What Is With Cuckolding?

[JustADom]

Sorry

 

[Netzach]

i don't think 'most' msubs do want that. Cuckolding is a very specific kink, and i'm not so sure it has much to do with what any, let alone 'most,' msubs or Dommes actually want.

In a D/s relationship, limits are set and tested. Who has sex with whom can be one of those limits. A D/s relationship can be monogamous or polyamorous (and a poly relationship can have no D/s elements, for that matter). A Dominant might decide that it's OK to sleep around, or might decide not to. A submissive might be required to remain faithful, or might be 'passed around' or loaned out to other Dominants. Any of those might be a 'hard limit,' that'd end the relationship if it were breached, or might be things that both partners enjoy exploring.

None of that's the actual cuckolding kink.

With cuckolding, you have an msub, a domme (female switch), and third party, a second man, who has, at least, a non-submissive or vanilla sexual relationship with the domme or even outright dominates her. That's a denial of female dominance - the point of it isn't to humiliate the sub (though that's gonna happen, obviously), but to put the domme in her place (where traditional society or 'rape culture' says she should be: subordinate to a 'real man'). Oh, and if that's not enough, there are variations on the kink with a clear streak of racism thrown in.

There's no corresponding thing for M/f, of course, because M/f doesn't challenge traditional gender roles, just exaggerates aspects of them.

"(though that's gonna happen, obviously), but to put the domme in her place (where traditional society or 'rape culture' says she should be: subordinate to a 'real man')."

The fuck?

There's also a little race problem in that world, as in a MASSIVE race problem, but not everyone does everything you see in porn in real life. In fact most of us have nothing to do with the subculture and just do sex our way.

Are you some kind of an all penetration is rape feminist or something? HOW HOW HOW do you arrive at this? Yeah, there are some creepy aspects to the cucking subculture and this variant is one that I'm not a fan of, but I'm not going to sit by while the uninformed make pronouncements on something I actually do and something I do because *I* wanted to. "The man" wasn't dreaming this up for me, I looked at my sex life and I said "this will be fun. My pussy likes this."

Inasmuch as I'm flexible with the one guy, that has nothing to do with adding humiliation to the cuck's life. It has nothing to do with him. Boy does that freak people outside the fetish out - they just can't fathom anyone getting off on being IGNORED. As in really ignored. Not "boo hoo I'm ignoring you" 24/7.

Also, WE switch and I dominate the fuck out of the "stud" as well. Please, don't get into this "she can't really be a Domme if someone gets to drill her." Vanilla is Vanilla.

 

[Kim_Burly]

I am as far as you can get from being an expert on anything BDSM, but it seems to me that for every kink/fetish there are a million subsets. While a couple may fall into the cuckold category, they are different in many ways than every other cuckold couple. For me, and me alone, I can't fathom why Steve, in the couple we play with enjoys his role as a "sissy cuck" he does, and that's all I need to know. While I may find what he wants distasteful, he is a wonderful person and to meet him, you would never, ever, ever, ever think he has the kink that he does. We don't need to understand or approve of someone's kink(s) we just need to accept them. With the obvious exceptions, of course.

 

[CutieMouse]

Talking to female cuckolds. God, a bunch of fucking hypocrites... You don't really give a crap about your partner, you just want to "please" and "sacrifice your pleasure" for them. Actually it does not seem to be their fault, and I find their set-ups to be a little tragic. I am feeling some sort of a sympathy, that they're merely powerless to change anything.

Whine. I'm not going to say those things to them.

Technically, the argument could be made that I've been in that position. I see nothing tragic or powerless about it, nor was it about "just pleasing" or "sacrificing my [own] pleasure" for his. We both retained the right to walk away at any time if the negatives outweighed the positives. When insecurities arose, or questions came up, we discussed them.

I suspect you might be confusing the female version of cuckolding with "My dom I just met 6 weeks go wants to add another slave, and ZOMG I have to accept it (even though it's destroying me emotionally) or I'll LOOOOOOOOOSSSSEEEEEEE HIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM!!!!!"

