs real life. Whether it be trying to hook up or trolling someone. That computer screen makes a lot of people more brave than they actually are.

It facilitates a deeper connection at times. At least in my experience. I'm chicken shit in real life.

 

[IhateClowns]

It facilitates a deeper connection at times. At least in my experience. I'm chicken shit in real life.

I'm not. I used to be but at some point I learned that not everyone is going to like you. This place helped me learn that as much as any real life experiences.

 

[xxxLunaxxx]

I'm married, but separated. I haven't ventured much into the online dating world. I did try Tinder, but was told it was just a hookup site. The few guys I briefly chatted with from there seemed to confirm that. I do agree with what others have said, which is that for people who are naturally more shy and introverted, online communication is a much easier way to open up and get to known someone.

My best friend has had ample experience with online dating, and none of it is good. The majority of the people she's talked to are just looking for a fuck buddy. A few have tried to scam her into loaning them money, and the majority of them haven't been honest about either what they are looking for or their relationship status. So from her experiences I'm not sure it's something I would try anytime soon.

 

[coffeelady]

I have tried online dating on and off. I haven't had any bad experiences per se; I've met some people and they were mostly ok, but noone I'd consider a relationship with. I'm at the age where a lot of people are already married or in relationships, so there just don't seem to be a lot of options here (and the fact I'm fairly picky probably doesn't help).

And with age and experience comes the knowledge of what I want in a relationship; meeting someone would be nice, but I'm not interested in being someone's fuck buddy, I'm not desperate and I'm not going to settle just for the sake of not being single, so, barring some miracle, it looks like I'm on my own for the foreseeable future

 

[IhateClowns]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has responded so far. I wonder if the responses would be different if this was more of a non sexually based type of forum. There are a lot of people who have had success in the online dating world,

 

[Trekka]

I think any online social setting is just another way to meet people--albeit a modern way. And it may or may not turn into a date... Which may or may not turn into a relationship... Which may or may not turn into a fairytale or a disaster!

Just like "real life," people in an online setting can be honest or deceitful, sincere or disingenuous, kind or malicious. I've met some great people online, and some jackasses. Had the same experience in "real life" as well! And, of course, it's smart to consider safety in either setting.

And I met my current boyfriend online. And he's rad. So I might be a little biased.