What made you laugh your ass off today?

[Eilan]

Okay. We have "What feeds your soul?" "Things that piss you off," and "How to make people laugh." I love these threads, particularly the first two, because I found them to be a great place to get my feet wet when I was a shy newbie undergoing the de-lurkification process.

Sometimes, though, I see/hear really funny things that I'd love to share with my fellow Litsters, but I'm never really sure where to post them (since "How to make people laugh" tends to be more of a joke thread). I know that there are similar threads in other forums, but I tend to camp out in HT Land, so I'm more comfortable posting here.

So, how about it? Did you see/hear anything today that just cracked you up (figuratively OR literally)? If so, tell us about it.

If any of you shy newbie/lurker types are out there trying to work up the nerve to post, feel free to jump right in. We won't bite. Well, not too hard, anyway.

 

[Eilan]

I'll start:

I'm really loving the titles of some of the spam that I've gotten recently. I have "At tell go vasectomy kim" and "He cancel to rant." I'm not sure, but I think they both have to do with prescription drugs.

 

[Lynxie]

Nifty idea, Eilan! It's too early for me to share anything from today... but I do have one from yesterday. It's dumb, but it cracked me up nonetheless.

I sent my hubby an email to show him something I'd ordered from Amazon. He sent me a reply saying, "Nice, did you shit it to the house?" Typos frequently amuse me, and this one took the cake. I must have laughed for a good solid 10 minutes... I'm a dork like that.

 

[silverwhisper]

quoll telling me that he warrants a trout-smack in bi's "don't miss me too horribly" thread.

must...have...trout-smack smiley...

[/shatner]

ed

 

[SlyKitten]

While surfing, I came across a funny quotations page. This one made me laugh: "Very funny Scotty... now beam up my clothes!"

 

[bisexplicit]

A camper telling us that her feet could kill her. We almost died laughing.

 

[glynndah]

There's a sign up in my favorite bookstore that says "LARGE PRINT AUDIO BOOKS" (I asked the clerk if the volume was really loud.)

 

[bisexplicit]

Oh, "Virgin Vinyl."

And, the newest camp song (which my campers ever-so-delicately pointed out was "dirty" to me);

"Ride, ride, ride that pony,
Get up on that big fat pony,
ride, ride, ride that pony,
this is how we do it;
front to front to front, my baby,
back to back to back, my baby,
side to side to side, my baby,
this is how we do it."

 

[EJFan]

a bumper sticker that said, "honk if your horn is broken"

 

[Halo_n_horns]

The Tom Leykis show. That guy gets me laughin' every time!

 

[Quoll]

The kids were told to put their pyjamas on, 3 1/2 yo said "Well dad you better get naked" Guess who doesn't wear pjs.

 

[HornyHenry]

No stopping

There's a red light near my kid's home (a signal for those who don't know what a red light is). Directly in front and under it is a sign saying "NO STOPPING ANY TIME"
??????????????????????

 

[SpankedNFucked]

1) wandering into the world of literotica and seeing people counting numbers and posting words aimlessly.

2) checking out threads where some people are so dismal that every word that comes out in a post has to have a sexual connotation. for pete's sake, i hope your personality goes a bit deeper than that

3) seeing an idiot try to pass himself off as a master

4) these smilies

 

[karndav]

We were coming home from a weeks vacation and my 20 year old son called to ask how much time he had to clean the house before we got home. We told him about an hour and a half. We got home, walked in and the house was a disaster and he launched into this explaination about how he hqad been cleaning, showed us what he had done so far and I just sat down and laughed because I had just had the vacation from hell and that just topped it off! It was either laugh or cry. Needless to say tomorrow my son will be working his ass off to get my house back into shape and I might not be laughing as much!

 

[Bandit58]

1) wandering into the world of literotica and seeing people counting numbers and posting words aimlessly.

2) checking out threads where some people are so dismal that every word that comes out in a post has to have a sexual connotation. for pete's sake, i hope your personality goes a bit deeper than that

3) seeing an idiot try to pass himself off as a master

4) these smilies

Yup......welcome to Lit!

1) That's why I take no notice of people's post counts

2) They get an erection and it cuts off the blood flow to their brain

3) Pfffft any idiot can call himself a master - probably just a HNG (horny net geek) with a big imagination and a small dick

4) I like the kitty cat ones

 

[cymrocock]

What made me laugh today

"The Parker Tapes" by Cassetteboy

 

[Qina]

Not today but recently...
You know you're officially an adult when you can laugh at adult jokes with your family!

The family got together for my Gran's b-day. As she opens her gifts, my Grandad anounces "Just what we wanted." Of course we rag on him for this. He tries to defend himself by saying that when his birthday comes along, Gran can say the same thing. Mom points out that by the time his birthday comes he'll have told us all to get a "tool for his thing." (Meaning a saw or drill of some sort.) The family friend who also happens to be my old principal points out the connotations of that and goes on to say that my gran will deffinately be saying "Just what we wanted" if he gets "a tool for his thing!!"

I busted out laughing before I realized what I was doing... I laughed even harder when I saw my (younger) 18 year old brother trying to hide his face in his napkin!

 

[lizaveta]

On leaving Sports Authority this afternoon, my husband:

"I can't believe they don't sell shark repellant here."

The handful of people on their way in paused to look at him; he just shrugged and said, "Well, they don't."

 

[h_i_s]

What made you laugh your ass off today?

Hearing my neighbor admit that he is so scared of bugs that, when he finds one in the house, he screams for his wife to come and take care of the bug for him.

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

When my wife said "If I was half as smart as (our oldest son) thinks he is, I'd be Einstein."

this is highly relative.

 

[Heathershorny]

I'm aware this is probably gonna be a "had to be there" kinda thing..but I'm gonna tell it anyway because it was the best laugh I had all week.

Had been shopping with my mom, and on our way to take her home, we were chatting, and I was unmercifully teasing her about something absent minded she had done. In mock anger she said.. "I'm not gonna talk to you anymore!!".. I replied, ooozing with sarcasm.. "OHHHHH..now THAT would be TERRIBLE!"..

I almost had to pull the car over for my laughing fit.

 

[pleasteasme]

The mullet thread on the GB!!!!

 

[Eilan]

Last night was the Open House at my kids' school. A kindergarten orientation followed the open house. My five-year-old was hilarious. She's a little social butterfly, and she loved being around all the other kids. I got a kick out of watching her interact with everyone.

Yeah, it's a proud mommy moment. You just had to be there, I suppose.

Something cracked me up today. Literally. Nothing like seeing hairy man ass in the dairy aisle at Wal-Mart.

 

[pleasteasme]

Something cracked me up today. Literally. Nothing like seeing hairy man ass in the dairy aisle at Wal-Mart.

I just got a total visual......ewwwwwww......good thing I haven't eaten dinner yet *blech*