"What the hell was he thinking?"

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I mean, after a certain length, the hydraulics of erection just don't work well anymore, and generally, the largest penises aren't able to get nearly as hard as their smaller kin. Something to keep in mind.

A large penis offers no evolutionary advantage, if it did all men would have monster schlongs. Mother Nature likes 6 inches or so.

Ever notice that the smartest females have no children? Brilliance = extinction in a woman. Mother Nature doesn't value smart women.

 

[MSTarot]

Was reading a nice little story in Mature this morning and got smacked with that whole reality wont let you do that thing.

Guy is going to give a golden heart locket to the lady he just met. Decided to have the jeweler engrave it.

"To the most beautifully sexy woman in the world. I gave you my heart once here it is a second time. Keep both forever, Love William."

Really? I didn't know they could put all that in a little golden locket? Amazing what modern engraving can manage hu?

Shakes head and goes back to reading, hoping for it to get better.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Was reading a nice little story in Mature this morning and got smacked with that whole reality wont let you do that thing.

Guy is going to give a golden heart locket to the lady he's just met. Decided to have the jeweler engrave it.

"To the most beautifully sexy woman in the world. I gave you my heart once here it is a second time. Keep both forever, Love William."

Really? I didn't know they could put all that in a little golden locket? Amazing what modern engraving can manage hu?

Shakes head and goes back to reading, hoping for it too get better.

In fact they can engrave at the molecular scale, to frustrate thieves and counterfeiters. Like, a 1928 Denver Mint Peace Dollar is awfully easy to alter, and the expensive Philadelphia Mint Dollar is easy to scam. I had a coin dealer swear my P mint was a fake, and offered me bullion price for it. But it was the real deal, and I went elsewhere to sell it. Micro engraving would eliminate the plastic cases.

 

[patientlee]

Maybe it was one of those rap star lockets. Lots of bling in a big font.

Was reading a nice little story in Mature this morning and got smacked with that whole reality wont let you do that thing.

Guy is going to give a golden heart locket to the lady he just met. Decided to have the jeweler engrave it.

"To the most beautifully sexy woman in the world. I gave you my heart once here it is a second time. Keep both forever, Love William."

Really? I didn't know they could put all that in a little golden locket? Amazing what modern engraving can manage hu?

Shakes head and goes back to reading, hoping for it to get better.

 

[patientlee]

A large penis offers no evolutionary advantage, if it did all men would have monster schlongs. Mother Nature likes 6 inches or so.

Ever notice that the smartest females have no children? Brilliance = extinction in a woman. Mother Nature doesn't value smart women.

Damn. That's how I ended up with that third kid.

 

[lovecraft68]

beautifully sexy?

Over kill.

beautiful suffices and might leave a little gold left after all the other rambling.

Short, simple and sweet will work with most women.

Going on and on like that makes them wonder what you just did.

For you, my love.
Let our hearts be this close forever.

Bleech!

 

[MSTarot]

The story that started this thread, months back, has disappeared into the story lists and I don't even remember its title so I have no problem talking about it now.

It was about a guy wanting to put six months worth of food supplies, his luggage, tools to help repair his cabin, lumber, building supplies and...

700 gallons of diesel fuel.

All on a "small" trailer and take it up a mountain road that and I quote "power company trucks couldn't get up."

Hence the what the hell was he thinking title.



This story wasn't that bad at least. This guy just want to engrave the Gettysburg address on a small piece of jewelry.

Well, going to go spelunking into the old story lists again wish me Luck. I do find some truly wonderful stories that way.

Among a mountain of some equally horrible stories.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Damn. That's how I ended up with that third kid.

Doing psychotherapy I never worked with any women professionals who had kids. Not one. The men all had kids but not the gals. Most of the female lawyers I've known have no kids. Ditto MDs and cops.

 

[patientlee]

Doing psychotherapy I never worked with any women professionals who had kids. Not one. The men all had kids but not the gals. Most of the female lawyers I've known have no kids. Ditto MDs and cops.

