What to do...

[Quimmy]

Good post, Lust Engine.

BlessedBe, I happen to prefer women with no make-up and you are gorgeous.

I agree that the porn seems to be only the tip of the iceberg here. I know it's a heck of a lot easier to post "Break up!" than to actually do it, but after reading it all, it's almost the only thing I can think of.

I just think of all the guys in your region that could be returning all the love and affection. You deserve one! They deserve you! Maybe you don't have to break up, but you have to realize that you certainly aren't destined to have a miserable sex life, and you have the power to change things as long as you still draw breath.

I think you need to have a discussion with your boyfriend, with or without a professional counselor. Not under the context of you walking out the door, or about the porn. You need to talk about your emotional needs and your feelings about this, in a way that doesn't incite a knee-jerk response from him. If he does care the slightest bit, he'll open his eyes to what he's doing.

Best of luck. Ok, I'm done playing counsellor.

 

[Lust Engine]

Thanks for the back up, Quimmy.

It just breaks my heart to see Blessedbe hurt so badly. All she's requiring is some basic things that ALL good relationships have. Some communication, a wee bit of affection and compromise on certain issues.

I'm never one to condone breaking up but if ultimately that's what it's gonna take for Blessedbe to be happy then, I'd be inclined for it then. Life is too short to be miserable.

Blessedbe... you seem like a wonderful person deserving of the same. Again, my sincere best of wishes to you in finding resolution.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

blessedbe

first you are by no means ugly. and i know you said you did not want to hear about leaving him but i think you should. you can and will find someone that will not need porn to be with you. he seems like he is a control freak and likes to put you down. please get out of this relationship before it brings you down any further.

 

[Shadowann2]

OMG...I could have posted this thread! This is exactly what is going on with me and my husband right now. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this and felling this way. My husband is looking at teen pics and huge breasted women. I'm only 23 so I'm not that far out of my teens but it makes me feel like he thinks I'm too old. I've had 3 kids and my breasts aren't what they used to be, (not that they were ever as big as the women he looks at!), and I just feel like I'm not attractive to him anymore. On the rare occasions that he does
want to have sex with me, I worry that he is pretending that I'm one of his online women.

I had the idea to borrow a digital camera from a frien, take pics of me, and put them on our computer for him to look at instead of his porn. He was thrilled by that idea. It didn't work out that way. For the first few days he looked at me but within less than a week, he was back looking at his online porn. That really hurt me!

When we try to talk about it he says that if I can chat on Lit and look at the AVs (which he says is the same as porn!) then I have no right to tell him he shouldn't look at his pics. I don't think that what I do is the same as looking at porn. I still want sex (especialy after reading on Lit) and I don't masterbate to people's AVs. (sorry!)

I've met a guy online and I'm concidering having an affair with him just to get the attention and love that I need. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet but I think the guilt would kill me.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. And thank you everyone for you advice but I can't leave my hubby and he won't go to counciling. I'm stuck.