What to do...

[Guest]

What does one do when their man, who says he loves you, prefers to jack off to net porn instead of being intimate with you?

No jokes, please. Don't post messages like "leave him" or whatever. I want some real, thought out advice here.

This is getting old and I'm tired of getting hurt. I won't bore ya'll with all of the details though.

 

[Guest]

 

[Monazwx]

Break the computer, seriously.
Damage the hard drive or software if you have to.

If not, find the root of his porn obsession.
Men are visual creatures, however, he shouldn't be ignoring you.
How did he act the last time you approached him with this?

 

[BlackSnake]

That's a tuff question. Without knowing the situation, it is difficult to make a fair assessment. For instance, what is going through his mind? Does he really like the particular thing his is looking at while he is jerking off? Or, is he jerking off to the idea?

Maybe he is thinking of fucking in a way that he wouldn't with you.

I think the best thing to do is to find out what he is thinking. If he is jerking off really hard to what he is looking at, and say for instance he is looking at a pic of a woman bent over with her ass showing. Ask him if he wants to fuck you from behind, for real, not just as a question.

Maybe he just wants to fuck hard, and not make love. Sometimes that's the case.

Just try to find out what he is wanting at that time. I wouldn't sugguest asking questions without giving rewards for answers.

 

[OT]

He's looking for no muss, no fuss, release. (AKA, quickie)

Can you provide that ? (at least occasionally?)

 

[BlueVelvet]

same problem

HI girlie!!!!! You knwo what....Im finding I have the same problem with my man.....he's beendoing it too.....and its been frustrating me. Making me feel inadequate for him. Even thoughhe says not.

I foudn out accidentally that he's doing this stuff.....and YES it does hurt our feelings GUYS!!!!!!

What if the only way we got off was in front of hte puter...wouldnt' that make you feel inadequate!!!!!!!

HUGSSSSSS to ya girlie.......hope we can figure this out!!

 

[Lust Engine]

Now masturbating, by whatever means (whether it be online pron, magazines, videos or whatever) shouldn't be an afrront to your relationship. Now if he prefers it OVER you, then it's a different matter. That's something that needs to be discussed. If he's being neglectful of your needs, then things need to be aired.

But if you're mad at him for getting off and jealous of it for the sake of being jealous, then I'd examine at YOUR jealousy isue. He just might have a higher sex drive than you and if that's the case, then it's probably better that he gets off this way as opposed to finding the "real thing" outside the marriage.

But again, find out why you're angry first. Channel that into some constructive communication and work from there. be honest with yourself and hope he does the same.

 

[BlueVelvet]

I do agree with your point on him doing at home other than elsewhere with another woman. Just hurts my feelings to know he's doing this away from me than with me.

 

[Lust Engine]

I do agree with your point on him doing at home other than elsewhere with another woman. Just hurts my feelings to know he's doing this away from me than with me.

Why does it hurt? Is it because you're not getting satisfied? Are you jealous of him for being able to get off? How does his getting off upset you? Help me out here- I'm kinda lost as to why you're upset. What's the root of it here??

 

[The_old_man]

What type of porn is he beating it to? Anyl, oral, mult-partner, inter-racial? Something that you do not like?

If he is doing this openly maby he is sending a message.

Ask !

I did and now I'm the one who can't keep up and She is using the vibs and plugs.

 

[Savatage]

a thought

I'm a "husband" that does this too. I bet it does hurt my wife as well. There's lots of reasons but for me the main reason is that I'm I'm into girl/girl flicks.

I really don't know what the answer is for your men, but for me I get much more release when viewing girl/girl flicks. Also, I'm out of shape and am at least 60lbs over weight. This effects my preformance greatly when the wife and I do get it on.

One thing I'm thinking here is a problem I have that your men may also have. I started at the age of 13 ( masturbating ) and I belive I " over did it " so to speak because my hand provided a super tight grip and now as an adult when having sex I often lose my erection because I don't have as much feeling in my cock when I'm " in there " . I've dulled the sensations of my cock because of excesive masturbation through out my life ( 37 here ).

So for me these are the two major reasons I end up prefering masturbation and porn over my wife. That's not right for her and I would'nt be suprised if she has or might have an affair just for sexual release.

 

[bluespoke]

If he does it as well as pay attention to you then there is little to worry about.

If, however, he does it to the exclusion of you then there is a major problem.

