What keeps your grasp on BDSM?

[DreamsSurrender]

While I was walking back from work I was thinking about the lifestyle,and my thoughts began to wander. What makes you personally need the lifestyle...what makes you come back? Over and over again? I am just curious on peoples reactions...please tell me.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Fulfillment. Period.

I have tried to leave the lifestyle and deny my desires many, many times. Yet I always find myself turning back to this site, or to other sites, or to my own thoughts and memories in an effort to apease that part of me that can not turn away from the need to be dominated.

My desires, my needs, my wants and ultimately my sexual fullfillment is not complete without some component of a D/s relationship. I can try and be "good" and turn away, but I always come back.

 

[Guest]

Excellent question -

I have to say it is because nothing else satisfies me in that manner.

Vanilla sex is fine.

Nice.

Sweet.

But when I am over his lap or on all fours or in some way doing his bedroom bidding, I am in heaven.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Just the other day I asked WD if it was normal to get antsy when you haven't scened for a few days and he said it was. That's the only way I can describe it, I get antsy when I haven't dommed anyone for a little while. Cranky. Feeling blah. Then after a scene I'm fine.

I like sex. Quite a lot; even before I hit 30 I had a good sexual appetite so you can imagine what it's like now at 33. But just sex doesn't take care of that dom-itch.

However, I can take care of that urge without sex, so I suppose the two are separate. But a femdom scene with good sex - ahhhhh........

 

[graceanne]

Ok, I wanted to take the wind out of our resident trolls, and respond for him. It's cause we have no self esteem. LOL

Beyond that, I agree, fulfillment.

 

[AvaAdore]

hmmm...i get horny!

it's pretty much like with everyone else who posted so far. regular sex, though it is intimate and pleasurable and an overall enjoyable experience, just doesnt satisfy the itch.

 

[PyroDemon]

Now if there was ever a thread that hit a nerve in me this is it. As being one who has intentionally left the lifestyle as a Master for personal reasons ( the loss of that "perfect" sub, due to death ) , I can tell you one thing. You cannot escape what you are. I was this was from my first sexual encounter. It is just the way I am and when I tried to deny it and walk the "vanilla" side of life and sex it just made a mess of things and drove me to near ruin. It affects everything in my life, my work, my friends, my family. You must be what you must be.
What brings me back or makes me like I am ? Total fulfillment is one. Ego may be another, I will admit it. The look in the eyes of one who as totally given themselves to you and the ultimate trust they have in you. The knowledge I am fulfilling their life, that too. All I know is, it is wrong for me to me less than I am. And being a sub or " vanilla" does not make one less of a person nor does being a Dom make you a better one. You are what you are, relish it, live it, love it.

 

[DreamsSurrender]

Honestly with me I notice how much people go away for a bit and come back to the lifestyle. I guess what also urged the question was something my trainer had said to me, we've only been together for about a month or something, he said to me Sarah, we are both keeping our options open...you may date others outside of the lifestyle...but I don't think you will get that pleasure in a vanilla relationship. What was the experience like dating vanilla for you after you had a taste of BDSM? I am just curious...I am not going to do anything to ruin the D/s relationship I have...but I am curious into knowing others experiences.

 

[SweetDommes]

Honestly, I've never dated anyone outside of BDSM - my first boyfriend and I didn't really "date" and we had elements of D/s in our sex life - and even without that, it was NEVER vanilla. After that, it was Holly, and we didn't really date either ... just moved in together LOL.

We've given up on looking for boys a number of times, although never on the lifestyle, because we switch with each other. We always started looking again because ... we weren't complete. It was like a puzzle that is missing a piece - you can't finish it without that piece, so while you may get frustrated as hell and stop looking for awhile, you have to find it eventually. With our two boys, I feel like we've finally found that missing piece (or pieces ... whatever). We are much happier with our boys - even when they aren't actually with us.

Miss Karen

 

[InnerDarkness]

What was the experience like dating vanilla for you after you had a taste of BDSM?

Just like the name implies....plain, still good, but plain...nothing exciting, definately lacking... and with a few sprinkles or at least a cherry on top, it gets so much yummier and more exciting.

 

[soapstar]

Honestly, I've never dated anyone outside of BDSM - my first boyfriend and I didn't really "date" and we had elements of D/s in our sex life - and even without that, it was NEVER vanilla. After that, it was Holly, and we didn't really date either ... just moved in together LOL.

We've given up on looking for boys a number of times, although never on the lifestyle, because we switch with each other. We always started looking again because ... we weren't complete. It was like a puzzle that is missing a piece - you can't finish it without that piece, so while you may get frustrated as hell and stop looking for awhile, you have to find it eventually. With our two boys, I feel like we've finally found that missing piece (or pieces ... whatever). We are much happier with our boys - even when they aren't actually with us.

Miss Karen

I love the *missing piece* of the puzzle analogy. Prior to meeting my first Mentor (for lack of a better word), I had never even heard of BDSM. I had believed all my life that I was total crap in bed because the only time I enjoyed sex was when I was totally passive. I was constantly berrated for being sexually lazy. Because I am a dominant personality in all other aspects of my life I have usually attracted non-dominant men, with the end result of me walking all over them and feeling completely unsatisfied. Thankfully I was given the best intro to D/s by the coolest sexiest man in the whole world.



I now live with my dominant partner in a blissfully happy relationship. I could never go back to what I used to have. Id rather just go without frankly.

 

[fallon2]

Communication

is incredibly important with the sub in order to keep a "grasp" on any of the elements that BDSM contains.

 

[kitty4ever]

It's simply part of who I am.