What's good/bad about my first story?

[FinleyReed]

I just had my first story added and while it is cool that over 5k people have viewed it, I have 0 comments and a ~3.8 rating. The rating is cool, not too bad for a first try, but what I would really like to know is what the people who gave it less than a 4 didn't like about it.

I had trouble deciding on a category for it and ended up putting it in 'fetish'. There isn't a ton of fetish to it though, but it didn't really seem to be specific enough for any other niche.

It is also a 'beginning' story for my character's arc. I am planning on writing more short stories in a serial fashion that continue her development. So in other words, maybe some people would be disappointed that the most crazy, deviant, sexually wild situation possibly doesn't happen in the story. I wrote it wanting a realistic, believable starting point for a character.

So, if you have time to check it out, please give me your opinion on the overall writing style, the character's voice, and anything you think could be improved.

http://www.literotica.com/s/sharing-julie

 

[masterandmargarita]

I enjoyed that story. It would definitely be a challenge to place it in the right category, though. I can't see it being successful in fetish, that's probably a tough crowd looking for more thematically challenging stories. Maybe exhibitionist/voyeur?

 

[throwaway11111]

I liked it!

1. The category should be "cuckold," but it's not an option. Based on a quick search around, other authors chose "fetish" and "loving wives." I would go with "loving wives" personally, but I'm no authority.

2. It's possible that some people indeed downvoted because the pacing is slow and the dialogue is too realistic. It is NOT because literotica readers are dumb or impatient, nor is it because the writing is bad. Rather, they expect individual stories to be a quick payoff with more graphic sex.

My suggestion? Just rename the story "Sharing Julie Ch. 1." That will cue the readers to take it slow and leave room for a bigger picture.

Hope it helps!
-ck

PS: take a peek at mine too, if you'd like
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=973215

 

[ambiguityperson]

I enjoyed it. Your grasp of dialogue is excellent, never stilted, good flow. My only problem with it would be that your pacing feels a little rushed. I'd like a little more exploration of her feelings about what's happening to her. And the blowjob could use a bit more description, IMO. Also, the ending was a bit too abrupt for me. I understand it's the first of a series, but it feels a bit unresolved.

But really, this is nitpicking. It's a good story, well executed, and I'm interested to see where else this goes. I agree, it's probably a bit tame for the category and that might be the reason for the tepid-ish voting. Keep up the good work!

 

[FinleyReed]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I think I will try to spend a little more time with scene development. The next chapter/issue will give more details about the previous and then continue on to something else. I'm thinking of writing them as "issues" instead of chapters. The main difference being that it's not going to be like a novel and have on planned out arc but rather more of a new adventure each time.

 

[swingerjoe]

The story can use a little bit of editing. Nothing major -- just a few typos and clumsy language that makes it a little difficult to read at times. For example, I had to reread the beginning, because it wasn't clear who was speaking, and whether or not the first person was a man or woman.

The plot is very sexy, and I like the setup. I wish I knew more about the two main characters and their motivation for doing what they're doing. I also like the little plot twist at the end, although I agree with what someone previously wrote here, in that the story ended too abruptly.

I do want to read the next chapter, which I suppose is the best measure of a story's success.

Keep writing!

 

[1sickbastard]

You have some comments as of today, all, considering the category, surprisingly good.

Loving wives is a tough category, both for ratings and comments, but your debut has done rather nicely.