Despite being male, it is difficult to get inside the head of another. I would suggest that he obviously feels that the stimulation and release he receives from the porn are compensating for what he feels he is not getting with you.

There are many and varied things you could do to tempt and tittilate him but I suspect that the only way you are going to get to the root cause is to get him to open up and talk, something that we males are notoriously difficult at doing.

 

[Sabledrake]

Turn the tables on him ... start doing the same thing yourself and see what he does!

Sabledrake

 

[Grvdigger]

BlessedBe, hello there. I do not post in this section much but yours caught My eye. I think being honest is the first thing. Talk to him, try to find out why. He most likely will be embarresed at first, but once the conversation starts hopefully he can overcome it. Communication is the key, share fantasies with each other. This may open new doors for your relationship. I hope it works out for you

 

[BlueVelvet]

Well, for me....I did bring this subject up to him. He says he just enjoys looking at pics online.....just like a Playboy he says. But when I find that he's jacking off to them instead of pleasuring himself with me that is why it bothers me. I honestly have no problem with him looking at naked women online...just confused as to why guys go that far with it.....LOL Can't control that male side I guess.

I'm not dissing him for doing it.....just expressing my opionion that it hurts us women's feelings cause personally I feel I'm inadequate if he has to find pleasure online. And I know I'm doing all I can to please him.....he even tells me so.

So I guess I should just give it a rest and let him have his own privacy with it.

I have tried to do the same thing online...but I just can't seem to bring myself to that state of arousal that men get to...I get horny yes, but want to satisfy that need with him not alone.

Do you guys have women that feel the same way I do or are they ok with it?

Would be great to hear the other side.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[LustrusStorm]

I would say next time you catch him try to help him out. It could be fun and interesting for the both of you.

 

[Lust Engine]

Does he do this when you're around? Is it possible for you to go in when he's looking online and to go down on him or climb on his lap while he's looking online?

Or if he does this alone, maybe ask him to show you some of the stuff he's looking at, or find some yourself, then invite him in and do something erotic with him while he's looking online?

So basically instead of making this something he does exclusive of you, find a way to include yourself. No judgement, no complaining, just join him. Make it an "us" thing instead of a "him" thing.

Or maybe even lure him away from the computer with a porn movie????

Pink... great suggestions you're offering. It's so much more inclusive.

I don't understand why a person is hurt by knowing their partner is enjoying themselves. Join in! Don't be a party poop! Just because he's enjoying (and still satisfying you), don't take it so personally that it's something wrong you're doing.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[It'sasecret]

Blessed Be, I am feeling your pain. I am going through the same shit with my husband. I have no issue at all with him looking at porn, hell I enjoy it myself. The problem comes in when he would rather look at porn, and he keeps joining PAY sites and promises to cancel and only joins more. It has gotten to the point that we have sex only once a month! It has been a major problem in our marriage to the point were we about to go to marriage counceling. There are many more details to our problem then I have the energy to dicuss right now. There is an old thread with some of the details if you care to do a search. Good Luck!

 

[Lust Engine]

This may be kind of a chick thing, guys please correct me if I am wrong, but if a woman wants to make love with her SO and he'd rather jerk off to a picture of some airbrushed chick, it can hurt, and it can hurt a lot. Especially if he's doing this to the point where he's withholding the physical attention his SO used to get and expending that energy on the computer.

Don't know if I exlained this well, but I've been there, and it can really suck.

O.

Ya did fine in explaining it! I have no problem with anyone getting off but NOT at the expense of openly rebuffing their SO. That's cold & callous. Jerking off or even the simple "I just don't want to" regardless of the excuse can hurt I agree. Now I know since it's of a sexual nature those barbs of rejection can cut a little deeper but rude is still rude regardless.

As far as it'sasecret's dilemma, money comes into play here with that scenario. That husband is not just being rude but being a financial burden! Hopefully counselling will help.

 

[asenath]

Do you think he’s still attracted to you? (I hope this isn’t a mean question.)

For quite a while now I’ve preferred masturbation to having sex with my husband. I tried to convince myself that I just didn’t like sex, but when it came down to it I just wasn’t attracted to him anymore. It’s not a looks thing… I’m not hung up on that. It’s something else that I can’t put my finger on. So we decided to end it.

 

[Guest]

How did he act the last time you approached him with this?

We fight.

 

[Guest]

Maybe he is thinking of fucking in a way that he wouldn't with you.

I am "kinkier" than him and very open sexually. Before he and I got together, I had a very high sex drive and active sex life.