What is your definition of "bisexual"?

[HottieMama]

Just that simple. What is your personal definition of bisexual or what it means to be bisexual?

Being recently back in the dating "scene," I am finding a lot of stereotypes...misconceptions etc about bisexual women from the people I am talking to. Yes, some of this is from het men, which I can almost understand. (Stereotypical porn fantasy and all that...) However, I am also encountering it from a few lesbian women. It seems as though just the label of "bisexual," causes them to render me "undateable," WITHOUT hearing my story. (In reality, I have had one long-term relationship with a man as an adult, and all my other relationships have been with women.)

So I am wondering how others think...

 

[Safe_Bet]

Just that simple. What is your personal definition of bisexual or what it means to be bisexual?

Being recently back in the dating "scene," I am finding a lot of stereotypes...misconceptions etc about bisexual women from the people I am talking to. Yes, some of this is from het men, which I can almost understand. (Stereotypical porn fantasy and all that...) However, I am also encountering it from a few lesbian women. It seems as though just the label of "bisexual," causes them to render me "undateable," WITHOUT hearing my story. (In reality, I have had one long-term relationship with a man as an adult, and all my other relationships have been with women.)

So I am wondering how others think...

Well, if you were still in that long term relationship with a man, freshly out of it and/or you made it clear that you would be with a man if the opportunity arose, then I don't blame the lesbians. I, like MANY of my sisters, want nothing to do with dick even by proxy. We WILL not share with a man.

On the other hand, it's NOT a requirement to be gold star, just the intent and desire to exclusively be with women. For examples take Stella and Luna from this forum. Both are beautiful, butch women. I consider Stella to be bi, partly because that is how she considers herself, but also because she isn't opposed to a dick now and then even though I strongly believe she prefers women. Even though Stella is HAWT as fuck her willingness towards an occasional dick would exclude her as a prospective partner. Luna on the other hand I consider to be a lesbian even though she's lived as a het and has kidlets. The difference is she has no desire for dick. If that changes in the future so would my interest in ever having sex with her.

 

[HottieMama]

I, like MANY of my sisters, want nothing to do with dick even by proxy. We WILL not share with a man.

But why is that? What is the "threat" there? If it is the concern about the bi-woman leaving the lesbian for a man, again, that's where I think it is important to listen to someone's story before making a blanket judgment. In MY reality, any man that I was to get involved with, should be concerned that I will eventually toss him aside for a woman, because that is what has happened in the past. Men are good for a fuck now and then, women are where my heart lies for relationships.

Is it a monogamy issue, as in the fear that the bi-woman will cheat because she "likes" both? When I am with someone, I am with them. While I do not necessarily believe in monogamy, I do believe in following the mutually agreed upon guidelines of the relationship I am in.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, there's the sexual squick,for one thing. That seems pretty straight forward.

And there's the constant awareness of the ways in which women get society's sloppy seconds.

Women tend to bring the whole world into the bedroom with them... We generally don't compartmentalise very easily.

 

[BiBunny]

You may just have to go for someone who's bisexual and poly, HM. That's what I have to do, to avoid a lot of the bullshit. Of course, that opens you up to the whole "my husband and I are looking for a third" bullshit as well, but I'm sure you've had enough experience sidestepping that to handle it.

 

[haurni]

I guess identifying yourself as bisexual has a good chance of excluding at least a portion of those who are exclusively straight or gay. Whether it be those who dont want to touch the opposite sex even by proxy, or who think you're just being wishy-washy, or who fear that you might leave them for the opposite sex (like leaving them for the same sex would be all right?). Life is full of trade-offs.

I am a male who prefers women. Usually I have to know a guy as a friend before I'll consider sleeping with him (though I've also had casual sex with guys). But I've had that interest ever since I was a pre-teen. So if I'm a 2 on the Kinsey scale and have been all my life, as far as I'm concerned, I'm bi. I think that if the same sex turns you on at least to some degree and if you'd like to have sex with them, that makes you bi, technically at least. I think more telling is whether or not you could have an intimate, loving relationship with someone of the same sex. I know I could, even though I 'prefer' women.

