What stresses you today?

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

scalywag: maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world in the long run. maybe she needs to be separated from enablers and have her kid taken away from her to get her priorities figured out. not to sound like a dick, but if your sister actually is an addict, she obviously doesn't have her priorities right just now.

what's causing me stress: the one person whose opinions i really value hasn't read anything i've written in the past year. we're gonna have to talk about this tonight.

ed

 

[KarenDee]

Scaly, I know it sounds harsh, but I gotta agree with Ed. Mom is an enabler and is doing sis and her b/f no favors. As long as they have her to fall back on, the situation is never going to improve. Time to throw out the baby with the bath water here and force them to face reality. This can't be healthy for the child, someone desperately needs to be looking in that direction. Unfortunately, being 10 years old, a lot of damage has been done, but it's not too late to get the boy started on a better life with a more stable background.

Please do something if you can. The final rewards will be worth the initial pain.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

you guys should join forces to make sure someone other than your mom hosts. if things go south, you don't want them storming out of the joint and looking to hang somewhere else.

and thanks. :>

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[KarenDee]

The best you can do is to be there for your nephew. Can you take him somewhere for an afternoon, hiking, skating, video arcade...anything? Please try your hardest to be the "greatest uncle in the world" to him, someone he really looks up to and wants to spend time with. Despite his Mom's problems, he needs a strong father-figure in his life and if you can provide that, he has a chance at a good life here. And maybe he'll get to the point where he'll keep asking Mom if he can spend the day with you, perhaps sleep over, rent a video, play games. You can be the person who turns this boy's life around. You can't help your sister much until she helps herself, so please concentrate all your efforts on your nephew and make it your pledge to do something BIG for him starting this Christmas.

My thoughts will be with you and your family. Hugs.

 

[Guest]

 

[midwestyankee]

KarenDee, thanks so much for your thoughts.

You have made me realize something I really was overlooking: that I can't help my sister if she doesn't want help, but I can help my nephew. Bless your heart.

You can make yourself available to your nephew, you can be a great role model for him, and you can urge him in a good direction. He will be the one to decide if he responds to your help but at ten he's much more likely to follow than he would if this were three or four years later. As the old saw goes about the Chinese "word" for crisis: in here lies an opportunity as well.

It's all in the timing, and right now your timing could be very, very good.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Scally I feel ya man. I have a cousin who growing up was as close to an idol as I had. He got into trouble in college and the whole family was there to help him out. We bailed him out got him back on his feet and he has shit on everyone ever since. I was crushed by all that happened intially, but now that I'm older and I hear the OTHER things he's done throughout his life, I'm just disgusted.

My grandparents are still always giving him money, which they don't have, and I just can't figure out why. I know my grandfather is old school and my cousin is the oldest male child, so that may play a part in it, but I still can't stand how he can just over look all the shit he's done adn is still pulling, and continue to enable him. I've quit complaining about it to them, but I still let me feelings be known. The last time I saw them they mentioned what he was doing now and I cut him off and said I don't care and I don't want to know because as far as I'm concerned he's dead to me. I don't want him to have my phone number, know where I live, nothing because all he's brought to my family is pain and I don't want that to touch my new life. This pissed him off, but he didn't say anything, out of character for him and a testament to how much he loves and respects me. Now they know not to tell me too much, because I just dont' care and I don't want to know.

Here's the trouble with my stance on my cousin. He and his new girlfriend have a little baby(in addition to the four kids he left behind). What would I do if they called me desperate for money with no way tot feed their child. I couldn't trust him to use the money for that, but I also couldn't say no. I think that's kind of the situation you're in, Scally. If it werent' for the nephew they could drink themselves to death, but when there are kids and other membersof your family being taken advantage of, it gets more complicated. No matter what you do, someone gets hurt, but at what point do you say enough is enough and put an end to the abuse?

I feel for you bud, and I understand. I'm not telling you what to do because every situation is different, but I know when I said enough's enough, and my dad did the same, it certainly got the message out. We're a giving family, generous to the point that we are always getting taken advantage of. When you get cut off by us, you've done fucked up big. The problem is my cousing didn't get the mesage, and I'm not sure your sister will either. No matter what you do.

You're a good man, Charlie Brown. Just keep doing th right thing, no matter how many times they kick you in the nuts. That's what guys like you do.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Actually, I don't feel like my sister has kicked me in the nuts or has done anything against me, that's not the way i feel.

You're welcome dude. Your whole story just brought back memories of the family gathering where I said enough was enough. It's tough dude, it really is, but at some point you just get sick of seeing your family taken advantage of. That's how it was for me, I just couldn't see my grandparents sucked dry of their social security funds anymore to support someone who didn't give two shits about them. When I put my foot down I got an unfvorable response(putting it gently) from my uncle(my cousin's dad) and a few other family members. That's what I meant by getting kicked in the nuts.

You're intentions are good dude and your heart is inthe right place. Given some of the other situations you've been in that you've described, I would say go with your gut. You seem to be the type of person that your first instinct is probably the right one.

 

[Guest]

 

[midwestyankee]

I see your point. It's how they are affecting other people that is bothering me. I'll keep you, my friends, posted on what happens.


Now, any one else stressed about anything?

Yep - in between various work projects I'm trying to get my son's ancient Wrangler to start. It's only about 20 F here, so working on a car in the driveway is not my favorite way to spend my time - and when the work is fruitless, it's even more irritating.

 

[Guest]

 

[KarenDee]

20F? It was 62 and raining here when I was out at lunchtime. looks like that's about to change.

No kidding...I even went out for a run this morning! Usually at this time of the year I'm relegated to the treadmill, since I'm such a wimp when it comes to cold weather!

 

[Quoll]

I see a big future for this thread.
I hope something gets sorted out with your family.
(steering right away from the whole family discussion thing)

My stressor right now.
Sometimes I hate being there for other people, I bust my gut trying to fit everyone in and then they get pissed because I have let them down, gimme a frickin break.
*deep breath* Ok now that that's off my chest I can go back to doing what I can for everyone.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

kahuna: damn, man.

scalywag: hey, she read it today! damn, that immediate gratification thing is good stuff!

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

sadly, i have no idea yet but when we talked, she didn't finish reading just yet--i gave her around 75-100 pages or so. i figure some wine tonight might help me get some honest, non-sugarcoated feedback. :>

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

dude, it's been a year. i've got 6 chapters of a novel, 3 lit stories (just submitted #3 so it should be up around the weekend i figure), 2 drafts of lit stories nobody's seen.

wine: presently, i favor beaujolais, but not the nouveau--i tend to find it a tad boring on the palate. tonight we're probably having a barbera to go w/ dinner, most likely pasta of some kind. you?

ed