I'll tell you what I think makes a big difference. Maternity leave. Prenatal appointments. I saved up 45 sick days so I could take six weeks off and have some left over days.

By the time the second one was born, I was just lucky he was born the last day of school.

The third was born in the summer, but I went back to work when he was 4 weeks old. I was nursing and still bleeding. It was awful.

Sure, men have kids, but they don't have to recover from childbirth. It's a lot easier for a man to take a week off and go right back to work if he chooses to.

Not trying to start a debate, but sick days are a hot button issue for me, and this is on my mind a lot. The men at work have plenty. The women don't.

And I'm well aware that getting pregnant that third time wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. He's cute though.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'll tell you what I think makes a big difference. Maternity leave. Prenatal appointments. I saved up 45 sick days so I could take six weeks off and have some left over days.

By the time the second one was born, I was just lucky he was born the last day of school.

The third was born in the summer, but I went back to work when he was 4 weeks old. I was nursing and still bleeding. It was awful.

Sure, men have kids, but they don't have to recover from childbirth. It's a lot easier for a man to take a week off and go right back to work if he chooses to.

Not trying to start a debate, but sick days are a hot button issue for me, and this is on my mind a lot. The men at work have plenty. The women don't.

And I'm well aware that getting pregnant that third time wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. He's cute though.

I agree, its not a quarreling issue, its just something I've noticed. I suspect it has a lot to do with the cost and trouble kids bring to lives. Theyre very expensive, and time consuming. Men leave it to their wives to deal with. I didn't want kids, my wife did, and was annoyed when I said 4 is enough. She wanted 6.

 

[patientlee]

I agree, its not a quarreling issue, its just something I've noticed. I suspect it has a lot to do with the cost and trouble kids bring to lives. Theyre very expensive, and time consuming. Men leave it to their wives to deal with. I didn't want kids, my wife did, and was annoyed when I said 4 is enough. She wanted 6.

She's a crazy lady!

 

[lovecraft68]

I agree, its not a quarreling issue, its just something I've noticed. I suspect it has a lot to do with the cost and trouble kids bring to lives. Theyre very expensive, and time consuming. Men leave it to their wives to deal with. I didn't want kids, my wife did, and was annoyed when I said 4 is enough. She wanted 6.

With today's economy(despite the propaganda being slung that all is well) big families are a thing of the past.

very few can afford more than a couple.

My ex wife was one of 7 and her father used to say, "we'd save the older kids clothes and water the soup down just a little more" well that does not fly anymore.

Another factor is DCYF and rules with opposite gender kids sleeping in the same room, never mind bed.

back in my father's day he shared a bed with his older brother and older sister. They had one room and the three other kids two girls and a boy were in the other.

I had two and my ex closed the shop. When I met my second wife she had none and said she wanted none so I closed the shop.

I can honestly say I don;t know of anyone right now with more than three kids except one of my wife's friends who have 4 daughters.

She is an RN who works third shift in the trauma center(an obscene amount of money per hour) and he works for the State. Between them they pull well over 300k and even then things are going to be hairy when these four are heading off to college at two years apart each.

 

[Acktion]

Tell him to start wearing Old Spice, Patientlee.

Seriously, though. I know what you mean about reality and fantasy and finding just that right mixture. I've taken more classes and read more magazine articles and books about writing than I'm comfortable admitting considering I'm not any better at it. And one thing that comes to mind when I think about writing as the number one rule when writing is this (if I may be so bold as to paraphrase)

A reader approaches a story with a willingness to suspend disbelief up to a point. A writer approaches a story with the intent to press that suspension of disbelief but not past the point of willingness. The two enter into a sort of contract, an unspoken agreement on that point. But if either side breaks the contract, it is only the writer who will be "punished" by the reader closing the book and turning away.

(shrug) Hey, I didn't say I could do it very well, just that that was what I had gleaned from what other people said to me.

