what role would best suit me.

[tyrony67]

I like to give pleasure rather than to receive it. Would this make me a mistress or a submissive?

 

[SpunThings]

It has nothing to do with giving pleasure or receiving it. As someone who takes on the submissive role, I give my husband pleasure all the time. I also receive it all the time. It is about who is in charge. Who is the leader? Who has the authority?

Alternately, you could be kinky and play with you both having equal say into the direction of your play. One person doesn't have to be in charge. Just treat it like vanilla sex with kinky fun stuff.

 

[subwannabe]

Well, that's a question to wrap your head around, sort of like the chicken or the egg.

 

[SassyKatz71]

Whatever role you want. Communicate to your partner thoroughly, your wants and needs. You could be a switch too. Someone who likes both sides of the coin of D/s

 

[arkbabyboomer]

It has nothing to do with giving pleasure or receiving it. As someone who takes on the submissive role, I give my husband pleasure all the time. I also receive it all the time. It is about who is in charge. Who is the leader? Who has the authority.

This is a very interesting response. You have made me re-think things about my own perception of who I may be, or how I may view my potential relationships going forward.

 

[SpunThings]

This is a very interesting response. You have made me re-think things about my own perception of who I may be, or how I may view my potential relationships going forward.

Care to elaborate?

 

[arkbabyboomer]

Care to elaborate?

I have always liked pleasing my partners. It seems that most posts that I have read from submissives all seem to feel this way, so I had drawn the conclusion that I too must be submissive as well. Your perspective has just shown me there are other options. Thanks.

 

[Conager]

I have always liked pleasing my partners. It seems that most posts that I have read from submissives all seem to feel this way, so I had drawn the conclusion that I too must be submissive as well. Your perspective has just shown me there are other options. Thanks.

I think that most effective partners enjoy pleasing their counterpart. What that looks like varies by the pairing. I tend to be kind of a service top. It is not at all uncommon for the submissive to be controlling the play for their enjoyment from the bottom.

 

[SpunThings]

I have always liked pleasing my partners. It seems that most posts that I have read from submissives all seem to feel this way, so I had drawn the conclusion that I too must be submissive as well. Your perspective has just shown me there are other options. Thanks.

Glad to help. Not all submissive-types are people pleasers, or enjoy submission in service. In fact, my husband's the "people pleaser" in our relationship in that he does a lot to try to make me happy. I like attention, and it just so happens that I also need to feel like someone else is holding the reins during sex to let go, relax, and really enjoy myself. He likes to see my reactions to all sorts of things so it's a good pairing. I don't have to worry about his pleasure (that worry would be a burden to me that would dampen my enjoyment) because he will make sure he gets it how he wants when he wants.

If you feel comfortable being in charge, but are a people pleaser, that is a totally valid way of doing things. Alternately, if you don't feel comfortable calling the shots that's cool too.