What she REALLY wants.

[Lorindellia]

What she really wants is for him to take control of her.

She doesn't care if it hurts.

She doesn't mind if it is embarrassing.

She wants to fulfill Him.

She wants to be the object of his desire.

She wants to be the meeter of his needs.

 

[Spirit Guide]

That's too easy... I'm sure there's more to it

 

[Vixandra]

Oh, I know.

*BEEP*
What is a masochistic sub?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

What she really wants is for him to take control of her.

She doesn't care if it hurts.

She doesn't mind if it is embarrassing.

She wants to fulfill Him.

She wants to be the object of his desire.

She wants to be the meeter of his needs.

Fulfill him? No. That's romantic "the One" bullshit in my book. People are fulfilled by the sum total of their lives, not by one person, IMO.

Submission can't really be reduced down to these little sentences and lord knows, masochism opens a whole 'nother can of worms.

I find myself thinking...

"and your point is?"



~anelize

 

[sunfox]

I'm more curious about the use of 'meeter'.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, well I can say honestly we fulfil each other in a huge variety of ways. It doesn't mean we didn't exist before we met, though we have difficulty remembering much of those times as they pale in significance to what we have now. Call us romantics, but there just ain't a bigger buzz for us than the magical combo of a love that is deep and has been tried and tested to depths we never planned on, sadism and masochism which provides us with an unlimited set of goals and experiences, and D/s where we face more challenges every day in a variety of contexts just because we both like to push the boundaries and make it a little more difficult than 'he demands, I submit dutifully' mode. Through it all, the good times and the bad, it is love which carries us through to the other side, and is something which I can't imagine sharing in this exact saqme way with another.

Catalina

 

[TigerClaw]

Re: Re: What she REALLY wants.

Fulfill him? No. That's romantic "the One" bullshit in my book. People are fulfilled by the sum total of their lives, not by one person, IMO.

~anelize

I disagree. More and more of my life is coming into what I have molded it to be. It is nothing without a woman by my side.

I could have a loving woman who stands by my side against adversity and have nothing going right in my life. But because we are standing up to it together that means more to me then anything material in the world. Our dedication to each other is far superior then anything else in life.

Why do you think couples used to say they made it through the depression because of their mate? They had a reason to live. The older generations knew this.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I'm more curious about the use of 'meeter'.

Wishes to fulfill his needs.

Odd use yes, but doable.

 

[sunfox]

Wishes to fulfill his needs.

Odd use yes, but doable.

I think I'd have gone with 'to meet his needs'..

But I'll suppress my grammar nazi tendencies now.


I'm half on Anelize's side, and half on Catalina's... I'm not a big fan of the Great and Holy One True Love thing. I've been in love several times with people that I still love to this day. They were all different than C, and the way I love him is nothing like the way I felt about them. So no. I don't think that there is a one true love, without which you are empty and your life is a big charade.

But I do think that meeting someone who shares your down times and up times, and is there for you through thick and thin, is a wonderful and supporting thing. But it's not the totality of your life, and shouldn't be.. once it is, it's obsession, and a bit scary and disturbing.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I think I'd have gone with 'to meet his needs'..

Yeah, but where's the lyrical resonance?

But I'll suppress my grammar nazi tendencies now.

And i'll put my short folks jokes back up on the shelf.

Back on topic, sorta. i see, from OKCupid, you came out as my counterpart ... Sudden Departure. When you say you've been in love several times, what exactly is several times? Did/do you have a graduated scale? Not trying to be a smartass. For quid pro quo purposes, i count 5 relationships as loves.

While i tend to avoid black&white instances of anything (other than the picture thread) i've grown to think you either love, or you don't. While loving, the emotion may ebb and flow in intensity. When over, you might carry a continued fondness for the impact that person had on your life, but can you call that continued love?

What if you have dread regret for ever spending time with someone? Does that raise the hate flag?

Even worse, what if you have to struggle to remember time with a person? What the hell would you call that?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I took it to be a misspelling of "meter", as in "I never gave a damn about the meterman until I was the man who had to read the meter, man."

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think I'd have gone with 'to meet his needs'..

But I'll suppress my grammar nazi tendencies now.


