My ld Dom has been missing for nearly two weeks. Or rather, he sent a few texts during the first week of his declining presence but I have now not heard from him in about a week. I'm at a loss. It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around the idea that he may have abandoned me. The thought makes me heart unbearably heavy and I wonder what I may have done wrong. Though, I genuinely find it heard to believe that he would vanish without a word. I know people do this but I truly don't see him as the type to do such a thing. My question is how long should I wait before I give up on my hope that he is coming back? I care for my Dom deeply and as I said I don't think that he would just leave on his own. Due to this being ld it's impossible for me to find out if something serious has happened to him. That said, I don't want to wait around like a fool for a Dom who will not return.
What to do when your D/s partner disappears?
- Thread starter petinheat
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Primalex
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So you don't even have his phone number?
The things that qualify as relationship these days.....
I have his number, I mentioned texting in my post. If I get no answer there is no use, though.
So you don't even have his phone number?
The things that qualify as relationship these days.....
D
Daddy2mylilgirl
Guest
How long have you two been together?
Three and a half months.
IrisAlthea
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What does giving up hope mean in this context? Quit trying to contact him? Looking for someone else?
Anyway, I don't think it's possible for anyone else to decide.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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This is a real risk that you take with LD relationships. I've lost people too-- never been sure what's happened to them and had no way to find out.
It's pretty difficult to get past an LD disappearance, we all need closure. I'm thinking that we need to devise a way to give our online friends the info if something happens.
It's pretty difficult to get past an LD disappearance, we all need closure. I'm thinking that we need to devise a way to give our online friends the info if something happens.
loneranger8921
Experienced
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Well 3.5 months is a short time to know a man. What was your dynamic? Did you start right off in a BDSM relationship or did you start vanilla then start playing. As a serial dater for a long time 3.5 months is a break up point when the lust has ended and the caring begins. If you fell head over heels for him and he did not for you then it is over. You know what you need to do is to either call him and leave him a message saying we need to define a relationship or I am moving on and not going to be a play thing when you are drunk and horny. that is very blunt but you need to know what is happening and what you are willing to settle for from this man.
LucyH
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His presence declined before it ended, rather than abruptly ending when everything seemed fine, so I'm guessing he isn't in a coma after being run over by a bus or anything. He hasn't said anything like, "All hell has broken loose over here. Please don't take it the wrong way if I'm a little scarce for the next little while." So if he's not communicating, I'd say it's cause he doesn't want to communicate.
My experience with people who voluntarily drop off the face of the earth without warning is that either I'm never going to hear from them again, or they are in the habit of doing this - periodically disappearing for unpredictable lengths of time without any warning. Habitual disappearance is something I can deal with when the person is just a casual friend, but when I have a close relationship with somebody, it's too stressful. I don't want to periodically get my insides tied in knots wondering what happened to someone and if I'll ever hear from them again or if they're gone for good this time.
So if I were you, I'd move on, and demote him to "casual friend" should he ever happen to reappear.
Your mileage may vary.
My experience with people who voluntarily drop off the face of the earth without warning is that either I'm never going to hear from them again, or they are in the habit of doing this - periodically disappearing for unpredictable lengths of time without any warning. Habitual disappearance is something I can deal with when the person is just a casual friend, but when I have a close relationship with somebody, it's too stressful. I don't want to periodically get my insides tied in knots wondering what happened to someone and if I'll ever hear from them again or if they're gone for good this time.
So if I were you, I'd move on, and demote him to "casual friend" should he ever happen to reappear.
Your mileage may vary.
Salenku
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This. Preferably more than one person. I know it doesn't help you much right now, but it's a good idea to consider it for the future.
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
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I've been there with a strictly online relationship before and it sucks. It's just so hard to believe they could just drop you like that. The truth is, in all likelihood, you did nothing wrong, he just isn't what you had hoped or thought he was.
Instead his attention span is short and he just jumped ship for the next one that interested him. That's his failing.
*Hugs*
Instead his attention span is short and he just jumped ship for the next one that interested him. That's his failing.
*Hugs*
Noor
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First of all, I think just disappearing without a word, is one of the worst things a person can do to another since it often impacts their future relationships and trust in others.
However, over the past few years people in my life have died, had strokes, fallen into clinical depression, been hospitalized- things where they can't actually get back to you so it is worth keeping somewhat of an open mind.
It happened to me actually about 3 yrs ago, I unexpectantly ended up out of touch for about a month and then was still on serious painkillers for a while longer. Only a few people knew where I was, I was unable to email, text or anything but eventually I was together enough to ask one of them to pass along a message for me. Unfortunately, not everyone has people in their lives who can do such things.
Anyway, I would give him a little time. I would email/text and ask if anything is wrong, and ask what is happening, maybe there is a miscommunication.
If you have a phone number, email, photo, Facebook, twitters whatever you can track him down and check that he is ok. He probably told you enough about himself to find him.
If he seems like he is okay, and just not having you in his life then decide if you want to deal with such a man. Was the sex so good you be willing to forgive his cowardice and cruelty? If so, pick a time period and see what happens. If that he still hasn't contacted you at the end of this period, close him out of your life, your phone, your skype, etc...
Also decide what you wish to do when/if he returns so you don't get swept back into it, because unless something horrible happened very few tigers change their spots esp once they reach middle age.
In my case a couple pounds of Basset Jellybabies always helps.
However, over the past few years people in my life have died, had strokes, fallen into clinical depression, been hospitalized- things where they can't actually get back to you so it is worth keeping somewhat of an open mind.
It happened to me actually about 3 yrs ago, I unexpectantly ended up out of touch for about a month and then was still on serious painkillers for a while longer. Only a few people knew where I was, I was unable to email, text or anything but eventually I was together enough to ask one of them to pass along a message for me. Unfortunately, not everyone has people in their lives who can do such things.
Anyway, I would give him a little time. I would email/text and ask if anything is wrong, and ask what is happening, maybe there is a miscommunication.
If you have a phone number, email, photo, Facebook, twitters whatever you can track him down and check that he is ok. He probably told you enough about himself to find him.
If he seems like he is okay, and just not having you in his life then decide if you want to deal with such a man. Was the sex so good you be willing to forgive his cowardice and cruelty? If so, pick a time period and see what happens. If that he still hasn't contacted you at the end of this period, close him out of your life, your phone, your skype, etc...
Also decide what you wish to do when/if he returns so you don't get swept back into it, because unless something horrible happened very few tigers change their spots esp once they reach middle age.
In my case a couple pounds of Basset Jellybabies always helps.
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Noor
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As to what to do about whatever agreements you had, I say give him a few weeks and then do whatever, you can re-negotiate when he gets back. Unless you have a replacement already in the wings, I doubt you'll want to jump right into anything anyway.
I don't tend to replace people because I am more people than positions specific, but I realize I am not that usual. Though I did once try to replace someone with a life sized hanging spider plant, but it didn't live very long
I don't tend to replace people because I am more people than positions specific, but I realize I am not that usual. Though I did once try to replace someone with a life sized hanging spider plant, but it didn't live very long
Arianthe
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How long is a piece of string???
Nobody else can tell you what's reasonable in your circumstances. You are going to have to go with your gut instinct, based on what you know of this person. If he doesn't come back, I think you'll know when it's time to move on.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Guard your heart a little. The sad truth is that some people treat online/ld relationships much more seriously than others.