Sexuality, like most other things in this world, is not black and white.

 

[HottieMama]

You may just have to go for someone who's bisexual and poly, HM. That's what I have to do, to avoid a lot of the bullshit. Of course, that opens you up to the whole "my husband and I are looking for a third" bullshit as well, but I'm sure you've had enough experience sidestepping that to handle it.

Yeah, I can handle that bullshit. The problem I have is that the women I am attracted more often than not, are NOT bisexual.

 

[Safe_Bet]

You may just have to go for someone who's bisexual and poly, HM. That's what I have to do, to avoid a lot of the bullshit. Of course, that opens you up to the whole "my husband and I are looking for a third" bullshit as well, but I'm sure you've had enough experience sidestepping that to handle it.

Glad you consider our concerns, likes and dislikes to be "bullshit". :


I think I found your problem, ladies!

 

[BiBunny]

Glad you consider our concerns, likes and dislikes to be "bullshit". :

That's completely not what I meant, but if you'd like to take it that way, feel free.

I think I found your problem, ladies!

I don't have a problem, actually. HM is the one having issues finding a woman to date, and I was only here to give advice to a friend.

 

[HottieMama]

just the intent and desire to exclusively be with women.

Even with that intent presently, I am STILL bisexual. I can't discount 4 years of my life spent with a man. It's not honest to me, and does not resonate.

That said, I find it ironic that some choose to use the same arguments about bisexuals that others use against gay/les/trans people as a whole. It's fascinating to me when the "oppressed" become the "oppressor."

 

[girlsmiley]

I'm not interested in entering into a relationship with a bisexual woman. At all.
She would not be right for me.
Why? Because I love women only, and would want (I have) someone that feels the same way I do.

It's not supposed to offend anyone, it's what I'm looking for in a relationship.

 

[girlsmiley]

^ Discussion killer

 

[Safe_Bet]

Even with that intent presently, I am STILL bisexual. I can't discount 4 years of my life spent with a man. It's not honest to me, and does not resonate.

That said, I find it ironic that some choose to use the same arguments about bisexuals that others use against gay/les/trans people as a whole. It's fascinating to me when the "oppressed" become the "oppressor."

Just one fucking minute there lady! First of all, the above quote is not complete and additionally is being used out of context. If that's how you have to prove your points they are pretty fucking weak in the first place.

Secondly, nobody is oppressing you. We just don't want to fuck people who like dick at the same time. Seems to me like you are the one who is being rigid because of your whopping 4 years with some dude. Are you trying to say that everyone whose ever been with a dude but now chooses to be with a woman is bi?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Even with that intent presently, I am STILL bisexual. I can't discount 4 years of my life spent with a man. It's not honest to me, and does not resonate.

That said, I find it ironic that some choose to use the same arguments about bisexuals that others use against gay/les/trans people as a whole. It's fascinating to me when the "oppressed" become the "oppressor."

Um.

Yeah.

No.

Shit.

I hate trying to explain this one. When you're talking about other people's personal, sexual preferences, no matter how or why they've been formed?

You don't get to tell them what or who they have accept into their bed. That's SO MUCH not "oppression."

 

[HottieMama]

Just one fucking minute there lady! First of all, the above quote is not complete and additionally is being used out of context. If that's how you have to prove your points they are pretty fucking weak in the first place.

Secondly, nobody is oppressing you. We just don't want to fuck people who like dick at the same time. Seems to me like you are the one who is being rigid because of your whopping 4 years with some dude. Are you trying to say that everyone whose ever been with a dude but now chooses to be with a woman is bi?

On the other hand, it's NOT a requirement to be gold star, just the intent and desire to exclusively be with women.

There is your entire sentence in full. You went on to compare two members of this forum, one who is acceptable to you as a lover, and one who is not. That is irrelevant to me. It does not change my point. I may have all of the "intent and desire" in the world, but for me to switch my label to lesbian completely discounts an important portion of my life. I said that for me it didn't seem honest or resonate. I don't care if SuzySnowflake used to fuck men, but now doesn't and calls herself a lesbian. I don't give a shit what anyone labels themselves in all honesty. I tend to take the time to get to know someone beyond the "simplest terms and most convenient definitions." (points if you know what movie that is from...) I was just curious as to why more women did not.

