What the hell…Chilly’s little spot on lit

I recently had a coworker. Tell me about her marital problems and how she is getting a divorce and leaving the state. She talked about infidelity and emotional abuse and a lot of fighting. It triggered stuff for me in a way that I did not expect at all and I haven’t been to Therapy in about a month due to scheduling issues for both my therapist and myself. The last few nights I’ve had nightmares about my ex-husband and a lot of doubts and questions have come back up about my last relationship.

So the thing I posted before this about no closure and connections, blah blah blah. My last relationship felt very real and very deep to me. I felt like we had this amazing connection and we would talk all day about everything and anything. He would tell me that he wanted to make my life better and that he knew we could be happy together And everything I wanted and needed to hear. He made me feel needed, which I have discovered is a very big deal for me. But in the harsh light of day after being ghosted, I had to question if any of it was real on his part. Did he truly feel any of those things? Did he truly mean any of those things? And I have to remind myself that I don’t know if any of his side was true. And when I find myself missing him, I have to remind myself that he does not miss me. And that is humbling.

And I don’t know why I felt the need to post this, but I’ve seen somebody else recently posting a lot about a break up and about feeling used and I don’t know maybe this is helpful maybe not. And maybe I just needed to verbally vomit tonight so that I can hopefully sleep.
Talking is good therapy, even if it’s only to yourself. I hope you heal. 😊
 
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