 

[Stella_Omega]

Talking to female cuckolds. God, a bunch of fucking hypocrites... You don't really give a crap about your partner, you just want to "please" and "sacrifice your pleasure" for them. Actually it does not seem to be their fault, and I find their set-ups to be a little tragic. I am feeling some sort of a sympathy, that they're merely powerless to change anything.

Whine. I'm not going to say those things to them.

ROFLMAO!

Dude, listen. Get your head straight. Figure out what YOU want to do, and stick to that-- and be really clear with any prospective partners about it. You will, I am positive, find plenty of women who want someone just like you.

When it comes to practices of which you are ignorant? Remember that your opinions are worthless to those who are engaged in those things. Wait, I counsel you, until you have more than a few posts in a thread's worth of information before you let that knee jerk.

 

[KoPilot]

Talking to S last night about my music aversions again, and it happened to come up that he'd done lots and lots of fucking to music back in the day. Almost, it seemed, to the point where fucking was an integral part to experiencing a new leaked EP and that kind of music junkie stuff.

Changing the subject, I realized/told him that I enjoyed hearing about his previous sex lives. (Which makes little sense since I'm really insecure in a lot of other areas.)

"Retroactive cuckholding?" He found it hilarious. I don't know what to call it, but I become more attracted to him when he talks about fucking previous girlfriends. And it's definitely not in a "humiliating" way. It's a "I landed myself a good, experienced guy that knows how to fucking listen and have a good time" sort of satisfaction. My good taste is being validated. Call that heterovanilla, I don't care.

 

[BrightlyGo]

"Retroactive cuckholding?" He found it hilarious. I don't know what to call it, but I become more attracted to him when he talks about fucking previous girlfriends. And it's definitely not in a "humiliating" way. It's a "I landed myself a good, experienced guy that knows how to fucking listen and have a good time" sort of satisfaction. My good taste is being validated. Call that heterovanilla, I don't care.

It's weird, we're two /very/ different people, yet you keep saying things that resonate with me. When we first met, i was strongly attracted by the fact that She was a little older and a lot more experienced than i was, and i liked hearing about all those past experiences, good & bad.

Are you some kind of an all penetration is rape feminist or something?

Holy ****, no.

And, as i understand it, i can't be a feminist of any kind, because i have a physical/mental disability commonly known as a 'penis,' that renders my feelings, opinions, and thoughts on the subject meaningless. ;P

Yeah, there are some creepy aspects to the cucking subculture and this variant is one that I'm not a fan of, but I'm not going to sit by while the uninformed make pronouncements on something I actually do and something I do because *I* wanted to. "The man" wasn't dreaming this up for me, I looked at my sex life and I said "this will be fun. My pussy likes this."

To be clear, i don't see anything wrong in a Domme or switch having multiple partners (or deciding the same for their sub), but the 'cuckolding' thing you see on-line is more specific than that.

 

[Netzach]

It's weird, we're two /very/ different people, yet you keep saying things that resonate with me. When we first met, i was strongly attracted by the fact that She was a little older and a lot more experienced than i was, and i liked hearing about all those past experiences, good & bad.

Holy ****, no.

And, as i understand it, i can't be a feminist of any kind, because i have a physical/mental disability commonly known as a 'penis,' that renders my feelings, opinions, and thoughts on the subject meaningless. ;P

To be clear, i don't see anything wrong in a Domme or switch having multiple partners (or deciding the same for their sub), but the 'cuckolding' thing you see on-line is more specific than that.

Well you do seem a fan of making sweeping authoritative statements about how women can't possibly be enjoying their sexuality or inventing their sexuality independent of men, followed by "you see online."

And yes, you're victimized by feminists.

I appear not to have a penis, and I'm actually 3-D doing this thing of which we speak, only to be treated to this idea - hinted at and explicitly stated now, that I'm "being put in my place." Or it's not Domination it's just reactionary foot stomping.

I'm not saying I speak for all cuckoldresses everywhere, but Jesus Christ, you people have a real live human who actually does this kink and it's like I'm a crazy person talking to walls rather than you know - answering the question.