I'm half on Anelize's side, and half on Catalina's... I'm not a big fan of the Great and Holy One True Love thing. I've been in love several times with people that I still love to this day. They were all different than C, and the way I love him is nothing like the way I felt about them. So no. I don't think that there is a one true love, without which you are empty and your life is a big charade.

But I do think that meeting someone who shares your down times and up times, and is there for you through thick and thin, is a wonderful and supporting thing. But it's not the totality of your life, and shouldn't be.. once it is, it's obsession, and a bit scary and disturbing.

LOL, can't say I have been in love several times (infatuated, yes), or that which I have now is just another variation of the same, though different. I also have a slight difference in the understanding of 'in love' and 'loving'. I have had strong feelings for a couple of men before, 2 which by many people's standards would have been classified as 'in love', and many more who have professed to be 'in love' with me. Though I may have fond memories and feelings associated with them, they were not 'the one', otherwise I would not have been available to meet Francisco, nor would I have been searching for that elusive something which surpasses the numerous other relationships which we have throughout our adult lives.

I have even had relationships where the man would have been there for me through thick and thin, but it was not the same as this relationship, often because I did not feel the same as they, or they as me. While I have other things in my life which sum up my total being, as Tiger Claw says, without Francisco in my life, sharing this love, those things would leave me wanting, feeling empty in some way, and far from all I can be....and as happy as I was, before we found each other I knew there was something missing I could not supply alone.

It is not a dependency as we both know we can in reality live if the other dies, though neither of us feel it will be what one considers living, at least not to our full potential. I also don't think the term 'the one' necessarily means you could not love another if your partner dies....just that it would not be the same love and each partner may be 'the one' in a different context.

I wanted more than stability, material comforts, companionship, common interests, reliability....those things I had already been offered more than once....I wanted love like you don't find everyday, like you can't guarantee will be waiting in the local club or even in your own country, like you know is not just replacing something you haven't found, something that is not tangible or explainable, love that like a fingerprint can only exist in that one person when blended with you. It was worth all the hardship, the disappointments, and the waiting.

Catalina

 

[TigerClaw]

It is not a dependency as we both know we can in reality live if the other dies, though neither of us feel it will be what one considers living, at least not to our full potential. I also don't think the term 'the one' necessarily means you could not love another if your partner dies....just that it would not be the same love and each partner may be 'the one' in a different context.


Catalina

I think that says it better then I. Its a completion, even after life in everything else is satisfying and complete in itself.

 

[sunfox]

Yeah, but where's the lyrical resonance? And i'll put my short folks jokes back up on the shelf.

I'm not short.. I'm vertically challenged.

Back on topic, sorta. i see, from OKCupid, you came out as my counterpart ... Sudden Departure. When you say you've been in love several times, what exactly is several times? Did/do you have a graduated scale? Not trying to be a smartass. For quid pro quo purposes, i count 5 relationships as loves.

How's it going there, Vapor Trail? Several times. Out of a number of long/short/one-night stand type relationships, not all of which involved sex, you perverts.. I would say I've been genuinely in love with four people in my life. I wouldn't say I have a graduated scale so much as a strength of lingering feeling... some of them are just a vague regret and feeling of fondness (2 of them), one is a serious regret and a strong emotion, and one is the one I'm in love with and married to.

While i tend to avoid black&white instances of anything (other than the picture thread) i've grown to think you either love, or you don't. While loving, the emotion may ebb and flow in intensity. When over, you might carry a continued fondness for the impact that person had on your life, but can you call that continued love?

I would agree that some people cease to love once the relationship is over in a final way. But I'm not one of those people. I still love all four of the people I once loved in a more personal sense.. but now it's a distant thing that I pull out sometimes to look at, then put away again. The one that I would say is the love of my life isn't C. I still love him, but there were reasons it couldn't work out. It was a head decision, and not a heart one. My heart still flips when one of my friends mentions him to me, and I go out of my way to never run into him when I visit my old hometown, because I know that I'm weak when it comes to him. That speaks to me of continued love, even though the relationship itself is over past all repairing.

What if you have dread regret for ever spending time with someone? Does that raise the hate flag?

Even worse, what if you have to struggle to remember time with a person? What the hell would you call that?

