What makes a Dominant too scary?

[Kajira Callista]

I know most of the posts about Dominants being scary are play. Just interested in what would be too scary for you.

Dominants...same for submissive people, what would make them too scary?

 

[dragonlace]

No sense of humor, no compassion and a large collection of needles and knifes for blood play, a muffication room, a body bag for suffication play and a watersports/scat room.

 

[Mr Blonde]

The only thing that scares me is that a certain percentage of submissives don't seem capable of informed consent.

 

[fallon2]

Refusal

A sub SHOULD always feel safe with her Master. The "safe" word
must be honored at ALL times.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Refusal

A sub SHOULD always feel safe with her Master. The "safe" word
must be honored at ALL times.

thats not what i was meaning fallon....we are all aware of the importance of a safe word. I wasn't refering to "her" Master i was refering to Dominants...in general.

 

[Kajira Callista]

The only thing that scares me is that a certain percentage of submissives don't seem capable of informed consent.

you changed your post? or am i hallucinating? lol

 

[Kajira Callista]

No sense of humor, no compassion and a large collection of needles and knifes for blood play, a muffication room, a body bag for suffication play and a watersports/scat room.

Thank you lacey. So a "scary" Dominant would be someone who would want things way past your comfort level? What if he didnt expect you past your comfort level right away?

 

[Mr Blonde]

you changed your post? or am i hallucinating? lol

I had two extra sentences but I trimmed it up to keep my post on topic. Your original question should bring in some good answers!

 

[s'lara]

A scary Dominant is the following:

-Irresponsible
-Incapable of seeing beyond their own infallibility
-Constantly indecisive
-Careless
-Unable to communicate effectively and with candor

There's more i am sure, but these are qualities that would bring my judgement into question if i chose to be owned by Someone who had any or all of these traits.

lara

 

[heckle]

I would have to say someone who does not recognize limits or does not give proper respect to individuals. Someone who acts/plays beyond their level. Someone who thinks that they have the final word in all matters. Someone who does not watch out for their charge. The list goes on... Atleast that is how I see things.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I would have to say someone who does not recognize limits or does not give proper respect to individuals. Someone who thinks that they have the final word in all matters. Someone who does not watch out for their charge. The list goes on...

but what is too scary for you personally heckle.

 

[Kajira Callista]

A scary Dominant is the following:

-Irresponsible
-Incapable of seeing beyond their own infallibility
-Constantly indecisive
-Careless
-Unable to communicate effectively and with candor

There's more i am sure, but these are qualities that would bring my judgement into question if i chose to be owned by Someone who had any or all of these traits.

lara

thanks lara.

 

[s'lara]

I would have to say someone who does not recognize limits or does not give proper respect to individuals. Someone who acts/plays beyond their level. Someone who thinks that they have the final word in all matters. Someone who does not watch out for their charge. The list goes on... Atleast that is how I see things.

Well, in a Master/slave relationship (some not all), the Dominant does not have to recognize limits. In addition, while respect is certainly wanted and needed, a Dominant does not have to respect His/Her property. Finally, in many relationships, the Dominant does have the final say, hence TPE (total power exchange).

i agree with the not watching out for the property portion.

lara

 

[Nackereia]

I agree with what lara has said about the carlessness and all, but also, abusing power. Or becoming abusive. That's scary.

 

[Technodivinitas]

I've known more than one Top in the Scene who proudly let A/all know that they considered safewords to be nonsense. (One actually espoused the philosophy that safewords actually made things less safe, as he felt they left a Top feeling as if he didn't have to pay as much attention to what he was doing. Scary certain logic there, but...)

I had the unfortunate experience of, while playing at a club, having a DM stop my Master in the middle of a flogging and explain that he was doing it wrong- and then proceed to, without permission, put his hands all over (naked) me, to "demonstrate" acceptable club flogging behavior... Needless to say, we never went back there, and my Master had all he could manage to keep from flattening the guy right there in the dungeon.

That's a guy I'd never play with. He not only disrespected me as a sub AND as an individual, but the will and "property-rights" of another Top.

A Top who has no interest in my views or opinions.

And in the case of fine, respectable, non-bad Tops, I probably wouldn't play with someone who wanted me to give up to much of my individuality. I know for some, training a sub/slave to conform is enjoyable, and for some subs/slaves, as well, but even broken and completely subjegated by my Master, I've got too much independance and oddity to be made to fit a preconcieved model.

 

[morninggirl5]

The very few dominants i've ever considered "scary" actually turned out to be dominants i was attracted to. If they're so far over the edge that i wouldn't feel safe with them, then my reaction isn't fear.

 

[FungiUg]

I always find it weird when I am described by someone as "scary". And yes, it happens.

I mean, me? I'm about as scary as a big cuddly teddy bear! Sheesh.

I sometimes think that what really scares people is the intensity of their own reactions.

 

[heckle]

but what is too scary for you personally heckle.