Nice. Keep going board.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm not saying I speak for all cuckoldresses everywhere, but Jesus Christ, you people have a real live human who actually does this kink and it's like I'm a crazy person talking to walls rather than you know - answering the question.

There has been more than a little of this around and about lately.

 

[BrightlyGo]

Well you do seem a fan of making sweeping authoritative statements about how women can't possibly be enjoying their sexuality or inventing their sexuality independent of men, followed by "you see online."

When i bitch about offensive representations and intolerant cultural (or sub-cultural) norms, i'm not expressing agreement with them.

And yes, you're victimized by feminists.

lol

Besides, is being "dominant" in the BDSM context even a good thing?

Yes. It's a good, wonderful, beautiful thing. So is being submissive. So is being a switch.

You are right, I think I am talking of subcategories of specific doms and subs.

I'm just interested in understanding a little more about cuckolding! What's up with that!?!?

Maybe you should be clear what you mean, because you're getting different answers about different things. Do you mean the specific kink that goes by that name in porn, NSFW tumblr blogs, etc (and here on lit, i suppose), or do you mean the broader sense of Dommes or switches who have open relationships?

 

[BiBunny]

I used to think that cuckolding would be something I'd enjoy, but then I made the mistake of publicly admitting a curiosity about it. Christ Almighty, I will never fucking do that shit ever again.

 

[Ropebunny]

Talking to female cuckolds. God, a bunch of fucking hypocrites... You don't really give a crap about your partner, you just want to "please" and "sacrifice your pleasure" for them. Actually it does not seem to be their fault, and I find their set-ups to be a little tragic. I am feeling some sort of a sympathy, that they're merely powerless to change anything.

Whine. I'm not going to say those things to them.

Well... I can't speak for any femsubs that might partake in cuckolding but as a bottom I'd expect to be getting as much pleasure, if not more out of watching my top with another woman.

It's not something we have tried yet, though both of us would like to (and it was my idea in the first place, in case you were wondering).

I think the potential for adding humiliation and other kinky elements is what appeals to me about it - but also the physical expression of others finding my partner sexually desirable. Which is probably why I get wet when I see girls flirt with him at parties .

If you feel sympathy for me, or find my desires tragic, fine. I can't change your feelings. But I gotta admit that I'm feeling some sympathy for you, for totally different reasons .

Talking to S last night about my music aversions again, and it happened to come up that he'd done lots and lots of fucking to music back in the day. Almost, it seemed, to the point where fucking was an integral part to experiencing a new leaked EP and that kind of music junkie stuff.

Changing the subject, I realized/told him that I enjoyed hearing about his previous sex lives. (Which makes little sense since I'm really insecure in a lot of other areas.)

"Retroactive cuckholding?" He found it hilarious. I don't know what to call it, but I become more attracted to him when he talks about fucking previous girlfriends. And it's definitely not in a "humiliating" way. It's a "I landed myself a good, experienced guy that knows how to fucking listen and have a good time" sort of satisfaction. My good taste is being validated. Call that heterovanilla, I don't care.

I get this. All my boyfriends have been encouraged to tell me about the others they've been with, and were always happy to oblige when they realised why.

I get what you're saying about your good taste being validated too. I've been trying to elaborate more, but my brain is sorta fried right now and words aren't coming out coherently. I do think we're miles away from heterovanilla though.

I used to think that cuckolding would be something I'd enjoy, but then I made the mistake of publicly admitting a curiosity about it. Christ Almighty, I will never fucking do that shit ever again.

You mean public-public, or round here? I don't even want to imagine how that might go down in public-public .

 

[BiBunny]

You mean public-public, or round here? I don't even want to imagine how that might go down in public-public .

I should've said "kinky-public." Not public-public. I'm crazy, but I'm not that crazy.

 

[JustADom]

Sorry... my comment was a bit harsh. I just got angry and emotional and wanted to vent. But there ARE hypocrisies in BDSM, just as there are in anywhere else... and I was just pointing that out. I'm also trying to just understand what the hell this cuckolding thing is all about, and trying to understand what drives their behavior. If you're not interested in that, then you can just ignore my posts.