I'm not someone who balks at hatred. I'm very good at it. A little too good sometimes. I don't hate anyone that I dated/had a relationship with. I dislike some of them rather seriously, but the nearest to hatred is my ex-husband, and trust me, he's earned that. But even through the borderline hate, I still have lingering love for him, and I doubt that would change even if he pissed me off enough to make me hate him. It's a thin line, like they say.

If I can't remember someone.. I'd call it 'time to lay off the alcohol'. The ones that I loved.. I remember amazing amounts of detail about them. The smallest things.. the way their skin smelled, the habits they had, the touch of their hand, the color of their eyes. The ones I didn't love fade into the background of memory, though I still know names/faces/unimportant details.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

How's it going there, Vapor Trail?

Smokin' ... what else?

The ones that I loved... I remember amazing amounts of detail about them. The smallest things.. the way their skin smelled, the habits they had, the touch of their hand, the color of their eyes. The ones I didn't love fade into the background of memory, though I still know names/faces/unimportant details.

Sounds very familiar, and thanks for taking the time to answer.

 

[catalina_francisco]

The one that I would say is the love of my life isn't C. I still love him, but there were reasons it couldn't work out. It was a head decision, and not a heart one. My heart still flips when one of my friends mentions him to me, and I go out of my way to never run into him when I visit my old hometown, because I know that I'm weak when it comes to him. That speaks to me of continued love, even though the relationship itself is over past all repairing.

This I can relate to as there have been relationships in my past where though I was faithful and there was love, there were lingering memories and thoughts of another. That is what defines this relationship from the others and why I see a distinct 'the one' quality....there is no longer any thoughts, temptations, or lingering memories of others I miss or wish could have worked out. I have all I need in this relationship and then some, and the love I share makes any other pale into insignificance. It is what I sought when I went in search of one who would fill that missing something I always experienced in other relationships no matter how good they were.....let's face it, if something had not been missing in those relationships, I would have ended up with one of them, not F. I don't think everyone is fortunate enough to find this, and perhaps that is why there is often a disbelief in 'the one' relationships. We thank each other and the universe almost daily for what we have been gifted with.

Catalina

 

[sunfox]

This I can relate to as there have been relationships in my past where though I was faithful and there was love, there were lingering memories and thoughts of another. That is what defines this relationship from the others and why I see a distinct 'the one' quality....there is no longer any thoughts, temptations, or lingering memories of others I miss or wish could have worked out. I have all I need in this relationship and then some, and the love I share makes any other pale into insignificance.

I don't really see having good/loving memories of someone as being a bad thing.. those people made me into the person that C loves, so they were a good thing. I'm glad that they're still a part of me, and I hope that in some way, they still think of me with fondness from time to time.

Still loving people that I have loved before doesn't mean I have less room to love C, or that he is less right for me. It means that I have a large capacity for love, that needn't be limited to only one perfect right love... it has room for the flawed ones and the ones that just weren't quite right at the time, without ever taking away from my relationship with C.

I had an all-consuming, passionate love once, and I don't regret either the having of it, or the letting it go. It was the right thing to do, and I've never regretted it. I'll never forget him, and it would lessen the impact he had on my life to do so... which would be a disservice to someone who loved me greatly.

 

[Netzach]

I can only say I can relate to all of what sunfox is saying, regarding past loves. I've definitely loved as much before, but never as well matched or compatibly, and I haven't got any regrets about that, nor do I avoid periodically reminiscing about the past, as it's made me more experienced and better fit for this relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't really see having good/loving memories of someone as being a bad thing.. those people made me into the person that C loves, so they were a good thing. I'm glad that they're still a part of me, and I hope that in some way, they still think of me with fondness from time to time.

Still loving people that I have loved before doesn't mean I have less room to love C, or that he is less right for me. It means that I have a large capacity for love, that needn't be limited to only one perfect right love... it has room for the flawed ones and the ones that just weren't quite right at the time, without ever taking away from my relationship with C.

I had an all-consuming, passionate love once, and I don't regret either the having of it, or the letting it go. It was the right thing to do, and I've never regretted it. I'll never forget him, and it would lessen the impact he had on my life to do so... which would be a disservice to someone who loved me greatly.

