what to do? is it off limits ??

[dcjimbo]

Hi ya . my name is jimbo. And i am strugling with a moral dilemma. and i am hoping to get some outside opinions and advice.

So about two years ago one of my oldest and best friends threw a little party.and one of the guests was his ex wife and there 16 year old son ( my god son ) . So soon after i got there i notice that his ex is hitting on really hard. Now i hae known this women for 20 years , and have always had the hots for her. After she left i asked my friend " was it just me or was your ex just hitting on me?" he says " yep
she sure was ,i thought she was gonna try bang you in the garage bro" i told him i would never disrespect him like that. he tells me "go ahead i don't care, we have been divorced for 16 years bro " so i told him cool give her my number. ant left it at that..about 3 months ago she gets ahold of me. we start talking, and she tells me that she has always had a crush on me and has wanted to fuck me since we were 17 years old . I have seen her twice in the past month..and have not had sex with her yet. but can't help but feel that no matter what my buddy said. i would still
be betraying him and might kill the friendship.. but on the flip side of this i really dig this woman and i have had the hot's for her since i meet her when we were 17 years old... i dont know what i am gonna do.. any advice i could get would be really helpful

thank you

 

[Athalia]

Hi ya . my name is jimbo. And i am strugling with a moral dilemma. and i am hoping to get some outside opinions and advice.

... i dont know what i am gonna do.. any advice i could get would be really helpful

I usually don't respond to questions like this, but your situation exactly mirrors one that some friends of mine went through recently. I'll tell you what I told them.

Assuming that neither you nor she is in another relationship, I don't see your problem, since she and her ex have made it clear to you that they no longer intimate. I'd take him at his word that he wouldn't be bothered. If he later sings a different tune, tell him that you're still his friend, and taking him at his word was a mark of your respect for him.

The question you didn't ask was: If she's only looking for a casual relationship and you're not, how would you handle it? After all, you've "had the hots" for her for twenty years ... that's a long time to be carrying a torch. Once her curiosity is about you is satisfied and she isn't interested in pursuing it, you might find yourself disappointed. (And the reverse may also be true, with the same results.) That was the real problem with the friends I mentioned earlier. It turned out that he was a lot more serious than she was, and it took him some time and emotional coping to move beyond it.

 

[silverwhisper]

your buddy told you it was all good, right? why aren't you listening to him? after 16 years, i doubt he's gonna have any kind of problem.

as athalia said, i'd be much more concerned about the prospect that you and she might not be on the same page about what happens after sex. that could get tricky.

ed

 

[warl0ck1]

hell no especially after 16 years. go for it.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I would be more concerned about the reasons for the divorce and decide from there if this is a woman you want to get involved with. I am by no means suggesting that she's damaged goods, that the divorce was her fault, or any other judgment. Just make sure you're thinking with the right head before getting involved. After that, the friend gave you the go ahead, so it's up to you how you proceed.

 

[Eilan]

I would be more concerned about the reasons for the divorce and decide from there if this is a woman you want to get involved with. I am by no means suggesting that she's damaged goods, that the divorce was her fault, or any other judgment. Just make sure you're thinking with the right head before getting involved. After that, the friend gave you the go ahead, so it's up to you how you proceed.

This is exactly what I was thinking when I first saw this thread. I've been divorced for nine years, so my friends wouldn't have to ask me for "permission" to date my ex, but since they all know the circumstances of the divorce and even helped me get through it, I'd have to wonder what the hell they were smoking to want to get involved with him, even if it was just for sex.

Of course, other people's mileage may vary.

 

[Semlvr]

Id consider too how your godson would feel if he found out.

 

[subwannabe]

I can't help but think you're not getting the whole story here. There is nothing wrong with going out with her due to disrespecting your friend. You are really worried about the absolute wrong thing. Does she just want to fuck? Do you just want to fuck? Are you hoping this might work out long term? Why did the marriage go south with your friend? What happened to her other relationships she has had since your friend? Is your friend giving you a load of crap because maybe he's hoping you get involved or married to somehow make his life easier? You need to tread lightly and find out if you're jumping into quicksand. Somthing just doesn't seem right here and it doesn't have anything to do with disrespecting your friend. Really check the situation out thuroughly and if it works out then great. Good luck.

 

[dcjimbo]

thanks for all the help ...

 

[tmmmbrrr]

You know, you must be a good guy if that woman has made herself obviously available and you haven't taken advantage of the opportunity. There are all kinds of good reasons for not having sex with just any willing partner - I'm sure you know this. Once in a while though, we get a gift from life. Hope this is one for you.