I just feel like these particular female cuckolds, were justifying their partners philandering, because they couldn't do anything about it, and instead tried to idealize the whole situation. Well, that's the natural CONSEQUENCE of being "powerless", "handing over your control" "submitting completely", etc. And that is why I feel some pity or sympathy, because perhaps, they could have acted in another way, to actually lay down their own needs to their partners, but they didn't. You say, that's the whole POINT of submitting, yes, but that does not make it any healthier. Many behavior in BDSM is just old patterns of dysfunctional defense mechanisms. Their behavior has become so rigid and automatic that they simply can not act in any other way.

 

[CutieMouse]

In healthy relationships, people DO lay their wants & needs out on the table. Healthy relationships involve compatibility and communication. Healthy relationships involve healthy boundaries. Those healthy relationship foundations don't dissapear just because the acronym "BDSM" is involved.

Are there unhealthy examples of people in "cuckold" style relationships (make or female)? Of course. Does that mean every relationship involving elements of cuckoldry are automatically awful and abusive? No.

Again - if it isn't your thing, it isn't your thing. Don't participate, and look for partners who are compatible (also disinterested in cuckoldry), and it won't be an issue [for you].

Sorry... my comment was a bit harsh. I just got angry and emotional and wanted to vent. But there ARE hypocrisies in BDSM, just as there are in anywhere else... and I was just pointing that out. I'm also trying to just understand what the hell this cuckolding thing is all about, and trying to understand what drives their behavior. If you're not interested in that, then you can just ignore my posts.

I just feel like these particular female cuckolds, were justifying their partners philandering, because they couldn't do anything about it, and instead tried to idealize the whole situation. Well, that's the natural CONSEQUENCE of being "powerless", "handing over your control" "submitting completely", etc. And that is why I feel some pity or sympathy, because perhaps, they could have acted in another way, to actually lay down their own needs to their partners, but they didn't. You say, that's the whole POINT of submitting, yes, but that does not make it any healthier. Many behavior in BDSM is just old patterns of dysfunctional defense mechanisms. Their behavior has become so rigid and automatic that they simply can not act in any other way.

 

[Ropebunny]

Sorry... my comment was a bit harsh. I just got angry and emotional and wanted to vent. But there ARE hypocrisies in BDSM, just as there are in anywhere else... and I was just pointing that out. I'm also trying to just understand what the hell this cuckolding thing is all about, and trying to understand what drives their behavior. If you're not interested in that, then you can just ignore my posts.

I just feel like these particular female cuckolds, were justifying their partners philandering, because they couldn't do anything about it, and instead tried to idealize the whole situation. Well, that's the natural CONSEQUENCE of being "powerless", "handing over your control" "submitting completely", etc. And that is why I feel some pity or sympathy, because perhaps, they could have acted in another way, to actually lay down their own needs to their partners, but they didn't. You say, that's the whole POINT of submitting, yes, but that does not make it any healthier. Many behavior in BDSM is just old patterns of dysfunctional defense mechanisms. Their behavior has become so rigid and automatic that they simply can not act in any other way.

I'm not going to debate you. If something on another board angers you, go vent about it THERE.
And please, PLEASE stop with the pop psychology analysis of kinky behavior. I've noticed it in multiple threads now. To be frank, I feel slightly insulted by your attempts to pathologize behavior that you don't understand.

On another, more pleasant note: Thank you for the apology

 

[JustADom]

Ok... I'm sorry for pissing you off. I do think that this kind of analysis is interesting, so yeah. Don't like it, don't read it. I've made a specific thread about what the hell is up with cuckolding, and an attempt to understand it.

And I am venting because I want to talk about it by giving examples. I don't understand why some people here are so super sensitive and act like an aspect of BDSM can't ever be held to scrutiny or something. Unfortunately, by attempting to understand it, the appeal and its kink may be lost, or perhaps it could be enhanced. Who knows? I'm just trying to shed a light on what is really going on under the surface.

 

[Ropebunny]

Ok... I'm sorry for pissing you off. I do think that this kind of analysis is interesting, so yeah. Don't like it, don't read it. I've made a specific thread about what the hell is up with cuckolding, and an attempt to understand it.