What is scary for me? Well, being the Dominant in my relationship, I would have to say losing my slave or involving underage persons. Shark attack? Possibly. Other than that, I do not know what I would consider scary to me. Being shot at? Been there. Explosions? Been there. Seeing a friend die? Been there. Personally, I find that somethign being scary or not is all realitive to an individuals experiences.

Originally posted by s'lara
Finally, in many relationships, the Dominant does have the final say, hence TPE (total power exchange).

I have to disagree with this statement. Even with a TPE, the slave or property has the ultimate power. The slave is the one who gives the Dominant the power and is the one who can take back the power.

I find it funny when people say that they have no limits and that they have given over total control to another. The "I have no limits" statement is always good for a laugh. I was talkign with another couple about limits vs. no limits. The other couple professed to have no limits. I then asked the slave that if her Master decided to amputate an arm, then she would have no problem with it then seeing how they had no limits. As for others being out of control, well, that is a judgement call. What is extreme to one person may be tame to another. By using common sense and communicating, we can all be safe.

 

[Kajira Callista]

What is scary for me? Well, being the Dominant in my relationship, I would have to say losing my slave or involving underage persons. Shark attack? Possibly. Other than that, I do not know what I would consider scary to me. Being shot at? Been there. Explosions? Been there. Seeing a friend die? Been there. Personally, I find that somethign being scary or not is all realitive to an individuals experiences.


I have to disagree with this statement. Even with a TPE, the slave or property has the ultimate power. The slave is the one who gives the Dominant the power and is the one who can take back the power.

I find it funny when people say that they have no limits and that they have given over total control to another. The "I have no limits" statement is always good for a laugh. I was talkign with another couple about limits vs. no limits. The other couple professed to have no limits. I then asked the slave that if her Master decided to amputate an arm, then she would have no problem with it then seeing how they had no limits. As for others being out of control, well, that is a judgement call. What is extreme to one person may be tame to another. By using common sense and communicating, we can all be safe.

your thoughts are wonderful, but im not making clear that what i was asking was...what would make a submissive scary too you.

 

[WriterDom]

Lots of genital piercings would scare me. Or even worse, scar me perhaps.

 

[morninggirl5]

I always find it weird when I am described by someone as "scary". And yes, it happens.

I mean, me? I'm about as scary as a big cuddly teddy bear! Sheesh.

I sometimes think that what really scares people is the intensity of their own reactions.

Exactly.

 

[Anna Sue]

For me a self-centred macho Dom, he just sees himself and nobody else and has no clue at all.

Anna Sue

 

[s'lara]

<snip>

I have to disagree with this statement. Even with a TPE, the slave or property has the ultimate power. The slave is the one who gives the Dominant the power and is the one who can take back the power.

I find it funny when people say that they have no limits and that they have given over total control to another. The "I have no limits" statement is always good for a laugh. I was talkign with another couple about limits vs. no limits. The other couple professed to have no limits. I then asked the slave that if her Master decided to amputate an arm, then she would have no problem with it then seeing how they had no limits. As for others being out of control, well, that is a judgement call. What is extreme to one person may be tame to another. By using common sense and communicating, we can all be safe. <snip>

i agree that the slave has the power to give the Dominant control and ultimately take it away if need be, however, my statement was in regard to the Dominant having the final say in an actively recognized TPE relationship. That is a reality for many and it is perpetuated by the slave and Dominant's agreement to have a relationship wherein the Dominant's final word governs the decisions of the slave. That's what i was referring to in my statement. If you misunderstood me or i you, my apologies.

As far as limits are concerned, i still stand by what i posted earlier. i think you are taking it out of context in terms of those who claim to be limitless in the extreme. i was referring to those who reside in relationships where it is agreed that the slave will not have any preset limits. That isn't the same as saying the slave agrees to lose an arm and in realistic M/s relationships, this isn't a possibility. i find the leap to the most extreme example of "no limits" (a la your severed arm theory) a common response to those who claim to have no limits. Where i once thought a "no limits" relationship was not possible, i am not as skeptical as i used to be. This change in belief stems mainly from my changing viewpoint that "no limits" does not necessarily mean the slave will endure horrific circumstances that they will be unable to escape from of their own will.

i think a little applied realism to someone who claims not to have limits will help avoid the skepticism.

lara

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... a DM stop my Master in the middle of a flogging and explain that he was doing it wrong- and then proceed to, without permission, put his hands all over (naked) me, to "demonstrate" acceptable club flogging behavior...

That's neither a Dominant, nor even a good host for that matter. Unless your Master performed some action that violated safety rules of the owner's place, the DM had no business saying a word. Then again, there's always one motherfucker that tries to skate uphill ...

I mean, me? I'm about as scary as a big cuddly teddy bear! Sheesh.

More like an oversized Koala, but that's ok ... chuckle

 

[Kajira Callista]

and i cant say a damned word about the hijack
and you didnt even answer the question