Whats my problem

[Frank.S]

My first post. Im 18, male and very unexperienced.

In the past year, there has been about 5 girls that ive met that after only a few minutes of talking, or almost none, have offered sex. The problem is, i have no confidence in this area and usually back away, it really sucks. So ive never had sex. Most of my friends just laugh at me, but its starting to get anoying. Next year ill be in Uni, and I hope im at least a little more experienced by then. My question is, what should I do to get into things slowly. I dont want to just go out and try to get some from some girl at a bar that I just met. Help me out.

 

[College_geek]

The only thing I can come up with now is maybe trying to ask a female friend if she can help. This probably has a low chance of helping, since she would need to be willing and it may not include actual sex. However, maybe she'd be able to indulge you with what women may like, or something like a "seduction class".

Probably what would be more reliable would be...when you go to college, if a woman asks you to have sex with her, be honest. She may get turned on by the fact that you're inexperienced. I would personally love to teach a guy in the ways of sex, if I were put into that position. As much as people like to make you think...there are a good amount of guys (and girls) going into college who are virgins or have limited experience. Not everyone is a sex god, and half the time when they think that they are, it's a load of crap.

Try not to stress out about it too much, hon.

 

[miss_kate]

My 2 cents...

When you meet girlies- give them the illusion of confidence... it is VERY attractive... if a guy consistantly puts himself down or greases you up a little too much.... it is VERY unattractive. I have a friend that does this all the time and he has the exact same problem... half of the fun of getting laid is the CHASE... you dont want these girls to know that you are too interested because it gives them a chance to chase YOU... and that is HOT.

As collgegeek mentioned: find a girl that you can have an honest and open conversation with about your predicament. You always want someone that you trust to loose your 'cherrie' to- and so after a time of discussing your problem... put in the sneaky 'hey, how about your give me a few pointers??'

You never know, she might dig it...

Good luck sweet
xxx

 

[trodas]

Besides, if they are "have offered sex" it don't necessarily mean you are about to get it I suggest you stop believing anything that girl say, and trust the actions rather.

Just my two cents

If I was you, I would say yes just to see, how far they are willing to push this game

 

[Eilan]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at 18 or going to college with limited sexual experience. My ex and I were older than that when we lost our virginity to each other, and we weren't ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed to this day, though I DO wonder why the hell we dated for over a year before we had sex.

As miss_kate said, you definitely want to project self-confidence, even if it's not what you're feeling inside (the fake-it-till-you-make-it approach). Furthermore, don't go out looking to get laid, because you'll likely be disappointed with the results. It'll probably happen when you least expect it.

Above all, when it does happen, remember to practice safe sex!

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

My first post. Im 18, male and very unexperienced.

In the past year, there has been about 5 girls that ive met that after only a few minutes of talking, or almost none, have offered sex. The problem is, i have no confidence in this area and usually back away, it really sucks. So ive never had sex. Most of my friends just laugh at me, but its starting to get anoying. Next year ill be in Uni, and I hope im at least a little more experienced by then. My question is, what should I do to get into things slowly. I dont want to just go out and try to get some from some girl at a bar that I just met. Help me out.

Welcome, Frank!
I'd back away from women who offered sex in the first few minutes of talking too...it takes all kinds, but that'd send off warning bells in my head.

I agree with starting slow, acting confident, and not rushing to get sexual experience. If you don't have a lot of female friends, making some might be a good place to start and gain some experience dealing with women in general. And/or just start asking women who catch your eye or you feel a connection with out. Smile a lot, pay attention, and ask them questions about themselves. If you put yourself out there, the sex will come.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

My first post. Im 18, male and very unexperienced.

In the past year, there has been about 5 girls that ive met that after only a few minutes of talking, or almost none, have offered sex. The problem is, i have no confidence in this area and usually back away, it really sucks. So ive never had sex. Most of my friends just laugh at me, but its starting to get anoying. Next year ill be in Uni, and I hope im at least a little more experienced by then. My question is, what should I do to get into things slowly. I dont want to just go out and try to get some from some girl at a bar that I just met. Help me out.

I love SweeyErica, I really do, But I have to break away from her on the advice of staying away from the girls that offer up sex like it's an unlimited commodity (even though it is, it's just that men aren't the ones in control of it).

