What's the priority with you? The BDSM or the relationship?

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Ahh, ok. But then at a point some make a commitment that some do stand by, like marriage. Now personally, I do not think its good to stay in a dysfunctional relationship for vows made in a different time and state of mind, but.....G has been tested over one aspect, and actually, in different way so have I. I am pretty sure I know there are some things that would be too far for him . I am also sure to cross some of my boundaries he would no longer have some of the things about him that I love most.

I know life will bring more tests. We cannot guess how we will do with them. But I will try hard.

Its not just partnerships that can initiate or require sacrifice, ( though relationships, adulthood, family often can conflate I think and focus can feel on one person) its other areas of life, and these can be as confounding. For me personally, they can be...disheartening. But...there is always opportunity. If I had not made 'swaps' , or losses, I doubt I would have made attempts to try and be a kinder person than I have been in the past, I don't know that I would have explored this avenue to myself, I doubt I would have other things in my life that mean much to me.



Sam.....is this helping or are we drifting too far? I am conscious from recent discussion drifting from op can be frustrating.

It's ok a bit of digression is good. It's getting to know you all better and different people have different perspectives. The wider picture is useful

Sam xx

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Depends on how you define "kink".

Something I eventually realized about myself, is that 99% of my "kink" happens as a connectedness [to my lover]. I don't need toys, floggers, paddles or rope to be content in a D/s relationship. I'm not at all interested in clubs, dungeons or munches; in fact, I prefer to avoid them as much as possible.

My "kink" manifests itself by contributing to an environment where I get to be myself, and he gets to be himself. He wants to bring me coffee in bed or do the dishes? Kick ass, and no worries about giving up his Dom card. I want to decide where we eat dinner, or suggest our schedule for the day? Awesome, and we both still know I'm following his lead (in the big picture sense). It might seem unconventional, in the D/s sort of way, but it works [for us], which is all that matters.

[long ramble ahead]

I was actually thinking about this thread this afternoon, and realized my current relationship is an excellent example of compromising and not being too rigid about what I want from a relationship.

Over the years, I've had friendships from Lit and/or Fet wander down the "I know I live X bazillion miles away, but what do you think about an LDR?"

Every.Freaking.Time. I lowered my guard and said I'd try... Crash, burn, emotional pit of purgatorial misery. Usually, because I was foolish enough to believe a man who claimed he wanted to move things from online to off, then found every excuse in the book NOT to. As a result, I decided long distance relationships were off the table. Period. Forever.

So when this fantasticly compatible person popped up on my OKCupid profile, I almost passed him by because we didn't even live in the same state. I only emailed him to say I enjoyed reading his profile & good luck in the search... His reply was that we needed to meet, and if I was open to the idea he'd make it happen. (I may have told him he was crazy...) Getting me to even consider it (much less believe him when he said he'd booked the flight), took a bit of work on his end. lol

Except 2 months later he was on my front porch. (Which was actually faster than we thought our calendars could coordinate, but he moved stuff around.) And a month later, he was in town on business. And it's been like 8? 9 months now?And he's constantly reworking his calendar, and looking 2, 3, 4 months out to make sure we get long weekends (or more) every month. Hell, he's already looking at November/December 2016. lol

It works, in part, because the compatibility is there across every level. And neither of us feel like giving up on that degree of compatibility, just because he lives in X state, has grown kids to still manage and travels 90% of the time, and I live in Y state, have PT custody of my brood and travel 50% of the time.

A year ago, I'd have said "Fuck compromise up its stupid ass. I'm done compromising".

Oops.

[/long ramble]

That long ramble made a lot of sense. I weary of LDRs too. But you're point is about compromise and sometimes it gives us happiness if we do. We just need to know our priorities and I suppose it's different for all of us

Sam xx

 

[apom]

Am I the only one who doesn't care about relationships?

 

[Okletsgo]

Possible

I think some can seperate the two but why would you want too? Together both are so much more.

 

[Cute3Kitty]

For me having a healthy close relationship is more important than the BDSM. I think that BDSM is just part of the sexual intimacy that is between a couple.

Is love more important than BDSM? I think if you really love someone then you won't ask of them what they can't do and you won't feel deprived if you truly love them. This is just me though.

I would rather be in a loving vanilla relationship that be a sub to multiple Doms who don't love me or don't really know me very well. I do crave to submit to a powerful Dom, but it's only part of what I want.

What is your priority? The BDSM or the real relationship?

Sam xx

I haven't been in a relationship for various reasons but I think for me BDSM is more than just part of the sexual intimacy. For me it is more about the trust you have in your partner and that you are willing to expose yourself in the most vulnerable manner possible.

While BDSM would be pretty important to me, ultimately I think I would be focused more on the real relationship. I would never be able to be someone's sub and have sexual relations with them without developing deeper feelings. And ideally I would want the other person to get to know me more before we engage in any kind of BDSM play. So I suppose the relationship would be important because only when I have the relationship would I be able to trust the other person.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Thanks Cute3Kitty,

I appreciate your input. From the answers in the thread so far it seems that female subs prioritise the relationship in general but not all of them.

How about Doms out there, what's the priority for you? And why?

Sam xx

 

[Primalex]

I appreciate your input. From the answers in the thread so far it seems that female subs prioritise the relationship in general but not all of them.

How about Doms out there, what's the priority for you? And why?

Just for the record, I don't think Netzach identifies as submissive.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Just for the record, I don't think Netzach identifies as submissive.

This.
I don't either.