And I am venting because I want to talk about it by giving examples. I don't understand why some people here are so super sensitive and act like an aspect of BDSM can't ever be held to scrutiny or something. Unfortunately, by attempting to understand it, the appeal and its kink may be lost, or perhaps it could be enhanced. Who knows? I'm just trying to shed a light on what is really going on under the surface.

Well, I gave you my take on why the idea of cuckolding turns me on, and so did Kopilot.

Why don't we talk about that?

 

[KoPilot]

Well, I gave you my take on why the idea of cuckolding turns me on, and so did Kopilot.

Why don't we talk about that?

Because that's ickybad and he doesn't actually want to understand.

 

[bad_dave]

The thing I find weird about cuckolding is that I enjoy reading about it, watching porn of it or looking at pictures of it but I would never do it. Its the only fetish that I enjoy that I would never do.

 

[Roamme]

Well, I guess "I'll do whatever the fuck I want" is "dominant", although there's no actual dominating involved. But it is about breaking away from control.



Well, maybe there are two general types of cuckolds (I'm not an expert on cuckolding... yet, so forgive me):

1. The "I want to be humiliated" cuckold (more common among males)
and
2. The "I want to 'please' my partner" cuckold (more common among females)

I'm sure that there's usually a mixture of both.

But then there's someone like Roamme below mentioned: "I want to find out that my husband is cheating, so that I would/could feel jealous". Perhaps it is a way of dealing with jealousy, by (attempting to) turning into something that is positive and pleasurable.



No, evolutionary biology... not psychology. Well, I guess what I said is kind of psychological. Anyway, not all of it is nonsensical. You can sift through good ones from bad.



Could you maybe explain to me why and what it is about it that you would find it arousing?

I'm not sure WHY it turns me on so much Mostly, I think it's because it turns me on to know that he is still attractive enough that other women want him, even though they know he is taken, but I get to keep him. EVEN if he knocks them up I still get to keep him. I've always been attracted to leading men. Men that know what they want and get it. I think, part if it, is also living though him. My husband is bold and brave and I'm not. I guess I'm messed up, but I think that is why we come to Literotica,
Anyways, that's why,
RoamMe

 

[cookiecat]

I'm not sure WHY it turns me on so much Mostly, I think it's because it turns me on to know that he is still attractive enough that other women want him, even though they know he is taken, but I get to keep him. EVEN if he knocks them up I still get to keep him. I've always been attracted to leading men. Men that know what they want and get it. I think, part if it, is also living though him. My husband is bold and brave and I'm not. I guess I'm messed up, but I think that is why we come to Literotica,
Anyways, that's why,
RoamMe

It pleases me to the moon you came back and replied to a comment you made three years ago.

Hopefully the knocked up part is fantasy...

I follow a woman on fet life who's a cuck to her husband. She's had her pussy locked - the pictures are amazing. The way she describes being cucked is incredibly hot. The ache and arousal she feels because of it. Even more interesting is the bond it creates between them. He loves her more deeply because she wants this life with him.

I can't wrap my head around it as a lifestyle but I can appreciate the crazy feelings I get thinking about being denied cock, knowing he's fucking someone else. Some emotional masochism at play??

 

[Hansdrexler]

Some do but maybe no sexual imagination or too boring

 

[PaxNurgle]

As a sub male, I can totally understand some aspects of this kink. It goes hand in hand with the D/s dynamic, the tease/denial and chastity fetish, and the humiliation fetish. Feeling like your own sexual prowess is not enough to satisfy your partner, yet you have a physical crush on your partner, and you DO wish to see her satisfied in a way that you cannot give her- that, to me, is HOT!

From a domme's perspective, it is the right to seek the physical and sexual gratification that her sub cannot give her, and her power (as well as her right) to sleep with anyone she pleases, not being limited to one partner, and enjoying total sexual freedom. While denying that same right to her submissive(s) (or any right of orgasmic release at all) plays into the power exchange dynamic.

However, the whole racial aspect of it that some porn sites and fetishists have, I do not like at ALL, for reasons I need not go into.

And, it is clearly not for everyone.

 

[Midwestguy69]

...........