First, buck up and don't allow yourself to come off as being so meek. Women are instincively attracted to a man who can click their subconsciousness into thinking that he is a strong provider for himself, and therefore will be a strong provider to the right woman and their offspring.

Second, find the easy women, even if they don't rate high on your particular attractiveness scale, and have fun, lots of it, with plenty of condoms that get flushed down the toilet after every single drop of your orgasm has left your body!!! Easy women are great for practice and confidence building. You can experiment on them with everything from "saying just the right words" to anal sex and all the positions of the Kama Sutra. Plus, sex in general, for any man, is a confidence builder. Women covet it, men don't. That's part of the reason that there are so many men out there who feel like you do right now.

Third, when you see a gaggle of girls hanging out together, there is usually one, like with men, who is the leader of the pack. If you want her, make eye contact with her, buy her a drink, and then approach the pack and ask one of her girlfriends to dance (or whatever the appropriate activity would be for that setting) while apologizing and saying that the drink was actually meant for the woman that you're asking for the dance. Then make the woman you're dancing with feel like an absolute queen while all of her friends watch. When the two of you return to the table, keep your confidence high, strike up conversation with the whole group, but don't pay any particular attention to any one of them. See what happens after that. You'll like it.

Whatever you do, don't go getting all attached to the first, second or third woman that puts out for you!!! You're very young. Don't make the mistake of committing to anything serious until you've really lived some life, made as much money as you can, been to bed and had as many action packed sexual experiences as you can with plenty of different women.

Then when you feel it's time for "that someone special," and you have a good candidate to fill that position, don't go getting married without a prenup in place even if your net value is the four cinder blocks holding up your buddy's rusted out Chevy Impala. Cuz if you get divorced without that prenup being there, she'll take 2 or 3 of your cinder blocks and leave you with the one that broke under the weight of the Impala.

Have fun, big guy.

 

[SweetErika]

I love SweeyErica, I really do, But I have to break away from her on the advice of staying away from the girls that offer up sex like it's an unlimited commodity (even though it is, it's just that men aren't the ones in control of it).

I didn't say completely stay away from them, I said I'd be suspicious and probably wouldn't take them up on the offer. I think being intimidated or not wanting to be with someone like that is perfectly reasonable.

First, buck up and don't allow yourself to come off as being so meek. Women are instincively attracted to a man who can click their subconsciousness into thinking that he is a strong provider for himself, and therefore will be a strong provider to the right woman and their offspring.

Second, find the easy women, even if they don't rate high on your particular attractiveness scale, and have fun, lots of it, with plenty of condoms that get flushed down the toilet after every single drop of your orgasm has left your body!!! Easy women are great for practice and confidence building. You can experiment on them with everything from "saying just the right words" to anal sex and all the positions of the Kama Sutra. Plus, sex in general, for any man, is a confidence builder. Women covet it, men don't. That's part of the reason that there are so many men out there who feel like you do right now.

Agreed on the first count, just don't be a jerk about it, Frank.

I respectfully disagree on your second point, HnH. There's generally a reason why "easy women" are easy...a lot of times it's low self-esteem or overcompensating for a past trauma. It's highly likely getting involved with them will lead to some kind of hurt for both you and them, from STDs to pregnancy to a woman who won't leave you alone to not feeling very good about yourself. So, if you really feel the need to use people, proceed with caution and be prepared for the consequences. And NEVER flush condoms.

Third, when you see a gaggle of girls hanging out together, there is usually one, like with men, who is the leader of the pack. If you want her, make eye contact with her, buy her a drink, and then approach the pack and ask one of her girlfriends to dance (or whatever the appropriate activity would be for that setting) while apologizing and saying that the drink was actually meant for the woman that you're asking for the dance. Then make the woman you're dancing with feel like an absolute queen while all of her friends watch. When the two of you return to the table, keep your confidence high, strike up conversation with the whole group, but don't pay any particular attention to any one of them. See what happens after that. You'll like it.

Whatever you do, don't go getting all attached to the first, second or third woman that puts out for you!!! You're very young. Don't make the mistake of committing to anything serious until you've really lived some life, made as much money as you can, been to bed and had as many action packed sexual experiences as you can with plenty of different women.

Then when you feel it's time for "that someone special," and you have a good candidate to fill that position, don't go getting married without a prenup in place even if your net value is the four cinder blocks holding up your buddy's rusted out Chevy Impala. Cuz if you get divorced without that prenup being there, she'll take 2 or 3 of your cinder blocks and leave you with the one that broke under the weight of the Impala.