On a lighter note, if 13" bothers you as an unreality, you should look up Long Dong Silver circa late 70s and early 80s. FORTY-FIVE CENTIMETERS

Well of COURSE it was a prosthetic. Long Dong in his alter-ego of Daniel Mead was a make-up artist on the set of "The Elephant Man" before he decided to try his ... uh... HAND at acting.

There was actually a Caucasian guy at about the same time (Long Dong was Black British) who wore a similar prosthetic, but I don't remember his name.

And then, of course, there was Dixie Dynamite with her tremendous 42XX chest. Supposedly, she couldn't have sex without that strange black harness she wore to keep her chest from causing internal damage.

But, as LC68 (and one day I'm gonna ask what happened to that last 1) said, there is a market for the "beavis" style "I am cornholio" of erotica.

Having said that, I would think that coasting along with well written scenery that paid particular attention to all five of the senses and using all of the other tricks to immerse the reader into the story and then suddenly to pull off the protagonists pants and find out he had actually lost his left leg in a tragic bicycle accident when he was four and didn't need a prosthetic to stand...

But, since we have changed topics to children, I had a student when I was teaching who was one of, and this is what she told me, twenty-two children. I literally nearly fell out of my chair. (She was in her sixties when she took my class so that would have been... mmm... 40s or 50s, I guess? Waaaaayyy different time.)

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

With today's economy(despite the propaganda being slung that all is well) big families are a thing of the past.

very few can afford more than a couple.

My ex wife was one of 7 and her father used to say, "we'd save the older kids clothes and water the soup down just a little more" well that does not fly anymore.

Another factor is DCYF and rules with opposite gender kids sleeping in the same room, never mind bed.

back in my father's day he shared a bed with his older brother and older sister. They had one room and the three other kids two girls and a boy were in the other.

I had two and my ex closed the shop. When I met my second wife she had none and said she wanted none so I closed the shop.

I can honestly say I don;t know of anyone right now with more than three kids except one of my wife's friends who have 4 daughters.

She is an RN who works third shift in the trauma center(an obscene amount of money per hour) and he works for the State. Between them they pull well over 300k and even then things are going to be hairy when these four are heading off to college at two years apart each.

If you think about it a little yuh gotta wonder where ma and pa played hokey-pokey on that long wagon ride to California. Or even in that tiny log cabin Charles and Caroline shared with Nellie and Mrs Olsen.

 

[patientlee]

Tell him to start wearing Old Spice, Patientlee.

He had a vasectomy when I was pregnant with #3. Same difference!

I suspect that LC's last 1 was already taken.

 

[JKendallDane]

My youngest niece babysat all through high school for a family that had nine kids. She often declared how she wanted an even dozen of her own when she would eventually get married. Fast forward a dozen years and after popping out four, once she discovered the difference between two-to-eight hours of babysitting and 24/7/365 motherhood, she told the hubby the baby factory was closing down.

In a similar vein...one of my best friends in high school came from a family locally famous because their baby production read like a menu at Wendy's...two singles, a double, and then a triple. Yep...two single births three years apart, then an unexpected set of twins four years later, and followed with a surprise set of triplets just three years afterwards...all boys too. When Mrs. S was asked by the newspaper doing a story on them, what the first thing she said to Mr. S after getting out of the delivery room the last time, she bluntly responded: "I told him you aren't getting NEAR me again until one of us gets fixed!"

 

[Acktion]

My youngest niece babysat all through high school for a family that had nine kids. She often declared how she wanted an even dozen of her own when she would eventually get married. Fast forward a dozen years and after popping out four, once she discovered the difference between two-to-eight hours of babysitting and 24/7/365 motherhood, she told the hubby the baby factory was closing down.

In a similar vein...one of my best friends in high school came from a family locally famous because their baby production read like a menu at Wendy's...two singles, a double, and then a triple. Yep...two single births three years apart, then an unexpected set of twins four years later, and followed with a surprise set of triplets just three years afterwards...all boys too. When Mrs. S was asked by the newspaper doing a story on them, what the first thing she said to Mr. S after getting out of the delivery room the last time, she bluntly responded: "I told him you aren't getting NEAR me again until one of us gets fixed!"