I agree loving/good memories are not bad and form part of who we are today, or at the least the experience has. I actually feel who and what we experience throughout life makes us the person we are today and so do not regret those experiences or relationships, nor minimise their importance in my life, but unlike my mother and some friends, I do not bring the past into the present or dwell on it now because for me it does not belong here, nor would it be the same as it was in it's own time and place if that makes sense. What I have noticed though is that once where a past love may have proved to be temptation, similar to what you said makes you still avoid the one in your hometown, now no longer is an issue.

It is difficult to explain, but it feels this relationship has taken me into a place where they were sort of the practice runs/preparation for the real thing, the relationship which because of the way I experience it doesn't leave a part of me that could be sated by another where F couldn't. We are sickening in that even the hours he is at work, we both miss the other and usually connect in some way throughout the day. It would be very easy for us to fall into our own world where we didn't bother with anyone else, but we both make sure the other does not do that totally. Not sure it makes sense....I do try to analyse it some days but cannot find words which can adequately convey what I feel.

Catalina

 

[sunfox]

I agree loving/good memories are not bad and form part of who we are today, or at the least the experience has. I actually feel who and what we experience throughout life makes us the person we are today and so do not regret those experiences or relationships, nor minimise their importance in my life, but unlike my mother and some friends, I do not bring the past into the present or dwell on it now because for me it does not belong here, nor would it be the same as it was in it's own time and place if that makes sense. What I have noticed though is that once where a past love may have proved to be temptation, similar to what you said makes you still avoid the one in your hometown, now no longer is an issue.

I'm unfortunately the sort of person for whom others are always a temptation, no matter how happy I am. The Sudden Departure rears its ugly head again. It's a part of my nature that I have to work to control, but I do have a wandering eye. Thus my desire to avoid someone that I know I have trouble saying no to.

It is difficult to explain, but it feels this relationship has taken me into a place where they were sort of the practice runs/preparation for the real thing, the relationship which because of the way I experience it doesn't leave a part of me that could be sated by another where F couldn't. We are sickening in that even the hours he is at work, we both miss the other and usually connect in some way throughout the day. It would be very easy for us to fall into our own world where we didn't bother with anyone else, but we both make sure the other does not do that totally. Not sure it makes sense....I do try to analyse it some days but cannot find words which can adequately convey what I feel.

Catalina

C and I are the same way.. we call each other frequently during the day, and send emails or connect in other ways when we're not on the phone with each other. It is reassuring for both of us, and serves to keep us more appreciative of our time together at home, I think.

It makes sense to me what you're saying.. in my way, I have much the same thing. It's my personal quirks that make my views different, rather than a position that you're wrong and I'm right... what works for me doesn't work for everyone. Netzach, I see, has a similar view of past loves, which doesn't surprise me. I think we have a relatively compatible mindset in many areas.

 

[catalina_francisco]

C and I are the same way.. we call each other frequently during the day, and send emails or connect in other ways when we're not on the phone with each other. It is reassuring for both of us, and serves to keep us more appreciative of our time together at home, I think.

It makes sense to me what you're saying.. in my way, I have much the same thing. It's my personal quirks that make my views different, rather than a position that you're wrong and I'm right... what works for me doesn't work for everyone. Netzach, I see, has a similar view of past loves, which doesn't surprise me. I think we have a relatively compatible mindset in many areas.

Didn't mean it to seem to be who was right and who was wrong, just that as in all things, as intangible as it is I try and find the reasoning, try to pull it apart and solve the mystery try to work out how and why things differ and yet also share similarities. The mysteries of our life and living always fascinates me no end.

Catalina

 

[sunfox]

Didn't mean it to seem to be who was right and who was wrong, just that as in all things, as intangible as it is I try and find the reasoning, try to pull it apart and solve the mystery try to work out how and why things differ and yet also share similarities. The mysteries of our life and living always fascinates me no end.

Catalina

Oh, I know.. I was just clarifying that I wasn't trying to come across as saying 'no, that's not right! Only MY way is right!'.

Everyone is different, and it's always interesting to see the different viewpoints and experiences that make up the board in general, and life in the larger view.