Have fun, big guy.

Mixed bag of advice there, but there's definitely nothing wrong with being attached to someone you're having sex with. If you opt for meaningless fucking instead of any relationships, I think you're likely to be emotionally retarded and screw up the serious relationships you may have later. I agree you should see what's out there, but it's difficult to have a healthy relationship without practice or knowledge about yourself and others from prior relationships.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I agree emphatically with SweetErica. It's all good advice from both camps. Pick and choose what feels comfortable, except bucking up, you have to do that, and then make it all work for you. Just don't be a dick.

 

[Frank.S]

Wow, thanks for all of the advice. I guess I feel quite a bit better now..

I have a feelings things are going to 'pick up' in the future.

 

[Munachi]

oh... i will have to say some things about these last few posts, not necessarily related to OP ...

Third, when you see a gaggle of girls hanging out together, there is usually one, like with men, who is the leader of the pack. If you want her, make eye contact with her, buy her a drink, and then approach the pack and ask one of her girlfriends to dance (or whatever the appropriate activity would be for that setting) while apologizing and saying that the drink was actually meant for the woman that you're asking for the dance. Then make the woman you're dancing with feel like an absolute queen while all of her friends watch. When the two of you return to the table, keep your confidence high, strike up conversation with the whole group, but don't pay any particular attention to any one of them. See what happens after that. You'll like it.

WTF? I thought women constantly get accused of playing too many games?

Whatever you do, don't go getting all attached to the first, second or third woman that puts out for you!!! You're very young. Don't make the mistake of committing to anything serious until you've really lived some life, made as much money as you can, been to bed and had as many action packed sexual experiences as you can with plenty of different women.

There are all kinds of intermediary scales of attachment. And while I think casual sex is great, I also think for first experiences a certain attachment will make the experience a lot better. And even if attachment leads to heartbreak - this kind of heartbreak is one of the important experiences of life.

 

[Munachi]

and as for easy women - i thought we were past those times?

 

[Halo_n_horns]

oh... i will have to say some things about these last few posts, not necessarily related to OP ...

WTF? I thought women constantly get accused of playing too many games?

Accused? We have proof. Ever heard of the book, "The Rules" ...??? Every man should read that damn thing just to be able to spot a woman who is trying to use that crap on him. No testosterone-driven individual should ever fall for that!

There are all kinds of intermediary scales of attachment. And while I think casual sex is great, I also think for first experiences a certain attachment will make the experience a lot better. And even if attachment leads to heartbreak - this kind of heartbreak is one of the important experiences of life.

Male or female, emotional attachment is great for after that time when you've made a career for yourself and gone out and lived some life. Very few relationships allow for these things to really happen and blossom, so don't take the chance!!!

 

[silverwhisper]

frank:

i've been where you are, but not the part where women are offering to have sex w/ little or no preamble. if you aren't confident in that arena due to lack of experience, do you see a possible vicious circle in there about saying no to women who indicate they'd be interested? :>

ed

 

[Munachi]

Accused? We have proof. Ever heard of the book, "The Rules" ...??? Every man should read that damn thing just to be able to spot a woman who is trying to use that crap on him. No testosterone-driven individual should ever fall for that!

Well I agree... I heard of that book, though I have never looked into it, from what I heard it tells you things like after how many dates to have sex? I refuse to read that kind of stuff. I have sex when I feel like it and with whom I like. Similarly with all the pseudo-psychological crap that is so in right now.

Male or female, emotional attachment is great for after that time when you've made a career for yourself and gone out and lived some life. Very few relationships allow for these things to really happen and blossom, so don't take the chance!!!

Again, emotional attachment comes in degrees. A crush is emotional attachment, and... here the English language fails me... is there a word for being in love but not quite as strong? I.e. a bit more innocent? Anyway, this won't mean you have to get married right away and only live for each other. Of course I see what you mean - I know people that since they were fifteen had the same boyfriend and seem not to even be able to go on vacation without him, refuse chances to study abroad because of him etc. etc. - but then, there are also people who still keep a certain sense of individuality and reality even if they are emotionally attached at a young age.

I guess the important thing is (and that in fact is true at any age) to be aware of that things could end, and that then life will have to go on too, so you should be able have a life of your own should it be necessary. But that is best learned through the experience of something ending.