Why DO they call it "fixed" anyway? Sounds like everything was in perfect working order.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Doing psychotherapy I never worked with any women professionals who had kids. Not one. The men all had kids but not the gals. Most of the female lawyers I've known have no kids. Ditto MDs and cops.

You need to broaden your network. Nearly all the professional women over 35 that I know have kids. And I know a lot of doctors, lawyers, accountants, and cops.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

With today's economy(despite the propaganda being slung that all is well) big families are a thing of the past.

very few can afford more than a couple.

My ex wife was one of 7 and her father used to say, "we'd save the older kids clothes and water the soup down just a little more" well that does not fly anymore.

Another factor is DCYF and rules with opposite gender kids sleeping in the same room, never mind bed.

back in my father's day he shared a bed with his older brother and older sister. They had one room and the three other kids two girls and a boy were in the other.

I had two and my ex closed the shop. When I met my second wife she had none and said she wanted none so I closed the shop.

I can honestly say I don;t know of anyone right now with more than three kids except one of my wife's friends who have 4 daughters.

She is an RN who works third shift in the trauma center(an obscene amount of money per hour) and he works for the State. Between them they pull well over 300k and even then things are going to be hairy when these four are heading off to college at two years apart each.

It's not the economy, it's the entire structure that is at fault. This video demonstrates. Facts

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You need to broaden your network. Nearly all the professional women over 35 that I know have kids. And I know a lot of doctors, lawyers, accountants, and cops.

Therefore it follows that if theres snow in Alaska but none in Florida, Floridians are lying assholes when they report no snow. OK.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Therefore it follows that if theres snow in Alaska but none in Florida, Floridians are lying assholes when they report no snow. OK.

I expressly did not call you a liar, but if that's how you want to respond, then go ahead and knock yourself out. Personally, I think your data is out of date (by decades) or your sample size is too small to be be statistically significant. But if you just made it up, that works too.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Doing psychotherapy I never worked with any women professionals who had kids. Not one. The men all had kids but not the gals. Most of the female lawyers I've known have no kids. Ditto MDs and cops.

Funny, every female doctor I have had as a physician has had children, in most cases multiple children. Their husbands were professionals, architects and CFO's of fairly big companies. I have also known female lawyers with children.

Maybe it's just you, those women with children don't want you to know they have children...because they know you or you only notice those without children.

 

[Hypoxia]

What proportion of professional women in various locales have kids? Facts please, not anecdotes. The numbers can probably be tabulated from personal profiles in professional directories.

Back to OP: Gross exaggerations are fine in satires, not so fine in supposedly serious writings. Were I to write about the Twelve Inch Society, whose members all have footlong schlongs, and who consort only with the One Liter Society, whose members all have quart-capacity cunts, I had best choose the Humor-Satire category. It probably wouldn't fly elsewhere.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Funny, every female doctor I have had as a physician has had children, in most cases multiple children. Their husbands were professionals, architects and CFO's of fairly big companies. I have also known female lawyers with children.

Maybe it's just you, those women with children don't want you to know they have children...because they know you or you only notice those without children.

Zebby? Pay attention, son. You cant dispute my observations, and I made no universal claim. I cited my experiences, and for them I am the authority, unless you happened to be there on every occasion. So, let FO lead you on to omniscient enlightenment.

 

[lovecraft68]

Funny, every female doctor I have had as a physician has had children, in most cases multiple children. Their husbands were professionals, architects and CFO's of fairly big companies. I have also known female lawyers with children.

Maybe it's just you, those women with children don't want you to know they have children...because they know you or you only notice those without children.

And you've met them all?

I'm not saying JBJ is right, but you're making just as big of a generalization.

My wife's primary care is female with no kids-and in her forties so I am thinking none down the line.

My mother in laws Oncologist is female again no children.

The doctor who performed the surgery on my neck the past summer? 44 no kids all three are married BTW.

On the other hand my daughters long time primary care has two kids and the new doctor where my doctor is out of just had one.

So guess, what?

You're both right, is that better?