 

[BiBunny]

Um.

Yeah.

No.

Shit.

I hate trying to explain this one. When you're talking about other people's personal, sexual preferences, no matter how or why they've been formed?

You don't get to tell them what or who they have accept into their bed. That's SO MUCH not "oppression."

They can accept whomever they wish in their beds, and I'll do the same. Some of the assumptions made, however, are extremely offensive. Perhaps the word "oppression" is the wrong word, but given some of the things I've seen said about bisexuals in this very forum, I feel that if the shoe were on the other foot, the lesbians would feel pretty upset and hurt.

 

[HottieMama]

Just that simple. What is your personal definition of bisexual or what it means to be bisexual?

We can probably argue about what's squicky or sloppy seconds for days, but does anyone besides haurni actually care to answer the question??

 

[BiBunny]

We can probably argue about what's squicky or sloppy seconds for days, but does anyone besides haurni actually care to answer the question??

Yes'm.

To me, "bisexual" means I can fuck and fall in love with both men and women. I should probably use "bi-romantic" or whatever to delineate the latter from the former, but I think it's an ugly word on paper, kind of like "aggregate." So if I fucked both men and women, but only fell in love with men, I'd call myself "heteroflexible." If I fucked both men and women, but only fell in love with women, I'd call myself "homoflexible."

Everybody else is welcome to call themselves whatever the hell they want to.

 

[girlsmiley]

There is your entire sentence in full. You went on to compare two members of this forum, one who is acceptable to you as a lover, and one who is not. That is irrelevant to me. It does not change my point. I may have all of the "intent and desire" in the world, but for me to switch my label to lesbian completely discounts an important portion of my life. I said that for me it didn't seem honest or resonate. I don't care if SuzySnowflake used to fuck men, but now doesn't and calls herself a lesbian. I don't give a shit what anyone labels themselves in all honesty. I tend to take the time to get to know someone beyond the "simplest terms and most convenient definitions." (points if you know what movie that is from...) I was just curious as to why more women did not.

There you go.
It's not about "labels" or "terms" or however you want to put it.
If you're a woman who also sleeps with men I would not want to be in a relationship with you. Because you and I wouldn't feel the same way about our relationship. Because you also fuck men.

It's really not that hard to understand.

 

[HottieMama]

I absolutely love the term homoflexible, but try explaining that to anyone who hasn't been on Fetlife, or the BDSM community.

 

[HottieMama]

If you're a woman who also sleeps with men I would not want to be in a relationship with you. Because you and I wouldn't feel the same way about our relationship. Because you also fuck men.

It's really not that hard to understand.

It's your right/choice to not want to be in a relationship with a bi woman. However, how can you say that "I" wouldn't feel the same way about the relationship? It's that assumption, that I do struggle with.

 

[BiBunny]

I absolutely love the term homoflexible, but try explaining that to anyone who hasn't been on Fetlife, or the BDSM community.

If I liked it, I'd totally use it. People who are genuinely interested will ask what it means if they don't know. Those who aren't, you don't need, anyway.

 

[girlsmiley]

Haha! I've never heard of fetlife and have never "been on the BDSM community."
What in the foggiest does THAT have to do with knowing what heteroflexible means?

*sigh*

I'll just be watchin' pRon and 'aving a wank over here if anyone needs me

 

[HottieMama]

Haha! I've never heard of fetlife and have never "been on the BDSM community."
What in the foggiest does THAT have to do with knowing what heteroflexible means?

*sigh*

I'll just be watchin' pRon and 'aving a wank over here if anyone needs me

Most that are not active on any internet sex based forums have not heard the term. Perhaps I was a bit too limiting in my two examples.

 

[girlsmiley]

It's your right/choice to not want to be in a relationship with a bi woman. However, how can you say that "I" wouldn't feel the same way about the relationship? It's that assumption, that I do struggle with.

Honey. Listen.
You fuck men. That's how.