 

[aznoutkast]

have a few drinks, you'll loosen up

 

[phoenix1224]

Again, emotional attachment comes in degrees. A crush is emotional attachment, and... here the English language fails me... is there a word for being in love but not quite as strong? I.e. a bit more innocent?

Puppy love.

Remember the old song: "And they call it puppy love..."

 

[Munachi]

ah okay... thanks... i heard that expression before i think... didn't know the song though...

 

[mikeofokc]

First of all Frank let me congratulate you on finding this web site, looking for knowledge and realizing that you know so very little. Most men cant admit it when we are dont know what to do or how. I understand your need for sex. I had it at your age too, in fact I still have it now and the desire is as strong or stonger as it was then. I am probably just like you. Im shy, still learning, want to be the good guy, want to be the slut, want her to like me, want to make her happy, want to make me happy and want to do it again and again.

First of all I have some ways to help you find what you seek. It doesnt have anything to do with "faking" being confident, using easy women, getting drunk, buying drinks, being someone you are not, or laughing at a friend who hasnt had sex. There are some good and wise people on this thread but I think my esteemed collegues must have got an overdose of some testosterone pill or been inhaling toupee glue in a used gym sock. Im not starting a flame war because I think the advise was well intentioned but miscommunicated. However if any of you ladies are forgetting to lift the toilet seat and close the lid when done then check with your doctor in the morning and turn off ESPN sports center now before your old man gets worried.

First of all recognize that no one teaches us about sex. Yes there is something called sex ed in schools but it doesnt teach you about technique, emotions, feelings, love, lust or how to take your first plunge into the sex pool. Porn is just entertainment and not real. Your buddies that laugh at you are just like you and are very inexperienced. So are the girls. Even if they have been having sex for years they are trying to learn it from partners that are equally as inexperienced. The blind leading the blind. Sad but true. Realize also that there is a difference between 10 years of experience and one years experience 10 times. So learning from others and asking questions is the only way you can ever hope to gain knowledge that you can use. Of course you can always believe what you hear on the play ground and in 20 years you will still be having sex in 5 minutes or less.

Sex is a really important part of our lives. Its not just a bodily function that helps relieves us but its part of sharing and forming emotional bonds with our partner. So many of us start off by mistake of having sex just "to get ours" or just for pure selfishness. This attitude makes for lousy sex partners, lovers and developement of your true potential. So many people have lousy first time experiences and in some cases it scars them for life. The using and being used approach will train you and your partner in the wrong ways and some people never can then change. If your hormones wont let you listen to this reason than do your partner a favor and skip her an hire a hooker, spend a couple of hundred bucks, have some safe sex, put a knotch on your gun and then ask yourself was it what you wanted.

Ok, now what do I suggest you should do. First, be yourself. You might as well, because when your naked in bed you sure wont be able to act all macho or fake when your shaking so hard she thinks you may need to wait. Women do like men that are honest, confident and assertive.

Honest is the easiest. So be honest. Telling it like it is shows you want sex but more importantly it shows you are man enough to not be ashamed of your inexperience and only a confident man has the strength so admit something so important. Of course some children will be intimidated by your honesty and boldness and laugh at you, but dont worry, you didnt need to have sex with those children anyway.

Next you will need the opportunity to be assertive unless some female has seen your honesty and was assertive first. At least show some will power and unbutton your own shirt and dont just let her rip it off you. Just because we men dont object to sex doesnt mean we are just sex objects.

Ok, seriously on being assertive, by being open and honest you will get noticed. Those same five girls that didnt throw themselves naked at your feet and unwilling to let go of your leg despite being in the cafeteria lunch line, still have the same needs and urges as you. You could try getting rejected by each of them and see if they wanted to break in a rookie or you could admit that even though you are just as horny as everyone else you really would like to just go out and have some fun and laughs. Afterall the person you one day marry you want to be someone that is a friend who you have fun with and also great sex. Sex is easy but good friends and fun are a bit more challenging. Let things develope and you will know in your chest when she wants it just as much as you do. Then be assertive and do like me, say, "if I wasnt so shy i would ask you if you wanted to teach each other about sex." Or just be direct and ask.

Also continue to read about different techniques but realize that great sex really occurs because of what is between our ears and not our legs. I know its hard to fully comprehend the mental side but then again sometimes our silly hands get in the way.