What's wrong with me?

[Noor]

I think its the chronic masturbation that has made you selfish to your own desires, your way or the highway.

I agree with part of this, masturbation is totally your fantasy and under your control, sex with your husband should be a two way street. When guys masturbate too much they seem to stop wanting sex or at least decent sex with women, they seem to just want to get off, and not enjoy the journey, and the journey is what makes the difference between just getting off and mind blowing sex.

You both sound fairly sexually inexperienced so I imagine that doesn't help. Maybe some sexual manuals or sexual healing book exercises could help.

Also porn is not reality in any way and certainly is not what long term sexual partners are made of. Its strange because usually its men who want to reproduce porn.

My advice is get some sexual therapy, its your problem but you both need it. I would not tell him he repulses you because it sounds like sex in general is the problem.

Few women come from vaginal intercourse, those who do often only come from their gspots being hit, clit being rubbed by their partner's cock, hair, body, hands, and/or mind control. Some of us can come without touching.

I do understand about touch being irritating and the feeling of being degraded during sex at times. I can not handle feeling trapped, it will freak me out, if I feel in danger I will do whatever it takes to get out of danger, if someone is forcing me to do something even if they think its fun or playful I will get quite upset, because its not fun at all for me at that point.

I also can get sensory overload and everything can suddenly feel like thousands of pins stabbing me or I just shut down. This is not just a sexual thing. Over time I have learned what to avoid, and how to dealt with it before things get out of hand. This has happened during even in cyber.

My lovers usually are thoughtful and careful, and that makes a HUGE difference.
However, if I didn't explain it to them so they understood what was happening, they would not be good lovers and we would not be good lovers together. Its a two way street and there are trade offs just like anything else.

I am not interested in just getting off, I want much more for me and my lover. I want the adventure, the not knowing what will happen, the surrender of just letting go of everything but us at that moment.

 

[HunnyBee18]

You don't mention (or I didn't notice) whether you object to being touched outside of sex. For example if you are walking down the street, and you know that touch is unlikely to lead to sex, are you comfortable having his arm around you or holding his hand?

Am I the only one who happened to watch the special on Sexual Anorexia this week and heard bells go off in their head?

You may want to look this condition up - it sounds (to this outsider) like it makes sense.

 

[SWinters]

Oh, girl. I was once in a similar place. Here's what I have to say:

1) There is not something "wrong" with you. There are real reasons for what you're experiencing, even if you don't know what they are yet.

2) This post of yours is remarkably brave. Given your courage and your willingness to articulate your painful experience, I believe you have what you need to find the tools that will help make things different for yourself.

3) I found therapy incredibly useful. It can be a powerful tool. Find the right therapist for you. A therapist is a human being who happened to choose that particular profession. As in every other profession, some of them are reasonably good at their jobs; some are excellent; some are just abysmal. Use the same level of discriminating good judgment you'd use to find someone to work on your car.

If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to chat through it some more.

Best of everything to you. You have a right to enjoy sex with another person, if you want to.

love and light,

Emme

ps I am now a HUGE fan of sex. Never thought it would happen... but--oh, my. Sex ROCKS!

 

[akatrex]

"Now, any of you Litsters reading this, do not misunderstand - I love the IDEA of sex. I get horny and aroused. I like writing erotica, I like reading it. I like watching porn. I like masturbating - more than once a day preferably. I even like drawing porn. But the act itself - don't touch me, don't look at me, asshole.

There's just something about the whole situation that inspires my unbridled rage. Even from the first nipple stroke, pussy grope or ass grab, I just tense up and want to bite someone's fucking face off. EVEN when I've just been watching porn and I'm more than "ready" for such an act, any attention, other than the kind I regularly give myself, feels like an intrusion, a violation, an interruption of what is supposed to happen.."

You Struck Out before you even got into the Batters Box.

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!